Parenting | Parent Self-Care

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parent self careThis week’s ’10 Ways’ offers tips about you looking after you. Especially at Christmas time, parents can become frazzled with all the organising and preparations. It is important to try and carve out even a small bit of time for yourself to recharge the batteries and ensure you enjoy Christmas time too. Read on for our ‘10 Ways to Parent Self-Care’.

  1. “I’m not perfect, I’m good enough” (Winnicot): Recognise that you are one person and you are doing the best you can. Give yourself a pat on the back – don’t wait for someone else or your child to or it may never happen!
  2. Routine: Have a core routine for each day of the week and stick to it. Don’t try to get everything done every day, set days out for different chores. Make sure you have time in the routine to play and interact with your children. Parents usually feel better when they have had a quality connection with their child.
  3. Eat: Remember you must meet your own needs so you can meet those of your children. The basic need to eat is really important as when we are hungry we are less inclined to have patience and the energy to deal with everyday issues and challenges.
  4. Sleep: It is easy to say sleep but it is more important to do it. Try to get children to bed early so you can be in bed early too. Aim for at least 6 hours sleep per night. Those with infants will only achieve this in a number of sessions of sleep so it is really important to try and nap during the day if you can.
  5. Stay healthy: Do not neglect your health – value your own health and well being as much as you do your child’s.
  6. Exercise: This can release the happy hormones and allow you time to think, reflect and make plans, or just breathe in the fresh air and tell yourself it will all work out. You can also use the time to chat with your child. Simply playing in the park or back garden can be good exercise and fun with your child also.
  7. Take time out for yourself: If you struggle with this, begin with 10 minutes for yourself and as time goes on, increase it. Maybe once a week you can plan a couple of hours to yourself. Be creative in how you achieve this – it will be worth the effort.
  8. Socialise: Isolation is a key issue for those parenting alone. Challenge yourself to network with other parents, join clubs or courses. Your self-esteem and confidence and that of your child’s will be enhanced with socialising.
  9. Ask for help: Ask for help whenever you can from family or a friend. They will stop offering if you never take them up on it. Children enjoy being with other people. It is good for you both to have time apart and for children to know there are other people who can care for them.
  10. Be an adult: You are not just a parent so make time for you to be you. It’s good for children to see you as a person with many roles, not just as Mam or Dad.

Read other articles from our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips. You can read the full series here.

Join Geraldine, our parenting expert, on Facebook on this and other parenting topics for a weekly Q&A live in our One Family Parenting Group which is a closed Facebook group (meaning that only members can read posts) that anyone can join. Post your questions and share your experiences.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email us.

 

Press Release | One Family calls on parties to prioritise family equality in the General Election 2016

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Press Release

One Family releases General Election 2016 Manifesto

(Dublin, Tuesday 15th December 2015) One Family – Ireland’s organisation for people parenting alone and sharing parenting – releases its General Election 2016 Manifesto calling on all parties and candidates running in the Election to commit to tackling family inequality in Ireland today.

The six point Manifesto outlines key areas that need to be addressed by the next Government to ensure members of one-parent families and those sharing parenting have equal opportunities in work, family law courts, an increased standard of living and representation in the Constitution.

Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO, comments: “Today we launch our Election 2016 Manifesto against a background of an Ireland that has to reduce the gap between families that have and those who are still struggling. The vast majority of Ireland’s poorest children live in one-parent families without the services, respect or laws to protect and support them to live their lives to their full potential.”

Kiernan continues: “We have set out a clear message, with six crucial points, that if followed would help eradicate the inequality faced by one-parent families and contribute to a positive future for all families.  In this time of great reflection for our country we call on candidates to ensure these families have an opportunity to live the ideals of our nation’s founders. Nearly 100 years on from the 1916 Proclamation we have yet to cherish all children in our society equally.”

One Family’s six point Manifesto calls on a commitment to:

  1. Work to end child poverty in Ireland
  2. Ensure work pays for everyone
  3. Undertake a full review of the One Parent Family payment reforms
  4. Support shared parenting
  5. Recognise and protect all families in the Constitution, not just married families
  6. Invest in our family law courts and services

 

Download the One Family Election 2016 Manifesto here

About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 as Cherish and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families and people sharing parenting or separating, offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those sharing parenting, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to professionals working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 66 22 12, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes Family Day and presents the Family Day Festival every May, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie. The askonefamily helpline can be contacted on lo-call 1890 66 22 12.

 

Available for Interview

Karen Kiernan, CEO | t: 01 662 9212 or 086 850 9191

Further Information/Scheduling

Jane Farrell, Communications & Marketing Officer |01 6629212 | jfarrell@onefamily.ie

Shirley Chance, Director of Communications | 01 664 0124 | schance@onefamily.ie

 

Parenting | Shared Parenting at Christmas

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Read more

Press Release | TASC Report Shows That One-Parent Families Have Least Wealth in Ireland

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Press Release

One-Parent Families have by far the least wealth in Ireland

TASC report 2015 ‘The Distribution of Wealth in Ireland Today’

www.onefamily.ie

(Dublin, Wednesday 9th December 2015) One Family – Ireland’s organisation for people parenting alone and sharing parenting – reacts to the report released today by TASC on the distribution of wealth in Ireland.

Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO, comments: “Today’s TASC report shows that those with the lowest levels of wealth in Ireland are one-parent families. We at One Family witness the impact this has on the families we work with on a day to day basis. Parents are struggling to keep their heads above water and are becoming increasingly isolated as the gap between those who have and haven’t increases. The report shows that the average household has a net worth seven times greater than the average for a single parent household.”

Kiernan continues: “The report also show that more than half of all single parents have less than €300 in savings, compared to €4,000 for single person households. This puts these families in a precarious position should any unforeseen expenses arise. Our next Government must prioritise the dangerously high levels of poverty experienced by many children and parents living in one-parent families.”

The TASC report details the facts that one-parent families are:

  • Less likely to own their own home and face significant barriers to owning property.
  • Have business assets at 1/5 of the average rate of people in Ireland.
  • Have savings of €300 on average, less than 10% of others.
  • Have double the rates of debt to assets and are credit constrained at three times the rate of average households.
  • The average household has a net worth seven times greater than the average for a single parent household.
  • The average net wealth for a single parent is €30,600 which compares to an average figure of €218,700 for all households. Half of all single parents have less than €1,400 in net wealth.

A copy of the report is available here.

About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 as Cherish and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families and people sharing parenting or separating, offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those sharing parenting, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to professionals working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 66 22 12, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes Family Day and presents the Family Day Festival every May, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie. The askonefamily helpline can be contacted on lo-call 1890 66 22 12.

Available for Interview

Karen Kiernan, CEO | t: 01 662 9212 or 086 850 9191

Parenting | Ten Thoughts for Parents of Children in Care

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Dad and child's handsFor a variety of reasons, challenges and difficulties, there are times for some parents when parenting can be a stressful experience which may have led to fractured parent child relationship, and we hear from, meet and support parents whose children are in care.

When children go into care, there is usually supported contact of one kind or another. Often this contact time may be as little as a couple of hours a week shared with more than one child. Sometimes for parents, this may feel almost like a performance as they are being watched. This may result in a negative experience, often in turn resulting in less contact, which may lead to further challenges for the parent-child relationship but our suggestions below are provided to support parents to engage in making supported contact time a more positive experience. Children have a great capacity to love, and especially to love parents. So even if this situation is for the remainder of their childhood, you can still have and maintain a very positive relationship with your child.

The following are our suggestions to support a parent visiting with their child in care.

  1. Prepare for the visit. Often parents’ lives are in chaos if a child goes into care. There may be a lot of personal challenges to overcome and confront. However, if you cannot prepare for contact with your child it will most likely be a difficult rather than a positive experience for anyone.
  2. Preparing means thinking about everything from planning the route, the time you need to get there, the cost of the journey, washing and having clean clothes, having eaten and rested sufficiently.
  3. Preparing is also about thinking ahead about how you will spend your time together. What age is your child, what they like to do when you are with them? Developmentally, what are they interested in? Can you bring some toys or activities with you? Can you have a special bag which you can add to over time with various activities which will support you to engage well?
  4. Engaging means talking with your child, and managing their behaviour which means you must be able to identify their needs and know how to meet them. If you are in an empty room with broken toys, you can expect that your child will get bored and may ask to leave or cry for the carer to take them out again. By planning simple activities you can engage your child which will result in positive parent child interactions and a more positive relationship.
  5. If you plan well, you can have good contact with your child; contact that will support you to feel that you can parent, that you know what your child needs and that you can work towards meeting these needs. It can help you focus on dealing with the challenges that led to this situation rather than the focus remaining on any negatives.
  6. Seek support to help you cope with the situation, such as our parent mentoring service, where we work one to one with parents to support them in many situations. The social worker you engage with is usually also your child’s. They will and have to ensure the child’s well-being; they may not always be in a position to support the parent also.
  7. Always be on time for contact and be physically fit for the session. If you feel you cannot last the planned length of time, tell the social worker this. It is much more beneficial for your child to have a shorter and positive session where you can stay engaged rather than a long session where you lose energy and possibly drift into despair when you realise what has happened for you.
  8. Stay focused on your child and when the session is over take some time to reflect on what went well and what really challenged you. Talk with the social worker about both and then try to plan ahead for the next time.
  9. Many parents see multiple children in one contact session, often because of resources. It can be really beneficial to seek one to one contact with each child also. Children need your attention and it may be more challenging for you to divide yourself between their various needs without some one to one time.
  10. Look closely at your child in these sessions and think about how they are in the care situation. Do they look well? Are they smiling? How is school going? Are they meeting developmental goals? Try to look for the positives for them; it may not be easy but the more you really look at your child and hear them and know that in the majority of cases children can really feel safe in care, the more positively you will be parenting your child.
  11. Parenting requires us to be completely non-selfish. We have to be able to put our children first no matter what. By supporting your child with positive, dependable contact while they are in care you are letting them know that, although this is extremely challenging, knowing they are safe is the most important thing that matters to you. Whether this is a permanent situation or short-term, you can still parent, and this is your opportunity to look after your needs so you can be there for your child in the best way possible.

This ’10 Ways to’ article is by One Family’s Director of Children & Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, as part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips. You can read the full series here.

Join Geraldine on Facebook on this and other parenting topics for a weekly Q&A live in our One Family Parenting Group which is a closed Facebook group (meaning that only members can read posts) that anyone can join. Post your questions and share your experiences.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email us.