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Coping with the End of a Relationship

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A relationship ending can mean a huge sense of loss, shock and disbelief, and result in anger, fear and stress. There are many practical issues to be sorted out which can seem overwhelming, particularly in a difficult break-up without both persons cooperating. These practical issues need attention and the sooner separating parents begin resolving them, the sooner the family can settle into new routines and arrangements.

5 Ways to Cope with the End of a Relationship

  1. Talk to your children about what is happening in the family, once the decision to separate is final. Mums and dads might like to think children are not aware of difficulties between them but they often notice more than you think and it is important to let them know that the separation is not their fault. It is an emotional and uncertain time for all of you. If you can talk to them together it can help your children to understand that you are both available to them at this time, despite what is happening. Share future plans and arrangements with them, if possible.
  2. Set aside the issues of your adult relationship when it comes to the relationship that your children have with their other parent – try to remain courteous towards them or if this is too difficult, be neutral as your children love both of you.
  3. Find someone you trust to talk to. Get support from a trusted friend or professional – family members can also be supportive in many ways although sometimes may be less impartial, especially when there may be conflict between the couple.  It is important that you have a space to talk about how you are feeling.
  4. Consider mediation. This can be a way of negotiating and working out a plan for the future, on everything from money to sharing parenting.  See www.legalaidboard.ie for details of the free Family Mediation Service in many locations around the country.
  5. Get legal advice. You do not need to do anything with it but it may help in your decision-making to know where you stand legally and what options may be there, if needed. See FLAC (Free Legal Aid Advice Centres) on www.flac.ie for details of the legal advice centre nearest you.

There is no denying that this is a particularly difficult time but trying to remain optimistic and acknowledging your feelings will help. One Family’s national lo-call askonefamily helpline is available on 1890 662 212 and by email at support@onefamily.ie.

Further information is also available in the askonefamily section of this site.

Join our Budget 2015 Panel

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Let your voice be heard! One Family is seeking willing participants to engage with our Budget 2015 Panel. The Budget Panel will consist of ten lone parents and/or parents sharing parenting who will collaborate with One Family throughout 2014.

Panel members will be encouraged to contribute their own lived experience and personal circumstances in order to enhance and parent proof One Family’s 2015 budget submission. We welcome expressions of interest from parents in a variety of circumstance, such as those in education or employment, in receipt of government supports, never married, separated, divorced etc. Ideally, they will be willing to engage with media and training will be provided. The panelists will work with us to produce a budget submission which reflects the lived reality for lone parents in Ireland.

Persons interested in taking part should:

  • Wish to articulate their opinions and be comfortable discussing core budget issues (housing, childcare etc.)
  • Currently live in Ireland – we hope to hear from people from both urban and rural areas
  • Be able to commit to a minimum of three hours per month (a mixture of phone and online engagement with occasional meetings) on a volunteer basis

Existing One Family Members are encouraged to participate though it is not not essential for a panelist to be a Member.

If you are interested in being a One Family Budget 2015 Panelist, please click here to email Valerie Maher for further information by midday on Friday 24th January 2014.

UPDATE: 31st January 2014 – The Budget Panel is now filled and we look forward to collaborating with its members throughout the year.

Attack on Parents Sharing Parenting After Separation is Unjust, Unfair and Underhand

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Press Release

Attack on Parents Sharing Parenting After Separation

 is Unjust, Unfair and Underhand

(Dublin, Thursday 17 October 2013) One Family, Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families, is deeply concerned by the removal of the One Parent Family tax credit and tax free allowance announced on Tuesday as part of Budget 2014 which will have disastrous and far-reaching consequences for separated Fathers and Mothers who share parenting of their children.

Stuart Duffin, Director of Policy and Programmes at One Family states: “Claimants of the One Parent Family tax credit are working Mums and Dads who are committed, responsible parents participating in a successful arrangement with their child’s other parent for the well-being of their child. This is an in-work support and the kind of mechanism that needs to be in place to deliver Pathways to Work, a cornerstone initiative of the Government’s recovery programme. Ultimately it is children who will be impacted with less money to go round in already hard hit families.”

The One Parent Family tax credit of €1,650 was previously available to both working parents sharing parenting after separation. From 2014, it is being replaced by a Single Person’s Child Carer tax credit of €1,650 which will only be available to the parent in receipt of Child Benefit. As the principle carer is usually the child’s Mother, and she may not be working, these changes mean that in many cases neither parent will now meet the specified criteria.  Some parents may be at a loss of over €125 per month as a result of the removal of the one-parent family tax credit and the removal of the one-parent family tax rate.

Duffin continued: “One Family has a received a barrage of calls to the askonefamily helpline, plus emails and Facebook comments from worried parents who are already pushed to their limits. There is a lack of joined up thinking and policy between the Departments of Finance, Social Protection and Children & Youth Affairs as this government is penalising the good practice of shared parenting. One Family is actively calling for clarity and action to ensure that working parents don’t become welfare recipients.”

One Family warns Government that it must address implementation problems, otherwise this is going to create long-term challenges for parents.

Karen Kiernan, CEO of One Family, comments:  “We are calling on Government to reverse this decision and to reinstate the relevant tax credits to ensure that one-parent families who are still coping with the cuts of Budget 2012 are not pushed further into poverty. We are concerned that along with other government measures this will damage the objective of making work pay and more people will end up becoming customers of the Department of Social Protection as many fathers have told us they simply won’t be able to pay as much maintenance as they have been.”

Concerned parents can contact the lo-call askonefamily helpline on 1890 662 9212 and email support@onefamily.ie.

Notes for Editors:

  • 1 in 4 families with children in Ireland is a one-parent family
  • Over half a million people live in one-parent families in Ireland
  • Almost 1 in 5 children (18.3%) live in a one-parent family (Census 2011)
  • There are over 215,000 one-parent families in Ireland today (25.8% of all families with children; Census 2011)
  • 87,586 of those are currently receiving the One-Parent Family Payment
  • Those living in lone parent households continue to experience the highest rates of deprivation with almost 56% of individuals from these households experiencing one or more forms of deprivation (EU-SILC 2011)
  • Operational Challenges for Government to be addressed:
  1. If the principal carer is not working, can the allowance be claimed by the other parent?
  2. If the principal carer is not working and the allowance is claimed by the other parent, what happens when the principal carer returns to work?
  3. What about parents who share care 50/50?
  4. How will this be managed for parents who are already in dispute with each other following separation?
  5. Can clear provisions be made for flexibilities such as splitting the credit between working parents; and making it available to the working parent, usually the Father, who is often classed as ‘secondary carer’.

Available for Interview

Stuart Duffin, Director of Policy & Programmes | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 062 2023

Karen Kiernan, CEO | t: 01 662 9212 or 086 850 9191

For Case Studies, Further Information/Scheduling

Shirley Chance, Director of Communications | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 414 8511

 

Updates following Budget 2014

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One Family has summarised the announcements of Budget 2014 in relation to a number of areas of relevance to people parenting alone or sharing parenting.

Budget 2014

People parenting alone and sharing parenting

Changes to Social Welfare payments for 2014
Basic rate of payment The weekly rate of payment is staying the same in 2014 for all weekly social welfare payments for those of working age and pensioners. No change.
One Parent Family Payment There will be no change to the rate of payment in 2014.

For those in employment the new rate of income disregard of €90 a week will be introduced in 2014, reduced from €110 in 2013. This means that the first €90 of earnings will be ignored and half of the remainder of earnings will be assessed to give a new rate of One Parent Family Payment.

 No change.

 

Income Disregard reduced.
Child Benefit The rate remains at €130 and this will be for each child, as announced in December 2012. No change.
Maternity Benefit The rate of payment will be standardised at €230 for new claimants; this is a change from a maximum payment of €262 and a minimum of €217.80. The change will come into effect from January 2014. Payment standardised.
Fuel Allowance Rate of payment will remain and there is no reduction in the number of weeks. No change.

Secondary Payments
Back to School Clothing and Footwear Allowance Unchanged for all children under 18. In 2014 it will be paid for those aged 18 and over in secondary school but not for those in third level education. No longer payable to children in third level education.
Fuel Allowance It will remain at €20 a week for the 26 weeks. No change.
Rent Supplement No changes announced for single people with children but an increase in contribution for couples, from €35 to €40 weekly. No change for single people with children.
Mortgage Interest Supplement This scheme will be closed to new entrants and will be wound down over a four year period from January 2014 for existing recipients. Closed to new entrants and winding down.

One Parent Families in Work
Family Income Supplement Household income thresholds remain at 2013 levels. No change.
Income Tax, PRSI and Universal Social Charge Unchanged in 2014. No change.
One Parent Family Tax Credit This is being replaced by a Single Person’s Child Carer tax credit of the same value – €1,650 – only available to the principal carer. This tax credit of €1,650 was previously available to both working parents sharing parenting. Now only one parent – the principal carer – can avail of it.

One Family is actively clarifying a number of questions and concerns this change raises and will update in more detail as soon as possible.

Other
GP Visits Free GP care for children aged 5 and under announced. Free GP care for children aged 5 and under announced.
Medical Card Prescription charges increase from €1.50 to €2.50 for medical card holders. Prescription charge increased to €2.50.
Third Level Students The student contribution charge for third-level institutions will increase by €250 to €2,750 – increases by €250 until it reaches €3,000 in 2015. Increased.
Primary School Books A further €5m to be allocated to extend the books-to-rent in primary schools. Increased.