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Parenting | How to make Valentine’s Day special in your home

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heartMany lone parents hate Valentine’s Day as they feel it is a big reminder that they are on their own and that for some reason this is not considered the best option in society. However, I think it can be a really lovely occasion that reminds us to say ‘I love you’ to our nearest and dearest. Many parents will say that their child knows that they are loved but they don’t often say it. They may not be into hugs and showing affection. Valentine’s Day can be your day to say ‘I love you’ to your children, to your parents, your friends and people in your community.

This year why not plan something for Valentine’s Day with your children and make it special in your family, maybe you can create a family tradition starting this year.

Here are ten ways to celebrate Valentine’s Day.

  1. Each family member selects a name from the hat and then has to do something nice for that person on Valentine’s Day. At times siblings need to be reminded that they love each other. This can be something that costs nothing and just needs some thought, or you can perhaps set aside a small budget.
  2. Plan a special family meal on Valentine’s Day. Decide together what you could cook, maybe with older children can help in cooking the meal. At a time when life is so busy, we don’t always get to sit and eat together and chat with each other.  Maybe you can invite friends or family over and make it a movie night or board games evening too. Laughter is what you will have and memories will be created.
  3. Make cards together for each other and for special people in your life that you haven’t seen lately. Encourage children to make pictures and be creative.
  4. Visit someone in your community that you know has very few people in their life. It could make such a big difference to them to know that someone cares about them. Maybe you could bake some buns to take with you.
  5. Remember your childminder or people who help you survive the day to day. Everyone likes to know that they are not taken for granted. At Christmas there is so much expense, maybe Valentine’s Day could be a better time to acknowledge how much they mean to you.
  6. Plan a day out together as a family. It doesn’t have to cost money. You can go to the playground, the park, bring a picnic, maybe plenty of hot chocolate! There are so many things you can do that will create fond memories and support your family to have closer relationships with each other.
  7. Or maybe you could simply plan to ‘do nothing’ together, and enjoy a pyjama day! Take time out to spend with each other. Play games, talk, cook and just enjoy being with each other.
  8. Make a date with your child or a family member if you have not seen them for a while. It can be hard to keep track of children when they have moved out and are busy with college, work and friends, but you can be sure they still want to spend time with you. Often at this age they need your support more than ever.
  9. Why wait for someone else to do something nice for you? Do something nice for yourself. Plan your own treat. I know parents find it very hard to spend money on themselves but you deserve a treat too! Maybe you can ask someone to take your children overnight or for a few hours. Take time out, , it doesn’t have to cost much, perhaps go for coffee with a friend. Give yourself a treat.  Think about what a treat means to you and then be creative in making it happen this weekend.
  10. Wish people you meet on the day a Happy Valentine’s Day. We hear ourselves all the time asking people how they are, but how often do we stop to really listen to the response. Why not say hello and stop to listen this Valentine’s Day?

There is so much you can do, talk with your children and make some plans to start loving Valentine’s Day. What a sad world it would be if there was no love!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

This week’s ’10 Ways ’ parenting tips  is written by Geraldine Kelly, One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services.

For support and advice on any of these topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email  support@onefamily.ie.

askonefamily | Child and Family Relationships Act 2015

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On Monday the 18th January 2016, some parts of the Child and Family Relationships Act 2015 were commenced. These changes in legislation may have a direct impact on those parenting alone, sharing parenting and parenting after separation so the following information on Guardianship, Custody, Access and Maintenance may be relevant to you:

Guardianship

  • For an unmarried father this means that he may automatically become a guardian of his child if he has lived with the mother on a continuous basis for 12 months and at least 3 of these months must be after the birth of the child.

This 12 month period only takes effect from the date this was enacted, so from the 18th January 2016 and is not retrospective.

  • For other family members, such as grandparents, civil partners, step-parents and others who have acted in “loco parentis” (in the place of the parent) of a child they may apply to court for guardianship. The requirements for this is that a person is in a relationship, either in marriage or civil partnership, or has lived with the parent of a child for over 3 years and has shared the day to day care of the child for at least 2 years.
  • If a person has cared for a child on a day to day to basis, continuously for 12 months and there is no parent or guardian able or willing to exercise the rights and responsibilities for the child then they may apply for guardianship, so for example this may be a grandparent caring for their grandchild or a foster parent caring for a child.

Access

  • For grandparents the Act means that they can now apply directly to the District court for access with their grandchildren, if they do not already have access.

Custody

  • A court may make an order for custody following an application by a person other than the mother or father. This may be a person who is a relative of the child; it may be a person with who the child has resided with, or if the person is married to, in a civil partnership with or who has cohabited with the parent of the child for at least 3 years and has been involved in the day to day care of the child for at least 2 years. A person may also seek custody where the child has resided with this person who has had day to day care of the child and who does not have a parent or guardian who is able or willing to take on the responsibilities of being the guardian.

Maintenance

  • A maintenance order may be sought, requiring the cohabiting partner of a child’s parent to pay maintenance for the child, provided they are a guardian of the child.

Enforcement Orders

  • These relate to access and custody whereby if a court order is made in respect of custody or access and this is unreasonably denied or not taken up then a parent or guardian may apply for an enforcement order. Such an order may require that:

A parent or guardian, or both attend counselling, mediation or a parenting programme

That additional access may be granted

That a parent or guardian be reimbursed for expenses as a result of the denial of access or the refusal to take up access.

Any decision made by the court will be made in the best interests of the child and the court will consider the views of the child where possible given his/her age and understanding.

 

 

Press Release | TASC Report Shows That One-Parent Families Have Least Wealth in Ireland

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Press Release

One-Parent Families have by far the least wealth in Ireland

TASC report 2015 ‘The Distribution of Wealth in Ireland Today’

www.onefamily.ie

(Dublin, Wednesday 9th December 2015) One Family – Ireland’s organisation for people parenting alone and sharing parenting – reacts to the report released today by TASC on the distribution of wealth in Ireland.

Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO, comments: “Today’s TASC report shows that those with the lowest levels of wealth in Ireland are one-parent families. We at One Family witness the impact this has on the families we work with on a day to day basis. Parents are struggling to keep their heads above water and are becoming increasingly isolated as the gap between those who have and haven’t increases. The report shows that the average household has a net worth seven times greater than the average for a single parent household.”

Kiernan continues: “The report also show that more than half of all single parents have less than €300 in savings, compared to €4,000 for single person households. This puts these families in a precarious position should any unforeseen expenses arise. Our next Government must prioritise the dangerously high levels of poverty experienced by many children and parents living in one-parent families.”

The TASC report details the facts that one-parent families are:

  • Less likely to own their own home and face significant barriers to owning property.
  • Have business assets at 1/5 of the average rate of people in Ireland.
  • Have savings of €300 on average, less than 10% of others.
  • Have double the rates of debt to assets and are credit constrained at three times the rate of average households.
  • The average household has a net worth seven times greater than the average for a single parent household.
  • The average net wealth for a single parent is €30,600 which compares to an average figure of €218,700 for all households. Half of all single parents have less than €1,400 in net wealth.

A copy of the report is available here.

About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 as Cherish and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families and people sharing parenting or separating, offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those sharing parenting, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to professionals working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 66 22 12, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes Family Day and presents the Family Day Festival every May, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie. The askonefamily helpline can be contacted on lo-call 1890 66 22 12.

Available for Interview

Karen Kiernan, CEO | t: 01 662 9212 or 086 850 9191

Hands

Press Release | One-Parent Families Experience Highest Deprivation and Poverty in Ireland – Shameful!

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Press Release

One-Parent Families Experience Highest Deprivation and Poverty in Ireland – Shameful!

SILC Report 2014 Launched Today

www.onefamily.ie

(Dublin, Thursday 26th November 2015) One Family – Ireland’s organisation for people parenting alone and sharing parenting – reacts to the Survey on Income and Living Conditions (SILC) 2014 results published today, which clearly show that people parenting alone and their children remain  the poorest families in Ireland.

Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO, comments: “Today’s SILC results show that those with the highest rates of deprivation at nearly 60% are one-parent families. This is combined in the 2014 results with the fact that the most common type of family living in consistent poverty are also people parenting alone. This is a direct result of government choices and policies and it is unacceptable to continue to sentence a generation of children to a lifetime of poverty and poor life chances.”

Kiernan continues: “People parenting alone tell us through our monthly surveys, askonefamily helpline and our family support services that they constantly live on the knife edge of poverty. Government continues to enforce ill-formed activation measures without the provision of effective supports such the long-promised, affordable quality childcare.”

One Family recorded a staggering 30% increase of callers to its askonefamily helpline in 2014. The real impact of years of austerity is only now being realised and one-parent families and parents sharing parenting of their children have borne the brunt of spending cuts. Every parent should have an equal opportunity to create a better future for his or her children. All families deserve an equal chance.

Research shows that a key contributor to children’s futures is not the structure of their families but living in consistent poverty.  One in four families in Ireland is a one-parent family and 58% of lone parents are employed. Only 45,000 lone parents are now in receipt of the One-Parent Family Payment. They want to work and they want to learn. The policies of activation being directed towards these families are not working. Children in one-parent families are still more than twice as likely to live in poverty. The number of children in Ireland living in consistent poverty – meaning they are living both at risk of poverty and experiencing deprivation – has risen to nearly 12%; while 23% of children in a one-parent family experience deprivation.

The askonefamily helpline can be contacted on lo-call 1890 66 22 12.

About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 as Cherish and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families and people sharing parenting or separating, offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those sharing parenting, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to professionals working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 66 22 12, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes Family Day and presents the Family Day Festival every May, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview

Karen Kiernan, CEO | t: 01 662 9212 or 086 850 9191

Further Information/Scheduling

Shirley Chance, Director of Communications | t: 01 664 0124 / e: schance@onefamily.ie

Policy | At the Centre of Social Welfare Change

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One Family Director of Policy & Programmes, Stuart Duffin, writes about what should be at the centre of social welfare change.

As an election looms for Spring 2016 we need to begin to raising public awareness on the issue of poverty and its effects on health. Our social welfare system is undergoing fundamental change. Reforms affecting many working lone parents are plunging many into even deeper poverty and reinforcing inequality. Restructuring is creating a system which is leaving more parents without constructive supports, whilst those who may qualify must engage with a system which lacks compassion and fails to treat them with dignity and respect.

The Government’s approach to simplifying welfare is undermined by increasing conditionality, and the erosion of a rights based approach to entitlement. The characterisation of one-parent families as undeserving – ‘skivers’ enjoying an overly generous system or worse, actively defrauding the system at the expense of hard working taxpayers – ignores the evidence about the reality of parents’ lives. This rhetoric is used to justify the approach. Many one-parent families who are on the JobSeekers Allowance for example, are required to engage in stressful work seeking activities despite inadequate childcare provision. Parents are blamed for not being in paid work while the real barriers to employment such as the lack of jobs, lack of affordable and suitable childcare, non-family friendly practices and employer discrimination, and our low wage economy are not tackled effectively. At the same time, an immense amount of unpaid work in caring for children (most often done by women) or socially worthwhile volunteering goes unrecognised and unrewarded.

The need for a new architecture for social welfare and protection has never been more pressing.

Therefore, One Family is developing and promoting a Manifesto for Change, which includes:

  1. Parents need income security at a level where no one is left in poverty and all have sufficient income to lead a dignified life.
  2. Make respect for human rights and dignity the cornerstone of a new approach to welfare.
  3. Radically simplify the social protection system.
  4. Invest in the support needed to enable families to participate fully in society.

Our future is better when we feel secure and supported; not when we are vilified and our needs are ignored.

One Family’s Manifesto for Change will be available on this site prior to General Election 2016.