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Girl in sun

10 Ways to Keep Your Children Safe in the Sun

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Summer is here, and everyone loves a nice day outside in the sunshine. While summer can be full of fun, it is not without risk: the sun, the heat, bugs and pools can be dangerous to your child, so make sure you know how to look out for them while still having a good time this summer. As part of our weekly series of parenting tips, here are 10 tips for keeping your children safe in the sun.

  1. Dress children in layers of light clothes, taking off one layer at a time. Babies can overheat very quickly, so dress them in light cottons this time of year.
  2. Always apply sun cream. Cover children from head to toe before dressing them and top up throughout the day.
  3. Insect repellent can be very useful if children are in the gardens a lot.
  4. Always get children to wear sunhats.
  5. Sunglasses and shades on babies’ buggies are very important.
  6. Supervise paddling pools every minute children are around them. Never leave the water in them and let children out to play alone.
  7. Keep babies out of the direct sun at all times and keep young children indoors in the high temperatures.
  8. Encourage children to drink plenty and don’t worry so much about how much they eat, in warm weather their appetites will change.
  9. Children can be a little more challenging in warm weather. Be patient with them.
  10. When taking babies for walks in buggies, be aware of how hot they might be and be very aware of the sun shining on them. Even in the evening time the sun can still be very strong.

This week’s ’10 Ways to …’ is compiled by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly.

Coming soon: 10 Tips on Being Assertive; 10 Tips  for Respecting Difference; and 10 Tips on Preparing Your Child for Preschool

If you would like support, information or advice in relation to the topic above, contact our lo-call askonefamily helpline on 1890 66 22 12 / support@onefamily.ie.

Image Credit: Pixabay

Shortfalls for Children of Separated Parents in Report on Draft Children & Family Relationships Bill

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Press Release

Shortfalls for Children of Separated Parents in

Justice Committee Report on Draft

Children & Family Relationships Bill 

www.onefamily.ie

(Dublin, Wednesday 9 July 2014) One Family – Ireland’s organisation for one-parent families and parents sharing parenting – welcomes the publication of the report from the Justice Committee on the Children & Family Relationships Bill 2014 tomorrow. With over 40 years campaigning for legal recognition and support for the wide diversity of families that children in Ireland live in, One Family believes that this Bill is long overdue. The focus now should be to ensure that it is passed as quickly as possible to meet the urgent needs of children and parents though it is disappointing to note that some important issues such as ancillary reports to courts and child safety were not highlighted in the report.

Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO comments: “While this Bill is progress, it is disheartening that the Justice Report contains no mention of the need for ancillary services to the family law courts, especially Child Contact Centres which are necessary to ensure safety of children in contentious custody disputes. One Family published an evaluation of its pilot Child Contact Centre scheme in March this year and highlighted this need at the Committee hearing on 9 April. The Courts do not yet have access to professionally conducted family assessments in order to make evidence-based, child-centred decisions that will be safe, enforceable and fair. This has yet to be addressed for the safety of children.”

Stuart Duffin, One Family Director of Policy & Programmes, comments: “This report is a missed opportunity in a number of respects.  Government places ever greater emphasis on the importance of children having meaningful relationships with both their parents yet the report fails to explore ways to mainstream services to support this in the face of family separation, especially for low-income families. When parents separate, benefits and allowances attach wholly to one parent or the other, with often the non-resident parent – most usually the father – becoming ‘invisible’ other than as a source of income.  The report is not addressing this imbalance which has huge consequences for separated parents and their well-being, and that of their children.”

The Children & Family Relationships Bill will need to acknowledge the need for greater cooperation of services aimed at building broad local partnerships. It should result in quality, professional supports to cover the wide range of needs of families during separation and after, and when accessing the family law courts. It should ensure that legislators are equipped to make evidence-based decisions with children’s needs at the centre of these decisions.

Otherwise, while a step in the right direction, additional costs will be incurred to the State down the line while the Bill fails to fully deliver for children of separated families.

One Family’s Child Contact Centres Key Learnings can be read here: https://www.onefamily.ie/wp-content/uploads/One-Family_Child-Contact-Centre_Key-Learnings.pdf

The Executive Summary of the Evaluation can be read here: https://www.onefamily.ie/wp-content/uploads/Executive-Summary-December-2013.pdf

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About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to those working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 622 212, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes Family Day and presents the Family Day Festival every May, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview

Karen Kiernan, CEO | t: 01 662 9212 or 086 850 9191

Stuart Duffin, Director of Policy & Programmes | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 062 2023

Further Information/Scheduling

Shirley Chance, Director of Communications | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 414 8511

A July of Fear and Insecurity for over 9,000 Lone Parents

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Press Release

A July of Fear and Insecurity for over 9,000 Lone Parents

One Family will state at the pre-budget forum that Department of Social Protection has put lone parent families in the frontline of austerity and the back of the queue for the recover. 

www.onefamily.ie

(Dublin, Thursday 3 July 2014) One Family – Ireland’s organisation for one-parent families – is participating  in Department of Social Protection’s pre-budget forum tomorrow, where One Family’s Stuart Duffin and a lone parent member of One Family’s Budget Panel will call for joined up thinking and security. The whole of Government must enable lone parents to create better futures rather than implementing further complicated systems that result in continued entrapment in poverty for families already on the edge, such as those being implemented today with changes to the One-Parent Family Payment.

“If you looked at me you’d never think I have only €16 to my name. I wear a suit to work in a very well-known company, my son is in a good crèche, I live in a 3 bedroom house (because it’s €100k in negative equity so I can’t afford to sell it). And here I am, without money for food.”

– Lone parent quoted in One Family’s Pre-Budget Submission 2015

58% of lone parents in Ireland are working, often in low paid part-time employment. Some working lone parents now face a barbaric income reduction of up to €200 per month.  The changes – first announced in Budget 2012 – are causing great confusion and stress to lone parents.  These men and women are not asking for hand-outs but to be supported as they strive towards bettering their children’s futures. The Department of Social Protection has put one-parent families in the frontline of austerity and the back of the queue for recovery due to the lack of development of joined up policies and supports. These cuts without supports such as out of school care, access to part-time education and less earned income have resulted in what feels like a sustained attack on one-parent families.

Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO, comments: “Food banks symbolise the insecurity facing so many.  More needs to be done to understand and tackle the reasons why families have to access free food to live. We need a new approach that prioritises secure futures for one-parent families and that will reduce child poverty. Lone parents want and are keen to work yet the short-sighted nature of social welfare measurements firmly put one-parent families in deeper and deeper pits of poverty.”

The Pre-Budget Forum on Friday will be hosted by Minister Joan Burton. Its purpose is to provide organisations including One Family to input into the Budget process and to discuss their Pre-Budget Submissions with the Minister and senior officials of the Department.

Stuart Duffin, One Family Director of Policy and Programmes, comments: “On Friday we will highlight that this is a chance to move on from attacking the victims of poverty to addressing its causes – such as the lack of decently paid jobs, expensive housing and unaffordable childcare that have left many lone parents doing too much of the heavy lifting out of poverty. The ridiculous reduction in the Income Disregard combined with the mediaeval threshold nature of FIS and its annual review disincentive the ability to work. One-parent families are consistently those most at risk of or living in poverty in Ireland. Now is the time for some real vision and ambition in tackling the root causes of family poverty by investing in lone parents and making work pay. We will also voice our 10 Solutions – ten practical solutions that Government could implement at no or low-cost yet which would result in real progression for one-parent families – which form the basis of our Pre-Budget Submission.”

Simple actions will deliver investment in one-parent families:

  1. Reform the Income Disregard into a Tax credit paid into the pay packet,
  2. Deliver free part-time education,
  3. Invest in the economic benefits of Out of School Childcare and Recreations (OSCAR).

One Family is hearing from lone parents to its askonefamily helpline and through our monthly surveys and Facebook page that these changes will make it almost impossible for many of those who are already working to sustain their employment. The reality is that these changes could mean an increase of over 55,000 more people onto the live register over the next 3 years as lone parents are transitioned to Job Seekers Allowance without adequate Government supports such as the long-promised affordable, local, quality childcare. Recipients of the OFP are excluded from schemes like Jobs Plus so there is, in effect, also a disincentive in place for employers to employ them.

One Family’s Pre-Budget Submission can be read here: https://www.onefamily.ie/wp-content/uploads/One-Family-2015-Pre-Budget-Submission_June-2014.pdf

More information about One Family’s 10 Solutions can be read here: https://www.onefamily.ie/policy-campaigns/one-family-campaigns/ten-solutions-for-smarter-futures/

Parents affected by the changes can contact askonefamily lo-call helpline for advice and support on 1890 66 22 12 or by emailing support@onefamily.ie

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About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to those working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 622 212, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes Family Day and presents the Family Day Festival every May, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview

Karen Kiernan, CEO | t: 01 662 9212 or 086 850 9191

Stuart Duffin, Director of Policy & Programmes | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 062 2023

Further Information/Scheduling

Shirley Chance, Director of Communications | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 414 8511

 

 

One Family Logo

One-Parent Family Success Stories at One Family and our Pre-Budget Submission

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Press Release


One-Parent Family Success Stories at One Family

Government Must Step Up to the Mark
and Enable Lone Parents to have a Fighting Chance in our Economy

www.onefamily.ie

(Dublin, Wednesday 18 June 2014) One Family – Ireland’s organisation for one-parent families – celebrates the achievements of almost 100 lone parents who have completed its courses throughout the past year at a Graduation Ceremony in the Conference Centre, Dublin Castle on Thursday 19 June at 10am in the week that it also makes its Pre-Budget Submission calling on Government to invest in one-parent families.

Recent response to media coverage of mother and baby homes has demonstrated again that people, women in particular, who parent alone still experience stereotyping, stigma and shame. One Family issued a statement in response to this harrowing topic last week which can be read here. This coverage has proved distressing for many One Family clients, lone parents and their children. Now, it is timely to celebrate those inspirational lone parents and people sharing parenting who have successfully overcome many challenges in pursuit of their awards.

Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO, comments: “The parents celebrating their graduation this week want to learn more and they want to work. They want to build on the successes being celebrated. 58% of lone parents in Ireland today are working. One Family wants to see a clear political commitment in the 2015 budget to enable those most in need to return to work and education and create better futures for their children by provision of key supports such as affordable, quality childcare. An investment in childcare is an investment in one-parent families.”

Many of today’s Graduands have completed One Family’s flagship New Futures training which is FETAC Level 4 accredited and offers personal and professional development with wrap-around supports including one-to-one mentoring. Others have completed the One Family parenting programmes Family Communications and Positive Parenting, designed to strengthen family relationships, enable parents to understand difficult behaviour in children, and learn techniques to promote conflict resolution. Other parents who are parenting alone or sharing parenting are to be celebrated for taking a pro-active role in crafting One Family’s Pre-Budget Submission by participating in the organisation’s Budget Panel to help ensure that the voices of one-parent and shared parenting families are heard by Government.

One Family’s Director of Policy and Programmes, Stuart Duffin, comments: “One Family’s Budget Panel members are asking a simple question: ‘Will the 2015 budget improve the position of the poorest families and will children’s well-being be prioritised as the economy recovers?’ Paid work can make a difference for families, but this needs to accommodate the needs of children, income adequacy and security. The government’s focus has been on economic growth and jobs as a silver bullet solution to poverty. However, many lone parents and those sharing parenting cannot undertake or maintain enough paid work to sustain a family because of changes in tax and the lack of jobs. It is vital that government adopts a comprehensive strategy to reduce child and family poverty, a much broader strategy is needed to address the underlying causes.”

People parenting alone – including those parents receiving their Certificates this week – are all job-seekers and need to have adequate income to raise their children. All parents need sufficient levels of income security but today Ireland’s poorest families do not have enough to live on. It is crucial that the social welfare safety net that supports families in tough times is repaired and strengthened to enable the one-parent families who need to avail of it to create better outcomes. Children in all families deserve the chance to thrive.

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About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to those working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 622 212, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes the Family Day Festival, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview

Karen Kiernan, CEO | t: 01 662 9212 or 086 850 9191

Stuart Duffin, Director of Policy & Programmes | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 062 2023

Further Information/Scheduling

Shirley Chance, Director of Communications | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 414 8511

 

 

One Family 10 Solutions

More Children Live in Poverty Because of Lack of Quality Childcare to Enable Lone Parents to Work

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Press Release

More Children Live in Poverty Because of Lack of Quality Childcare to Enable Lone Parents to Work 

European Commission Highlighting of Childcare Provision Failure
for One-Parent Families Welcomed by One Family

(Dublin, Tuesday  3 June 2014) One Family – Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families in Ireland today – welcomes the highlighting of the need for quality affordable childcare for lone parents which would increase existing low levels of female participation in the workplace, ultimately reducing poverty levels and social exclusion for children, by the European Commission this week.

There has been a significant shift of emphasis in social policy to early years interventions targeted to help children from poorer backgrounds. In many respects this focus is welcome: it acknowledges, for example, that disadvantage starts from birth and needs to be corrected for from the outset of children’s lives. Government fully recognises the value of an accessible childcare system and now needs to deliver it.

Yet despite the widespread recognition of the critical importance of the early years, our Government often seems to fail to acknowledge the reality of child poverty in Ireland today and to design interventions that truly tackle the hardships that poor children encounter. Those living in lone parent households continue to experience the highest rates of deprivation with almost 69% of individuals from these households experiencing one or more forms of deprivation (EU-SILC 2010).

Childcare is particularly expensive in Ireland and, coupled with a ‘low pay premium’ for part-time work, this plays a significant role in whether or not the financial benefits to paid work outweigh the costs for lone parents – the often referenced ‘welfare trap’. We have heard from parents who desperately want to return to work to improve the standard of living for their children and future outcomes, but who have been forced to turn down opportunities owing to a lack of affordable, accessible childcare.

Among One Family’s many services for lone parents and those sharing parenting, we support parents to be able to access work, including good quality part-time/flexible opportunities. Without good quality childcare many lone parents remain simply unable to take up employment opportunities.

Success in achieving such a childcare system would provide a significant boost to the economy. Parents who currently stay at home to care for their children would be able to work if they wished to do so. This would increase family incomes, improve living standards and reduce dependence on benefits, as well as lifting children out of poverty and improving their learning and development outcomes.

One Family reiterates its call to Government to enact its 10 Solutions campaign, with an immediate focus on childcare.  All children deserve the best start in life.

For further information on One Family’s 10 Solutions, click here.

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About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families and people sharing parenting offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to those working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 622 212, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes the Family Day Festival, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview

Stuart Duffin, Director of Policy & Programmes | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 062 2023

Further Information/Scheduling

Shirley Chance, Director of Communications | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 414 8511

 

 

10 Ways to Positively Maintain Contact

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For many parents sharing parenting after separation, one parent is the ‘primary carer’ and the other ‘non-resident’ or ‘contact’ parent, spends their time with their child at weekends and holidays. It can be challenging for parents in this situation, especially if trust has been broken, to put their feelings about their ex to one side. Remaining focused on the needs of your child is important. In time, a shared parenting relationship can become established where you can both share the positives of being parents.

As part of our ’10 Ways to …’ series of weekly parenting tips, here are our tips for non-resident/contact parents to positively maintain contact to help both parents to focus on keeping their child at the centre of parenting.

1. Once agreed: When you have managed to agree on contact, follow through.
2. Be on time: Timekeeping is crucial. The other parent can and will feel very disrespected if you are late and children can become very anxious and upset.
3. Turn up: This is your time with your child. It may not be exactly what you want but it’s what you have now. Turn up and be with your child. Nothing else should take its place. Rearrange other things – never your child!
4. Maintenance: Try to stick to all court orders and don’t give ammunition to the other parent. Some parents might use maintenance as a bargaining tool.
5. Plan your time: Make contact fun. It doesn’t have to cost much money. Make it child friendly and interact at a very high level with your child. You can rest later.
6. Involve your child: Plan with your child each week. Talk with them and ask them what they would like to do. Follow through.
7. Respect: Always speak well of the other parent even if you don’t feel it. They are your child’s parent and you can impact greatly on their ability to parent and in turn, your child’s well-being.
8. Be back on time: Again, respect the agreement. The resident parent can and will become very distressed even if the child is 5 minutes late.
9. Parent: When with your child be an active parent. Play with them, talk with them and have fun and laugh together.
10. Don’t quiz your child: It’s not your child’s job to keep you informed about the other parent. Talk about school, activities, their likes and dislikes. Talk with them as needed about why you can’t live with them all the time any more. They will seek explanations and want to understand their family form as they grow. No Blame! Children usually love both parents regardless of wrong doings, mind them and enjoy them. Don’t make life hard for them.

If you found this post useful, you might also like to read 10 Ways to Successful Shared Parenting. One Family offers a range of services to parents sharing parenting or parenting alone after separation. You can find out about them here. If you need support, information or advice, contact our lo-call askonefamily helpline on 1890 66 22 12 / support@onefamily.ie.

This week’s ’10 Ways to …’ is adapted by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, from our Family Communications training programme.

Coming soon: 10 Ways to Understand How Your Child May Feel and 10 Ways to Problem Solving.

One Family offers a range of training opportunities for parents and for professionals on an on-going basis. To find out more, click here or call 01 662 9212.

Houses

Housing a Major Concern for One-Parent Families

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Kitty Holland writes in the Irish Times today about the distressing case of Sabrina McMahon, a lone parent who has been spending nights with her three young children in their car. Housing concerns and worries are the cause of continuous stress for many of the parents One Family works with, with many telling us they are ‘on the edge’.

Good secure housing enhances children’s well-being and helps provide stability for family relationships, schools and development. The housing crisis is a challenge for Minister Burton that she has to resolve for Budget 2015.

Every month, we invite responses to our anonymous, 3 question survey. Last month’s was on Housing Supports. Comments made by some of those who took the survey included:

I’m from Dublin and still have family there but I was forced to move to Wicklow in 2007 where I have no family or supports.

I can’t do a Masters in Education as I was planning, as I live over 45 km from the college I would have had to attend and I would not be able to afford the journeys.

Having to move constantly due to rent increases takes up time, money and creates instability. A constant home is essential in maintaining positive routine.

Security of place is very important for emotional stability of the children.

Longer leases, RAS (Rent Allowance Supplement) to be more attractive for landlords and to be extended beyond a once off, and more social housing is key with rent to buy schemes in place. 

The Housing Supports survey results can be read here. This will be a key topic of One Family’s Budget 2015 submission.

This month’s survey is on Housing and Rent Supplement Limits and can be taken here.

 

One Family 10 Solutions

Government must Prioritise Childcare Provision as a Downturn-Buster

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Press Release

Childcare 101 – Government must Prioritise Childcare Provision as a Downturn-Buster

(Dublin, Monday 7 April 2014) One Family – Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families in Ireland today – outlines the three major reasons that provision of affordable, accessible childcare is a necessity if Ireland is to make a full economic recovery soon. A new report due for release by the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) will show that a family in Ireland with two children spends 40% of its average wage to meet childcare costs. Ireland is one of the most expensive countries worldwide for childcare services, second only to the US, and this is financially crippling and impeding low income and one-parent families from successfully moving into or staying in employment.

ONE: The rising participation of women in paid work has heightened demands for affordable, high-quality child care programmes, particularly for those parenting alone. There is a greater focus on the need for programmes that can prepare children to succeed at school, improve the well-being of vulnerable children, and enable the participation of parents in the labour force and in continuing education. Provision of childcare delivers on the Government’s own policy of welfare to work.

TWO: Childcare must be seen as a whole of Government programme and childcare policy should be integral to the attack on poverty. Channelling support for parents through the tax system will help to make work pay. Stuart Duffin, One Family Director of Policy & Programmes, comments: “In Ireland, childcare is mainly left to the market. The unsurprising consequence is that the poorer the area, the scarcer and less affordable the childcare. Affordable, available childcare remains a myth for too many families. Focussing and delivering on an outcome based budget this year, which asserts the enabling role of childcare across Government, will deliver a thriving economy and create better lives for all families, particularly those parenting alone for whom the welfare trap can be more difficult to escape.”

THREE: High quality, regulated childcare (through an enhanced quality assurance system), incentivised through tailored tax credits, will give Ireland a leading edge for inward investment. Good childcare also promotes quality jobs, quality careers and a quality workforce. A new Community Employment initiative treats its childcare placements like an apprenticeship. This is a structured and quality labour-market entry programme for those who want to progress into employment in this area. One Family calls for increased availability of these places, which will enable those in receipt of social welfare benefits an opportunity to move into gaining real marketable skills, and raise the level of professionally qualified workers in the sector. Childcare promotes economic and workforce development.

One Family reiterates its call to Government to enact its 10 Solutions campaign, with an immediate focus on childcare.  All children deserve the best start in life.

Further information on One Family’s 10 Solutions is available here.

About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to those working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 622 212, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes the Family Day Festival, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today, with 10,000 people attending in 2013 (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview

Stuart Duffin, Director of Policy & Programmes | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 062 2023

Karen Kiernan, CEO | t: 01 662 9212 or 086 850 9191

Houses

Survey on Housing Supports

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Would you like to contribute to our Budget 2015 submission? It’s easy – simply take our anonymous 3 question survey. Each short monthly survey has a focus on a different budget submission topic.

This month’s survey is on Housing Supports.

Take the survey and know that your voice is heard.

If you would like to view the results of previous surveys, they are available here.

 

Our Thoughts on Mother’s Day

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One Family board members, staff, volunteers and lone parents working with us on policy issues respond to the question, “What does Mother’s Day mean to you this year?”

When I was small I would steal daffodils for my mother from the neighbour’s garden. I would fill my hands with the stems until I could hold no more and run all the way home, heart full, longing to please the most important woman in my life. Mother’s Day reminds me of that longing. It reminds me of spring, of fresh starts and of daffodils.

– Katriona, Board Member

This year, Mother’s Day for me is bittersweet. I am 37 weeks pregnant so I’m missing it by 3 weeks, but because I am so excited to become a first time mum I most certainly will celebrate. My plan is to visit my mum’s grave and bring fresh flowers – to have a little chat with her at her graveside, to sit, think, and relish the memories I have of when she was here and we celebrated Mother’s Day with her.

When she passed away, I took legal guardianship of my brothers and sister. You could say I have been like a step-mum in some ways. I would not say ‘Mother’ as I could never take her place. She was, and always will be, very special to me. My brothers and sister have grown up now, so I am really excited to start my own little family. Scared and excited all at the same time …

What gives me hope and makes me smile, is knowing that my mum will always be watching down on us – myself, my brothers, sister, my beautiful nephew and, of course, my new little Bundle of Joy.

– Nicola, Receptionist

What does Mother’s Day mean this year? In 2014? This is the year my son will turn 10. And I turn 40. Oh. My. God. Life begins this year, I am told.

My “life”, as a mother, began in 2004. That June, I was working fulltime in Dublin, had savings, my independence. By July, I had a newborn. In 2015, I will lose the allowance the Government gives us to live on. I wish I could afford childcare so I can work part-time. But it is not affordable.

Nevertheless, I am up-skilling again, like when I sold my car to fund childcare in 2009, but this year I’ll study online at night. I am a caring, hard-working and intelligent mother. I am resourceful. But I am afraid.

So this Mother’s Day, I will be cutting corners, spending as little as possible and hoping that 2015 will not mean abject poverty.

– Deirdre, Budget Panel 

1960. I am nine years old and my brother is 8. We’ve been saving for weeks because Mother’s Day is coming. There is a tiny shop on Dún Laoghaire main street called Graces. It is filled with treasure including a selection of real diamond jewellery. We know they are real diamonds because they glitter so beautifully and look just like the necklaces and tiaras we have seen the queen wear, or Elizabeth Taylor, in magazine pictures.

We can choose from bracelets, tiaras, necklaces and earrings. We visit the shop many times over the weeks, staring at the window display, and finally pick a dazzling necklace, a magnificent cascade of glittering diamonds. The amused assistant puts it in a velvet box and wraps it for us. We are thrilled with ourselves. We’ve got it and Mum doesn’t know!

My Mum worked two jobs to keep us fed, clothed and a roof over our heads. She probably hadn’t been out for the evening in years. But she wore that outrageous piece of costume jewellery, with her cardi and a big grin, all Mother’s Day. What a hero! Mother’s Day is for my Mum.

– Sherie, Director of Counselling

My first thought about Mother’s day is my daughter’s tiny black haired head appearing for the first time. Enthralled, I whispered unheeded encouragements into her mother’s ear.

Since then, Mother’s Day is a time to appreciate her mother’s love, sacrifice and constant caring for the child we parent. That experience has made me more appreciate my own mother and what she forwent to rear my siblings and me.

Each and every child is like a pebble dropped into a still pond. The ripples travel far and wide affecting all in their path. Mothers have been, are and always will be a potential force for good in a troubled world.

My daughter’s mother birthed a child who has been my redemption.

– Declan, previous Board Member

My children are still small enough to be excited about holidays. They don’t distinguish between them – Pancake Tuesday is as important as Mother’s Day. Both are joyous events. They are delighted to spend time making me a card. It’s a privilege to be woken by them and receive kisses – one impulsively shared, the other requested and more self-consciously given – and wished a Happy Mother’s Day.

I’ll ring my own mum and wish her the same. Does she wish, I wonder, that she and I were still at that stage; when you are the most important person in your child’s life? How will I feel when my children move past me into themselves and their own lives?

– Linda, Administration Supervisor

My daughters and I like to play a game we call “guess how much I love you”. All the way out to the far reaches of the universe and back again is only a trillionth of how much I love you – these are measures we use.

But I know they don’t yet understand the gift of love they have given me by agreeing to be my children.  They each have only one mother to love, but I have four children, my two daughters and my stepson and stepdaughter.

As I sometimes say to them my love is not a cake that gets divided in to child shaped sizes and then eaten up by a certain date – it is infinite.   At its simplest it is a kiss good night and a welcoming smile to a tousle head in the morning.  But at the other end of the scale it is the quantum complexity that states that no matter where they are, how old they get, or whether they are mischievous or charming, or even just being, their four hearts beat a symphony of love that nourishes my body and sustains my soul.

The secret of motherhood is that love multiplies exponentially, not divides.  This is the gift given to me by children.  This is what I celebrate today.

– Iseult, Board Member

Mothering Sunday means little to me. I’m mothering alone everyday for over 10 years with little external support or recognition for my efforts. But the rewards come in the form of regular laughter, hugs, health and happiness and the ‘Wow’ moments that occur with physical growth spurts and developments in mental maturity. That’s when I am proud of my mothering of another human being and realise that my contribution to the human race is growing into a decent person who will go on touch the lives of many in a positive, compassionate way.

– Noreen, Budget Panel

Anna Jarvis, founder of Mothers’ Day, later tried to have the holiday destroyed: she soured on the commercial interests associated with the day. She wanted Mother’s Day “to be a day of sentiment, not profit.” Beginning around 1920, she urged people to stop buying flowers and other gifts for their mothers. She referred to the florists, greeting card manufacturers and the confectionery industry as “charlatans, bandits, pirates, racketeers, kidnappers and termites that would undermine with their greed one of the finest, noblest and truest movements and celebrations.” She attempted to stop the floral industry by threatening to file lawsuits and by applying to trademark the carnation together with the words “Mother’s Day” though she was denied the trademark.

Jarvis’s ideal observance of Mother’s Day would be a visit home or writing a long letter to your mother. She couldn’t stand those who sold and used greeting cards. “Any mother would rather have a line of the worst scribble from her son or daughter than any fancy greeting card,” she said.

In 2014, I support her. It’s too commercial. It’s outdated and it doesn’t reflect the diversity of families we have to-day. Instead we should celebrate parenting and nurturing and call for the abolition of Mother’s and Father’s Days combining into Family Day: a day to celebrate our individual dynamic family heritage.

– Stuart, Director of Policy & Programmes

After I had my son Mother’s Day began to mean a lot to me.  I was alone, my husband had left us, my child was premature and sick and every day I struggled to cope. So for me, each Mother’s Day represented that I’d won the battle and gotten through another year. No matter what I always felt happy on this day. Strong; like I was a survivor, not a victim. Though usually negative, my self-talk turned positive and predominately strong on this day. I’d tell myself I’d done a really good job and reflect on the ups and downs of the year. I’d bring my son with me to treat myself to a nice lunch on this day and some wine. Now that he’s older at seven, and a strong little man himself, I don’t struggle to cope so much anymore. Although it’s still there sometimes, there’s no longer a daily battle with depression, isolation, frustration and loneliness. Things are so much brighter for us now.

I see Mother’s Day as a symbol  of hope that no matter what happens I can cope, that things will continue to get better, as a tribute to all women who are mothers, and as mothers united bestowing respect upon one another. Especially the ‘bad ass’ ones who are doing it alone.

– Ellen, One Family Budget Panel

I was born on my mother’s 33rd birthday and to recognise this I was named after my mother. I grew up in a house with eleven people including six siblings, parents and grandparents, so it was hard to get attention. Still, I always felt that I was special because I had been born on the same day as my mother and we had the same name – as a child it felt like we had a special bond. Now I call my Mum on our birthday and I say “Happy Birthday Valerie” and she returns the sentiment. “Happy Birthday Valerie.” It is the only time of the year that I call my mother by her first name. I guess it has become our little tradition.

My own daughter was due on my birthday and I was hoping to continue the family tradition and name her after my mother and I but she arrived a little late, as children tend to do, so it was not meant to be. Since becoming a mother myself, I appreciate so much more everything that my mother has done for me. I realise now all the little things a mother does every day for her children. Not just the obvious things but other more subtle things that you don’t notice as a child. My grandmother and great-grandmother also had seven children each. I feel proud to have come from such a long line of strong, independent, loving women who have dedicated their lives to nurturing the next generation.

– Valerie, Research & Policy Analyst

I am the daughter of the original Yummy Mummy. Even after having her six children that she was so proud of, my mum – with her tousled curls, mini skirts, tan tights and high-heeled sandals – ran the house with huge energy and music and dancing. She had a kind of distracted, whimsical approach to housework while, encouraged by her own mother, making us all laugh came naturally and ‘got done’ much more often. My father remained madly in love with her until death did them part. She misses her gorgeous husband so much!

– Paula, Director of Professional Development

Before becoming a Mum, it was a day to tell my Mother how much she meant to me. Even though that remains important, being a Mum myself for the past 21 years makes Mother’s Day very special for me. I plan well in advance how to spend the day in the best way possible with my three children. My oldest daughter will be working but she will have a small gift for me, rarely a card, but I know she cares and acknowledges that I do my best for her and have done since she was born – all 8Ib 12ozs. The smallies are where my energies really go and this will be my first Mother’s Day with my son, so it is very special, and I will talk with my little daughter a week or so in advance. I’ll let her be part of the planning so she can feel she is special to me every day. We hope to have a family fun day out in the zoo.

I will go to bed exhausted after our big day out, I know, but delighted to have had a quality day with my children. Even though I try to have lots of quality time with them, it can be hard when you’re a working Mum. I feel we really add to our relationship and bond on this special day. Not everyone gets to feel this very special pride. I feel Mother’s Day is about celebrating what an honour it is to be a Mum.

– Geraldine, Director of Children and Parenting Services

Every year, I love my mother more. And I see more clearly how alike we are, and my daughter too. We are all carers, we love to give to others and make them happy. I wasn’t always comfortable with this trait but I see now that it is a wonderful way to be. Thanks Mum, for passing this on.

– Sinéad, Board Member

My thoughts as I reflected on this question have been with the mothers I have worked with during my time as a counsellor in One Family.  I have met many brave, courageous and wonderful women mothering in that time.

Mothering Sunday can be a very emotive day for our clients.  There are high expectations that go with that day for both mother and child. This day celebrates the unconditional love between mothers and their children.  A day of surprises and treats, gifts, and maybe breakfast in bed.   I am thinking of many mothers of young children and babies who do not have a family member or partner to make sure there is a card or present for that mother on mother’s day.  That mother lives in isolation, perhaps in a hostel or housing estate, with few friends or family for support.

I have also thought in the last weeks of the mothers I have worked with in One Family who have found mothering difficult.  Who either did not bond or found it very difficult to love their babies.  These women find it very difficult to find a safe place to voice this experience.  This is to speak the unspeakable – that a mother might find it difficult or may indeed not love her baby. If they tell their GP or any professional service, they will most lightly be offered anti-depressants or told they have post natal depression.   A number of women have told me that during pregnancy when they expressed fears about motherhood, they were told ‘when the baby’s born, it will be different’ or ‘you will fall in love when you see the baby’.  This is not always the case.

In the recent debates on abortion I am always struck by how the consequences of a woman going ahead with a pregnancy she does not want is never discussed or mentioned.  The long-term emotional distress, both for her and the child …  This often manifests itself in lack of confidence, low self-esteem, depression and anxiety, for both mother and child.

I will think of those brave women on Mother’s Day.

– Marguerite, Counsellor

Mother, the noun: a woman in relation to a child or children to whom she has given birth. Mother, the verb: bring up (a child) with care and affection. I experienced both the noun and the verb in a variety of guises throughout my childhood. I learned that ‘mother’, in its essence, is fluid – a term of great complexity, confusion and change. It can represent the cruelest heartbreak and the purest kindness.

Two of my mothers are gone now. Both are in my thoughts every day and will be on Mother’s Day. For the one who is still here, I’ll ensure she knows that she is a much loved ‘verb’.

– Shirley , Director of Communications

This Mother’s Day let’s think of the children who don’t have a Mum in their lives and make sure they feel included and cherished. Let’s be aware of the Dads who are raising children on their own and let’s make sure they feel appreciated for being a special type of Mum. Let’s remember the women who are Mums in their hearts but not in reality because their dream to be a parent has not yet come true or may never come true.

Let’s remember the women who relinquished children to be adopted for whatever reason and who may have that shadowy experience of having been a Mother but not a parent. Let’s remember the Mothers who dream of, raise, support and love children day in and day out but who are not able to be legal parents. Let’s remember the foster-Mums who are caring for, loving and raising our vulnerable children year in and year out but who are not able to adopt them. Let’s remember the Mums who feel like failures, who have let down their children and who are mercilessly judged for not being ‘Irish Mammies’ – we can all only do our best even though sometimes our best is not good enough for others.

Let’s remember the Mums who are living in Ireland working in our hospitals, cleaning our houses and caring for our children and whose own children may be far away in another country, Mums who are not able to afford to have their children with them. Let’s remember the Mums who go without food, who make heroic sacrifices to give their children enough even though they have barely enough to live on.

On behalf of One Family, on this special day, let’s remember all the Mums who are doing it on their own. Let’s remember the brave founders of Cherish who back in the early 1970s said they were not giving up their children; let’s be aware of the fact that 65% of the poorest children in Ireland live in one-parent families; let’s know that for most Mums parenting alone is probably not the way they wanted it to turn out. Let’s say well done to all those Mums as they battle negative attitudes, juggle parenting with work and education, pay for everything from one salary, are good cop and bad cop, and put their children first and last, always.

Well done, keep up the good work raising the next generation – you are appreciated.

– Karen, CEO

 

* A version of this article has appeared in thejournal.ie today.