We’ve only had Divorce for 18 years – is that why we don’t deal with it well?

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Press Release 

We’ve only had Divorce for 18 years –

is that why we don’t deal with it well?

(Dublin, Friday 27 February 2015) One Family – Ireland’s organisation for people parenting alone, sharing parenting and separating – reflects today on the 18 years since divorce legislation came into effect in Ireland on 27 February 1997. The passing of the Referendum on Divorce almost twenty years ago was a groundbreaking acknowledgment of the reality that families in Ireland exist in many forms and that marriage cannot always be forever despite best intentions.

Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO, comments: “In 2013, Ireland had the lowest divorce rate in the EU at 0.6 per 1,000 of the population. We have the third lowest rate of divorce in the world despite fears voiced 18 years ago that the legalisation heralded the end of the family, while the rate of marriage and civil partnership is on the rise. The fact is that relationships do end, couples do separate. Sometimes they are parents too. What is important is that they are supported to separate well. Research shows that it is not family form that impacts on a child’s outcomes, but the quality of their relationships at home. Parental conflict has more adverse effects on children than parental separation.”

Karen continues: “With the right supports, parents can separate well, resolve conflict, manage finances, and ensure their children remain at the centre of parenting. No-one sets out to separate or divorce, especially as a parent, and it is often a very difficult time for all members of the family, with feelings of fear, anger or blame as a backdrop.  Service providers, the family law courts, and Government policy should be focussed on the provision of vital and affordable, services to support people to separate well, like One Family’s counselling, parent mentoring, and mediation services, which are still lacking in many areas around the country due to a lack of funding.”

“We know from working with parents going through separation and divorce that the process of obtaining a divorce is extremely costly and due to the law, requires an incredibly long time which can be destructive to families. The newly introduced Children and Family Relationships Bill will go some way to reforming family law courts but a lot more is needed,” Karen concludes.

People experiencing separation or divorce can call the askonefamily helpline on lo-call 1890 662 212 for information and support, or to find out more about One Family’s services for parents who are separating.  These include parent mentoring, mediated parenting plans, and programmes and workshops such as Impact of Parental Separation and Making Shared Parenting Work, details of which can be found here.

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About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 as Cherish and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those sharing parenting, to those separating, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy, and to professionals working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 66 2212, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes Family Day and presents the Family Day Festival every May, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview

Karen Kiernan, CEO | t: 01 662 9212 or 086 850 9191

 

10 ways to understanding Children’s Emotions and The Learning Power of Play

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Play and EmotionsPlay is an outlet for children to make sense of what they see, think and feel. It allows them the opportunity to express themselves, which is a vital part of their physical, intellectual and emotional development. Children can often struggle with their feelings and this frustration can lead to difficult behaviour, such as tantrums. It is important that parents take an active role in their child’s emotional development and to lead by example when it comes to expressing anger, sadness and frustration in a healthy way.

  1. The importance of play in a child’s life cannot be underestimated. Play is a child’s work and is ‘serious stuff’.
  2. Play helps children develop self-esteem and good social skills. It is also an important element in improving your child’s motor skills, problem-solving abilities and aids physical and intellectual development.
  3. Can you, as a parent, spend 20 minutes a day playing, listening and talking to your child?
  4. Our ability to feel and express our emotions helps us to stay connected with the world around us and to work through our feelings in healthy way.
  5. Children will express their sadness and grief quite naturally given the right amount of support. Children and young people learn how to express and deal with emotion from their parents and family members.
  6. We need fear to keep us safe. However, if children are too full of fear they will not be able to stand up for themselves or to express themselves. It is important to show children that feeling fear is normal. Tell them some of your fears and how you cope, in doing this, you enable your child to develop these skills too.
  7. Children need boundaries around the good stuff just like they need boundaries around fear and anger.
  8. Children’s natural impulse is to hit out when they feel angry. Adults need to be able to help children to manage and  express their anger in a healthy way.
  9.  A child who displays too little anger may be open to bullying and may be seen as a bit of a ‘wimp’ and a pushover.
  10. A child who expresses too much anger may become a bully and have difficulty in managing emotions without becoming aggressive or even violent. This can make it difficult for the child to have healthy social relationships.

This article is part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips, and is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly. Coming up next week; 10 Ways to Talk to Your Child about Your Family Situation. 

LIVE Facebook Q&A on this topic with Geraldine, 2 March from 11am-12pm on One Family’s Facebook page. Join in and post your questions.

Next you might like to read, 10 Ways to Support a Child Who is Being Bullied or 10 Ways to Support a Child Who is Bullying

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.

The Special Interest Group – Supporting Parents in their Parenting Role

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Karen Kiernan, right

Karen Kiernan, right

One Family is a member of The Special Interest Group – Supporting Parents in their Parenting Role. Established in December 2010 by the Centre for Effective Services, The Special Interest Group on Supporting Parents in their Parenting Role is an all-island group with 27 members including statutory and voluntary agencies involved in the delivery of parenting supports, practitioners, researchers and advocacy organisations.

On Tuesday 24 February 2015, the Special Interest Group hosted a conference in Dublin Castle entitled Supporting Parents: Sharing good practice, models and approaches. This conference provided an opportunity for those working in or with an interest in services for parents, children and families to share good practice models and approaches in supporting parents throughout the island of Ireland. The Keynote Speaker was Robin Balbernie, Clinical Director of Parent Infant Partnership UK (PIPUK).

The full Conference Programme can be read here.

Paula Lonergan, centre

Paula Lonergan, centre left

One Family CEO Karen Kiernan presented at the conference. One Family Director of Professional Development Paula Lonergan also presented, on our Positive Parenting for Changing Families programme for professionals working with children, parents and families, particularly diverse families experiencing change. Paula’s presentation can be viewed here.

View and download all the conference presentations here.

A slideshow of images from the conference can be viewed here.

Difficult Behaviour

10 ways to Handle Difficult Behaviour – Part Two

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Difficult Behaviour Consistency is vital to teaching your children that all behaviour breeds a reaction and whether that reaction is good or bad depends on how they choose to act. Enabling them to make good choices by being consistent in your reaction is a powerful tool in handling difficult behaviour.

  1. Consistency is one of the most important factors in successful parenting.
  2. A child who knows that their parent always follows through on what they say is more likely to choose a positive behavior.
  3. Making better choices makes a child’s life easier and supports him/her in developing responsibility.
  4. Inconsistency can cause children to feel unimportant, insecure and confused.
  5. Routines offer predictability and stability for children.
  6. It is impossible to change all behaviours at once.
  7. Focus on one behaviour, either positive or negative, that you would like to change.
  8. Children’s behaviour will not change overnight. Be patient with yourself and with your child.
  9. Remember that if you have changed your behaviour from being someone who didn’t follow through to being a parent who means what they say then it will take your child time to react to this change and bring about change in their own behaviour.
  10. Sometimes children will respond well and quickly to change, and then gradually drift back to old ways. Do not despair, this is normal. Remain firm, calm and consistent until the new behaviour becomes the norm.

This article is part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips, and is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly. Coming up Next Week: 10 ways to Help your Children Express Their Emotions and the Importance of Play.

LIVE Facebook Q&A on this topic with Geraldine, 23 February from 11am-12pm on One Family’s Facebook page. Join in and post your questions.

Next you might like to read: 10 Reasons Why Children Misbehave and The Power of Positive Attention

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.

Dad and child's hands

One-Parent Family Payment Presentation to Joint Oireachtas Committee on Education and Social Protection

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Press Release

Get It Right for One-Parent Families

One Family Presents to Joint Oireachtas Committee on Education and Social Protection on Impacts of One-Parent Family Payment Changes

– Policy Changes will lead to Increased Poverty

(Dublin, Wednesday 18 February 2015) One Family – Ireland’s organisation for people parenting alone, sharing parenting and separating – today calls on the Joint Oireachtas Committee on Education and Social Protection to petition the Táiniste and the Department of Social Protection to Get it Right (#GetItRightDSP) for one-parent families.

One Family is invited to present to the Committee today and will stress the reality of the impacts of changes to the One-Parent Family Payment (OFP) which will hit one-parent families this year. Almost 39,000 OFP recipients are being moved to the Job Seekers Transition Allowance (JST)on 2 July.

Stuart Duffin, Director of Policy & Programmes, explains: “This is a result of the decision announced in Budget 2012 to restrict eligibility for the OFP to people parenting alone whose youngest child is aged seven or under. However, the supports that should accompany this policy implementation to ensure its success– particuarly the promised accessible, affordable, quality childcare – have not been delivered, while one-parent families continue to suffer the highest rates of poverty and deprivation of any family type in Ireland.”

Stuart continues: “Over 29% of one-parent families are at risk of poverty and 63% of all one-parent households experience deprivation; this is despite the fact that 53% of lone parents are currently in the labour market. We are hearing from many of these working lone parents, who already finely balance household budgets on a knife-edge, that it will no longer be feasible for them to remain in their part-time jobs. These changes will lead to even greater and deeper poverty for one-parent families.”

One Family calls for an integrated and SMART action plan to help ease confusion and stress for those parents who will be moved from OFP to JST in July, and for the creation of a simple customer charter by the Department of Social Protection where claimants are given clear, sensible and correct information.  The Department needs to take responsibility for the impact its policies will have on families who are in need of service from it and other Departments as these changes take effect.

Stuart further comments, “It is absolutely clear that there is growing inequality in  Ireland,  that tackling it must be a national priority and that fixing the administration of  social welfare and its support services will remove a key trigger for deeper deprivation for those parenting alone. Also, it is clear that no child or parent should be going hungry in Ireland today. Low pay, rising housing and energy  costs are key drivers of family poverty, but the missing piece of the puzzle is that for many lone parents ‘work does not pay’ leaving families increasingly exposed to poverty of opportunity. Ireland needs a whole of public service response not a siloed service that leaves families struggling and parents demotivated.”

Lone parents want to work and they want to create the best possible outcomes for their children. With the right policies, the right time-frame, and the right level of political will, choices can be made to enable those thousands of one-parent families suffering deprivation to grow out of poverty and achieve better futures.

About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 as Cherish and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those sharing parenting, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to professionals working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 62 22 12, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes Family Day and presents the Family Day Festival every May, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview

Stuart Duffin, Director of Policy & Programmes |t: 01 662 9212 or 087 062 2023

 

 

 

Hands

One Family Welcomes Children & Family Relationships Bill

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Press Release

A Good News Day for Children 

One Family Welcomes Children & Family Relationships Bill

(Dublin, Tuesday 17 February 2015) One Family – Ireland’s organisation for people parenting alone, sharing parenting and step-parenting today welcomes the passing at Cabinet of the Children & Family Relationships Bill 2015. As an organisation with 42 years of expertise in supporting the real needs of diverse families in Ireland, One Family acknowledges that this Bill is groundbreaking in recognising and supporting the complexity of family arrangements that children live in today.

Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO explains: “We are strongly welcoming this Bill as for the first time in Irish legislation the reality of the families that children live in is recognised, as it will now be possible for children to have legal relationships with the people who are raising them such as their step-parents, informal foster-parents or the second parent in a same-sex headed family. This is important for their safety and wellbeing and shifts the focus to what children really need. We also welcome the fact that the best interests of the child will be central in family law proceedings; that children will need to be consulted on issues affecting them; and that more unmarried fathers will automatically become guardians of their children.”

One Family has been working with families who use the family law courts for over four decades providing specialist family support services so that separated families who share parenting can do so effectively and without conflict. Based on our expertise of what we know families need during this time of transition, we welcome sections of the Bill dealing with Making Parenting Orders Work including the ability to refer parents to mediation, counselling, and parenting programmes.”

Karen continues: “Whilst the Bill is extremely welcome, it is not perfect and in particular we are seeking assurances that a court welfare system and guardianship register will be introduced in the future. We are also concerned about the costs that might be borne by parents who are involved in family law disputes.”

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About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 as Cherish and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those sharing parenting, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to professionals working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 62 2212, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes Family Day and presents the Family Day Festival every May, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview

Karen Kiernan, CEO | t: 01 662 9212 or 086 850 9191

Difficult Behaviour

10 Ways to Handle Difficult Behaviour – Part One

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Difficult BehaviourDifficult behaviour can be tough to deal with, especially when you are already under stress. Children act out for many reasons and tantrums are often the result of frustration and misunderstanding. Here are a few tips on how to handle this difficult behaviour and to teach your children the power of positive choices.

  1. Positive parenting requires parents to teach their children how to make good choices and to provide them with the tools to do so.
  2. Using discipline as a tool for teaching promotes self-esteem, responsibility and good choices.
  3. A child who learns that there are consequences for their choices will be in a much better position to negotiate the challenges of adult life than a child who does not know their limits.
  4. It is a common misconception that in order to behave in a loving way a parent must meet a child’s every whim and allow them to express their impulses and desires without limits.
  5.  Strong, but not rigid, boundaries help children to feel safe and secure.
  6. Tantrums are often a sign of the child becoming frustrated with the world, especially if they can’t get a parent to do something that they want.
  7.  Handled well, tantrums should decrease as the child learns to negotiate their environment more effectively.
  8.  A parent’s role is to attempt to manage and organise a child’s environment so as to minimize the causes of tantrums.
  9. When dealing with a tantrum; speak at your child’s level, establish and maintain eye contact and give clear commands.
  10. Tell your children what you would like them to do and why. Be Clear. Be Consistent.

This article is part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips, and is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly. Coming up next week; 10 Ways to Handle Difficult Behaviour – Part Two.

LIVE Facebook Q&A on this topic with Geraldine, 16 February from 11am-12pm on One Family’s Facebook page. Join in and post your questions.

Next you might like to read,  10 Ways to make Positive Parenting Changes.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.

 

Behavioural Economics and Social Protection Policy

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Adam SmithOne Family Director of Policy & Programmes, Stuart Duffin, writes on the topic of behavioural economics and social protection policy.

Behavioural economics improves the realism of the psychological assumptions underlying economic theory, attempting to reunify psychology and economics in the process, and should lead to better predictions about economic behaviour and better policy prescriptions.

Because economics is the science of how resources are allocated by individuals and by collective institutions like firms and markets, the psychology of individual behaviour should underlie and inform economics, much as archaeology informs anthropology. However, economists routinely – and proudly – use models that are grossly inconsistent with findings from psychology. An alternative approach is behavioural economics, which seeks to use psychology to inform economics while maintaining the emphasis on mathematical structure that distinguishes economics from other social sciences.

Behavioural economics represents a reunification of psychology and economics. Early thinking about economics was shot through with psychological insight. For example, in his Theory of Moral Sentiments, Adam Smith described all the ways in which people care about the interests of others. In his later book, The Wealth of Nations, he suggests that people get dinner “not from the benevolence of the butcher, the brewer, or the baker” but “from the regard [of those agents] to their own interest”. The latter passage is one of the most famous in economics, whereas Smith’s earlier book on moral sentiments is ignored. Why?

The answer is that two trends led economics and psychology along different paths this century (although both were trying to make their disciplines more scientific). One trend was that theorists like Samuelson and Debreu worked hard at formalising economics mathematically, with physics as inspiration. Psychologists were also inspired by natural sciences – by experimental traditions rather than mathematical structure. As a result, to an economist, a theory is a body of mathematical tools and theorems. To a psychologist, a theory is a verbal construct or theme that organises experimental regularity.

This divergence in methods and ways of expressing knowledge pushed economics and psychology apart. A second trend kept the fields apart. In the 1940s, economists took up logical positivism with a special twist (called the “F twist” after its advocate, Milton Friedman). Because theories with patently false assumptions can make surprisingly accurate predictions, economic theories that assume that individual agents are highly rational and willful, judge probabilities accurately, and maximise their own wealth, might prove useful even though psychology shows that those assumptions are systematically false. The F twist allowed economists to ignore psychology. Many theorists also thought that relaxing rationality assumptions would inevitably lead to analytical intractability. Lived realities and new thinking have shown cases in which this is wrong.

A behavioural diagnosis and design process would provide a means of identifying and addressing key reasons that social protection policy in Ireland is not performing to expectation; uncover behavioural bottlenecks that are amenable to solution; and identify structural issues. The diagnosis process encourages Government to step back and examine multiple possible explanations for under-performance before embracing a particular theory or solution, thus improving the likelihood of success.

Active Listening

10 ways to Active Listening and Assertive Parenting

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Active ListeningActive Listening is an important part of being an assertive parent. It allows children to express their emotions and shows your child that you are taking on board  what they are saying and making an effort to understand how they are feeling about what is going on in their lives.

  1. A child who is allowed time to think for themselves learns to have faith in their own problem solving abilities.

  2. Parents who use active listening teach their children that they are valuable individuals who, given time, can work through and find solutions to the many challenges they may face in life.
  3. Our aim as parents is to be assertive in how we communicate and relate to our children.
  4. Assertiveness is a skill that is learned over time. Through patience and persistence it can transform the relationship between parents and their children.
  5. The world can be a difficult and complicated place for children.
  6. Active listening is the key to good communication.
  7. Listen for feelings and try to put a name on that feeling.
  8. Let your child clarify what feelings they are experiencing or correct you if you have got the feeling wrong.
  9. Being self-aware is crucial to successful anger management. Ask yourself, ‘What is the trigger for this anger I feel?’

  10. You can control your own behaviour and this will model anger management for your child, but you cannot control your child’s behaviour.

This article is part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips, and is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly. Coming up Next Week: 10 ways to Handling Difficult Behaviour – Part 1.

LIVE Facebook Q&A on this topic with Geraldine, 9 February from 11am-12pm on One Family’s Facebook page. Join in and post your questions.

Next you might like to read 10 ways to Improve your child’s Self Esteem, 10 ways to Be Assertive or 10 ways to Improve Listening in the Home

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.