Press Release | More Cherishing Needed for One-Parent Families

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Press Release

More Cherishing Needed for One-Parent Families

The ESRI publishes analysis of inequalities among children in modern Ireland.

(Dublin, Tuesday 11 October 2016) One Family – Ireland’s organisation for people parenting alone, sharing parenting, and separating – responds to the study released today by the ESRI entitled ‘Cherishing all the Children Equally?’ which confirms the fact that children living in one-parent families are more likely to fare poorly as a result of living in consistent poverty.

Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO, states: “Research from Growing up in Ireland has found a consistent pattern of disadvantage for children living in one-parent families.  There is a greater likelihood of welfare dependence, higher maternal stress and lower income among one- parent families. As well as having less financial resources, many one-parent families experience also experience less interpersonal resources as they just have less time available for family and parenting work. The authors of the research are clear that poorer outcomes are not inevitable and we believe that both family supports as well as sufficient financial resources will make the difference.”

Karen continues: “As we come to terms with yesterday’s Budget this research only further cements our belief that the Budget was a missed opportunity once again to address these issues. This Budget may make some difference for some families, but after so many years of consistent deprivation, is this enough? Not yet. It is not enough to fully tackle the unacceptable reality of lone parents and their children being amongst the poorest in our society today.”

The research indicated that growing up in a single-parent family structure does represent a source of inequality in children’s lives. One Family continues to speak out on behalf of these families and ensure that the Government fulfils their promise to lift the 120,000 children currently living in consistent poverty out of this unfair and unjust situation.

NOTES FOR EDITORS

 

/Ends.

About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 as Cherish and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families and people sharing parenting, or separating, offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those sharing parenting, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to professionals working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 662212, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes Family Day and presents the Family Day Festival every May, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

 

Available for Interview:

Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO | t: 086 850 9191

Further Information or to arrange an interview:

Jane Farrell, Communications Officer | t: 01 662 9212

Shirley Chance, Director of Communications | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 414 8511

 

News | One Family Summary of Budget 2017

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One Family has summarised Budget 2017 changes which may be relevant to people parenting alone or sharing parenting, as announced on Tuesday 11th October 2016.

Social Welfare Payments

Basic Rate of Payment

Including One Parent Family Payment, Jobseeker’s Allowance Transition, Jobseeker’s Allowance, Carer’s Allowance and others.
This includes employment programmes such as CE, TÚS and Rural Social Scheme.
Proportionate increases in weekly payments for qualified adults will apply from March 2017 (applies to full rate payment recipients).

€5 weekly increase.

_______________________________________________

One Parent Family Payment & Jobseeker’s Transition

For those in employment, the weekly income disregard will increase from €90 to €110 from January 2017. This means that the first €110 of earnings will be ignored and half of the remainder of earnings will be assessed to give a new rate of One Parent Family Payment or Jobseeker’s Transition. Combined with the €5 basic rate increase, this should result in an increase of €15 per week for recipients of OFP and JST.

Income Disregard increased by €20 per week

_______________________________________________

Child Benefit

The current rate remains at €140 per month.

No change.

_______________________________________________

Secondary Payments

Fuel Allowance

Currently €22.50 weekly.

No change.

_______________________________________________

Education

Back to Education Allowance

Cost of Education Allowance (re)introduced per annum for all parents in receipt of Back to Education Allowance.

€500 Cost of Education Allowance annually.

Back to Education Allowance to increase by €5 per week.

_______________________________________________

School Meals

Funding for School Meals being increased so that 50,000 extra children can benefit, further details to be received.

Widening of the scheme.

_______________________________________________

Back to School Clothing and Footwear Allowance

The allowance paid for each eligible child aged 4-11 is €100. The allowance paid for each eligible child aged 12-22 is €200.

No change.

_______________________________________________

Work

Family Income Supplement

Household income thresholds remain at 2016 levels, and no qualifying hours criteria change.

No change.

_______________________________________________

Income Tax, PRSI and Universal Social Charge

Self Employed – Earned Income Tax Credit increased to €950.

Changes for self-employed.

USC – Three lowest bands each reduced by 0.5% and the €18,668 band raised to €18,772 from 1 January.

USC band changes.

_______________________________________________

Back to Work Enterprise Allowance

A proportionate €5 increase to Back to Work Enterprise Allowance and now accessible to Jobseekers moving to self-employment after 9 months, down from 12 months.

Proportionate €5 increase& eligibility expanded.

_______________________________________________

Minimum Wage

Increase to €9.25 from €9.15 per hour.

10c per hour increase.

_______________________________________________

Housing

Housing Assistance Payment

HAP – Additional €105 million (220% increase) for Housing Assistance Payment (HAP) to accommodate an additional 15,000 households and a total of over 21,000social housing applicants in private rented accommodation.
Further details to be received.

Allocation increase.

_______________________________________________

Other

Childcare

New – A new scheme, the Single Affordable Childcare Scheme, will commence in September 2017. It will provide means-tested subsidies, based on parental income, for children aged between six months and 15 years, and universal subsidies for all children aged six months to three years who are cared for by Tusla-registered childminders/care centres.

Households earning up to €47,500 net income will be able to avail of this subsidised childcare. The highest levels of subsidy will be provided to those on lower incomes, approximately €8,000 a year, based on the maximum of 40-hours childcare a week.

Single Affordable Childcare Scheme introduced.

_______________________________________________

ECCE Scheme

ECCE – There will be further roll-out of the Early Childhood Care and Education Scheme (ECCE) to apply to all children from age three until they start school.

ECCE Scheme expanded.

_______________________________________________

Medical Card

Medical card will be available for all children who receive Domiciliary Care Allowance. Prescription charges unchanged for those aged under 69.

Eligibility extended.

_______________________________________________

Christmas Bonus

Christmas bonus will be paid in December 2017 to long-term social welfare recipients (15 months or more)at a rate of 85% of their payment; this includes those on One-Parent Family Payment, Jobseeker’s Allowance Transition, Jobseeker’s Allowance, Back to Work Family Dividend, Carer’s Allowance, Disability Allowance, Widow/Widower’s/Surviving Civil Partner’s Pensions. This also includes employment and education programmes such as CE, JobBridge, Back to Work Enterprise Allowance, Back to Education Allowance, VTOS etc.

10% Increase.

_______________________________________________

For further information visit the official Government Budget page here

#Budget2017

Dad and child's hands

Press Release | Budget 2017 – Partial Reversals of OFP Reforms Welcomed but it is Not Enough

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Press Release

Budget 2017 – One Family Welcomes

Partial Reversals of OFP Reforms

New Government has made a start but it is not yet enough

(Dublin, Tuesday 11 October 2016) One Family – Ireland’s organisation for people parenting alone, sharing parenting, and separating – welcomes the announcements of improved childcare supports, the €5 increases to the One Parent Family Payment (OFP) and Back to Education Allowance, increases in the Income Disregard level for the OFP and Jobseeker’s Transition (JST) rates, and the Cost of Education Allowance; but reacts overall to Budget 2017 as a missed opportunity to strategically support vulnerable one-parent families.  All the recommendations from the recent NUIG report on Lone Parents and Activation, What Works and Why: A Review of the International Evidence in the Irish Context must be fully implemented particularly given the enormously high poverty rates experienced by these families: almost 60% of individuals from these households experience one or more forms of deprivation (EU-SILC 2014).

Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO, states: “We’ve long been calling for a restoration of income disregards and welcome this rise from €90 to €110 per week, along with some other long overdue announcements, but a full restoration to €146.50 per week is needed to support lone parents in work.  And again we see no cohesive attempt to break down the barriers that one-parent families in receipt of social welfare payments still face, and nothing to acknowledge those who share parenting. Lone parents with children over 14 are still subject to full Job Seeker’s Allowance (JSA) conditionality and in particular, a much harsher means testing of additional income despite the recent CSO release from Q2 showing that employment rates have dropped for lone parents with children aged 12-17. There has been no change to Family Income Support (FIS) criteria such as the hours reduction we have called for, a most simple and cost-effective way to support parents to access employment.

“People parenting alone want to contribute to society through employment, they want to further their education and get out of living in poverty, but are caught in the trap of week to week survival. This Budget may make some difference for some families, but after so many years of consistent deprivation, is this enough? Not yet. It is not enough to fully tackle the unacceptable reality of lone parents and their children being amongst the poorest in our society today. Cross-Departmental work to reverse cuts more positively is essential to ensure that the damage done over the past five years is reversed. The recipe for what is needed is in the NUIG research, and in our Pre-Budget Submission, and it must be fully implemented.”

Karen continues: “What is needed to lift these families out of poverty is not a mystery. Simply, we need targeted financial supports for poor children and investment in services; a childcare system that is accessible to poor children and families and available outside of school hours; a defined education pathway for people parenting alone; the ability to make work pay through in-work supports; and a system that can be clearly understood and is less complicated, both to payment recipients and the Department’s own staff in local offices, so that lone parents can trust that they will receive the support and guidance that is best for their families.”

One Family’s Pre-Budget Submission 2017 included recommendations designed to support lone parents into education and/or employment, while acknowledging their parenting responsibilities. There is now a golden opportunity for Government  to give hope to disadvantaged one-parent families, through following the NUIG research recommendations, and through working with and listening to the mine of evidence and experience being put forward by One Family and other organisations. Every parent must have an equal opportunity to create a better future for his or her children.

NOTES FOR EDITORS

  • NUIG released Lone Parents and Activation, What Works and Why: A Review of the International Evidence in the Irish Context, commissioned by the Department of Social Protection, co-authored by Dr Michelle Millar and Dr Rosemary Crosse of the UNESCO Child & Family Research Centre in NUI Galway, in September 2016.
  • One Family’s Pre-Budget Submission can be read here.
  • 1 in 4 families with children in Ireland is a one-parent family (Census 2011)
  • There are over 215,000 one-parent families in Ireland today – 25.8% of all families with children (Census 2011)
  • People in lone parent households continue to have the lowest disposable income out of all households in the state (EU-SILC 2014).
  • Those living in lone parent households continue to experience the highest rates of deprivation with almost 60% of individuals from these households experiencing one or more forms of deprivation (EU-SILC 2014).
  • 42,104 people are now receiving the One-Parent Family Payment. There are now 75,202 child dependents of One-Parent Family Payment recipients.
  • Of the approximately 25,500 customers who exited the OFP scheme on 2 July, 2015, the majority of customers transitioned to the Jobseeker’s Transitional payment, the Jobseeker’s Allowance payment and the Family Income Supplement. – 13,600 (or 54%) of them moved to the Jobseeker’s Transitional Payment (JST); – 2,500 (or 10%) of them moved to the Jobseeker’s Allowance (JA) scheme, and – 8,100 (or 32%) of them moved to the Family Income Supplement (FIS) scheme.

/Ends.

About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 as Cherish and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families and people sharing parenting, or separating, offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those sharing parenting, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to professionals working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 662212, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes Family Day and presents the Family Day Festival every May, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview:

Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO | t: 086 850 9191

Further Information or to arrange an interview:

Shirley Chance, Director of Communications | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 414 8511
 

Parenting | Recognising and dealing with stress

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people-1492052_1920Many parents would describe themselves as busy but do not recognise when they are stressed. Recently I have wondered if parents are more stressed than they realise. The logistics of keeping our children’s lives running smoothly is very stressful. Added stress can come with parenting alone or sharing parenting and being a working parenting can pile on even more stress. In these circumstances it would be impossible not to feel stressed.

In order to cope we often convince ourselves that we are just busy. Some of us can cope better with stress but others may hide it well. If you fail to address the issues causing you stress, problems can arise with your health, your relationships, your well-being, your friendships, your social life, or the most importantly of all, your relationship with our children.

Here are some tips to help us recognise and manage stress in today’s hectic world:

  1. Some leading psychologists such as Dr Tony Humphreys would believe that all illness makes sense. That every little illness from a sore eye to cancer is our body telling us something. If we ignore the early warning signs then illness can come as a way to make us stand up and notice. It usually stops us in our tracks and forces us to take time off. As parents we are very conscious of looking after our children’s health but what do we do when we are feeling unwell? We battle through it. It is important not to ignore even the most subtle symptoms and signals.
  2. Finding ways to take time out as a parent is very difficult especially when parenting alone. As a parent told me recently, the favours are all used up for childcare in order to go to work, so how do you get time off to just take a break? It is crucial to find ways to have time off even if this is one hour a week or an afternoon a month. Find support from other parents. All parents are feeling the same way. Use play dates to your advantage to get some space to yourself and when you do, do not clean the house. Sit down, relax, rest. The housework will always be there.
  3. Talking to someone is really helpful in managing stress. Talking with other parents can be really beneficial as you will find that they are experiencing similar stresses to you. Look in your community and see if there are any groups you can join. It doesn’t have to be parenting, it can be any group that allows you an opportunity to meet other adults and chat when the children aren’t around.
  4. Find time at home with your children to just relax. Children can be involved in so many activities after school and during the week, so take time to sit together as family. Watch a movie or play a game and just relax the old fashioned way. Children really enjoy having pyjama days with parents, just staying in, sitting on the sofa and talking with each other. So much good can come from a day like this. Why not have a pyjama day once a month?
  5. Treat yourself now and again. Finding ways to value what you need is really crucial to good self care. Poor self care can affect your confidence and once your confidence is affected your parenting will be affected. Be aware of how you are feeling. Check the emotional thermometer on a daily basis and respond to it. You deserve the same level of care as you give to your children. Let your children see that you deserve care and respect too.
  6. Ask yourself why you are doing so much. If your child is happy to spend more time with their other parent (and this is workable) explore this as an option. Can you accept or ask for more support? Maybe there are some practical things your child’s other parent can do to help out. If this is not an option, explore the lifestyle you have created for yourself and your child. Is it necessary to be so busy? Is there any way to cut some things out so you have more breathing space?
  7. If you feel you have reached a stage whereby you are worried you cannot cope any longer it is advisable to seek professional support. You can see a counsellor, a parent mentor or your GP for advice and support. You can also call One Family’s Helpline for support, askonefamily on 01 662 9212 or lo-call 1890 662212.

This article is by One Family’s Director of Children & Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, as part of our weekly series of parenting tips. You can read more tips here.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports.

Join the One Family Parenting Group online here

Parenting | Talking to your daughter about her first period

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girl-648121_1280Most women will remember when the subject of their period was first broached, usually by their mum or an older female relative. You may recall a fumbling two minute explanation that raised more questions than it answered or perhaps you were given a confident explanation and felt well informed and prepared afterwards. Chances are your ‘period chat’ fell somewhere in the middle. Dads won’t have these memories to draw upon but that doesn’t necessarily put you at a disadvantage when talking to your daughter. The important thing to remember surrounding the subject of periods, and other issues around puberty, is that your daughter feels she can talk to you about it; you are acknowledging that she is maturing into a young woman. Here are some tips around talking to your daughter about getting her first period:

  1. The age at which girls have their first period can vary from 10-years-old to 15-years-old. Girls need to have this chat with parents early on in case they are an early developer. Most of the time, parents will notice that their daughters are developing so they are prompted to explain about periods. Don’t leave it too late, it is important to have the chat in advance of her first period.
  2. Girls who live with mum will have noticed that their mum has a period so the subject will not be a total surprise. Many girls will have spoken to their friends about periods and may have information from friends who have older sisters. It is important that they have the correct information and not just school-yard gossip.
  3. Make a date with your daughter and do something special with her. Talk to her about how much she is growing up and how responsible she is becoming.
  4. In school, many children will follow the Stay Safe Programme in which they talk about their bodies and what they are capable of. Many 10-year-olds know where babies come from so in order to explain periods you need to explain a little more about babies. Fertility is the key message when it comes to periods.
  5. Children like information and they like to know how and why their bodies work as they do. Books can be very useful.  Explain how women and girls creates eggs (ovulate) and what happens to these eggs each month. Don’t make it so complicated that your child will be horrified by the content. Keep it simple but precise and factual. Help your daughter to to see how fascinating it is.
  6. Take them to the shops and show them the different feminine hygiene/sanitary products available and purchase a packet for them to have for the first time. Encourage them to have sanitary products in their schoolbag for emergencies as you don’t know when the first time will be.
  7. Ensure that sanitary products are bought in the weekly groceries. Encourage them to talk openly about periods. Periods do not need to be a hidden part of life although they are private.
  8. Some girls might be horrified at the thought of menstruating and horrified by their period when it occurs. It can take a few years for girls to adjust and become independent around managing their period.
  9. Girls may need pain relief so support them with this but also encourage them to know that life goes on. Try not to allow them to have time off school or activities as this can create a lifelong pattern. Moods can change also so they will need support to manage their emotions.
  10. In common with other aspects of parenting it is about being brave and supporting your child. Whether you are a dad or a mum raising a young girl you should take on the responsibility of informing your daughter about her period. It will give you a special space in your daughter’s life where they know they can talk to you and trust you with their deepest worries and issues.

This ’10 Ways to’ article is by One Family’s Director of Children & Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, as part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips. You can read the full series here.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or on 01 662 9212.

Join the One Family Parenting Group online here

 

Press Release | Clear Message for Minister Varadkar and Budget 2017 – New NUIG report into what works for lone parents

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 Press Release

Clear Message for Minister Varadkar and Budget 2017 –

How to Support Lone Parents Out of Poverty and into Employment.

New NUIG report into what works for lone parents and activation backs up what One Family has been saying for years.

(Dublin, Thursday 29 September 2016) One Family – Ireland’s organisation for people parenting alone, sharing parenting, and separating – today calls on Minister Varadkar to implement the recommendations outlined in research commissioned by his report to support lone parents into employment. This long-awaited important research, to which One Family contributed several years ago, was released this week by NUIG on their website. Lone Parents and Activation, What Works and Why: A Review of the International Evidence in the Irish Context, commissioned by the Department of Social Protection, co-authored by Dr Michelle Millar and Dr Rosemary Crosse of the UNESCO Child & Family Research Centre in NUI Galway, is key to understanding what steps Government must take to create real opportunity for lone parents currently in receipt of welfare payments who wish to work and/or return to education to do so.

Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO, states, “The failure of the reform of the One-Parent Family Payment, now clearly evident, means that Government must address its errors in practical and realistic measures to support lone parents in Budget 2017. In a week which has seen Minister Varadkar deny the reality of tens of thousands of poor families whose incomes have been cut in recent years, a media focus on the failure of Ireland’s childcare system, and much discussion in the lead-up to Budget 2017, a report into what lone parents need to support them into employment is finally released. It should have prefaced all of these policy changes. The report was delayed, has received little dissemination, and apparently no commentary or response by the Department. Again we, and society, must ask why lone parents and children are those who are consistently punished unfairly?”

Valerie Maher, One Family Policy & Programmes Manager comments, “This Government needs to take an unblinkered look at the myriad of evidence from real parents with real children across Ireland. Although it was commissioned several years too late – following a series of cuts across successive budgets to one-parent families, and activation measures which seemed only to try to force lone parents into non-existing employment using non-existent childcare – its findings are essential to create polices that work. Existing ‘reform’ measures were enacted to save money and without the necessary supports in place. In other EU jurisdictions, for example Britain, this kind of research was conducted before reforms were made, childcare provision is far higher, Job Centre staff was trained by Gingerbread to work more effectively with lone parents and Government invested in training programmes for parents.”

In order for Minister Vardakar to fulfil his personal commitment to lift 100,000 children out of poverty by 2020, he must now take action based on this research. Budget 2017 must urgently address child poverty, and invest in services and targeted income supports so that one-parent families can create the futures their children deserve.

Lone Parents and Activation, What Works and Why: A Review of the International Evidence in the Irish Context,

can be read/downloaded at:

http://www.childandfamilyresearch.ie/media/ilascfrc/reports/Millar-and-Crosse-Activation-Report.pdf

One Family’s Pre-Budget Submission 2017 can be downloaded at https://onefamily.ie/policy-campaigns/one-family-campaigns/

/Ends.

About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 as Cherish and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families and people sharing parenting, or separating, offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those sharing parenting, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to professionals working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 66 22 12, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes Family Day and presents the Family Day Festival every May, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview

Valerie Maher, Policy & Programmes Manager, One Family

Karen Kiernan, CEO, One Family

 

 

Statement | Our Response to Minister Varadkar’s Comments on OFP Reform Today

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Statement

One Family’s Response to Minister Varadkar’s Comments on Reform of the One-Parent Family Payment on RTÉ Radio 1 on 26th September 2016

Today Minister Varadkar, in an interview on Morning Ireland (RTÉ Radio 1), discussed the changes to the One-Parent Family Payment (OFP). The Minister was adamant that there were no cuts made to the payment by the last Government, but rather to the conditionality of the payment. While this may be technically correct, it does not acknowledge the fact that a result of the reform is significant cuts to income for many one-parent families. Both the reform of the OFP and its implementation have been plagued by poor planning and communication, and a lack of joined up thinking on the part of the Department; impacts have included the creation of unnecessary fear and worry, and reduced income for many already vulnerable families. Lone parents already in work and in receipt of Family Income Supplement saw an immediate 40% reduction in their payments as a direct result of the reform. Government policy has not worked. Government has failed these families.

Minister Varadkar also outlined measures being put in place to reduce unemployment figures in line with the most advanced European economies. However, these economies invariably provide state-subsidised, affordable, accessible childcare to support parents to enter work. Ireland must follow suit if it wants to match the employment rate of other European countries. The immense cost of childcare in Ireland was acknowledged during the interview by the Minister who stated that “one of the biggest things” this Government could do is to reduce the cost of childcare. Yet despite this acknowledgment of the lack of affordable, accessible childcare currently available and how immense a barrier this is for parents to work, the Minister was emphatic that no reversal of the reform will be implemented. One Family contends that continuing to enforce the reform with a flawed childcare system in place is senseless.

The Minister further stated that the key to making work pay is to promote not just any job but getting a better quality job. One Family agrees that an investment in education and training supports is imperative in order to achieve this but this is just one essential step that must be taken, and it must be taken now. As outlined in our previous response to Minister Varadkar and in our Pre-Budget Submission there are a number of other steps that the Department could take to remove current educational barriers impacting on one-parent families.

The reform of the One-Parent Family Payment has failed, as evidenced by the already low-income families who have become poorer owing to its impacts. It is disappointing that the Minister, like his predecessor Joan Burton TD, continues to fail to acknowledge this; that Government policies and services that would address the major barriers faced by lone parents trying to access employment and/or education have yet to be proposed or implemented; and that lone parents and their children – 59% (almost three in five families) of whom experience enforced deprivation (SILC 2014) – are suffering the impacts of an intrinsically flawed Government approach.

Parenting | How to resolve issues with teachers

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When issues with your child arise in schoolstudent-1647136_1280 it is important that you, as their parent, are notified. The teacher or principal may contact you to address the issue if they feel it warrants attention but in other cases it may be your child who has an issue with a teacher and comes to you.

When the latter occurs, you can be at a disadvantage as you are emotionally involved in the issue. How you communicate with the teacher or principal is an important factor in resolving issues fairly and promptly for all. Here are ’10 ways’ to support you to resolve your child’s issues with authority figures in school:

  1. When your child tells you of an incident in the school with their teacher, or any school figure, you must sit with your child and hear the full story. Understand the context in which it happened. Ask them to clarify when, and where, it happened and how they felt about it at the time. Talk with them about how they are feeling now.
  2. Only get involved if your child feels they need your support. Try writing a letter to the teacher and request a follow-up meeting. Let your child know that you are going to contact their teacher or principal. Ask them how they feel about this.
  3. While you can become involved, your child also needs to be able to talk to their teacher about what they are not happy or comfortable with in that teacher’s approach.
  4. If your child behaved very poorly stand up and acknowledge this. You are doing them no favours otherwise. Your child should always be treated fairly and with respect and should return this respect to their teacher.
  5. Hearing the other side is important as is getting the school figure to hear your child’s side of the story. If your child has been hurt by the school’s approach, they need to know that fact in order for any change to take place. Let the teacher or principal know that you want to understand the full story and you are prepared to work with them to achieve change.
  6. Ensure that you are not emotionally charged. Think about what you need to say and how you need to say it. Clear and direct communication is the key to assertive communication. Using ‘I’ statements are to be avoided (“I think, I know, I feel, I am etc.) as the tone of these can suggest you are blaming or condemning another person’s actions and conflict is the most likely outcome.
  7. In order to support our children to stand up for themselves and communicate assertively we need to strive to be role models for them. We need to champion them at all times. We need to stand tall beside them and support them. If we don’t support children to speak up and seek the right to be treated with respect they will not know they have this right as they mature into adults.
  8. If you have taken every step to positively engage with the teacher/principal and they are not interested in engaging with you then you need to engage with the board of management. Schools are there to provide a service to children and parents and at times they may need extra resources and support from their board to do this. The board need to be informed if issues cannot be resolved.
  9. Never hide abuse or intimidation in schools. Bring another parent with you if you feel your voice is not strong enough to talk with a teacher. Most teachers welcome parents coming to them with issues when they first happen before they escalate. Do not approach teachers in front of other parents or children. Give them the respect you are seeking for you and your child.
  10. During the course of the meeting, if you really feel that you cannot be supported, then leave. Go home and think about this again. Think about the language you have used and explore if you can change anything in your approach. Talk with a parent from the parent teacher council in confidence. Review the school policies and then try again.

This ’10 Ways to’ article is by One Family’s Director of Children & Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, as part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips. You can read the full series here.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or on 01 662 9212.

Join the One Family Parenting Group online here

 

Parenting | Supporting your children through shared parenting

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divorce-156444_1280According to The United Nations Rights of the Child, it is the right of the child to have contact with both parents after parental separation; yet many parents see it as their right, as parents, to have contact with their child.

When it comes to contact with children, mums can hold the power from day one: they carry the baby for nine months so straight away they make the very first decisions about the baby. All too easily, fathers can take a back seat in parenting and when a separation occurs they can struggle to assert their position as an involved father. So many separated fathers, whom I work with, want to be hands-on fathers. Men are as capable as women but culturally we are often led to believe they are not.

It is not good for children to see two parents without equal status. If society doesn’t encourage fathers to play an active role in parenting then we are not allowing children the full opportunities they are entitled to: the right to both parents provided it is safe for the child.

We need to separate out poor partners from poor parents: it is a different relationship. Children only have two biological parents; allowing them every opportunity to have a relationship with both parents is important to the positive outcome of their lives. Here we offer ’10 ways’ to support your child through shared parenting:

  1. Explore what prevents you from allowing the other parent to have an active parenting role. Is this a genuine concern based upon facts or an opinion you have formed? Does your child feel safe and happy with the other parent? Try to follow their lead. Take small steps to try and build confidence in their ability.
  2. Start with small steps changes in contact. Talk with your child about what they would like to happen.
  3. Reassure your child that you trust that their other parent loves them and therefore you want both parents to be active in their life.
  4. Ask the other parent to do practical things to support parenting rather than only getting involved for the fun parts.
  5. Allow them to have opportunities to take children to and from school, to the doctor, the dentist and to after-school activities. Your child only has one life, it does not need to be separated into mum’s time and dad’s time.
  6. Share practical information with the other parent about your child’s development and everyday life. Know what stage your child is at. Don’t expect to be told everything, find things out for yourself, ask questions, read up on child development and talk to the school if you are a legal guardian.
  7. Pay your maintenance and don’t argue over the cost of raising a child. If you receive maintenance be realistic about what the other parent can afford. If you were parenting in the same home you would do everything you possibly could to ensure your child has what they need. It cannot be any different just because you parent separately.
  8. Buy what your child needs and not what you want to buy for your child. It is always lovely to treat children but not when it means they have no winter coat. Talk with the other parent about what the child has and what they need.
  9. Ask your family to respect your child’s other parent. They are, and always will be, the parent of your child. Children need to know that family respect their parents. It is not healthy for the extended family to hold prejudice over parents.
  10. If you are finding it really difficult to allow your child have a relationship with their other parent, seek professional support to explore the reasons for this. There is obviously a lot of hurt and I am not dismissing this in anyway but if you can move on you will allow your child to have positive experiences.

This ’10 Ways to’ article is by One Family’s Director of Children & Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, as part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips. You can read the full series here.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or on 01 662 9212.

Join the One Family Parenting Group online here

 

Parenting | How to introduce quiet time in your home

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girl-1561943_1920As parents we can often feel the pressure of keeping our children engaged in activities with friends and play dates. We ourselves feel we must connect with other parents along with tending to seemingly endless daily tasks. It can seem manic at times and constantly busy. We find we don’t have much time to just sit with our children. There is value is just sitting with each other, doing nothing, thinking about nothing in particular, just simply being in each other’s company, relaxing and unwinding. We can forget how comforting it is to just sit still. It is important, especially in today’s hectic world full of distractions, to teach children the importance of just being.

Try to incorporate family time where you are present in each other’s company. Dark evenings by the fire are ideal for this. Simply stay inside with your children, staying cosy and warm and just chill out in their company. Calm time, quiet time, nothing special time! (The Danish have a special word called hygge that describes time spent at home with others in a cosy atmosphere.)

What are the ground rules?

Mobile phones and TV may need to be off limits in this quiet space. The time and day would need to be prioritised just like all other activities. Think of it as an activity you have paid for up-front. You usually never miss these activities. Don’t allow it to be optional. It is quiet time but it is not silence time, you can talk if you choose to or sit in quietness. Whatever activity you choose, make it your space and your time. Let everyone have their say; dream it up and then plan what is realistic.

What quiet activities could you try?

  • Mindfulness involves focusing calmly on the present while acknowledging feelings, thoughts and bodily sensations. If you talk with your children about the business of life and introduce the concept of mindfulness to them I am sure they will want to try it. It may be difficult at the start if you are all used to be being busy.
  • You could introduce some nice colouring books from the mindfulness series, there are so many to choose from for adults and children.
  • Massage is another option for quiet relaxation. You can learn some simple massage techniques from YouTube.
  • Listen to quiet, relaxing music. There are hours of relaxing music compilations also on YouTube.

How long should quiet-time last?

This only need to be half an hour of your week, longer is great but it doesn’t have to be an entire evening. It shouldn’t be something you dread. A the parent, you need to take the lead and support your children to feel happy and safe in their own company, not doing anything specific, only relaxing. Each week you can try new things and bin them if you don’t like them.

Create the space in your home and see if you can feel the positive energy it can create for you and your children this autumn and winter.

This article is by One Family’s Director of Children & Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, as part of our weekly parenting tips.