Geraldine Kelly – Page 2

It is important for you and your children to have a sense of pride about your family. No matter what form your family takes, what wealth you may or may not have, or what activities you may or may not do, being secure in one’s family and self – which will nurture family pride – is achieved through building strong supportive relationships. It is the quality of these relationships at home that has most importance for a child’s outcomes. When every member of the family feels cherished and valued, they experience higher self-esteem which contributes to family self-esteem. To build strong relationships, establish pride and a sense of innate family self-esteem, we must encourage positive emotional growth in our children and in ourselves. In this week’s instalment of our ’10 Ways to’ parenting tips series, we looks at some ways to nurture positive growth and your family’s sense of pride.

When children feel a sense of belonging and sense of pride in their families, they can be emotionally strong. Developing family rituals and traditions can bolster this.
Giving children messages of encouragement enables them to develop a positive sense of who they are.
Remember that for your child you are the expert – you are the all important ‘big’ person. How you behave impacts most strongly on your child. Develop pride in yourself as a parent and show pride in your family unit.
When you get it wrong say, ‘I am sorry, I made a mistake’. Saying sorry does not weaken your role as a parent and models positive behaviour for your child.
Keep organised. Simple tools such as a hand-drawn weekly planner on the ‘fridge can help with organising activities, menus, homework time etc. Knowing what is happening helps children to feel secure. Don’t be stressed if you do not have an always perfectly clean and tidy home. It’s difficult to achieve with children! What is important is that your home provide a safe, secure and comfortable environment for your child. Every member of the family should treasure their home and feel pride in their space.
Spend some time thinking about how you can best meet your child’s needs and if there are changes you can make.
Examine your needs as a parent. How can you meet these needs? Remember that the key to positive and successful parenting is to parent yourself first. You must meet your own needs so that you can best meet the needs of your child.
Show affection towards each other. Expressing that you care both strengthens and celebrates your bond as a family unit.
Think about respect within your family. Do you respect your children as you do other adults in your life? Do your children respect you? If not, think about why this is and what changes could be made.
Aim to be a ‘good enough’ parent; no one is perfect and we do not want our children to feel they have to be perfect.

This article is part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips, and is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly. Coming up Next Week: 10 Ways to Understand Why Children Misbehave and the Power of Positive Parenting.

Next you might like to read: 10 ways to Parent Self Care or 10 ways to Improve your Child’s Self Esteem

LIVE Facebook Q&A on this topic with Geraldine, 26 January from 11am-12pm on One Family’s Facebook page. Join in and post your questions.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.

Life often throws obstacles our way. Maybe you have had a tough year in 2014 and can recall more things that went badly than those that went well. It happens to all of us at some time in our lives. Whether you feel this past year has been good or bad, this time as we transition into a new year can be the ideal time to take stock. It’s a good time to look back over the previous twelve months in a productive manner, with a view to making positive changes for your family in 2015. Give yourself some quiet time to sit down with a notebook and pen, think about our suggestions below, and make your parenting plan for the brand new year ahead.

Make a list of the top three things you love about your children.
Make a list of the top three issues you can deal with well around parenting.
Now that you are hopefully feeling a little more positive that things are never as bad as they seem, think about the things you need to make changes around.
Name five areas of your parenting that you would like to change in the coming year. Write this plan into a nice diary or notebook that you will keep close with you all year. Or make a little poster and pin it up in your home to remind you of the goals you are setting for 2015.
Start with introducing family meetings. If you don’t do this already then the time has come. As a parent your key role is to facilitate harmony in your home. You cannot do this without everyone getting on board. Talk with your children about the idea of family meetings. Everyone gets to talk and be heard. It’s a time for planning and sharing and most importantly solving issues. Have a family meeting book, use a notebook which will last the year and keep note each week of the meeting, the issues and the plan. This can make such a drastic change in families, you really should try it. When everyone is planning together and each family member feels they are being heard, then the plan is more likely to work. If it is your plan alone, you can bin it as it most likely will not work. Check out our 10 Ways to Run a Family Meeting for more information.
Next you need to think about self-care. All parents need to make and value some time for themselves. This is especially valuable for anyone parenting on their own as no one else can do this for you so it’s important to acknowledge this and plan your own self-care. Without looking after yourself and meeting your own needs, you will not be able to continuously meet the needs of your family. Make a plan now of when you will get time out each week. What are your 3 top needs for this year? Name them and start planning. There is most often a simple way of meeting needs, but you have to be creative and positive that it is possible. Now write them up clearly and promise yourself that you deserve this time for you and your children will be much happier as a result. Happy Parents, Happy Home.
Spend a week looking at you, at how you engage with your children. Is the picture one you like? If not then plan a change. Can you listen more and talk less? Can you ask for their story and not always tell yours? Can you empower your children to resolve their own issues instead of always trying to fix them for them? Can you put yourself in their shoes, what is life like for them? Can you talk with them and not at them? Can you see yourselves as team members who need to work together, cooperate with each other to get things done and needs met? Are the rules fair? Who made them? Is it time to review them? How many chances do you give? If the answer is more than one, then it’s time to think again. Talk with your child about choices, they choose to behave in certain ways, as do you, and we all face consequences. Are the consequences fair and does everyone face them?
Think about your child’s other parent. What does it mean to your children to have two parents? Is your child’s other parent currently involved in parenting? What is your relationship like with the other parent? If there is room for improvement then try to make a change. Explore your style of communication and look at your role in any conflict. You can’t change your child’s other parent, you can only make changes for you, however positive changes often have ripple effects on others. For more suggestions, read 10 Ways to Explain an Absent Parent, 10 Ways to Successful Shared Parenting and 10 Ways to Positively Maintain Contact.
Remember to contact One Family if you would like parenting support. We offer a variety of online information, one-to-one-supports, and parenting courses including a new online parenting support course starting this Spring. Click here to find out more. Maybe these supports are what you need to help you as you make positive change happen.
You can also call or email our askonefamily helpline to talk about what is challenging you when starting into this new year ahead. You have the answers already, but you may need some support to dig them out.

This article is part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips, and is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly. Next week we examine how to put routines into place.

LIVE Facebook Q&A with Geraldine on Monday 5th January from 11am-12pm on One Family’s Facebook page. Join in and post your question.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and advice on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.

It is so easy as a parent to get caught in the cross fire of sibling arguments. As parents there are some simple guidelines we can follow to support our children to sort it out. As part of our weekly parenting tips series, here are our ’10 Ways to Address Sibling Rivalry’.

Never take sides. No matter what age they are or what the gap is, hear what both have to say first and then move onto the next step.
Clarify what you understand to be the issue and tell them to take steps to sort it out.
Give them a clear time line in which to do this – in the next 10 minutes, today, this week – whatever is appropriate.
If they cannot manage to resolve the issue, support them to. You are the facilitator of this issue, the mediator in a sense. Help your children identify the problem, to hear what each other think and, most importantly, feel and then ask them to offer solutions.
If they cannot cooperate in this process offer them a consequence. Tell them if they cannot agree to cooperate and find a solution then such a consequence will happen for them both. Remember – don’t take sides.
If and when they manage to resolve the issue, then praise them for doing this. If necessary ask them what they have agreed and support them to succeed in carrying out this plan.
If they can’t come up with a solution, sit them down and help them brainstorm what they can do to resolve the dispute or an ongoing issue. Get them to write down the plan if they are old enough to. Keep it very simple if they are very young.
Reward children with positive feedback when you find them playing and interacting well with each other. Often we only notice when they are arguing.
Always ensure children are safe in this process. Never leave a child at risk of harm from another. Talk with them about respect and ground rules in your family. Ensure there are no double standards in how you behave and how your children are allowed to behave.
Although you may have to support a child to be safe you should still work with each child to empower them to speak up and voice what they need to. You are not doing your child any favours by acting for them all the time. These skills they learn at home with siblings are valuable life skills they can take with them in every aspect of life. Always try to reflect on what you are teaching all your children; the ones that speak up and the ones that stay quiet or wait for you to intervene and fix things. Try not to be the “fix it” parent. Children can resolve their own issues, they just need your support to learn the skills and gain the confidence.

Next you might like to read 10 Ways to Run a Family Meeting.

This article is part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips, and is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly. Coming soon: 10 Ways to Make Positive Parenting Changes.

LIVE Facebook Q&A with Geraldine on this topic on Monday 5 January from 11am-12pm on One Family’s Facebook page. Join in and post your question.

This week as part of our ongoing ’10 Ways to’ parenting tips series, we explore stepparenting. Television shows like The Brady Bunch or Modern Family might make it seem as though it’s pretty much all plain sailing but this is usually not the case. Being a stepparent can be a very difficult role within the family. The level of complexity it brings to the family and the individual is often underestimated by every family member. However, with patience and commitment, the rewards can be immense. Read on for our advice for stepparents on this important role.

If you are the stepparent, talk with your partner about parenting. Understand very clearly how they parent and why they do it this way. Before you can actively start to support the parenting of their children, you need to agree together on the style of parenting which is comfortable for you both.
Talk with your partner about his/her children and the role s/he wants as a parent of them. It is very important to accept that children are not going anywhere; can you have a relationship with your partner and his/her children, are you ready for the challenge? Are you ready to share this person with other very important people, their children? Are you ready and aware that your partner will always have to maintain a relationship with their child’s other biological parent?
Talk with the children about the type of relationship they would like to have with you. If children are quite young, then you will most likely have to be an active stepparent when they are in your care and that of their biological parent.
Explore with children what this will be like for them. You will most likely be moving from being their friend who does not interfere to a new active parenting role. Children can be very confused by this. Explore feelings for everyone in the family. Talk with children and with each other about the challenges.
Having family meetings can be key to a happy home. Involve children in planning, talk with them about issues and problems. Enable them to have a voice and a part in implementing new ways of living together.
Children don’t like having too many people tell them what they can and cannot do. Talk with children about respect for everyone in the family and set ground rules around respect for each family member.
Children can be very lucky to have a stepparent, another person who is there for them to support them and help them through the challenges of childhood. However, building a very close relationship with the child will take time so you will need to put effort into this. Children may or may not naturally like you. You may or may not like them initially. Bonds take time to develop. Be realistic and always be patient.
It is usually very important for the stepparent to understand and empathise with the other biological parent. Try to understand what it is like for him or her. Appreciate what it is like for them having a stepparent with their children. Do you know their style of parenting, can you talk with them about the children to help you understand each child and how they respond to discipline? Respect the child’s other parent always and value their role as the biological parent of your stepchildren.
If all three parents can sit together a couple of times a year and talk about the children, what each person’s role is and how the children are coping with living within a stepparent family, everyone will benefit. Remember that children are central to harmony and the focus is on keeping them at the centre of parenting. If children are happy, then usually parents are happy.
If you are not happy in your role as a stepparent, then you need to start talking. Are you confused about your role? You may not be a parent already and now you have children who already have two parents whom you have to try and understand and parent also. This is very challenging. You should not think it is easy, it will be a constant challenge, so allow yourself opportunities to discuss your concerns with a close friend. You can also seek professional support. It can be very helpful to take a parenting course so you can learn some key skills and insight into children, and how to identify their needs. Hopefully with your partner’s support, you can meet each child’s needs as well as your own.

Next you might like to read 10 Ways to Sensitive Integration of a Stepparent.

Every family is different and many have their own special traditions at Christmas. Sometimes parents who are parenting alone, or families experiencing separation or in transition, might feel that their Christmas traditions aren’t somehow ‘as good’ as those we’re bombarded with on TV and in magazines around this time of year. Remember that those images of ‘perfect’ smiling families relaxing around roaring log fires with feasts that could actually feed twenty families are just that – images. In real life, a Christmas tradition is simply a shared experience between people who care about each other and enjoy spending quality time together. You can create your own that will be perfect for your family. Traditions provide children with a sense of belonging and continuity, and promote family well-being.

This week in our ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips, we explore some ideas for establishing Christmas traditions. Starting a family Christmas tradition for you and your child will result in happy memories that will last a lifetime. It’s simple and doesn’t have to mean spending a lot of money.

Start your traditions to coincide with the traditional Advent Calendar that every child usually loves. Very pretty Advent Calendars can be found in discount stores. You could even make your own.
Make your Christmas cards with your children. The local discount shops also offer great value in art and craft materials. Most children love being creative with arts and crafts and this can be a great way to spend quality time together.
Make Christmas cakes or puddings. Children love baking and it can be a very relaxing activity. Or you could consider buying a good value ready made cake that has not yet been decorated. You can allow your creativity to flow and decorate it together. Your children will be very excited to share it with Santa.
Do fun things together as a family. Plan a time to visit Santa and enjoy a day out. Go to the park, wrap up warm. Bring a flask of hot chocolate and see the Christmas lights lit up in the evening. There are lots of organised family-friendly activities happening all over Ireland throughout December that are free to attend and enjoy.
Allow the children save up some pocket money and set aside a time to bring them to buy little gifts for their family or school friends. Go to good value retailers and discount shops to find gifts for every budget.
Set a date to put up the tree and make sure everyone knows beforehand so they can look forward to it. Do it together as a family. Children want to share in the excitement of putting on the decorations. Help them make their own new decoration each year to add to the tree. The tree doesn’t have to be perfect, just perfect for the family you have.
Use some money that perhaps was allocated for present shopping for a day out at the Christmas panto. It should’t break the budget. From local community halls to the big stage, children will enjoy them all. These are memories that will stay with your child for ever.
Plan Christmas Eve in advance. Does it need to be so busy? Can part of the day be spent relaxing? Bake treats for Santa, have a movie morning and watch your favourite Christmas movie together. Have a ‘pamper time’ where each person has to treat each family member. There are lots of things you could do. Go for walk in the local park, enjoy the atmosphere. Visit the Christmas markets and enjoy the smells, sights and sounds. Have breakfast together as a family, think back over the year and look forward to the next.
Do something nice for you over the Christmas season. If you’re parenting alone, you need to acknowledge all you have done in the year. So pat yourself on the back this year. Your children are too young to be aware of all you do. Focus on what went well and give yourself a little treat. Arrange for a family member or friend to babysit if possible, and take some time out for you. It can be as simple as a long soak in the bath with new scented bubble bath. One day off in the year is allowed!
Try to avoid doing things because just others – whether family members or friends – expect you to. Do what suits your family and enjoy the time with them. Christmas will be over very fast and you will wonder what it was all about otherwise. Christmas is what you make it.

Next you might like to read 10 Ways to Make Christmas Stress Free, 10 Ways to Achieve Successful Shared Parenting at Christmas or 10 Ways to Develop Family Rituals and Traditions.

This article is part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips, and is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly.

LIVE Facebook Q&A with Geraldine on creating Christmas traditions on Monday 8 December from 11am-12pm on One Family’s Facebook page. Join in and post your questions.

Playtime with their parent is very important to children. Making time to sit down on the floor to play together is one of the best things you can do to support their development and your relationship with them. Some parents find it very difficult to value just sitting and playing. Sometimes a parent might even feel a bit awkward at first – after all, it’s probably been a long time since we ourselves did this – but when you make yourself just do it, you will soon experience the immense enjoyment it can bring to both you and your child. Play is your child’s work so never underestimate its importance in their young lives.

Read on for this week’s parenting tips in our ’10 Ways to’ series which explores how parents can create and develop quality playtime with their child.

Children are wonderful. Simply sit and watch them play and engage with materials. Enjoy how clever and curious they are.
Smile with them when they discover something new and learn how to make things work for the first time. Admire how they can climb on the furniture, using their strength and determination. What wonderful qualities for your child to have.
Talk with them and engage with them. Often we are so busy doing we don’t notice who our children are or actively listen to what they are saying.
Why not challenge yourself to sit on the floor with your child for 20 minutes and simply see what comes of it. Try it over the next few days.
Try not to sit down to play with an agenda in mind. Allow your child take the lead and to be in charge of the play time. Comment on what you see them actually do, e.g. “I can see you are putting the blue block into the teapot, and then pouring the tea out.” Don’t say what you think, just what you see.
Wait for your child to invite you into the game, and then do what they tell you to do. It is their game so respect this space and allow them be in control of life during play time. This is when they process what is happening in the big world every day for them. Watch and learn! And remember that you can allow yourself to have fun!
Speak positively and try to let go of any naughties during this time. Later think about what went well and how you can support your child with what they find challenging. Think about how you can extend their play. Can you add real water to the tea set, bathe the doll, make paper aeroplanes and hang them up? What can you do and offer to your child to extend the play they enjoy. By doing this, you are supporting your child’s learning.
Sometimes as parents we might have concerns about what we don’t like in our children, what we might see as their negative traits. But, within reason, these are perhaps not negative traits. Perhaps our own experiences have influenced us to think this way. Our role as parents is to support children to grow and achieve, helping them use their skills and talents to their advantage as they develop. Seeing their traits as positive and helping your child to see them as positive too is part of this. For example, what if your child is not cheeky, but strong willed? What can they achieve if they learn to use this skill well? They could be a future leader. Maybe your child is not shy or timid, but thoughtful and considerate of others. How can they best use this valuable trait?
Making time for play with your child also helps you to identify what is missing from your child’s toy box that would support your child’s play and learning.
Take on the challenge and you will never go back to just leaving children to play. Of course, at times it is important for children to play on their own or only with other children. They need their space from us too. But remember, making just 20 minutes to play with your child each day will keep you very closely connected to your child and enhance your current and future relationship.

LIVE Facebook Q&A with Geraldine on the topic of play on Monday 24 November from 11am-12pm on One Family’s Facebook page. Join in and post your question. Or why not try these tips beforehand and let Geraldine know on Monday how it went?

Next you might like to read 10 Ways to Make Play Dates Positive or 10 Ways to Make the Most of the Playground.

The term ‘absent parent’ refers to a parent whom a child has never met or has had very little contact with. Note: This is different to a ‘non-resident parent’, ‘non-primary’ or ‘secondary carer’, or when parents co-parent/share parenting of their child.

People find themselves parenting alone through a variety of circumstances. It is natural that children will become curious about their other parent and start to ask questions about them as they grow. This can be very difficult to deal with as a parent, especially if processing our own feelings of hurt, rejection, anger or grief. What is most important is to be prepared for this question, and to be consistent, honest and straightforward.

This week, our ’10 Ways to’ series becomes ’15 Ways’ as we explore how to explain an absent parent to your child.

Children will usually start to ask about their absent parent once they start school and start to notice that many children have two parents. Questions can increase as they grow – especially if they are working on family trees in school as they often do.
The best approach to take is to be brave and tell them that yes, they have two parents. Then start to tell them a little about the other parent.
You can tell them that the other parent was not yet ready to be a parent, perhaps that they were scared and choose not to do it. Reassure them that they have you and you are 100% committed to being their parent and to loving and supporting them.
There is no value in painting a negative picture of the parent who is absent for many reasons and young children don’t need negative information. Keep it simple and give the basic information they need for now. “Yes, you do have two parents, your other parent is called [their name].” Talk about any similarities the child might have to the other parent.
Take out any photographs you have of the other parent or photos with both parents. Talk with your child about when you and their other parent loved each other or really liked each other – whichever the case may be – and that you both made the child together.
Create a ‘shoe box parent’ for the child. This is a box where you can place anything which has a story about the child’s other parent. This could be photos, pictures you make together of what the parent looks like, what he or she liked to do or eat, or places you visited with them.
Talk with the child about any contact the other parent had with them and make it positive for them. When children grow up they will know the full story but for now, keep it simple. Children need to identify with both parents.
Give some thought to making contact with an absent parent if it is safe to do so. Allow the other parent an opportunity to explore some form of contact. If this can’t happen, then work with your child to help them understand that maybe the other parent will be ready to be a parent some day. Often when children are very keen to meet an absent parent, it is because they feel this parent will meet a currently unmet need. This often turns out not to be the case. Help your child to identify their needs so you can try to meet them.
Think about contact with extended family members of the other parent if you feel it is helpful for the child. Just because a person may not want to be a parent, that may not be the same for their family members. Enable grandparents in particular an opportunity to engage with their grandchild.
Always allow children to ask you many questions and talk with you. Expect that every three years or so, another round of questions will come. Be patient with your child and give them permission to talk about the absent parent and ask any questions.
Be honest and consistent and give them as much age appropriate information as you can. Often children just need basic information. They simply need to be able to say to other children, for example, “Yes, I have a daddy and his name is Jack.” Children are curious by nature so support them with this.
It may be very hard to talk with your child about all of this, but be brave, take a deep breath and do it and then get support for yourself afterwards. Remember that your relationship with the other parent and what you experienced is not what your child has experienced. Most children do not feel rejected by not knowing an absent parent, it is we as the parents who feel rejection.
Get support if you find it difficult to talk about the other parent. Many people don’t deal with the hurt and pain of the past and benefit from professional support to let go and move on. Allow life to give you all it has to offer.
If you became pregnant or a lone parent through an abusive experience or relationship, get support to deal with this. You can still support your child to have a positive healthy childhood. Children don’t need to know the circumstances of how they came to be. Talk with them about who is in their life and how much they are loved. You can explore with them what they imagine life would be like with two parents and help them further explore the negatives and positives of that life. Talk with them about how wonderful that vision is for them. Don’t try to corrode it by being negative. Tell them that you are glad they shared that with you. You can’t make it different so just be the best parent you can be for your child.
Children can grow up perfectly happily and successfully in a one-parent family, as current research shows. What they need are quality relationships with people in their life who like to spend quality time with them, people who understand them and who can support their needs. Once you can love your child and support them, they will and can be very happy and confident in their family form.

Next you might like to read 10 Ways to Talk With Your Child About “Where do I come from?”

LIVE Facebook Q&A with Geraldine on explaining an absent parent on Monday 17 November from 11am-12pm on One Family’s Facebook page. Join in and post your question.

Christmas doesn’t have to be a difficult time for parents who do not live together and share parenting of their child. There are, of course, things that will need to be worked out. What is most important is to do this well in advance, agreeing to solutions and a plan. Agree your plan now in November, to help ensure a happy, fun-filled Christmas for all members of the family, centered around your child. Read on for this week’s parenting tips which explore how parents can achieve successful shared parenting over the Christmas season.

Start thinking it through and planning now.
Plan with your child. Talk with your child about Christmas and explore with them that it lasts for more than one day.
Tell them that both you and their other parent love them and enjoy time with them at Christmas. Ask your child how they would like Christmas to look. Talk with them about the options available.
Try to hear your child in this. Most parents prefer to have their child with them on Christmas Day, and in many separated families it is not possible. See Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and St Stephen’s Day all as Christmas. You will have to agree if each year one of you has the children with them on the 25^th and the other parent has them on the 24^th or 26^th.
Talk with your child’s other parent. Ask them what they hope Christmas will look like and then start to negotiate on contact. Use assertive communication skills. Try not to jump in with a no straight away to what they hope for. Think of your child’s needs and how best you can both meet them. Don’t have these discussions in front of your child.
Children love Christmas – if they don’t have parents arguing over them. All the gifts in the world won’t help if your child is distressed or worried. Talk and plan in advance and avoid conflict. Give each other space to think about what the other parent wants, then talk again about your shared plans.
Explain to your child what will happen and that you and the other parent will try your best to ensure they have the Christmas they hope for. Make sure your child has the information they need in advance.
Children are not going to object to two Christmases. Santa can leave gifts in both homes. Santa knows, of course, that some children have two homes. Families comes in all kinds of shapes and sizes.
Talk about buying the gifts early on. Both parents usually want to be involved in this. Can each of you buy your own gifts from your child’s list and agree to give them on the one day or over two days? Often children get too much on the 25^th – maybe they would appreciate receiving the gifts more spread out. Children need to share the excitement with both parents.
If you need help to communicate with each other, seek professional support from services such as One Family’s Mediated Parenting Plans or Parent Mentoring services so you can make plans for a Christmas that everyone can look forward to.

Next you might like to read 10 Ways to Successful Shared Parenting.

LIVE Facebook Q&A with Geraldine on shared parenting over Christmas on Monday 10 November from 11am-12pm on One Family’s Facebook page. Join in and post your questions.

Halloween, having its roots in the Gaelic Samhain festival, is traditionally a wonderful time for family fun and games in Ireland and in other parts of the world! As parents, we need to take precautions to ensure the safety of our children. If you are driving anywhere, remember to slow down and watch out for excited little trick-or-treaters. Following some guidelines for safety won’t take away from the fun. As part of our 10 Ways to weekly series of parenting tips, here are 10 Ways to Make Halloween Fun and Safe.

If you are celebrating Halloween with your child, be organised. Talk with them in advance about what character they want to be. Agree a budget for costumes or whether you are making it at home – which can be great fun and cost effective. Use flame-resistant materials and if you plan to go out to trick-or-treat in the evening, you might want to attach reflective strips to dark coloured costumes. You could also have fun making some decorations together.
Be conscious that young children may be anxious or scared at Halloween, as may children with special needs. It’s dark, there are lots of scary figures about. Children may need time with this and some interaction with less scary characters.
Children love spending quality time with their parents. Why not start a tradition for your own Halloween Family Day?
Experiment with face paints until you get it right. Let children practice on you, they’ll really enjoy that. You might like to test a small area of your child’s skin for allergic reaction in advance, follow the instructions on the packet.
Bake together and agree on treats for the day – children enjoy supervised cooking. Making things together will support good quality relationships. Safefood has lots of recipes for Halloween treats such as these ghoulishly delicious Ghostly Milk Shakes.
Encourage children to learn ‘tricks’ such as singing a song or reciting a poem. People like to see children make an effort in order to get the treat. In fact, performing a song or poem on the doorstep was expected in most parts of Ireland until recently. Practice songs at home in the days coming up to Halloween – this will be good family fun. Children feel very proud of themselves when they actually do it then, it’s a great self-esteem boost.
Be vigilant and aware of safety at all times. All children up to at least 14 should have adults with them when trick-or-treating. Agree a route in advance and what doors they are allowed to knock on.
Never allow children under 14 years old out on their own. Children should also never be allowed into the homes of strangers. Parents should always be very close by watching the engagement and intervening when necessary.
On the day, make it fun for all members of the family to be involved. Play dress up that day. You can dress up too. Play some games at home such as biting the apple from a string or finding coins in green gunk (wall paper paste mixed with green food colouring makes excellent, low-cost goo).
Consider having a party in your own home for your children and some friends. Trick or treating can start about 4pm and a little party with games from 6-8pm. This can be such a fun celebration for all the family and your friends.

Have fun this Halloween!

LIVE Facebook Q&A with Geraldine on parenting topics every Monday (apart from Bank Holidays) from 11am-12pm on One Family’s Facebook page.

Parents often worry that their toddlers aren’t getting enough nutrition, and ensuring that they do is an important job. Toddlers are known for going through a ‘fussy’ or ‘picky’ eater stage as part of their developmental process. This week in our parenting tips series, 10 ways becomes 15 ways as we explore how parents can take steps to make sure mealtimes aren’t a battleground, our toddlers get the nutrition they need, and how to encourage them to eat.

Your role as the parent is to provide the food, not force children to eat it.
Sometimes the more attention we give to not eating, the more children do not eat. It is giving a lot of energy and attention to a negative behaviour.
Provide children with choice and eat with them. Toddlers should be included in family meals. It’s not good practice to feed children separately. Eating as a family is a social occasion and extremely important in family dynamics, involve babies from six months upwards.
Children will eat one day and not the next. Love beans today and hate them tomorrow. Try offering food buffet style. Lay it on the table and encourage children to choose what they want to eat. There is less waste and untouched food can be used at another meal time.
Children will not allow themselves to starve. Once good, healthy options are available, they will choose to eat. Stop nagging them.
Children enjoy different tastes and textures, offer choice again in this area.
Allow children to be involved in food shopping and meal preparation. Usually they are excited to eat what they have prepared.
With young toddlers, offer the same food on many occasions as their taste buds are developing. Often they’ll change their mind about foods as they grow – or even just if the mood suits them.
Children get bored with foods, just as adults do. Change menus around and plan the weekly shopping to accommodate this.
Set a time limit for sitting and eating. Don’t force children to sit for long periods of time, trying to make them eat. When you have eaten, chat about your day and share some stories, then say, “Let’s tidy up, it seems you are not hungry just now.”
Always allow young children eat later. Don’t deprive them of food until the next meal as punishment. They are too young for such actions. Children may be grazers. Allow them healthy snacks, be creative in food preparation and offer at least five meals per day including nutritious drinks all day.
Children know when they are hungry; they are born with this instinct. By controlling too much what and when they eat we take this away from them. Follow their lead in this. You will find they have hungry periods in the day, and hungrier days than others.
Do a weekly food pyramid. Mark in daily what your child eats. You may find that over the week they have eaten pretty well.
Praise children for what they did eat, and try not to focus on what they haven’t eaten. Unless your child is continuously sick and not gaining weight or growing and developing, s/he is most likely having enough food.
If you are concerned that they are not eating, visit your community nurse or GP.

Next you might like to read 10 Ways to Encourage Healthier Eating.

LIVE Facebook Q&A with Geraldine on this topic on Monday 13 October from 11am-12pm on One Family’s Facebook page.

Many young children will start to wonder about and question where they came from, sometimes triggered by meeting new friends at school or learning that new little siblings will be coming into the family, while other children may have hardly any interest in the topic. Whatever your child’s level of curiosity may be, it’s helpful to think about what your answer will be in advance so that you’re not thrown whenever the question is asked.

Be honest with children. Explain things as simply as possible but always truthfully. Give them just enough age and developmentally appropriate information. Over time you can add more detail.
Try telling younger children that an egg and seed make friends and then it grows into a baby. They don’t have to know just yet how this actually happens. Sex discussions can come a little later.
Tell children that the baby is connected to Mum inside and when ready to come into the world, the doctors help the baby to be born .
Remember that families are diverse. Children are created in many ways. Explore this with your child. Don’t presume that all of your child’s classmates are all children of two biological parents. Some children will have same sex parents.
Your child may be adopted and may not know whose egg or seed they came from, but you can tell them that they have parents who love them and feel very lucky that some other person was able to share their child with them.
Explain to children that sometimes Mums and Dads don’t have eggs or seeds themselves so they have to be received from a kind person.
Talk with children about relationships. Explain that babies are usually made when two people care about each other a lot and want to have a special person. Explain also that sometimes only one parent is ready when this actually happens which is why some families are one-parent families. Sometimes a Mum and Dad might not live in the same house. Assure your child they are loved and wanted and special.
Use books to support your conversations with children. There are books for all ages to help explain all issues in life from making babies to death. Check out your local library and book shop.
Children often wish for more siblings. Maybe you have chosen not to have more children. Children grow out of this and really they long for more relationships, not necessarily siblings.
Grow things with your child, such as flower seeds. This helps them to understand that everything comes from somewhere. There is a process to everything that grows, just as there is to making babies.

One Family offers specialist support in explaining about an absent parent to a child. For support and advice on this or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie. Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent mentoring service here.

Photo credit: Pixabay

Everyone who is a parent can benefit from family support. Grandparents can be a wonderful source of strength and knowledge, especially to a mum or dad parenting on their own. It’s not always possible for a parent and their child to have a Grandparent in their lives for a variety of reasons, but when it is, this is a relationship to be nurtured as it can be of great influence on a child. As part of our weekly series of parenting tips, here are our suggestions on how to support Grandparents to have the best relationship they can with their grandchildren.

Invite Grandparents into your child’s life. They have a lot to offer, things you may not be able to imagine. Children like to know who they are and where they come from. Grandparents can offer a lot of history to children and support them to understand their identity.
Be open to exploring how the Grandparents of your child’s other parent can be part of your child’s life. Many Grandparents seek court ordered contact now around this. Others don’t know what to do when couples separate. Explore this with them. Children have a right to contact with family unless it presents any danger to them.
Support Grandparents to be just that – Grandparents! Don’t expect them to take on too much. They have been parents in the past and now they have other challenges and avenues to explore.
Allow Grandparents some freedom with treats; this is what Grandparents do!
Acknowledge what Grandparents do for you and your child. Don’t take it for granted. They are not duty bound to support you to parent. Appreciate whatever they do.
Do not talk badly about Grandparents in front of children, even if you’ve had or have your own relationship difficulties. They are doing their best. Children will respect others in the way you model for them.
Talk with grandparents about issues you may have with them. Agree how they can support you to manage your child’s behaviour in a that way everyone is happy, especially the child.
Encourage a good relationship with Grandparents. Support them to enjoy being with the children, maybe one at a time to build up relationships.
Try to acknowledge that just because you ask for support you may not get it, or perhaps not in the form you had hoped. Have other support systems in place and don’t expect too much from one source.
Be confident in your own parenting so you can hear the many words of wisdom Grandparents may wish to offer you. Remember that although you are the authority on your own parenting, to thank Grandparents for their thoughts, to consider their suggestions, and to make your own choices as a parent.

This week’s ’10 Ways to’ is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly. Coming soon: 10 Ways to Encourage Toddlers to Eat; 10 Ways to Answer the ‘Where do I come from’ Question; and 10 Ways to Make the Most of Halloween.

For support and advice on any of these topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie. Find out more about our parenting skills programmes here.

Image Credit: Pixabay

Problems are a normal part of life. Many families face situations in life that, despite our best efforts, we simply can’t ‘fix’. Often there are other options we can explore and developing coping skills helps us to identify what these could be. Good coping skills also help us to learn to accept those situations that are beyond our control so we can feel better and progress, even if the problem still exists. Developing coping skills in our families makes us more resilient. Children learn from what they see and enabling them to develop these skills and resources will help them in countless ways as they progress through life.

This week in our ’10 Ways to’ series we look at ways to develop coping skills within your family. Many of these suggestions are expanded upon in other ’10 Ways to’ articles which you can access by clicking on the links within the points below.

1. Do things together – eat, play, socialise – spend quality time together as much as possible to help strengthen your family’s bonds and relationships.

2. Talk and listen to each other; value the time you spend together.

3. Choose how to use your time. Prioritise what is most important, don’t stress if the little things don’t get done.

4. Show appreciation for each other. Demonstrate it with your words and actions.

5. Take care of your physical and mental needs, and those of your children. It is important to remember to look after the basics such as healthy eating, adequate sleep and social engagement.

6. Develop social supports in your community. This can seem challenging, especially if we don’t have friends or family members who live nearby, but there are many ways to increase our involvement in our communities and invest in building relationships. Get involved.

7. Actively do things which help reduce your stress levels. These can be as simple as a walk in the park, calling a friend, or focussing on taking deep, relaxing breaths.

8. Plan things; the everyday and the long term. Write out your plan, it will seem more manageable and help you to achieve your aims.

9. Don’t spend all day worrying and thinking about a problem – box it, and play with your children.

10. Seek professional supports and use them well. Many organisations offer these supports including One Family which provides a range of counselling and parenting supports focused on the needs of one-parent families, parents sharing parenting, parents experiencing separation, and their children; and those experiencing a crisis pregnancy. Our confidential lo-call askonefamily helpline is 1890 66 22 12 / support@onefamily.ie.

This week’s ’10 Ways to’ is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly.

For support and advice on any of these topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie. Find out more about our parenting skills programmes here.

Playgrounds are wonderfully exciting for children. As well as providing an opportunity to make friends, using playground equipment can help to build children’s dexterity, strength and confidence. Being outdoors regularly is good for both children and parents’ well-being and sharing fun at the playground also creates more opportunities to bond with your child.

Read on for this week’s instalment of our ’10 Ways to’ parenting tips series which explores how to make the most of the playground.

Get to know your local playground. Become familiar with the equipment and the space, and which equipment is appropriate to your child’s age and development. Help your child to get to know their limits and capacity and enable them to relax in the space.
Play with your child but also encourage your child to use the time to interact with other children, and you can take the opportunity to interact with other parents. Encourage social engagement. Children learn the rules of play by playing with other children. Support them in the playground to be assertive, to practice talking with children, and sharing and turn taking.
Watch your child. Do not use the time to read or text or browse your phone. Playgrounds are public spaces and this should be remembered at all times – be vigilant. Also, your children like to know you’re watching so you can see what they can do. They need your facial reactions to encourage and support them to keep exploring and challenging themselves.
Try to be conscious of potential accidents and safety aware, but don’t let it stop your child from using the space well. Bring wipes and plasters with you. Allow them to pick things up (within reason) and examine them. Let them get dirty and wet. Give them permission to do these things. The playground is not the time for showing off your child’s best style.
Bring a potty if they are toilet training or under 3 years. Often there are not toilets nearby but usually it is acceptable to sit on a potty in a quiet corner.
Bring healthy drinks and snacks and use the time well. Playground visits should not be associated with sweet treats.
Play with your child, laugh and explore. It’s nice to recall what it is like to be a child. Have a go on the swings and slide and laugh out loud. These are the things your child will recall as they grow. Also it’s good therapy for any parent!
Make play dates for the playground. It can be easier to manage children in the playground than in your home at times. Plan times to meet up with other parents but don’t use all the time to chat or you will miss out on your quality time with your child.
Don’t let the weather stop you going out. Often it is only adults who don’t like the rain. Children love puddles, getting wet and feeling the wind blow them along. Dress them appropriately and get out of the house every day for at least 30 minutes. You will both feel better.
If you don’t have a playground within easy access, be creative with whatever outdoors space you have available near home, in a park or on a green. There are so many ways to help children play. Usually once they are free from hand holding to run about, they are happy out!

This week’s ’10 Ways to’ is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly.

Coming soon: 10 Ways to Develop Coping Skills in Your Family, and more helpful ’10 Ways’.

For support and advice on any of these topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie. Find out more about our parenting skills programmes here.

In this week’s ’10 Ways to’, our series of weekly parenting tips, we look at how to encourage children to eat more healthily. It is important for parents to instill healthy eating habits in children and, despite the fact that many children may opt for a biscuit rather than an apple if given the choice, making healthy food fun isn’t difficult to do and doesn’t have to cost a lot of money. Healthy eating for children can contribute to better energy and moods, and creates a strong foundation for their journey towards becoming healthy adults.

Try these tips:

Understand the food pyramid and plan the weekly menu when you are getting ready for the supermarket shop.
Encourage children to eat healthy food – talk with them about healthy food and what is does for our body – how it helps them play and have fun.
Learn some simple healthy recipes which children enjoy – freeze them and have them ready for dinners on busy days.
Remember it is never safe for children to go on diets or to hear about dieting. Healthy eating is the conversation to have with children.
Children need full fat dairy products. Do not cut healthy foods in a child’s diet. Limit sugary, processed food.
Encourage children to exercise – but you need to do it with them. Running in the park, playing ball, climbing hills etc. are all fun and easy ways to incorporate exercise into your and your child’s routines.
Limit juice drinks of all kinds. Try to stick with milk or water. Cool the water in little bottles in the fridge or use a dispenser. It makes drinking water more fun.
Some foods young children love and which are healthy are: fruit – introduce new fruits all the time; natural yogurt – make smoothies; wholegrain bread, avoid processed white breads; breakfast cereals – avoid high sugar ones; lean mince is a good source of iron for children and it can be used for a variety of dishes children love; pasta, eggs and baked beans. Having these foods in the cupboard will help you maintain a healthy diet for your child.
Be a good role model. Reflect on what diet you have and your eating habits. Children do what they see, not what you say.
When it’s party time, try to have lot of fruit, funky healthy sandwiches cut in different shapes, smoothies and milk shakes, pasta salads or Bolognese for the main dish, homemade pizza – children don’t need an over dose of sugary foods just because there is a celebration.

This week’s ’10 Ways to’ is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly.

Coming soon: 10 Ways to Develop Coping Skills in Your Family and 10 Ways to Make the Most of the Playground.

For support and advice on any of these topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie. Find out more about our parenting skills programmes here.

In this week’s ’10 Ways to’, our series of weekly parenting tips, we look at how to support your child’s sex education.

Your role as a parent in your child’s education about relationships and sex is very important. Talking with your child about sex can be a fearful task for many parents but sex education is most effective when built up gradually over the years.

Toddlers may express curiosity but will usually be content with simple answers. As your child gets older, and starts school, their questions may become more complex. From the start, ensure honest, open communication. Don’t ignore the subject, give inaccurate answers or brush off their questions – you don’t want your child to grow up being confused or embarrassed about sex and relationships.

Think about your views on sex and what matters to you in your relationships and family life. Working out your own values and morals will help you to give your child clear consistent messages about sex and relationships throughout childhood.

These ten tips should offer some helpful guidance:

The best person to talk with children about sex and sexuality is you, the parent whom they trust; they need to know this is a normal part of life.
Sexuality and relationships education should offer children the opportunity to explore and define their own values.
By age five children should be aware of touch and their body. They will be starting to understand about sexuality and should understand the correct names for body parts.
By age seven children will be starting to understand about reproduction in animals and in humans, and may be asking questions about where babies come from. They will also start to become aware of different types of sexuality.
By the age of 12 years children will be aware of how their own bodies are changing, about sex and about contraception.
By this age, they should be supported to understand what a respectful relationship is and how to recognise and protect themselves from abusive relationships.
Support your child to have a healthy view of sex; just by talking with them does not mean they are going to have sex.
By secondary school they will have become very exposed to sex. Keep the conversation open and be ready to hear when they want more information about contraception. Contraception is not about sex – it is about taking responsibility; all parents need to support their children to be responsible for their actions.
Clear, honest, open communication with children about human sexuality and contraception, combined with fostering good self-esteem, is central to the prevention of early pregnancy.
Be brave; children are curious, very factual and love information. Remember how you learnt about sex and sexuality, was it the way you would wish for your child? It’s simply another conversation so take the leap and start it with your child today.

This week’s ’10 Ways to’ is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly.

Coming soon: 10 Ways to Develop Coping Skills in Your Family; 10 Ways to Encourage Healthy Eating; and 10 Ways to Make the Most of the Playground.

For support and advice on any of these topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie. Find out more about our parenting skills programmes here.

Image credit: Pixabay

Finding a babysitter you can trust and whom your child loves can seem like a daunting task, especially for parents who may not have family or close friends to ask or who live nearby. There are a number of online sites available now to help but where possible, a reference from someone known to us is still usually the best option so ask family, friends, neighbours and other parents at crèche, school or work. In this week’s instalment of our tips for parents series, we explore ways to find and keep a babysitter.

Advertise by word of mouth and in your local supermarket. Involve your child in the process, explain to them why you need a sitter and how it will be great for all members of the family. Help them to explore what they would want from a sitter. Children from the age of 2 years old and upwards are capable of this.
Ensure that the person you engage is over 16 years old. While there is no legal rule around this, you need to do everything possible to be sure that you are recruiting someone who will be experienced enough to be responsible and capable in many situations.
Invite the person over to your home for a play date. Get to know them a little and see how comfortable you and your children are with the sitter.
If you decide to go ahead, it is advisable to meet their parent if they are under 18 years old. You should ensure their parent is on board with their teen having this role and that they feel s/he is capable of such responsibilities.
Agree the babysitting fee in advance and also agree if you will collect the sitter and/or drop them home. Always be aware of how a young sitter travels home if you are returning from a late night out. If they are under 18, you have a level of responsibility for the babysitter.
Leave snacks for the children and sitter, and anticipate anything they may need while you are out. Give them a list of contact numbers. Talk with them in advance about what is expected of them, what rooms they can use, and how to manage any behavioural issues that may arise when you’re not present.
Ensure your children understand that the babysitter is in charge, will manage behaviour while you’re out as you have outlined, and will also report any issues to you. Also ensure that your child understands to let you know if they have any issues with the sitter.
Talk with the sitter about first aid, who to contact for emergencies, and if your child has any health or nightmares issues. Talk with them about toileting your child, nappy changing and feeding. Many teens will have no idea of how to carry out these tasks and may not have younger siblings so never assume that they know what to do or how to do it.
Establish rules and boundaries with the babysitter about if their friends and boy/girlfriends can call over, the use of phones while sitting, and if your children’s friends can call over.
Be reasonable about the length of time you leave the sitter with your child and the time you are coming home. The babysitter may need to know exactly what time to expect you so their parents can know what time to expect them home. A babysitter is not usually a child minder or childcare professional, so the level of responsibility assumed is less and it should be remembered they are usually capable of offering less.

This week’s ’10 Ways to’ is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly.

Coming soon: 10 Ways to Support Your Child’s Sex Education; 10 Ways to Encourage Healthy Eating; and 10 Ways to Make the Most of the Playground.

For support and advice on any of these topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie. Find out more about our parenting programmes here.

Image Credit: Free Photos on Morguefile.com

Children are a wonderful gift, but they are very delicate and it is often easy for them to feel unappreciated or ignored. As parents, it is very important to make sure our children are growing up happy and confident, and to do that we must make sure they feel special, appreciated, and loved. By recognising their accomplishments and encouraging them to be proud of themselves, we can help them to develop confidence and a sense of achievement that will last them the rest of their lives. In this week’s edition of parenting tips, we highlight 10 ways to improve your child’s self esteem.

1. Children who have lots of positive experiences and positive things said to them will have healthy levels of self esteem, as opposed to children who have many negative experiences growing up.

2. Children need to be recognised and admired. They are important to us and important in the world. Tell them this!

3. Praise children for the efforts they make. The focus should not be on the end result. Children remember praise and it has long-lasting effects.

4. Compliment children on their appearance, how they are doing at school, with friends and with hobbies. Every child is special and should know this.

5. Notice your children’s strengths and tell them what they are. Help them understand how to use those strengths well.

6. Show your child you are so proud of them and the effort they make – to play, to share, to eat dinner etc.

7. Have special time with your child each day and let them know they are top of your list. The feeling of self worth will be enormous.

8. Encourage children to be proud of their own achievements.

9. Encourage children to be open about what strengths they have and also that we all can’t be good at everything. Help them accept they are human, and it is normal to have strengths and weaknesses.

10. Be respectful of children. Talk with them, not at them. Listen to them and hear what they are trying to say. Understand their behaviours and why they exist rather than trying to just fix them. Admire their qualities, even those which are challenging can be used in positive ways throughout life. Accept your child for who they are and tell them everyday how much you love and admire them.

This week’s ’10 Ways to’ is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly.

Coming soon: 10 Ways to Support Your Child’s Sex Education; 10 Ways to Survive Sleepless Nights; 10 Ways to Encourage Healthy Eating.

For support and advice on any of these topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.

Image credit: Pixabay

Everyone is different, and it is important to be sensitive to that fact. Children look up to their parents and will imitate their behaviour, so the way you act towards others who are different can have a profound impact on them. By making sure you are respectful to everyone, you can ensure your children will do the same. In this week of our parenting tips series, we have 10 ways to respect the differences between yourself and others.

1. Be courteous and friendly to others. You can help your child respect others by the way you greet people, talk with them, and talk about them afterwards. Children learn from our example.

2. Make a family book about similarities and differences: You and your child could work together to make a book about the people in your family.

3. Value difference. Arrange a small get-together with one or two families. Each could make a snack that may be different or new to the others, possibly an ethnic food or one that is special in other ways for their family.

4. Meet new friends. You may want to tell your child about a time when you met someone who seemed different at first but as you got to know the person, you came to appreciate him or her.

5. Use empathy: Can your child remember coming into a group and feeling ignored or left out? Talking about your child’s feelings can help your child develop empathy and begin to see things from another person’s point of view.

6. We believe that we are all special people.

7. Treat others kindly even if they are different.

8. We show we are listening by what we say.

9. We are concerned about each other’s feelings.

10. Use books, the internet and society to introduce your child to difference and in particular all types of families and how they are all unique and special – just like ours.

This week’s ’10 Ways to’ is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly.

Coming soon: 10 Ways to Prepare Your Child for Preschool; 10 Ways to Improve Your Child’s Self Esteem; 10 Ways to Encourage Healthy Eating.

For support and advice on any of these topics, call askonefamily on 0818 66 22 12 or emailsupport@onefamily.ie.

Image Credit: Pixabay

Assertiveness is a wonderful quality to have, and as long as you know how to use it properly it can be help you be direct and clear in your communication with others. In order to be successful with communication, there are several guidelines we can all follow to ensure our point is being made in an assertive way. In this week’s edition of our ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips, we look at 10 keys to being assertive.

Assertiveness is an approach that helps you to be direct, honest and respectful in expressing your feelings, wants, needs and opinions.
You should always be respectful of others and yourself when being assertive.
Being assertive should not mean being aggressive.
Use clear and direct communication instead of unclear or indirect communication.
Be more confident about how you say things and how you get your message across.
Assertiveness will help your children learn how to be assertive and help a family to be positive and have shared values.
Remember you are making requests not demands. Expect yes and no answers.
Be ready to negotiate and compromise with others, including children.
Be very specific with children in particular about what you need them to do. ‘I need you to tidy your room’ is too vague. Indicate certain areas of the room: ‘I need you to tidy your dolls today’ and explain what that should look like.
Learn to say no and explain why it is a ‘No.’ The ‘No’ is about you safeguarding yourself as opposed to blocking another person: ‘No, you cannot walk alone to the shops, I need you to be safe and I need to hold your hand to ensure this.’

This week’s ’10 Ways to …’ is compiled by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly.

Coming soon: 10 Tips for Respecting Difference; 10 Tips on Preparing Your Child for Preschool; 10 Tips on Improving Your Child’s Self Esteem

For support and advice on any of these topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or emailsupport@onefamily.ie.

Picture credit: Pixabay

There are often complex reasons behind why a child is bullying. A child who is bullying usually has some unmet needs at home or at school. They may be confused about why they’re behaving the way they are. Some children who bully may be aware of the harm their behaviour is causing but feel powerless to change it, while others may not have any awareness or consideration of how their behaviour affects others. It is nesecessary for a parent/guardian to spend time talking with the child in a calm, open and honest way to get to understand the reasons behind their bullying behaviour. They must be supported also to understand the effects of their actions and that bullying is never acceptable. As part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips, here are 10 ways to support a child who is bullying.

Punishment is not the answer to dealing with a child who is bullying. They need support and encouragement to understand what is happening for them and most often they need change to start within the family and for parents to be honest about how they are parenting.
Ask yourself why your child needs to be a bully. What needs are being met by bullying behaviour? How can these needs to be met in a more positive way?
Is your child a bully in the home or just in school or vice versa? Why might this be the case? Children need space to have their voice heard in the home and to have choices and some level of control over what is happening for them in their family. If a child has no voice in the home, they will often need to find a space where they do. This can lead to them needing to take control in situations where they can. We all have a need for control at some level.
Explore how you are parenting your child. Are they involved in decisions in the home, what is your style of parenting? How assertive are you in having your needs met?
Explore what type of communication takes place in the home and what type of boundaries are set. We all have needs and it is important to explore how people look for needs to be met within your family unit.
Talk with your child if you feel they are bullying. Be open to it, they are doing it for a reason and usually have some unmet needs. Explore with them what is missing for them. How are they feeling about themselves in school and in the home? Help them to understand how bullying is harmful and the effects it can have on others. Be accepting of what they say even though you may not always like it.
Role model for your child. Be respectful of them. Help them have their needs met in an appropriate way. Make requests of them instead of demands.
Use positive attention to support their positive behaviours. There will be many. Try not to focus solely on areas of challenging behaviour. If they have challenges, how are they being created for them?
Support your child to explore how they feel and how they can express anger, resentment, jealousy and other emotions without hurting others.
Get extra support for your child if necessary. Communicate with the school. Play and art therapy can really support a child to find their voice and express what is happening for them in life. Children have stresses and pressures also. Don’t presume that because they are a child, life is great.

You might also wish to read 10 Ways to Support a Child who is Being Bullied.

This week’s ’10 Ways to’ is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly.

Coming soon: 10 Ways to Develop Coping Skills in Your Family; 10 Ways to Respect Difference; and 10 Ways to Build Assertiveness.

For support and advice on any of these topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or emailsupport@onefamily.ie.

Image Credit: Pixabay

All families experience problems at some time. No matter how strong a family unit is or how positive our relationships, siblings will still argue, parents may be stressed over finances, bedtime routines may be difficult to establish. The demands of daily life can be challenging and problems can easily arise. If a recurring problem is not addressed, over time it can become a major issue and affect the quality of life and relationships at home for every member of the family. It is essential to recognise and address problems to help prevent this happening. Our ’10 Ways to Better Problem Solving’ can be useful in solving challenging family problems.

Name the issue, identify the problem. Work on the easier issues first of all. Working out the smaller stuff gives you the confidence to address the bigger issues.
Try to figure out how strongly everyone feels on the issue at hand by asking, on a scale of 1 to 10, how strongly do you feel about your point? 1 is not very strong and 10 is very strong.
Do not attempt to start talking about a solution until you can truly re-state each person’s point to their satisfaction and understand it, and have established what, if any, common ground there is.
Communicate about the problem with each other using the four-step method for clear and direct communication:
- Observations | Be factual. Don’t judge or evaluate. State the problem clearly.
- Feelings | Talk about what this observation makes you feel. Ask other family members what their feelings are about it.
- Needs | Talk about the needs that cause these feelings.
- Requests | Be clear, ask for – not demand – what you want. Other family members should have the option to say no and come up with alternatives.
Come up with some solutions – ask everyone in the family for them.
Select a solution.
Act on the solution. Divide out responsibility amongst the members of the family.
Appoint someone to monitor the action. For less serious issues, children can be responsible monitors too.
Evaluate the whole thing, and within a reasonable time, ask if the solution is working? If not, pick another one to try. Talk about what you all learnt from the situation.
Remember that is not your job as the parent to ‘fix’ life. Empower your children to make decisions and be responsible.

Having read these tips, you may also find our 10 Ways to Run a Family Meeting helpful.

If you would like support, information or advice in relation to the topic above, contact our lo-call askonefamily helpline on 1890 66 22 12 / support@onefamily.ie. One Family offers a range of training options to help parents and guardians to build on their parenting skills which you can find out about here. These include our upcoming Summer School of Parenting Skills Workshops in July.

This week’s ’10 Ways to …’ is adapted by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, from our Family Communications training programme.

Coming soon: 10 Ways to Develop Family Rituals and 10 Ways to Develop Coping Skills in Your Family.

It’s not always easy for parents, especially those parenting alone and/or with little expendable income, to feel they can establish or maintain a level of social engagement but as parents who are socially engaged generally have higher levels of self esteem, it is crucial to maintain a high level of self esteem and feel comfortable in social situations. This enables parents to support this development in their children. Read on for some of our tips.

10 Ways to Be More Socially Engaged

Visit the play park regularly and talk to other parents
Make play dates with your friends and their children
Make play dates with friends of your children and their parents
Join a club, hobby group or walking group
Join a playgroup
Volunteer in your community or local school etc. (if you are interested, One Family often has volunteer roles available)
Join professional groups: for example, One Family organises a monthly social group outing for lone parents and their children. Call 01 662 9212 or follow our Facebook page for details of the next outing
Engage in community activities and events: free events regularly take place in most communities
Spend time with family when possible
Use social media, wisely, to keep connected. As well as your own social media profiles, there are many online communities established for parents, and you might also like to connect with One Family on Facebook and Twitter

Our next event is our annual Family Day Festival on Sunday 18 May in the Iveagh Gardens, off Harcourt Street, Dublin 2 from 11am to 5pm. It is free and packed full of great activities, entertainment and workshops. Everyone is welcome to attend.

This week’s ’10 Ways to …’ is adapted by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, from our Family Communications training programme.

Coming soon: 10 Ways to Positively Maintaining Contact, 10 Ways to Effective Toilet Training and 10 Ways to Understand How Your Child May Feel.

One Family offers a suite of training opportunities for parents and for professionals on an on-going basis. To find out more, click here or call 01 662 9212.

(Photo credit: FreeDigitalPhotos.net/photostock)

When there is an issue for any family member, holding a family meeting is a good way to resolve it as a family, and regular meetings can promote harmony between all family members.

Read on for our 10 Ways to Run A Family Meeting

Don’t force anyone into doing it. Try saying ‘ I would like to give this a try – would you?’
Meetings should happen regularly on a certain day and time, even if there are no specific issues.
All family members need to attend, even the youngest.
Set ground rules for the meetings, including how to deal with someone who does not keep their agreements.
Decisions need to be made by consensus.
Make some time in the meeting for each person to say how they appreciate everyone or something someone did that they liked that week.
Nice snacks are important – you can rotate who chooses and prepares the treats. Children will find it fun to be given the responsibility for this task.
As a parent, try not to talk too much – family meetings are about sharing power.
Agree a way forward, write it down and try it.
Review the plan, if it works, great! If not make a new plan.

This week’s ’10 Ways to …’ is adapted by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, from our Family Communications training programme.

Coming soon: 10 Ways to Positively Maintaining Contact, 10 Ways to Effective Toilet Training and 10 Ways to Increase Social Engagement.

One Family offers a suite of training opportunities for parents and for professionals on an on-going basis. To find out more, click here or call 01 662 9212.

(Photo credit: FreeDigitalPhotos.net/Teerapun)