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Family Pride

Parenting | 10 Ways to Feel Pride In Your Family

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Family PrideIt is important for you and your children to have a sense of pride about your family. No matter what form your family takes, what wealth you may or may not have, or what activities you may or may not do, being secure in one’s family and self – which will nurture family pride – is achieved through building strong supportive relationships. It is the quality of these relationships at home that has most importance for a child’s outcomes. When every member of the family feels cherished and valued, they experience higher self-esteem which contributes to family self-esteem. To build strong relationships, establish pride and a sense of innate family self-esteem, we must encourage positive emotional growth in our children and in ourselves. In this week’s instalment of our ’10 Ways to’ parenting tips series, we looks at some ways to nurture positive growth and your family’s sense of pride.

  1. When children feel a sense of belonging and sense of pride in their families, they can be emotionally strong. Developing family rituals and traditions can bolster this.
  2. Giving children messages of encouragement enables them to develop a positive sense of who they are.
  3. Remember that for your child you are the expert – you are the all important ‘big’ person. How you behave impacts most strongly on your child. Develop pride in yourself as a parent and show pride in your family unit.
  4. When you get it wrong say, ‘I am sorry, I made a mistake’. Saying sorry does not weaken your role as a parent and models positive behaviour for your child.
  5. Keep organised. Simple tools such as a hand-drawn weekly planner on the ‘fridge can help with organising activities, menus, homework time etc. Knowing what is happening helps children to feel secure. Don’t be stressed if you do not have an always perfectly clean and tidy home. It’s difficult to achieve with children! What is important is that your home provide a safe, secure and comfortable environment for your child. Every member of the family should treasure their home and feel pride in their space.
  6. Spend some time thinking about how you can best meet your child’s needs and if there are changes you can make.
  7. Examine your needs as a parent. How can you meet these needs? Remember that the key to positive and successful parenting is to parent yourself first. You must meet your own needs so that you can best meet the needs of your child.
  8. Show affection towards each other. Expressing that you care both strengthens and celebrates your bond as a family unit.
  9. Think about respect within your family. Do you respect your children as you do other adults in your life? Do your children respect you? If not, think about why this is and what changes could be made.
  10. Aim to be a ‘good enough’ parent; no one is perfect and we do not want our children to feel they have to be perfect.

This article is part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips, and is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly.

LIVE Facebook Q&A on this topic with Geraldine, 25 May from 11am-12pm on our NEW One Family Parenting Facebook Group. Join in and post your questions.

Next you might like to read: 10 ways to Parent Self Care or 10 ways to Improve your Child’s Self Esteem

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.

Supporting A Child Who Is Being Bullied

Parenting | 10 Ways to Support A Child Who Is Being Bullied

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Supporting A Child Who Is Being BulliedIt is agonising for a parent or guardian to suspect or learn that their child is being bullied while at school. The priority if this happens is to understand and support your child, while taking action to stop the bullying and doing everything possible to prevent it happening again in the future. As part of our weekly series of parenting tips, here are 10 ways to support a child who is being bullied.

  1. As a parent, you need to recognise that your child is being bullied. Pay attention to changes in your child’s behaviour, personality and routine.
  2. If you are concerned that your child is being bullied, and they are old enough to understand the language, ask them straight out. Otherwise ask them in an age appropriate way.
  3. Fostering really good clear ongoing communication between parents and children is the key to knowing your child and supporting them with difficulties. If as a parent you cannot do this, try to ensure that there are other adults in your child’s life that they will talk with.
  4. Encourage children to talk about their feelings, around the bullying and the bully.
  5. It may be difficult, but ask yourself if there is any possible reason that your child may have been vulnerable to being bullied. Explore what you can do to support your child in these areas – children want to fit in and be part of the group. How can you help them with this?
  6. Children with low self esteem and a poor sense of self worth may be more vulnerable to being bullied. Parents need to support children to increase their self esteem. It is important for parents themselves to consider their own level of self esteem as this impacts on children.
  7. Reporting the issue to the school and having regular communication to monitor the situation with the school principal is crucial.
  8. Children need to find their voice in the home and to practice being assertive in order to have the confidence to do this in school and in the play ground. Role play with your child, expect and encourage them to have a voice in the home.
  9. Do not blame, judge or criticise a child for being bullied. Offer reassurance and support. Empower your child to come up with ways to deal with the bullying. Try not to take over. Empowerment will increase self esteem and help your child see that they have the power to make change happen.
  10. Help your child to have positive friendships in school; many children need their parents to help them to make their friendships blossom. Practical ways to help are to organise play dates and be friendly with other parents to help your child find where they fit.

This ’10 Ways to’ article is by One Family’s Director of Children & Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, as part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips. You can read the full series here.

LIVE Facebook Q&A with Geraldine on this topic Monday 18 May from 11am-12pm on NEW One Family Parenting Group. Join in and post your question.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.

Supporting Young People Doing Exams

Parenting | 10 Ways to Support A Young Person During Exams

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Supporting young people doing examsExam time … Not a phrase that most parents relish! In any family, exam time can add extra stress and pressure to each member of the family. It is not only the young person taking the exam that is impacted so it is important to keep some thoughts in mind which may support both ourselves as parents and our children during this time. Here are our suggestions to help you and your young student experience a less stressful exam time:

  1. Do you remember what it was like when you were taking exams yourself? Most of us probably needed some space and didn’t want to get asked too many questions after each exam. With this in mind, try to provide the calm environment your young person needs to study and relax in.
  2. Offering this space to one child may have impacts on other children in the family, especially if they are younger. Try to spend time outside with younger children and organise some play dates for them if you can. You’ll have the school summer holidays to organise more time together as a family.
  3. Try to stay calm. Sometimes it can feel almost like we’re the ones taking the exam! We worry constantly and watch every move our children make; checking what they eat, if they’re sleeping enough, if they’re watching too much TV, if they have revised and studied enough. It is important that we support our children to plan and organise their own time. They can’t study all of the time, relaxation is also important in achieving results.
  4. If you feel concern that your young person has no interest in studying, remember that your relationship with your child is much more important than any exam result. We want our children to believe in themselves and to trust that they can do well. Help them to understand that exam results are not a reflection of who they are, but that they are just the way of our world, so exams are something that we need to do as well as we can. Let them know that you are proud of them no matter what the outcome. Trust in your child’s ability, they will find their own way in the world and they might not find their future path through academics.
  5. Try to have established a habit of sharing regular quality time with your child. It can be more difficult to do as they become teenagers and young adults, but make a date with them weekly if you can. Take time out to plan things together. To talk about life after the exams. To hear their fears and anxieties. Help them to feel valued and supported within your family. Remind them that there is a path for them. Exams may or may not be a part of it.
  6. Young people taking exams are quite likely to be extra moody or sensitive, maybe even rude, and may not show any interest in family pursuits or in their siblings. Try to support other children to understand what they are going through and maintain ground rules of respect within the home. It is okay for your young person to feel overwhelmed and act out these feelings, but they have to respect that they cannot make others’ lives a misery during exam time as it can be a lengthy few weeks. You know your child best, and some young people can experience particular stress around exams, so if their behaviour changes to an extent or there is anything that causes you particular concern, talk with them and seek professional supports.
  7. As parents, we need to look after ourselves during our children’s exams too. If you are feeling anxious about this time yourself, remember that exams are not just what life is about. They are, of course, very important pathways towards achievement in our society but if your child is not keen on them, try to remember that we have our lives and they have theirs. We always simply want what is best for them but we cannot force them to study, and may alienate them if we push too hard. Take time out for you during exam time. Self care – ‘parenting the self‘ – is the key to positive parenting, especially in challenging times.
  8. For parents who are sharing parenting, this may be a time to talk about establishing more flexible parenting patterns for a short while. It may not be ideal for the young person to move between homes during these weeks. Maybe one home is quieter than the other; maybe one parent has more time at home than the other. Naturally you will both want what is right for your child and work to put aside any difficulties that may exist or arise sharing parenting at this time.
  9. Celebrate with your child before the exams start. Tell them how proud you are of their achievements to date. Remind them of all they have achieved and what a wonderful person they are. Building your child’s confidence levels now can go a long way towards successful outcomes in the future.
  10. It is important that we trust our children. Sometimes we have to step back to allow them to take the lead. If they are taking the early exams such as Junior Cert, this is all new to them – it’s the first big exam they have ever sat. Even if they are in first year, taking end of term exams is a big deal. Trust that they will be fine. If they don’t make the effort, they will know that they didn’t and usually learn from this. The key here is to work with them around their confidence and their sense of how valued they feel in this world. When our children believe in themselves and know that we believe in them, they will succeed, whatever path they choose.

This ’10 Ways to’ article is by One Family’s Director of Children & Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, as part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips. You can read the full series here.

LIVE Facebook Q&A with Geraldine on this topic Monday 11 May from 11am-12pm on NEW One Family Parenting Group. Join in and post your question.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.

Healthy eating

Parenting | 10 Ways to Encourage Healthier Eating Habits

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Healthy EatingMaintaining healthy eating habits in our family can be difficult. As parents we try to teach our children that eating healthy foods is not only good for our bodies, but for our minds too. Here are some tips to remember when trying to encourage healthier eating habits in your family.

  1. Menu: Plan the menu for the week ahead and make a list of the ingredients you will need. When you make a trip to the supermarket, stick to the menu created.
  2. Bring children shopping: Include children by bringing them to the supermarket with you. Tell them you have a list of what to get and that you are only buying things that are on the list. Show them all of the interesting fruit and vegetables on display. Try to buy a new vegetable or fruit each week.
  3. Get children an apron: Involve children in cooking – children from 2 years upwards can help with family cooking. The more children are involved in preparing healthy meals the more eager they will be to eat or at least taste what has been prepared.
  4. Visit a vegetable farm: Let children see how things grow and maybe plant some vegetables at home. Go fruit picking and try making some homemade jams.
  5. Educate children. Talk to children about their bodies and about all the things that our bodies need to stay healthy. Introduce food as one concept. Talk about the different types of food and what they can do for our health. Try Google for lots of ideas or look to the 1000 Days Campaign for inspiration which explores the profound impact the right nutrition has on a child’s ability to grow and learn.
  6. Role model: Be a role model for your child. You must do as you say and eat your own veggies. Find ways to make them taste nicer by looking up some new recipe ideas. Try to get over your own childhood horrors of eating vegetables.
  7. Days out: Get into the habit of bringing healthy snacks as treats. Grapes, melon, dried fruit, wholemeal crackers, yogurts etc are all nutritious and delicious.
  8. 3 meals: Encourage children to have 3 healthy meals each day and if possible sit at the table together to eat them. Don’t make meal times and eating a big issue however. Children need to get positive attention for good behaviours. Forcing children to eat and making them sit at the table for long periods will cause poor eating habits and lead to poor health.
  9. Involve children: Ask children what they like to eat and involve them in making lunches and planning the menu.
  10. Reward: Reward children for trying new foods. They don’t have to like the food but trying it is what you want to see. Never only offer a new food to a child once. From weaning onwards, offer a new food at least 20 times over a period of weeks before you resolve to the fact that your child really does not like it.

This article is by One Family’s Director of Children & Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, as part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips. You can read the full series here.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.

 

Awkward Questions

Parenting | 10 Ways to Deal with Those Awkward Questions

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Awkward QuestionsChildren are so inquisitive. They love information. They ask constant questions as their minds are continuously processing everything they see and hear in the world around them. Children come to their parents all the time to clarify the things they don’t really understand. As parents, we want to help our children learn and understand yet sometimes when they ask an ‘awkward question’ it is tempting to gloss over it (and maybe run for the hills and hope when we get back they will have forgotten!).

There are so many issues that parents can find difficult to discuss with their children. Depending on our own experiences and beliefs, how ‘awkward’ a question is for us as individuals can vary hugely. For many parents, those awkward questions may include: “Where do babies come from? What is sex? What is gay? Why does he have two mammies? Why don’t I have a mammy? Why don’t I have a daddy? What is homeless?” By not answering awkward questions and telling children they are ‘too young’ to know such things, we are making taboos of so many subjects that are normal in our society. Children will learn quickly not to ask us anymore, and then they will in time find other sources – perhaps unreliable sources – to answer their questions. A question will not go away until your child is satisfied with the answer they find.

This week in our ’10 Ways to’ parenting tips series, we explore some strategies that as parents we can put in place to support us in answering those awkward questions that our children send our way.

  1. Don’t try to fob a child off by changing the subject or saying they are too young. If they are old enough to ask, they are old enough to get some information.
  2. Be honest in an age appropriate way. This does not mean you wait until they are teens to tell them things (when you may be even more embarrassed). Give children little bits of information to match what they can understand as they develop. Plant the seeds and build the tree over time with them.
  3. At times a question may upset you yet this is no reason to not answer it. You may have to explain to your child that this question makes you a little sad but that you will talk with them about it. A parent absent from your child’s life is often very difficult to talk about and many parents worry that their child will feel the rejection they themselves may have experienced, but remember that children have a different relationship with and perception of an absent person in their life. They will not feel the same as you. Here we explore ways to explain an absent parent.
  4. Be factual and try not to make the information about any subject into a fairy tale. Educate your child about families and all the diverse families in our society.
  5. If you make any issue into a taboo when children are young, they will be less inclined to talk openly with you when they are older. Try to have an open relationship with your child from the first days. Once they start talking to you, start talking and sharing with them. Remember that even though it may seem a long time away now, you don’t know what choices your child will make as they grow up and you don’t want them to think that you may be unsupportive of them in the future.
  6. Just because you explain once, that probably won’t mean that you’re off the hook. Children take pieces from each and every conversation. Some bits they recall and other bits get left behind. They will ask you again so try to be patient and answer them again. Maybe you can add in additional age appropriate detail the next time.
  7. There are many excellent books out there to support parents in talking with children about almost every topic. Perhaps you can get some books in the library and introduce them during story time. Plant the seeds of knowledge and allow your child to process the information and to know they can come back to you when they need to ask more questions.
  8. If your child has wrong information or understanding, such as about who their dad is or if they have the same parents as their sibling, then correct them from the first error. With many families we work with, children are growing up with step-parents having previously had a relationship as a baby with their other biological parent who separated from the family and they may have forgotten this. Try to keep the information clear, show them photos if you have them, be open and honest or you will only create more awkward situations in the future which can lead to your child losing trust in you. Always try to build your relationship based on trust.
  9. At times your child’s other parent might object to you answering these awkward questions. Try to talk with them and help them to understand why it is important to answer your child’s questions honestly. Once you are sharing age appropriate information, then you need not worry.
  10. Seek support from service providers such as One Family if you would you like support in talking with your child about challenging situations. Once you start to talk openly with your child and believe that you are the right person to help them understand the very complex world we live in, then it will become easier for you.

This article is part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips, and is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly.

Next you might like to read: 10 Ways to Support Your Child’s Sex Education, 10 Ways to Explain An Absent Parent or 10 Ways to Talk To Your Child About ‘Where Do I Come From’.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.