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Parenting | 10 Ways to Support A Young Person During Exams

8 May 2015/in Parenting /by Comms

Exam time … Not a phrase that most parents relish! In any family, exam time can add extra stress and pressure to each member of the family. It is not only the young person taking the exam that is impacted so it is important to keep some thoughts in mind which may support both ourselves as parents and our children during this time. Here are our suggestions to help you and your young student experience a less stressful exam time:

Do you remember what it was like when you were taking exams yourself? Most of us probably needed some space and didn’t want to get asked too many questions after each exam. With this in mind, try to provide the calm environment your young person needs to study and relax in.
Offering this space to one child may have impacts on other children in the family, especially if they are younger. Try to spend time outside with younger children and organise some play dates for them if you can. You’ll have the school summer holidays to organise more time together as a family.
Try to stay calm. Sometimes it can feel almost like we’re the ones taking the exam! We worry constantly and watch every move our children make; checking what they eat, if they’re sleeping enough, if they’re watching too much TV, if they have revised and studied enough. It is important that we support our children to plan and organise their own time. They can’t study all of the time, relaxation is also important in achieving results.
If you feel concern that your young person has no interest in studying, remember that your relationship with your child is much more important than any exam result. We want our children to believe in themselves and to trust that they can do well. Help them to understand that exam results are not a reflection of who they are, but that they are just the way of our world, so exams are something that we need to do as well as we can. Let them know that you are proud of them no matter what the outcome. Trust in your child’s ability, they will find their own way in the world and they might not find their future path through academics.
Try to have established a habit of sharing regular quality time with your child. It can be more difficult to do as they become teenagers and young adults, but make a date with them weekly if you can. Take time out to plan things together. To talk about life after the exams. To hear their fears and anxieties. Help them to feel valued and supported within your family. Remind them that there is a path for them. Exams may or may not be a part of it.
Young people taking exams are quite likely to be extra moody or sensitive, maybe even rude, and may not show any interest in family pursuits or in their siblings. Try to support other children to understand what they are going through and maintain ground rules of respect within the home. It is okay for your young person to feel overwhelmed and act out these feelings, but they have to respect that they cannot make others’ lives a misery during exam time as it can be a lengthy few weeks. You know your child best, and some young people can experience particular stress around exams, so if their behaviour changes to an extent or there is anything that causes you particular concern, talk with them and seek professional supports.
As parents, we need to look after ourselves during our children’s exams too. If you are feeling anxious about this time yourself, remember that exams are not just what life is about. They are, of course, very important pathways towards achievement in our society but if your child is not keen on them, try to remember that we have our lives and they have theirs. We always simply want what is best for them but we cannot force them to study, and may alienate them if we push too hard. Take time out for you during exam time. Self care – ‘parenting the self‘ – is the key to positive parenting, especially in challenging times.
For parents who are sharing parenting, this may be a time to talk about establishing more flexible parenting patterns for a short while. It may not be ideal for the young person to move between homes during these weeks. Maybe one home is quieter than the other; maybe one parent has more time at home than the other. Naturally you will both want what is right for your child and work to put aside any difficulties that may exist or arise sharing parenting at this time.
Celebrate with your child before the exams start. Tell them how proud you are of their achievements to date. Remind them of all they have achieved and what a wonderful person they are. Building your child’s confidence levels now can go a long way towards successful outcomes in the future.
It is important that we trust our children. Sometimes we have to step back to allow them to take the lead. If they are taking the early exams such as Junior Cert, this is all new to them – it’s the first big exam they have ever sat. Even if they are in first year, taking end of term exams is a big deal. Trust that they will be fine. If they don’t make the effort, they will know that they didn’t and usually learn from this. The key here is to work with them around their confidence and their sense of how valued they feel in this world. When our children believe in themselves and know that we believe in them, they will succeed, whatever path they choose.

This ’10 Ways to’ article is by One Family’s Director of Children & Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, as part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips. You can read the full series here.

LIVE Facebook Q&A with Geraldine on this topic Monday 11 May from 11am-12pm on NEW One Family Parenting Group. Join in and post your question.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.

Policy | Why Reform of the One Parent Family Payment is Not Working and Our Solutions

5 May 2015/in Policy /by Comms

Today we have sent the document below to all Ministers, TDs and Senators to clearly outline why the current process of One-Parent Family Payment reform is failing and to put forward solutions. This document can be downloaded as a PDF here.

WHY REFORM OF THE ONE-PARENT FAMILY PAYMENT IS NOT WORKING AND ONE FAMILY’S SOLUTIONS

Today there are over 215,000 one-parent families in Ireland – 25.8% of all families with children (Census 2011). Of the 95,000 parents in receipt of the One Parent Family Payment when reform of this payment was first announced in Budget 2012, none have benefitted from the reform and an approximate 10% are worse off financially as a direct result of being activated, all are worse off due to cuts. The calls total to One Family’s askonefamily helpline is approaching an increase of 50% in the past 15 months.

Reform of the One Parent Family Payment (OFP) is being phased in with the stated aim of enabling lone parents to move from social welfare into education and employment. To date almost 15,000 parents have been moved from OFP when their youngest child reached the age of at least 7 years old; with almost another 40,000 parents scheduled to be transitioned to other payments – primarily the newly introduced Job Seeker’s Transitional Allowance (JSTA) or Job Seeker’s Allowance (JSA) – in July 2015. Currently, 65,000 people are in receipt of the One Parent Family Payment.

What are the failures of this reform?

This current system of reform, combined with cuts that were introduced at the same time and the lack of required supports, is failing families. More one-parent families are living in higher levels of poverty. Reform has done little to support lone parents in overcoming systemic barriers, as it has not been appropriately resourced and effectively planned across government. This reform does not address the lived realities and challenges that can be associated with parenting alone.

What is One Family calling for?

What are the solutions?

We are calling for changes in order to address the catastrophic failures that this reform process has created which have resulted in higher levels of poverty, and lower levels of employment and education for one-parent families. The solutions we put forward will make measurable, genuine improvements to the lives of some of the most vulnerable families in Ireland, creating the way for a more productive, inclusive and sustainable workforce and society.

Since 2012, One Family has also promoted our 10 Solutions Campaign; a holistic, low to no cost model of progressive reform that would make government policies more successful and life better for one-parent families. Below we expand on some of the negative impacts of the current reform process and summative solutions.

FAILURES AND SOLUTIONS

Press Release | Stop Catastrophic Cut of One-Parent Family Payment Now

4 May 2015/in Press Releases /by Comms

Press Release

Stop Catastrophic Cut of One-Parent Family Payment Now

Child and family poverty for one-parent families is increasing under so-called reforms

(Dublin, Monday 4 May 2015) One Family – Ireland’s organisation for people parenting alone, sharing parenting and separating – demands again that Government stop the current reform of the One-Parent Family Payment which is being phased in combined with a series of disastrous cuts and few of the supports required. The reform is failing. This failure means that people who parent alone and their children suffer the highest rates of poverty in Ireland today. Fewer parents are now in the workforce and it is becoming more difficult to access education; exactly the opposite of stated government policy. The reform is currently impacting on 55,000 parents in receipt of the One-Parent Family Payment (OFP) as they are moved to different payments; mainly to the newly introduced Job Seekers Transitional Allowance (JSTA) when their youngest child reaches the age of 7 or to Job Seekers Allowance (JSA).

Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO, responds: “Calls to our askonefamily helpline have increased by almost 50% in the past 15 months. Half of the families in emergency accommodation are one-parent families. We hear from parents who themselves do not eat dinner every day so their children can eat well. Fewer lone parents in receipt of the OFP are working now (36% in 2014 compared to 60% in 2012) and many parents have had to give up their part-time jobs as they no longer meet new eligibility criteria. Work does not pay. This is a failure for one-parent families, and for all of society.”

Karen further responds: “The stated aim of this reform process is to enable OFP recipients to access employment or education and move out of poverty, but this is not happening. The Survey on Income and Living Conditions (SILC) 2013 results show that one-parent family households have the highest deprivation rate at over 63% and the highest consistent poverty rate at 23%. Combined with the cuts which have hit one-parent families since 2011 and without supports such as accessible childcare/out of school care yet in place, the real results of this reform are less lone parents working and more poverty for vulnerable families.”

Stuart Duffin, One Family Director of Policy & Programmes, adds: “A reform process that was meant to lift one-parent families out of poverty is clearly failing. A measure of the success of this process hinges on the engagement of parents with their local social welfare/INTREO offices, which is non-optional and threatens penalties for non-engagement. Yet we consistently hear from parents of the lack of adequate guidance and information available to them, along with some attitudes which they find distressing. Parents are being asked to put their trust in a system that has penalised, judged and targeted them for years; and on top of this, a system which now seems to remove their parenting status when their child reaches 7 years of age. Local office case workers must be named persons with expertise to provide guidance and support, and readily available to parents being moved to JSTA and JSA, if an engagement process is to make a real difference for one-parent families.”

Stuart continues: “Department of Social Protection staff needs to stop thinking of one-parent families as a homogenous group. Parents with degrees have reported being advised to do cookery courses or basic computer skills courses; while those more distant from education cannot access the supports they need to start their learning journey. The reform process is resulting in fewer parents being able to enter or stay in education, or to up-skill. This ‘one size fits all’ approach is doing little to enable parents to progress so that they can create better futures for their families. Government must pause this reform process immediately, review it, and – if it cannot be appropriately resourced so that it can be successful for one-parent families – reverse it completely.”

NOTES FOR EDITORS

Previous cuts that have targeted One-Parent Family Payment recipients since budget 2011 include:

Budget 2013

Back to School Clothing & Footwear Allowance (BTSCFA): Reduced from €250 to €200 for children aged 12+, and from €150 down to €100 for 4-11 year olds.
Cost of Education Allowance (paid with Back to Education Allowance, BTEA) cut completely from €300 down to €0 for all new and existing BTEA recipients.

Budget 2012

BTSCFA, from €305 reduced to €250 for 12+, and from €200 down to €150 for 4-11 yr olds; age eligibility also increased from 2 to 4 year olds in 2012.
Ongoing cuts to OFP include Income Disregard cut from €146.50 down to €90.
The half rate transition payment of OFP was cut for those who were going into work and stopping payment.
OFP recipients lost access to half rate payment for Illness Benefit and Jobseeker’s Benefit, where applicable.
Fuel Allowance was reduced from 32 weeks to 26 weeks.
Cost of Education Allowance (for BTEA recipients) reduced from €500 to €300.
CE Scheme participants, many of whom were lone parents, had their training and materials grant cut from €1,500 to €500; and new CE participants from 2012 could not get ‘double’ payment, just €20 extra allowance.

Budget 2011

Cuts included the main rate of social welfare payments reduced from €196 down to €188.
Child Benefit was reduced by €10 for 1st and 2nd child / €150 to €140; 3rd child / €187 to €167; 4th and subsequent child / reduced to €177.
Christmas Bonus was discontinued (half-rate partial reinstatement for some last year).

/Ends.

About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 as Cherish and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families and people sharing parenting or separating, offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those sharing parenting, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to professionals working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 66 22 12, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes Family Day and presents the Family Day Festival every May, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview

Karen Kiernan, CEO | t: 01 662 9212 or 086 850 9191

Stuart Duffin, Director of Policy & Programmes | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 062 2023

Further Information/Scheduling

Shirley Chance, Director of Communications | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 414 8511

Parenting | 10 Ways to Encourage Healthier Eating Habits

1 May 2015/in Parenting /by Comms

Maintaining healthy eating habits in our family can be difficult. As parents we try to teach our children that eating healthy foods is not only good for our bodies, but for our minds too. Here are some tips to remember when trying to encourage healthier eating habits in your family.

Menu: Plan the menu for the week ahead and make a list of the ingredients you will need. When you make a trip to the supermarket, stick to the menu created.
Bring children shopping: Include children by bringing them to the supermarket with you. Tell them you have a list of what to get and that you are only buying things that are on the list. Show them all of the interesting fruit and vegetables on display. Try to buy a new vegetable or fruit each week.
Get children an apron: Involve children in cooking – children from 2 years upwards can help with family cooking. The more children are involved in preparing healthy meals the more eager they will be to eat or at least taste what has been prepared.
Visit a vegetable farm: Let children see how things grow and maybe plant some vegetables at home. Go fruit picking and try making some homemade jams.
Educate children. Talk to children about their bodies and about all the things that our bodies need to stay healthy. Introduce food as one concept. Talk about the different types of food and what they can do for our health. Try Google for lots of ideas or look to the 1000 Days Campaign for inspiration which explores the profound impact the right nutrition has on a child’s ability to grow and learn.
Role model: Be a role model for your child. You must do as you say and eat your own veggies. Find ways to make them taste nicer by looking up some new recipe ideas. Try to get over your own childhood horrors of eating vegetables.
Days out: Get into the habit of bringing healthy snacks as treats. Grapes, melon, dried fruit, wholemeal crackers, yogurts etc are all nutritious and delicious.
3 meals: Encourage children to have 3 healthy meals each day and if possible sit at the table together to eat them. Don’t make meal times and eating a big issue however. Children need to get positive attention for good behaviours. Forcing children to eat and making them sit at the table for long periods will cause poor eating habits and lead to poor health.
Involve children: Ask children what they like to eat and involve them in making lunches and planning the menu.
Reward: Reward children for trying new foods. They don’t have to like the food but trying it is what you want to see. Never only offer a new food to a child once. From weaning onwards, offer a new food at least 20 times over a period of weeks before you resolve to the fact that your child really does not like it.

This article is by One Family’s Director of Children & Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, as part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips. You can read the full series here.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.

Parenting | 10 Ways to Parent a Young Adult

17 April 2015/in Parenting /by Comms

Moving from constant active parenting when our children are young to the parenting of a young adult can be difficult. Raising our children dominates our lives for so long that it can be tough to know what to do with ourselves once they grow up and begin to explore their independence and build lives of their own.

This week in our ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips, we share some ideas to support you to define and embrace your role as the parent of a young adult.

Space; allow your young adult their own space. Accept that they may not want or need to see or call you as often. Let them know you will always be there for them, check in with them, and then move on and start to enjoy your own time.
Try not to always question what they are doing with their life even if you feel they could make different choices at times.
Listen to their plans and ideas, and support them as best you can. Hear what they are saying and smile.
Allow them to make their own choices and to learn from the mistakes they make along the way, knowing that you are always there for them.
If they still live with you, respect them as young adults in the home. Agree boundaries together but try not to control them by imposing rules.
Try not to judge your child; they may drink or stay out all night at some time, is this often simply a part of being young and not having too many responsibilities.
They might seem to you to spend their money foolishly but once they are not looking for a hand out, and meet any responsibilities they do have, be happy for them. For most of us, there’s a short enough window in life when we can enjoy what money we have before our financial responsibilities grow.
Spend time with them and know them as an adult, watch how they are in the world and in their community. Let them go freely into the world.
Make plans for your own life separate to being a parent. For many of us, our lives are consumed with raising our children and we might find that our own personal dreams are put aside. Take steps now around planning and achieving your dreams.
Enjoy them; enjoy their energy and enthusiasm for life. It may seem like only yesterday that your child was a baby and now you see them grown, forging ahead and making their own way in life. They have the tools to do this. You have succeeded. Your roles may change but you will always be their parent. Take pride in seeing what they have become.

This article is by One Family’s Director of Children & Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, as part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips. You can read the full series here.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.

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Parenting | 10 Ways to Support A Young Person During Exams