Parenting | How to Deal with Leaving Cert Results Disappointment

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woman-164299_1280Leaving cert results are out on 17 August and parents and teens anxiously await to see what life holds as a result. There are so many expectations around the Leaving Certificate and CAO choices that, as a result, there is great potential for disappointment. What if your teen misses out on their top choice; what if they are disappointed with their grade in a particular subject; what if they don’t get the points they feel they deserved; what if they didn’t do as well as their friends; what if they can see no options for themselves?

How can you support your teen through this tough time? Read our ’10 ways’ to deal with disappointment on results day:

  1. No matter what happens when they get their results, the key thing to remember is that life goes on. Your child is still your child, you still love them as much as you did the day before. Yes, it may seem obvious but now is a time to focus on this and to remind them.
  2. If they don’t get what they wished for, you will be heartbroken for them but you must believe that there’s a new plan for them that you can support them to develop and progress with.
  3. Don’t worry about what others think, does it matter?! Instead, be concerned about what your child needs from you.
  4. Explore every option with them around colleges and courses. Get advice from a helpline. Look at all the options – there are so many – and have some resources in place.
  5. Tell your teen that, although getting straight into the course they wanted would have been great, there is always more than one route to any career.
  6. Tell them that you admire them, and that no matter what, together you will find a way to get to the next stage of their journey. Once your child knows you have faith in them, they will have the confidence to stand tall and tell others about their plan.
  7. University is not for everyone. Going to a local or smaller college can seem like a less daunting step to take and may be a great option for your teen.
  8. Celebrate in some way, no matter what the results are. They have gotten this far, a new stage in their life is starting, and the occasion needs to be marked. Good or bad, it is a time to be together.
  9. Teens will no doubt have plans to go out and celebrate with friends. Agree with them now what is allowed, so you are not caught off guard with their requests or expectations on results day. Be realistic. In a few weeks or months they may move out and will have more freedom, so you need to trust and enable them to make good choices.
  10. Remember, there are lots of options in life and with support, we all find our way!

This ’10 Ways to’ article is by One Family’s Director of Children & Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, as part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips. You can read the full series here.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66

22 12 or on 01 662 9212.

Training | Enrolment Now Open for Options Courses

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Options Slider 500x230We are happy to announce that enrolment is now open for the Options part-time programmes run by One Family in co-operation with Ballsbridge College of Further Education.

Options programmes are free of charge and specifically designed for those parenting alone or sharing parenting. If you are looking to get back into the workplace and/or further education after a gap, or for the first time, Options are for you. Three Options programmes are enrolling now in Communications, IT Skills, and Nursing Theory & Practice.

Dates: Starts Wednesday, 21 September 2016 and runs until May 2017.
Hours: Wednesdays and Thursdays from 10am to 1pm.
Location: Dublin 2

Awards:
Communications (Minor Award – Level 5)
IT Skills (Minor Award – Level 4)
Nursing Theory & Practice (Minor Award – Level 5)

Booking:
For more information and to book your place, click here.

Parenting | Keeping brains active over summer

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chess-775346_1920Most parents work really hard all through the school year, keeping track of what children are learning and ensuring homework gets done. But keeping your child’s brain engaged over the summer can be challenging. If you don’t keep them engaged it could take four to six weeks for them to become fully alert when they return to school in September.

The question is, how you do keep them engaged without becoming their summer teacher? Here are tips to keep your child’s brain active all summer:

  • Most libraries hold reading challenges over the summer. Encouraging your child to join the reading challenge can be a fun way to have a more diverse range of books in your home. Libraries are usually very good at supporting children and young people to find books that they are interested in and will enjoy.
  • Encourage your child to keep a diary from the age of five years old. This can be a great way to support children. Not only are you asking them to write, you are asking them to think about how they feel, to create stories, to reflect on their day and on their relationships. They can share their entries with you or keep it private. It is a lovely gift to introduce to any child. You can get diaries from €1 to €10 depending on how fancy or lockable you want it to be. You never know, you could be creating a novelist, but regardless, their spelling and writing should benefit.
  • Get your children to think about adding and subtracting e.g. when buying groceries get them to calculate the shopping bill. Maths does not have to be sums on paper. Help your child to see how we use numbers every day.
  • Why not look for some new TV programmes to watch this summer that have more educational value e.g. animal documentaries and quiz programmes. When you start to engage with such programmes as a family it can lead to whole new conversations.
  • Enjoy days out. There is so much for children to see and hear, people to meet and culture and diversity to experience. Taking children to historic sites or museums, festivals, religious sites or even on nature walks can help them to relate to information they learn in their school books.
  • Finally, just take time to play and engage with your children − usually we are so busy it can be hard to find time to just sit and talk. Get to know your child. Help them to get to know you. How many of us really know our parents. Play, have fun, laugh, and share what life has to offer and you will have covered the full curriculum this summer and prepared your child well for next term.

This article is by One Family’s Director of Children & Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, as part of our weekly series of parenting tips. You can read the full series here.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or on 01 662 9212.

 

 

Parenting | How to make day trips run smoothly

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llama-935947_1920How many times have you taken your children on a day trip and five minutes after you arrive, or five minutes into the car trip, you feel like saying, “That’s it! We are going home.” We put time, energy and costs into organising days out, yet it can sometimes seems that your children just don’t care.

The stress of organising the event can leave you exhausted and with little energy to deal with what might be normal everyday behaviours. It becomes something bigger and you may be inclined to overreact. Coupled with this, children can be more excitable on days out. The excitement will make it harder for them to manage their emotions and behaviour. They can’t stop fighting and they won’t do what you ask of them.

Teens, on the other hand, may show no excitement. They may be so difficult to motivate, you wonder why you bothered. Feeling disheartened, you just want to go home and cry or maybe stomp about the house to let them know how angry or upset you are. The day out was not just for the children, it was for you too and you feel disappointed: you wanted this time out to relax and have fun with your children.

There are steps you can take to make things go a little smoother so the fun days out are fun from the time you wake up. Read our “10 ways to” have enjoyable days out this summer:

  1. Keep it simple. Think about what your child can cope with. If they are not use to travelling too far then don’t plan a long trip. No matter how good you think the far away venue may be, it may not be worth it. This goes for holidays too.
  2. Tell your child about the trip in advance. Some children love surprises but many don’t. If they are not aware of what is about to happen it can really upset them. Keep as many elements the same for them as possible: eat at the same times and eat the same types of food.
  3. Talk with your child about what you expect of them on the day out. Try to come up with some ways of keeping them safe but still allowing them some freedom.
  4. Dress children for play and not for photos. Too many children are over-dressed on play days out. Let them get dirty, have fun, roll in the sand. They shouldn’t come home clean; it is not a good sign! Bring spare clothes, bring the wipes and try not to worry.
  5. Dress appropriately yourself. Wearing your lovely white trousers may not be the best idea. It is all about fun, so dress in a way that supports you to relax and enjoy your time with your children.
  6. Photographs can cause lots of trouble. Take them if you can but making children pose can create stress for no reason. Fun days out will create memories in a child’s mind. They don’t need photos to have those memories. You can keep other things from the day and stick them in a scrap book to remind you of the day.
  7. If problems arise, stay calm. Think about it from your child’s point of view. Take a break, sit down for a minute and make a plan. Think about what is causing the problem. Are we hungry, are we tired? Whose needs are not been met? Can I do anything? The least you can do is acknowledge the need, if you can’t meet it at that time acknowledging it helps. If you can identify the problem and solve it things will improve.
  8. Allow them to cry; it doesn’t mean you have to leave. There are parents all around you. They know how hard it is. If you can stay calm your child will feel it and they will relax.
  9. Following on from that, stop worrying about who is watching. We put too much pressure on ourselves as parents to perform perfectly all of the time. Be the best parent you can and try not to let others knock your confidence.
  10. Do it more often!

This ’10 Ways to’ article is by One Family’s Director of Children & Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, as part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips. You can read the full series here.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or on 01 662 9212.

Press Release | Budget 2017 Must Make Work Pay for One-Parent Families

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Press Release

Budget 2017 Must Make Work Pay for One-Parent Families 

 Ending Child Poverty in Ireland can only be achieved by improving access to employment and making work pay.

 (Dublin, Friday 8th July 2016) One Family – Ireland’s organisation for people parenting alone, sharing parenting, and separating – calls on the Government to start the process of lifting 97,000 children out of consistent poverty by supporting parents in one-parent families access employment and develop supports to ensure they can stay in the workforce.  Both the Minister for Social Protection, Leo Varadkar, and the Minister for Children and Youth Affairs, Katherine Zappone, have promised to address the serious issue of child poverty which disproportionally affects children living in one-parent families. One Family holds the Ministers to this commitment and asks that Budget 2017 is used to urgently address child poverty and invest in services and targeted income supports.

Valerie Maher, One Family Policy and Programmes Manager, states: “Lone parents want to work and to access education so that they can create positive outcomes for their children, yet Government consistently implies that they need to be compelled to do so. One Family’s Pre-Budget Submission focuses on the need to invest in services such as childcare, education and housing as well as the need to target income supports for Ireland’s poorest children. This is how Budget 2017 can help the poorest children in Ireland.”

Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO, adds: “The relevant Government departments must ensure that work pays, particularly for families moving off social welfare. Time spent on the Jobseeker’s Transition payment could really support parents to access education, training and work experience if the right supports were put in place. We need the income disregard for Jobseeker Transition and the One-Parent Family Payment recipients to be reinstated to 2011 levels of €146.50 so work pays.  Also lone parents should be able to participate in Community Employment schemes through an additional payment of €50 per week.”

Karen continues “Budget 2017 must demonstrate a firm commitment from the Government in working towards resourcing one-parent families rather than penalising them, and to work towards ending the shameful spectre of child poverty in Ireland.”

One Family’s Pre-Budget Submission 2017 can be downloaded here

Ends

NOTES FOR EDITORS

  • 1 in 8 people in Ireland live in a one-parent family (Census 2011)
  • 1 in 4 families with children in Ireland is a one-parent family (Census 2011)
  • Over half a million people live in one-parent families in Ireland (Census 2011)
  • 13.5%of one-parent families are headed by a father (Census 2011)
  • Almost 1 in 5 children (18.3%) live in a one-parent family (Census 2011)
  • There are over 215,000 one-parent families in Ireland today – 25.8%of all families with children (Census 2011)

One Family Pre-Budget Submission

About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 as Cherish and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families and people sharing parenting, or separating. It offers support, information and services to all members of one-parent families, to those sharing parenting, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to professionals working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 66 22 12, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes Family Day and presents the Family Day Festival every Summer, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview

Valerie Maher, Policy & Programmes Manager, One Family

Karen Kiernan, CEO, One Family

For further information/scheduling please contact:

Shirley Chance, Director of Communications | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 414 8511

Jane Farrell, Communications & Marketing Officer | t: 01 662 9096

 

Parenting | How to be more socially engaged

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business-meeting-1238188_1280It’s not always easy for parents, especially those parenting alone or with little expendable income, to establish or maintain a reasonable level of social engagement. Parent who are socially engaged generally have higher levels of self esteem. Maintaining your self esteem can help you to feel more comfortable in social situations and enable you to support this development in your children.

Here are ’10 ways to’ to be more socially engaged.

  1. Visit the play park regularly and talk to other parents.
  2. Make play dates with your friends and their children.
  3. Make play dates with friends of your children and their parents.
  4. Join a club, hobby group or walking group.
  5. Join a playgroup.
  6. Volunteer in your community or local school.
  7. Join professional groups: for example, One Family has social group outings all summer for lone parents and their children. Call 01 662 9212 or follow our Facebook page for details of the next outing.
  8. Engage in community activities and events: free events regularly take place in most communities.
  9. Spend time with family when possible.
  10. Use social media, wisely, to keep connected. As well as your own social media profiles, there are many online communities established for parents, and you might also like to connect with One Family on Facebook and Twitter.

This ’10 Ways to’ article is by One Family’s Director of Children & Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, as part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips. You can read the full series here.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or on 01 662 9212.

Press Release | Ireland’s First National Shared Parenting Survey Launched Today

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Press Release

Ireland’s First National Shared Parenting Survey Launched Today

One Family will finally capture the reality for thousands of parents and children in Ireland who are not recognised

(Dublin, Monday 4th July 2016) Today One Family – Ireland’s organisation for people parenting alone, sharing parenting, and separating – launches the first National Survey on Shared Parenting in Ireland. Founded as Cherish in 1972, One Family has almost 45 years experience of working with and representing one-parent families. Our experience shows that many lone parents share parenting to some extent with their child’s other parent, even though they live separately and are not in a relationship with each other. However, this reality for many thousands of children and parents in Ireland is not recognised or understood meaning that services, polices and laws which could support them are severely lacking.

This initiative aims to capture data on not only the amount of lone parents who share parenting, but the commitments agreed – be they financial, on joint decision making, or on residential or contact time; and how Ireland’s services and polices work or do not work for their family form. The data gathered will finally give a voice to these parents and their children, which can inform appropriate policies and services in the future.

Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO, comments: “Why is this survey needed? Based on the experiences of people who access our services, we believe over 50% and up to 80% of lone parents in Ireland may share parenting, yet the supports they need simply do not exist.  Relationship separation is often a time of great hurt and anger, meaning that establishing a shared parenting agreement which keeps children at the centre of parenting can be immensely challenging. This lack of recognition, including supports around mediation, establishing a shared parenting plan, and Family Law Courts, for example, can pile on additional stress.”

Also today One Family has launched its Annual Review 2015, and a new Strategy for 2016-2018. Calls to its helpline askonefamily increased by another 20% in 2015. The increase was driven largely by governmental reform of the One-Parent Family Payment, with especially negative impacts on parents working part-time who experienced a large income reduction on already tight budgets. Calls related to issues around shared parenting also increased.

Karen continues: “Strategy 2016-2018 outlines One Family’s ongoing commitment to cherish all children and all families. We continue to work towards a society that does not discriminate based on family type, and to call for the broadening of the Constitutional definition of the family to ensure respect and recognition of all the different family types children live in. Attitudinal change in society and at policy level is urgently required if we are to afford equality to all families, and to reduce child poverty rates by 2020 in line with Government commitments. Evidence shows that it is not family form that most impacts on a child’s well-being and future outcomes, but challenges like poverty, and access to education. Capturing information and recognising the realities for many thousands of shared parenting families in Ireland, which our National Survey is designed to achieve, is essential so that proper supports can be put in place to ensure these better outcomes.”

The National Survey on Shared Parenting is anonymous and should take approximately ten minutes to complete. It is available online on this link.

Dani, aged 10, talks about One Family’s Annual Review and the current situation for one-parent families in Ireland in a short video available to view here, which includes Karen Kiernan discussing Strategy 2016-2018 and what is needed to create more positive futures for one-parent families.

Notes for Editors

  • 1 in 8 people in Ireland live in a one-parent family (Census 2011)
  • 1 in 4 families with children in Ireland is a one-parent family (Census 2011)
  • Over half a million people live in one-parent families in Ireland (Census 2011)
  • 13.5% of one-parent families are headed by a father (Census 2011)
  • Almost 1 in 5 children (18.3%) live in a one-parent family (Census 2011)
  • There are over 215,000 one-parent families in Ireland today – 25.8% of all families with children (Census 2011)
  • Family Relationships and Family Well-Being: A Study of the Families of Nine Year-Olds in Ireland by Tony Fahey, Patricia Keilthy and Ela Polek (2012): Shared Parenting in Lone Parent and Step Families (pg. 24) contains information on shared parenting in Ireland and can be can be read here.

About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 as Cherish and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families and people sharing parenting, or separating, offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those sharing parenting, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to professionals working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 66 22 12, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes Family Day and presents the Family Day Festival every May, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview

Karen Kiernan, CEO | t: 01 662 9212 or 086 850 9191

 

Parenting | Establishing family rituals

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rope-1469244_1920A family ritual, or tradition, is a practice within a family that has special meaning to family members. Family rituals provide a sense of belonging and continuity. They bring families closer together. It is often hard in our day and age to escape the pressures and daily stresses that make up our lives but having rituals creates an opportunity for children to feel secure. Family routines and rituals not only improve family relationships, they also improve health and emotional well being, particularly for children.

As part of of our ‘10 Ways to‘ weekly series of parenting tips, here are some ideas to help you develop family rituals and traditions for your family.

  1. Think simple, not extravagant. An example of a simple and easy ritual is to eat together at least once every week.
  2. Set aside time each week. Create a time where you and your children can be together to play.
  3. Create your own special activity. For weekends, birthdays or celebrations, decide with the family how you really enjoy celebrating these occasions and go with that.
  4. Include your children in the planning.
  5. Create rituals that are meaningful to the whole family.
  6. Be different. Don’t be afraid to start a new or different kind of family tradition.
  7. Celebrate success. Acknowledge achievement within the family.
  8. Don’t be a perfectionist. There’s no need to stress if it does not work out exactly the way you envisaged and planned.  Things go wrong sometimes. A sense of bonding between the members involved is still created.
  9. Create a Family Event Jar. A family jar or box is a decorated jar used to save for the next big adventure. Decorate it with pictures and words of places you want to visit or have visited, or activities you enjoy. The jar becomes a daily visual reminder for all family members of something to look forward to.
  10. Rituals and traditions are something for all family member to enjoy together. Don’t fight your natural inclinations. You probably won’t stick with a tradition that isn’t working for all members of the family.

This ’10 Ways to’ article is by One Family’s Director of Children & Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, as part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips. You can read the full series here.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or on 01 662 9212.

 

Parenting | Your newly confident five-year-old

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people-70979_1280It is amazing to look back after your child’s first year in school and see how they have grown in confidence. However, along with this new found confidence comes a good dose of cheekiness. They have truly found their voice and will no longer conform. Now, when you ask them to tidy their room you may get a very clear, “No, I am busy!”. When you ask them not to strangle their younger sibling they reply, “They hit me first!”.

You might be relieved that they are getting school holidays, presuming that it is the influence of bold children in school that has turned them into somewhat of a naughty terror. However, it may not be fair to blame the influence of other children; your five-year-old has had ten months of daily mingling with the world and they have realised that they can do things for themselves. Every day they have been encouraged to sort things out for themselves in the classroom and in the yard. They have watched and they have learned. They have discovered they can survive without their parents with them all the time. They are strong, they have skills and, for sure, have their voices that we hear loud and clear at home.

Children should have the safety of home to say no, to test the boundaries and to stand up for themselves. As parents our role is to help them understand the rules of play, of negotiation and respect for others, including their parents.

Here are some tips to help you get started over the summer months:

  1. Welcome your child’s new found confidence. Tell them how great it is to hear them voice their thoughts.
  2. Talk with them about how they can say what they are thinking in a respectful way.
  3. Help them to figure out ways of dealing with anger that doesn’t inflict hurt on others.
  4. Ask them what rules they think should be in place in the house. Get them to help you write down some house rules that all the family can stick to.
  5. Talk with them about how confidence is a good thing, how we all need to say no at times and how this has created positive change in the world. Maybe you can think of some local heroes or ones from fiction or history to help children see how this is a talent they are developing and one they should use wisely.
  6. Talk with children about negotiation. We don’t always want to do what we are asked to do, and neither do they, so encourage them to negotiate with you to reach agreements.
  7. Help your child to understand that families and community, just like in the classroom, need co-operation. If we can all agree to do something, even if we don’t particularly like doing it, then we can move onto something more enjoyable.
  8. Stay calm when your child shouts demands at you. If you get into a shouting match with them they will win because you will feel guilty later. Tell them, in a calm voice, that you need to move away until they are ready to talk. Acknowledge that they are angry or upset, or whatever emotion it is you detect. Never ignore their emotions. When they calm down, thank them for doing that and start over. No sulking!
  9. Every time your child uses their talents, tell them how great it is to be developing these skills. Our job is to sand off the rough edges of these skills. Support and encourage them. You want strong and vibrant children.
  10. Look after yourself. Give yourself some break time so that you will have the patience to parent. This way you can support your child to gain control of all these skills and talents that are emerging.

This ’10 Ways to’ article is by One Family’s Director of Children & Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, as part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips. You can read the full series here.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or on 01 662 9212.

Training | Free Continuing Professional Development Opportunity – Last Remaining Places

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Positive Parenting for Changing Families CoverOne Family is offering a unique opportunity to avail of free professional development training which normally costs €400.

One Family has almost 45 years experience working with one-parent families, people sharing parenting, and separating. From 22-24 June, we will facilitate our three-day Positive Parenting for Changing Families programme in Dublin and, as the HSE Dublin South Central has awarded lottery funding to us, we are pleased to be able to offer this opportunity to avail of a renowned professional development programme at no cost to sector professionals working with parents, children and families.

Positive Parenting for Changing Families is an evidence-informed programme developed through funding from the HSE that was positively externally evaluated in 2014 through the Family Support Agency. It specifically supports people parenting alone, sharing parenting, and separating families but is suitable for use with other family units. It is relevant for one to one work as well as with groups of parents, and will be of particular interest to Service Managers.

Please click here to read more about Positive Parenting for Changing Families.

Today we are offering three places on this training which have become available owing to a last minute cancellation. It will be held on 22-24 June from 9.30am-4pm daily at O’Brien Centre for Science, UCD, Dublin 4. Please contact Michelle on 01 662 9212 or by email for information and to register today. Don’t miss out!