In Memory | Sherie de Burgh

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It is with our deepest sorrow that we announce the death of our dear friend and colleague, Sherie de Burgh, who passed away peacefully after a long illness, on Wednesday 15 February.  Sherie joined One Family in 2004 as Director of Counselling Services, having developed the IFPA’s crisis pregnancy counselling service previously.

Sherie was a visionary who worked tirelessly to support women, couples and parents through the difficult landscape of unplanned pregnancies, relationship separation, parenting and family conflict. Her life’s work truly made a difference; a difference for so many thousands of people experiencing times of great trauma and difficulty, and in contributing to a more inclusive and progressive Irish society.

We thank Sherie for this, and for her commitment and compassion. We remember her wisdom and professionalism, as well as her deep laugh and sense of fun. No words can adequately express our sadness at her death or how much we will miss her, but we are grateful for the opportunity we had to work with her.

Our thoughts are with Sherie’s son, Dorje, and all of her family and friends. Her colleagues at One Family will honour her memory by striving to continue her extraordinary work.

 

Funeral Arrangements:

Reposing at Carnegie’s Funeral Home, Monkstown from 4-6pm this Friday. Funeral Service on Saturday morning, 18 February, at 10am in Mount Jerome Cemetery and Crematorium, Harold’s Cross.

 

 

Post updated on Saturday 15 April 2017:

An Obituary published in the Irish Times on 15 April 2017 can be read here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

News | Chair of our Board of Members Retires Today

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One Family. Graduations 2014. Dublin Castle. June 2014. No fee for repro - please credit Paul Sherwood - copyright Paul Sherwood © 2014

The Chair of One Family’s Board, John O’Connell, retires today by rotation following eight years of service. John joined our Board in 2008 and has been Chair since 2012.

As a voluntary Board member, as are all of One Family’s Board members, John has been extraordinarily generous, contributing hundreds of hours of unpaid time and effort to the organisation. He has shared his professional expertise, strategic thinking and invaluable insight as a governance expert; and also his compassion, empathy and understanding, having himself been born in a Mother and Baby home, and raised in a one-parent family.

We thank John for his guidance and his governance. We thank him for supporting us to serve and represent our clients, and to impact positively for change in our society. His devotion and energy will be missed. We wish him happiness in the future.

At this time too, we are pleased to welcome Iseult White – who joined our Board in 2013 – as incoming Chair.

 

 

News | Thank you, Sherie

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One Famil, Graduation Day.June 2012.Photos – Paul Sherwood paul@sherwood.ie www.sherwood.ie 00 353 87 230 9096 Mobile Copyright © 2012

Today the wonderful Sherie de Burgh, our Director of Counselling Services, retires. Sherie joined One Family in 2004 having developed the IFPA’s crisis pregnancy counselling service previously. During Sherie’s long career, she has worked tirelessly to support thousands of women, couples and parents through the difficult landscape of unplanned pregnancies, relationship separation, parenting  and family conflict.

Sherie has trained many other counsellors over the years, supporting them to work compassionately and expertly with people facing difficult and traumatic situations. Her commitment and professionalism have made Ireland a better and more supportive place for diverse families. We thank her for that, and for her caring. It has been a pleasure to know and work with her; Sherie has been a friend and an inspiration.

All the staff, volunteers, Board and clients of One Family wish Sherie happiness in her retirement.  She will be missed.

 

News | One Family Summary of Budget 2017

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One Family has summarised Budget 2017 changes which may be relevant to people parenting alone or sharing parenting, as announced on Tuesday 11th October 2016.

Social Welfare Payments

Basic Rate of Payment

Including One Parent Family Payment, Jobseeker’s Allowance Transition, Jobseeker’s Allowance, Carer’s Allowance and others.
This includes employment programmes such as CE, TÚS and Rural Social Scheme.
Proportionate increases in weekly payments for qualified adults will apply from March 2017 (applies to full rate payment recipients).

€5 weekly increase.

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One Parent Family Payment & Jobseeker’s Transition

For those in employment, the weekly income disregard will increase from €90 to €110 from January 2017. This means that the first €110 of earnings will be ignored and half of the remainder of earnings will be assessed to give a new rate of One Parent Family Payment or Jobseeker’s Transition. Combined with the €5 basic rate increase, this should result in an increase of €15 per week for recipients of OFP and JST.

Income Disregard increased by €20 per week

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Child Benefit

The current rate remains at €140 per month.

No change.

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Secondary Payments

Fuel Allowance

Currently €22.50 weekly.

No change.

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Education

Back to Education Allowance

Cost of Education Allowance (re)introduced per annum for all parents in receipt of Back to Education Allowance.

€500 Cost of Education Allowance annually.

Back to Education Allowance to increase by €5 per week.

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School Meals

Funding for School Meals being increased so that 50,000 extra children can benefit, further details to be received.

Widening of the scheme.

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Back to School Clothing and Footwear Allowance

The allowance paid for each eligible child aged 4-11 is €100. The allowance paid for each eligible child aged 12-22 is €200.

No change.

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Work

Family Income Supplement

Household income thresholds remain at 2016 levels, and no qualifying hours criteria change.

No change.

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Income Tax, PRSI and Universal Social Charge

Self Employed – Earned Income Tax Credit increased to €950.

Changes for self-employed.

USC – Three lowest bands each reduced by 0.5% and the €18,668 band raised to €18,772 from 1 January.

USC band changes.

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Back to Work Enterprise Allowance

A proportionate €5 increase to Back to Work Enterprise Allowance and now accessible to Jobseekers moving to self-employment after 9 months, down from 12 months.

Proportionate €5 increase& eligibility expanded.

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Minimum Wage

Increase to €9.25 from €9.15 per hour.

10c per hour increase.

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Housing

Housing Assistance Payment

HAP – Additional €105 million (220% increase) for Housing Assistance Payment (HAP) to accommodate an additional 15,000 households and a total of over 21,000social housing applicants in private rented accommodation.
Further details to be received.

Allocation increase.

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Other

Childcare

New – A new scheme, the Single Affordable Childcare Scheme, will commence in September 2017. It will provide means-tested subsidies, based on parental income, for children aged between six months and 15 years, and universal subsidies for all children aged six months to three years who are cared for by Tusla-registered childminders/care centres.

Households earning up to €47,500 net income will be able to avail of this subsidised childcare. The highest levels of subsidy will be provided to those on lower incomes, approximately €8,000 a year, based on the maximum of 40-hours childcare a week.

Single Affordable Childcare Scheme introduced.

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ECCE Scheme

ECCE – There will be further roll-out of the Early Childhood Care and Education Scheme (ECCE) to apply to all children from age three until they start school.

ECCE Scheme expanded.

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Medical Card

Medical card will be available for all children who receive Domiciliary Care Allowance. Prescription charges unchanged for those aged under 69.

Eligibility extended.

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Christmas Bonus

Christmas bonus will be paid in December 2017 to long-term social welfare recipients (15 months or more)at a rate of 85% of their payment; this includes those on One-Parent Family Payment, Jobseeker’s Allowance Transition, Jobseeker’s Allowance, Back to Work Family Dividend, Carer’s Allowance, Disability Allowance, Widow/Widower’s/Surviving Civil Partner’s Pensions. This also includes employment and education programmes such as CE, JobBridge, Back to Work Enterprise Allowance, Back to Education Allowance, VTOS etc.

10% Increase.

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For further information visit the official Government Budget page here

#Budget2017

In His Own Words | Dean’s Story – When My Parents Separated, Part 3

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Dean contacted One Family because he wished to share his personal experience of when his parents separated. In the third and final part of a series, this is Dean’s story in his own words. He is now 16 years old.

So, where do we end up after years of arguments, confusion and ambiguity? There are only two real outcomes; one being the future continues on, with separated parents; and the other, continuing on with reconciled parents. In my case I am currently living with both of my parents, who have managed to work through their issues after one and a half years of separation.

I find it pertinent to emphasise that this is not always the case, and for some people it’s not the outcome we want. I stress to any child who has gone through the same experience as me, your life is not determined by the life of your parents. It would be foolish to allow something to constrict you to a certain path; we know not of the future, but we can for sure shape it. That shaping isn’t the job of your parents, they have done their part. It is up to you now, don’t let yourself crumble. Take advantage of your opportunities, if they don’t exist; create them. Learn from their mistakes and strive to be a better “you” every day. I have failed to find a better sense of satisfaction than that feeling you have when you see how far you have come. There will be those dark times in your life, and perhaps they will be in a greater quantity than your brightest times… But that’s the thing about your dark times, in the presence of your success they cannot be seen. That darkness only exemplifies your light, giving a support providing ‘frame’ to the beautiful painting of your triumph.

If there was one piece of advice I would give, I would say – though it seems scary and different and all you want is for things to go back to what they were – remember that how things were (or how they appeared to be) wasn’t what you thought it was. And when we realise that, and we accept that, that is when we can truly begin to rebuild.

I think I speak for most people when I say the last thing we want is for our parents to be unhappy with themselves. So if this becomes your reality, or is currently your reality, remember; it is not anything to do with you, as the child. Of course you might hear conversations between your parents mentioning you, or arguing about doing something for you. This is just going to happen, but in the vast majority it’s never really about you. You just become a proxy for them to air out their own feelings.

To the parents who feel so shrouded in doubt they are almost at the point of collapse: children are strong, and can be a lot stronger than you think. I understand as a parent you are filled with this sense of protection, this want to be a perfect example. But what is a perfect example? Is it better to act like nothing is wrong, stripping the child and yourself of any reality perception? Or is it better to show them people are flawed, a continuing work of art? Parents tell their children to come to them with any problems they have, but it doesn’t have to be a one-way street.

Above anything else, just be honest. I know there will be that voice in the back of your mind telling you that a certain piece of information is too hard for the child to handle, but one way or another it’s going to come out. You have the choice to control the situation, or to let it manifest into something so crippling that the future relationship you wished to have is nothing but turmoil.

Everyone has their own specific experience, and everyone has the right to their own life. Please, I do not ask for you to take everything I’ve said as gospel, all I wish is that people use my story as a reference, as thinking food. I don’t know everything, and I’m sure my views will change, as I do. If I can help just one person, even to the smallest extent, I would be happy knowing I’ve made a positive change.

There is nothing in this world more humbling than seeing someone exuberant, and above all, happy.

– Dean

Read Part 1 of Dean’s story here and Part 2 here.

 

Note: Stock image used, istockphoto

In His Own Words | Dean’s Story – When My Parents Separated, Part 2

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Boy on mountainDean contacted One Family because he wished to share his personal experience of when his parents separated. In the second of a series, this is Dean’s story in his own words. He is now 16 years old.

“But why? But what about? But how?” These questions are always synonymous with any major change in life. The thing is, your parents often don’t know the answers to the questions you’re asking. This is why they might appear dismissive and reluctant to answer you. By no means let this stop you from asking questions: you should ask, it affects your life as well. For many kids that go through this, it is often when they realise their parents are just people that they begin to understand. Your parents make mistakes, have disagreements, arguments, shout, yell and have emotions. Just like anybody else, just like you.

For a long time these questions haunted me, I just wanted clarity. As time went on, as things further developed, this need to know everything drifted away. You see, for me there was really only thing I wanted to know more than anything. “Were things okay?” That was all I wanted. I just wanted to know that no matter what the situation was, that things were okay, that people were happy.

One thing that I don’t share with many other people that have gone through this, is the feeling of guilt. I never felt as if the separation was a product of what I did, or didn’t do. I always on some level knew that it was to do with my parents’ own quarrels.

I did, however, feel the need to fix things. I think this is one of the most debilitating parts of the separation of two people you’re so close to. You just want to help, to return things back to “normal”.

The issue lies with that word, ‘normal’ … what is normal? It’s such a subjective word that it causes more harm than good.

Through all the difficulties, be it small or large, when I came to realise that ‘normal’ wasn’t exactly what’s best for me, my parents or my siblings, things got so much better. When we let go of that burden to fix things, and just concentrate on living the life we have now, things become brighter, better.

If I had to go through everything again to get to the point where I am now, where my family is now, I would do it in a heartbeat. And I think that’s what shows that a separation doesn’t always mean a destruction.

Life works out, always.

Part 1 of Dean’s story can be read here. Read Part 3 here.

Note: Stock image used.

In His Own Words | Dean’s Story – When My Parents Separated

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SeparationDean contacted One Family because he wished to share his personal experience of when his parents separated. In the first of a series, this is Dean’s story in his own words. He is now 16 years old.

When people tend to bring up living in a house with separating parents, it always seems to be a rather saddening story; a tale of sorrow and anguish. Sometimes this can be true but for the majority of cases, mine included, it doesn’t live up to the tumultuous stories of the past.

Perhaps it was because the whole situation began when I was aged 12, but I don’t feel that the separation was detrimental. Of course there were times where it was difficult; where I didn’t understand what, when or why, but this just wasn’t common. I don’t really remember any specific events, no categorically haunting memories.

One of the main things I see children struggle with when they’re in this situation is picking a side. What we don’t realise is we shouldn’t have to pick a side, and we shouldn’t pick a side.

A lot of the time there are many things omitted when we receive the news of the separation from our parents. Whether this is done in an attempt to protect us, or it is a flawed system to save the opinions of both parents I don’t know, but it seems to be a common practice. One of the most difficult things for a parent to do is to admit to their children that they weren’t right, or things didn’t work out the way they’d hoped.

As people, we have a tendency to demonise and hate change, subsequently hating the thing or person who has brought it. Throughout my experience I found I likened the separation to things on a smaller scale, such as equating it to a fight between friends where a lot of the time you only hear one side of the story leaving more questions than answers, but in the end, it always is resolved. Call it a coping mechanism, a means to understand – whatever you wish – but it made things simpler for me, and that’s what I wanted. It truly is the complexity of things that leaves us bewildered, that leaves that feeling of betrayal of trust or loyalty in our stomach.

Read Part 2 of Dean’s story here.

Note: Stock image used.

International Women’s Day, Make It Happen

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On 8 March every year International Women’s Day celebrates the achievements of women while calling for greater equality. This year’s theme is “Make It Happen”.

In 1972, led by Maura O’Dea Richards, a small group of mothers who were unmarried set about reaching others in the same situation and founded Cherish, later renamed One Family.

Mary Robinson & Cherish 1970s

Founder member Colette O’Neill suggested Cherish as a name for the group, taken from the 1916 Proclamation which declared that Ireland would ‘cherish all of the children of the nation equally’. Mary Robinson, then a Senator, became our first President.

At that time in Ireland, single pregnant women were often thrown out of their homes, lost their jobs and were rejected by their families and communities. It was extremely difficult for them to keep and raise their children themselves. Cherish gave these women and their children a voice for the first time, empowering women to help themselves and their families.

One of the significant changes achieved by our founders as a result of many years of lobbying was the abolition of the status of illegitimacy in 1987. The organisation was, and remains, a powerful driver for positive change.

On International Women’s Day, we are proud to celebrate our brave founders. They were women who, as individuals and collectively, ‘made it happen’. We also celebrate all women who are parenting in diverse family situations in Ireland now and who ‘make it happen’ every day.

OneFamily40thCakeIf you would like to find out more about our founders and our history, you can listen to the Today FM documentary Cherish All The Children featuring interviews with Mary Robinson, our founders, and people who availed of our services over the years. Maura O’Dea Richards’s insightful and witty memoir Single Issue can be downloaded here.

One Family has a big vision: an Ireland where every family is cherished equally and enjoys the social, financial and legal equality to create their own positive futures. We continue to work hard to achieve these aims. Our current Strategy can be read here.

 

Maintenance Downtime Announcement

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DowntimeOwing to essential technical maintenance, One Family will not have telephone, email or internet services this afternoon, Friday 6 March. This scheduled maintenance downtime will continue through Saturday 7 March. All systems are expected to be fully operational by 9am on Monday 9 March.

We will respond to voicemails and emails as soon as possible after service is fully restored; but please anticipate that it may not be possible to leave voicemails or send emails to @onefamily.ie email addresses during the maintenance downtime. We regret any inconvenience that may be caused. Useful information, resources and links are available here on our website.

The Special Interest Group – Supporting Parents in their Parenting Role

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Karen Kiernan, right

Karen Kiernan, right

One Family is a member of The Special Interest Group – Supporting Parents in their Parenting Role. Established in December 2010 by the Centre for Effective Services, The Special Interest Group on Supporting Parents in their Parenting Role is an all-island group with 27 members including statutory and voluntary agencies involved in the delivery of parenting supports, practitioners, researchers and advocacy organisations.

On Tuesday 24 February 2015, the Special Interest Group hosted a conference in Dublin Castle entitled Supporting Parents: Sharing good practice, models and approaches. This conference provided an opportunity for those working in or with an interest in services for parents, children and families to share good practice models and approaches in supporting parents throughout the island of Ireland. The Keynote Speaker was Robin Balbernie, Clinical Director of Parent Infant Partnership UK (PIPUK).

The full Conference Programme can be read here.

Paula Lonergan, centre

Paula Lonergan, centre left

One Family CEO Karen Kiernan presented at the conference. One Family Director of Professional Development Paula Lonergan also presented, on our Positive Parenting for Changing Families programme for professionals working with children, parents and families, particularly diverse families experiencing change. Paula’s presentation can be viewed here.

View and download all the conference presentations here.

A slideshow of images from the conference can be viewed here.