Christmas Candles

10 Ways to Achieve Successful Shared Parenting Over Christmas

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Christmas Candles 150x150Christmas doesn’t have to be a difficult time for parents who do not live together and share parenting of their child. There are, of course, things that will need to be worked out. What is most important is to do this well in advance, agreeing to solutions and a plan. Agree your plan now in November, to help ensure a happy, fun-filled Christmas for all members of the family, centered around your child. Read on for this week’s parenting tips which explore how parents can achieve successful shared parenting over the Christmas season.

  1. Start thinking it through and planning now.
  2. Plan with your child. Talk with your child about Christmas and explore with them that it lasts for more than one day.
  3. Tell them that both you and their other parent love them and enjoy time with them at Christmas. Ask your child how they would like Christmas to look. Talk with them about the options available.
  4. Try to hear your child in this. Most parents prefer to have their child with them on Christmas Day, and in many separated families it is not possible. See Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and St Stephen’s Day all as Christmas. You will have to agree if each year one of you has the children with them on the 25th and the other parent has them on the 24th or 26th.
  5. Talk with your child’s other parent. Ask them what they hope Christmas will look like and then start to negotiate on contact. Use assertive communication skills. Try not to jump in with a no straight away to what they hope for. Think of your child’s needs and how best you can both meet them. Don’t have these discussions in front of your child.
  6. Children love Christmas – if they don’t have parents arguing over them. All the gifts in the world won’t help if your child is distressed or worried. Talk and plan in advance and avoid conflict. Give each other space to think about what the other parent wants, then talk again about your shared plans.
  7. Explain to your child what will happen and that you and the other parent will try your best to ensure they have the Christmas they hope for. Make sure your child has the information they need in advance.
  8. Children are not going to object to two Christmases. Santa can leave gifts in both homes. Santa knows, of course, that some children have two homes. Families comes in all kinds of shapes and sizes.
  9. Talk about buying the gifts early on. Both parents usually want to be involved in this. Can each of you buy your own gifts from your child’s list and agree to give them on the one day or over two days? Often children get too much on the 25th – maybe they would appreciate receiving the gifts more spread out. Children need to share the excitement with both parents.
  10. If you need help to communicate with each other, seek professional support from services such as One Family’s Mediated Parenting Plans or Parent Mentoring services so you can make plans for a Christmas that everyone can look forward to.

Next you might like to read 10 Ways to Successful Shared Parenting.

This article is part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips, and is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly. Coming soon: 10 Ways to Explain an Absent Parent and 10 Ways to Nurture Your Role as a Stepparent.

LIVE Facebook Q&A with Geraldine on shared parenting over Christmas on Monday 10 November from 11am-12pm on One Family’s Facebook page. Join in and post your questions.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and advice on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.

One Family Logo

Planned Income Disregard Cuts Will Not Be Implemented

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Press Release

Small Step to Make Work Pay:

One-Parent Family Payment and Income Disregard

www.onefamily.ie

(Dublin, Wednesday 5 November 2014) One Family – Ireland’s organisation for people parenting alone and sharing parenting – welcomes Tánaiste Joan Burton’s announcement that she will retain the level of the income disregard at €90 for those parents in work and in receipt of the One-Parent Family Payment (OFP), responding positively to One Family’s vociferous calls for its retention following a series of cuts impacting lone parents on social welfare in Budget 2012.

Stuart Duffin, One Family Director of Policy & Programmes, states: “This is a modest investment in poor working parents, helping to make work pay and helping to reduce child poverty. This responsive action by the Tánaiste recognises that many families require two salaries to meet expensive childcare and accommodation costs, something which a family on one income finds extremely difficult to do.”

He continues, “This small step can have a big impact as it will allow parents to stay in part-time work thus keeping their connection with the labour market and making it more likely that s/he will be able to progress to full-time employment when family life permits. We have seen parents have to leave part-time work since the income disregard was cut as work just didn’t pay for them anymore. Keeping the income disregard at this modest level will assist government policy of activating OFP recipients into the labour market.”

Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO explains, “Prior to Budget 2012, 60% of those on the OFP were in work and today that has halved to around 33%. This is a reality which One Family does not want to see perpetuated. To maintain the income disregard at the €90 level will cost €8.3m in 2015 and approximately €15m in 2016 which is a small sum given what has been cut from individual one-parent families’ incomes over the past few years.

She continues, “Income disregards offer an immediate incentive and instant return for parents. However, this is just the first step in economic and social policy working together. More needs to be done to deliver high quality employment, affordable part-time education and appropriate training for those parenting alone so they can move out of consistent poverty. We look forward to working with the Department and the Tánaiste to ensure that the 39,000 parents coming off the OFP in July 2015 have access to quality information, advice, supports and opportunities tailored to their needs so that government policy will be a success instead of a failure.”

Note on Income Disregard

Parents can work and receive the One-Parent Family Payment. The amount of this payment depends on their weekly means. Currently the first €90 of parents gross weekly earnings is not taken into account (or disregarded). This means that parents can earn up to €90 per week and qualify for the full One-Parent Family Payment. Half the remainder of a parent’s gross earnings up to €425 per week is assessed as means. If parents  earn between €90 and €425 per week they may qualify for a reduced payment. SW 19 Social Welfare Rates of Payment booklet shows the amount of OPF payable with a parent’s means. Social insurance contributions, superannuation/PRSA contributions and trade union subscriptions are not taken into account in the assessment of earnings. However, gross earnings must be below €425 before any deductions are allowed.

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About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 as Cherish and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those sharing parenting, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to professionals working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 62 22 12, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes Family Day and presents the Family Day Festival every May, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview

Stuart Duffin, Director of Policy and Programmes | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 0622023

Karen Kiernan, CEO | t: 01 662 9212 or 086 850 9191

 

 

 

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Positive Parenting for Changing Families Programme for Professionals Launches

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Positive Parenting for Changing Families Cover

Our Professional Development service this month launched Positive Parenting for Changing Families.

This three-day One Family accredited training prepares professionals to deliver the programme to groups or in one-to-one work with families. The beautiful manual contains 15 guided sessions and is a major resource that will be used again and again. Focussing on parenting during family change brought about through separation, divorce, new family form, unemployment and other circumstances, this is a strengths-based programme which recognises the challenges of parenting in diverse families today and enables parents to build strong relationships and positive family identities.

One Family has provided specialist family support services to diverse families since 1972 and understands the needs of professionals working with one-parent families, those experiencing separation and families in transition. This programme enables professionals to build on their skills, knowledge and approach.

The first Positive Parenting for Changing Families programme takes place in Dublin 2 from 1-3 December and is booking now. Our acclaimed Family Communications programme for professionals is also booking now for Dublin, Galway, Tullamore and Meath.

For more details on these expert programmes, click here or call One Family’s Director of Professional Development, Paula Lonergan, on 01 662 9212 to discuss your professional development needs or those of your organisation.

Water Charges | What You Told Us

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Every month One Family invites a response to our short, 3 question survey. Our survey for September 2014 was in relation to the proposed water charges due to commence, at the time of writing, in January 2015. The aim of the survey was to find out how those parenting alone or sharing parenting feel about the charges and how they have been implemented to date.

A selection of survey responses include:

“I often skip dinner to ensure my son will have a dinner the next day. I am sick of counting slices of bread or watching in envy when someone gets to buy a newspaper. No idea where I am meant to find the money for another bill.”

“I live in an apartment and I still do not know how much I’ll have to pay. I can’t even budget or anticipate. My daughter spends 2 nights with her dad so don’t know if this will be taken into account or not. What if he was first with sending the pack to Irish Water and he claimed the allowance first?”

“I am a lone parent to 5 year old twin boys, stuck on rent allowance. I have a disability and I’ve recently had my heating cut off because I couldn’t afford the bill and now they want €220 to switch it back on which I can’t afford . Water charges will cripple this household altogether.”

“I am a single father with two young kids living with me nearly 50% of the time. I pay maintenance on top of this. I support them fully for 50% of the time and get no child benefit. The government have already taken a tax credit from me. This is an extra insult to single fathers like me. It is almost as if Fine Gael is deliberately making it too financially difficult for single fathers to co-parent.”

“I will have to reconsider working. I am a lone parent, I earn €450 per week. €110 a week rent, €120 a week childcare, other bills including electricity, broadband, mobile, heating, car expenses etc total €150. I have nothing left over and the water charges are the last straw for me. My job, which I love, may need to take a back seat.”

You can read the full Water Charges survey results here. Take this month’s survey on Reaction to Budget 2015 here, or view all of our monthly survey results.

 

 

 

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Vote for One Family in the Better Together Video Competition

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One Family has entered the Better Together video competition. With your help, we could win €1,000 towards our work with and for one-parent families, people sharing parenting and families in transition. Our video was filmed at our annual Family Day Festival this year. We founded and promote Family Day, inspired by UN International Day of Families, to raise awareness of family diversity in Ireland today and to celebrate all families. We believe that society is better when all its members feel valued and included.

It’s easy for you to help and takes just two minutes. Simply watch and vote for our video on this link. If we receive enough votes, One Family’s video will be among 70 shortlisted for assessment by a panel of judges.

Please vote every day until 21 November.

Better Together video still

If you wish, you can also make a donation towards our work on the same link.

Thank you for your support. We are also grateful to talented videographer Gerard O’Donnell.

 

 

 

10 Ways to Make Halloween Fun and Safe

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Halloween children 150x150Halloween, having its roots in the Gaelic Samhain festival, is traditionally a wonderful time for family fun and games in Ireland and in other parts of the world! As parents, we need to take precautions to ensure the safety of our children. If you are driving anywhere, remember to slow down and watch out for excited little trick-or-treaters. Following some guidelines for safety won’t take away from the fun. As part of our 10 Ways to weekly series of parenting tips, here are 10 Ways to Make Halloween Fun and Safe.

  1. If you are celebrating Halloween with your child, be organised. Talk with them in advance about what character they want to be. Agree a budget for costumes or whether you are making it at home – which can be great fun and cost effective. Use flame-resistant materials and if you plan to go out to trick-or-treat in the evening, you might want to attach reflective strips to dark coloured costumes. You could also have fun making some decorations together.
  2. Be conscious that young children may be anxious or scared at Halloween, as may children with special needs. It’s dark, there are lots of scary figures about. Children may need time with this and some interaction with less scary characters.
  3. Children love spending quality time with their parents. Why not start a tradition for your own Halloween Family Day?
  4. Experiment with face paints until you get it right. Let children practice on you, they’ll really enjoy that. You might like to test a small area of your child’s skin for allergic reaction in advance, follow the instructions on the packet.
  5. Bake together and agree on treats for the day – children enjoy supervised cooking. Making things together will support good quality relationships. Safefood has lots of recipes for Halloween treats such as these ghoulishly delicious Ghostly Milk Shakes.
  6. Encourage children to learn ‘tricks’ such as singing a song or reciting a poem. People like to see children make an effort in order to get the treat. In fact, performing a song or poem on the doorstep was expected in most parts of Ireland until recently. Practice songs at home in the days coming up to Halloween – this will be good family fun. Children feel very proud of themselves when they actually do it then, it’s a great self-esteem boost.
  7. Be vigilant and aware of safety at all times. All children up to at least 14 should have adults with them when trick-or-treating. Agree a route in advance and what doors they are allowed to knock on.
  8. Never allow children under 14 years old out on their own. Children should also never be allowed into the homes of strangers. Parents should always be very close by watching the engagement and intervening when necessary.
  9. On the day, make it fun for all members of the family to be involved. Play dress up that day. You can dress up too. Play some games at home such as biting the apple from a string or finding coins in green gunk (wall paper paste mixed with green food colouring makes excellent, low-cost goo).
  10. Consider having a party in your own home for your children and some friends. Trick or treating can start about 4pm and a little party with games from 6-8pm. This can be such a fun celebration for all the family and your friends.

Have fun this Halloween!

This article is part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips, and is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly. Coming soon: 10 Ways to Manage Homework and 10 Ways to Achieve Successful Shared Parenting over Christmas.

LIVE Facebook Q&A with Geraldine on parenting topics every Monday (apart from Bank Holidays) from 11am-12pm on One Family’s Facebook page.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and advice on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.

 

Positive Parenting for Changing Families | The Family Law System

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During National Parents Week 2014 we’re asking, “What’s the important issue for you around positive parenting for changing families?” Watch this short video where Donagh McGowan, Solicitor and incoming Chair of the Law Society Family Law Committee and member of the Family Law Court Development Committee, talks about his important issue: how to address the failings of the current family law system.

Donagh was a speaker at our Positive Parenting for Changing Families Seminar on Tuesday 21 October in Dublin Castle. Other speakers included: Stella Owens, Centre for Effective Services, Chair of Special Interest Group on Supporting Parents; Helen Deely, Head of HSE Crisis Pregnancy Programme; and Niall Egan, Jobseekers and One Parent Family Policy Section, Department of Social Protection. The panel was chaired by Dr Anne-Marie McGauran, NESC, and One Family Board member.

 

Autumn Leaves

In her own words, Tina’s story

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It is National Parents Week, a time to celebrate all the wonderful parents out there who are raising happy, healthy children in all kinds of circumstances and family structures. The routes to lone parenthood are many and varied, and everyone has their own story.

Recently Tina wrote to us after the birth of her little boy. His father has opted not to be a part of his son’s life. This is Tina’s story.

My name is Tina and I’m from Offaly. I’ve recently become a single parent and when I stumbled across this site I shed a few tears of happiness to see that I’m not alone.

My story started back in November 2013 when I started dating someone I’ve known for a while and thought was genuinely decent. After a few months together I started to get the inkling that I could be wrong and so stopped seeing him. When I split with him I came off the pill as I noticed I had started to gain a few pounds and wanted to trim down a bit but after two months with my tummy only getting bigger I decided to do a pregnancy test to rule out that reason. When the test displayed a positive result I was fit to collapse with the shock! I had been taking a contraceptive pill yet a little life was growing inside me.

I confirmed the result the next day with the doctor and felt the next step was to inform the father. I had already realised we weren’t a good match but I thought there was no reason why we couldn’t get along for the child’s sake. Then I met with him.

He spent hours trying to convince me to abort on the grounds that he had gotten back with his ex who he loved very much, that his mother would disown him for not being in a committed relationship with the mother of his child, and that he already has a dog who he considers his child.

When he realised I wasn’t going to do what he wanted and have an abortion, he then decided to hammer home how important it was never to reveal his identity and how this included my not pursuing him for maintenance. The last I heard of him he tried to get me to meet him to sign something that’d release him from paying maintenance.

I was now starting into my third trimester and also in the middle of trying to renovate my very dilapidated home on a very small budget. I was living in a house that had no doors, no kitchen, bare concrete floors, hardly any furniture and constant problems with pests. I had my aging father living with me who needs caring for as well. So I cried my tears and got over the shock and got on with it.

I dedicated the last few months to getting parts of the house ready and ensuring a healthy lifestyle. Two weeks ago I gave birth to a healthy little boy who is currently thriving. He has filled my heart with love and made all the pain and hard graft seem worth it. I have the support of a wonderful family. It is my mission in life to do whatever it takes to make sure that my little boy is loved and never feels an ounce of rejection as a result of what his father did.

When I see the blatant disregard for single parent families in this country it makes me sad and angry at the same time. My son doesn’t deserve to be a statistic or the subject of a study into the harsh implications of single parent life on a child’s wellbeing. When I came across this site, I was delighted to see that there’s someone fighting our corner.

I would like an Ireland where my son won’t have to be ashamed of how many parents he has. He has one sitting here writing this who would do anything in the world to protect him. I’ve done all I could and continue to do so for his happiness.

* The name and location of the author have been changed. Everything else remains her story in her own words, as told to One Family.

 

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Our New Specialist Services for Separating Families Announced in National Parents Week

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Press Release

Separating Families in Dire Need of Supports

New Specialist Services Launched by One Family to Meet Demand

www.onefamily.ie

(Dublin, Monday 20 October 2014) One Family – Ireland’s organisation for people parenting alone and sharing parenting – launches its Positive Parenting for Changing Families programme at a Seminar in Dublin Castle tomorrow, Tuesday 21 October, in celebration of National Parents Week which runs from 20 to 26 October.

Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO, comments: “We are pleased to launch our new Positive Parenting for Changing Families programme. Carefully researched and developed over several years, this parenting programme is expertly designed to meet the needs of people parenting alone, sharing parenting, and those going through the process of separation. We know from our national helpline and other services of the struggles that separated and other one-parent families face. Current structures do not always support them well and laws as well as services need to be updated and expert.”

“For over 40 years One Family has supported the diversity of one-parent families and we understand their needs, so we are also launching a new mediation service focussed on developing parenting plans following separation as well as individual parent mentoring services,” Ms Kiernan continues. “It is imperative to ensure that the real supports these families want to access are available as they separate, share parenting and introduce step-parents, to help ensure the best outcomes possible for children.”

Donagh McGowan, Solicitor and incoming Chair of the Law Society Family Law Committee and member of the Family Law Court Development Committee, explains: “As a family law practitioner, I have seen firsthand how family support services such as counselling, mediation and parenting programmes can benefit both the Family Law Courts and the parents themselves as they work through the difficult process of separation. Whilst the draft Children and Family Relationships Bill provides for expanded ancillary support services to courts – which is to be welcomed – what Ireland really needs is a comprehensive range of State funded ancillary services to assist families in preventing or reducing conflict arising from relationship breakdown and to support the Courts where such conflict requires judicial intervention.”

Mr McGowan will present on this topic at the Seminar on Tuesday. Other speakers include: Ms Stella Owens, Centre for Effective Services, Chair of Special Interest Group on Supporting Parents; Ms Helen Deely, Head of HSE Crisis Pregnancy Programme; and Mr Niall Egan, Jobseekers and One Parent Family Policy Section, Department of Social Protection. The panel will be chaired by Dr Anne-Marie McGauran, NESC, and One Family Board member.

Since 1972, One Family – formerly called Cherish – has been at the forefront of responding to the real needs of one-parent families and separating families, developing supports which focus on keeping children at the centre of parenting that are both practical and empowering for the families who avail of them. Full details are available on www.onefamily.ie.

The new services being launched on Tuesday by One Family are:

  • Positive Parenting for Changing Families programme | A practical and positive course for parents of 2-12 year olds to build on existing skills in order to manage behaviours and development well.
  • Mediated Parenting Plans | Supporting both parents during and after the process of separation to develop their own comprehensive and practical parenting plan around how they will successfully share parenting into the future.
  • Parent Mentoring | Individual sessions which focus on helping parents to understand their own and their child’s behaviour, giving them the tools they need as a parent.

One Family will also announce the expansion of its parenting programmes for parents into new regions including the North-West, and new online parenting programmes which commence in January 2015. These additional services will enhance and complement One Family’s existing suite of supports for today’s families which include workshops, welfare to work programmes, counselling including crisis pregnancy counselling, and the askonefamily lo-call helpline on 1890 66 22 12.

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About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 as Cherish and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those sharing parenting, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to professionals working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 62 22 12, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes Family Day and presents the Family Day Festival every May, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview

Karen Kiernan, CEO | t: 01 662 9212 or 086 850 9191

Donagh McGowan, Solicitor | via Karen Kiernan on 086 850 9191

Further Information/Scheduling

Shirley Chance, Director of Communications | t: 01 664 0124 / e: schance@onefamily.ie

 

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10 Ways to Encourage Your Toddler to Eat

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Food varietyParents often worry that their toddlers aren’t getting enough nutrition, and ensuring that they do is an important job. Toddlers are known for going through a ‘fussy’ or ‘picky’ eater stage as part of their developmental process.  This week in our parenting tips series, 10 ways becomes 15 ways as we explore how parents can take steps to make sure mealtimes aren’t a battleground, our toddlers get the nutrition they need, and how to encourage them to eat.

  1. Your role as the parent is to provide the food, not force children to eat it.
  2. Sometimes the more attention we give to not eating, the more children do not eat. It is giving a lot of energy and attention to a negative behaviour.
  3. Provide children with choice and eat with them. Toddlers should be included in family meals. It’s not good practice to feed children separately. Eating as a family is a social occasion and extremely important in family dynamics, involve babies from six months upwards.
  4. Children will eat one day and not the next. Love beans today and hate them tomorrow. Try offering food buffet style. Lay it on the table and encourage children to choose what they want to eat. There is less waste and untouched food can be used at another meal time.
  5. Children will not allow themselves to starve. Once good, healthy options are available, they will choose to eat. Stop nagging them.
  6. Children enjoy different tastes and textures, offer choice again in this area.
  7. Allow children to be involved in food shopping and meal preparation. Usually they are excited to eat what they have prepared.
  8. With young toddlers, offer the same food on many occasions as their taste buds are developing. Often they’ll change their mind about foods as they grow – or even just if the mood suits them.
  9. Children get bored with foods, just as adults do. Change menus around and plan the weekly shopping to accommodate this.
  10. Set a time limit for sitting and eating. Don’t force children to sit for long periods of time, trying to make them eat. When you have eaten, chat about your day and share some stories, then say, “Let’s tidy up, it seems you are not hungry just now.”
  11. Always allow young children eat later. Don’t deprive them of food until the next meal as punishment. They are too young for such actions. Children may be grazers. Allow them healthy snacks, be creative in food preparation and offer at least five meals per day including nutritious drinks all day.
  12. Children know when they are hungry; they are born with this instinct. By controlling too much what and when they eat we take this away from them. Follow their lead in this. You will find they have hungry periods in the day, and hungrier days than others.
  13. Do a weekly food pyramid. Mark in daily what your child eats. You may find that over the week they have eaten pretty well.
  14. Praise children for what they did eat, and try not to focus on what they haven’t eaten. Unless your child is continuously sick and not gaining weight or growing and developing, s/he is most likely having enough food.
  15. If you are concerned that they are not eating, visit your community nurse or GP.

Next you might like to read 10 Ways to Encourage Healthier Eating.

This article is part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips, and is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly. Coming soon: 10 Ways to Make the Most of Halloween and 10 Ways to Manage Homework.

LIVE Facebook Q&A with Geraldine on this topic on Monday 13 October from 11am-12pm on One Family’s Facebook page.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and advice on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.