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School Tours

Parenting | 10 Ways to Prepare For School Tours

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School ToursSchool tours can be a time of great excitement for many children and one of dread for many parents. The cost may be one issue, but especially for those with younger children it may be the first time you have allowed anyone take your child on a day out. It is ok to feel anxious about placing your trust in the childcare team to take good care of your little ones. Managing your own anxieties is the key to supporting your child to go on these trips with ease.

  1. Don’t panic.
  2. Children are very sensitive to our tone of voice, even if we are saying something positive; if our tone is nervous our children will pick up on it.
  3. Talk with the school to check out the details of the trip. Where they are going? What bus is taking them? Does it have seat belts? How many adults are supervising? What is the missing child policy/accident policy? Having this information can help you to stay calm and not fear the worst.
  4. School trips are a great way for children to build up their confidence. Even if you are worried, tell them it is ok for you to worry a little, but that you trust them.
  5. As parents, it is important that we let our children know that we trust them to be responsible. Give them some examples of how they have already shown that they can make good choices. This will reinforce their confidence.
  6. Remind them of the key rules: stay with your friends, no wondering off, wear your seat belt and listen to the teacher. When children come home from the trip take the opportunity to praise them for being so brave and responsible.
  7. Each year the trips get easier, especially during primary school years. When the overseas trips come up in secondary school you may be back to square one again.
  8. Remember how responsible your child can be. Trust that children/teenagers do make good choices every day. This is your guide to allowing them take the next step of overseas trips. We have to remember to stay calm, see the advantages these trips give to your child and use it as time to recognise how much they are growing up and how capable they are becoming.
  9. Talk with your children about the trips, children like detail as much as adults do. Young children may want to know about practical things such as; where will the toilet will be? What they will do if they have an accident of any sort? To help ease these worries, pack the bag with them so they know what they have e.g. change of clothes, food, drinks, tissues etc.
  10. If you are feeling very anxious you are probably not the only one. Try talking to other parents that morning and do something together to help distract you from the worry. This may be a good opportunity to form new friendships and support networks.

This ’10 Ways to’ article is by One Family’s Director of Children & Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, as part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips. You can read the full series here.

LIVE Facebook Q&A with Geraldine on this topic Monday 15 June from 11am-12pm in our NEW One Family Parenting Group. Join in to post your questions and share your experiences.

Next you might like to read 10 Ways to Keep Your Child Safe When Out and About

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.

Family Situation

Talking to Your Child About Your Family Situation

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Family Situation2015 is shaping up to be a big year for children’s rights, especially with regard to Family Law. Children are now being placed at the centre of legislation that directly affects them and their parents. Talking about your family situation can be difficult especially if you, as a parent, are struggling to cope yourself. Here are a few tips to help you to open a dialogue with your children and ease them  into a secure understanding  of their family.

  1. The UN Convention on the Rights of the Child states that every child has the right to know about both biological parents.
  2. Parents need to explain their family situation to their children in a way that fosters respect for the other parent and allows children to feel positively about their family.
  3. Being able to talk to a child positively about their family situation allows trust to develop between a parent and a child.
  4. Both parents have rights and with those rights come responsibilities to ensure that parents meet the child’s best interests.
  5. According to Irish law, access (to parents) is the right of the child.
  6. Be truthful with children and answer questions in a way that is respectful to the other parent and age appropriate to the child.
  7. If you live with your parents and they behave like parents to your child then be honest about the real nature of the relationship.
  8. If a new partner is like a parent to your child be truthful about the real nature of the relationship.
  9. Use and create opportunities for talking about your family situation.
  10. Start early and be prepared to add information as your children get older. Children are well able for the truth, they often want the facts to help them understand and feel less vulnerable.

This article is part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips, and is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly. Coming up Next Week: 10 ways to Parent Through Stressful Times.

LIVE Facebook Q&A on this topic with Geraldine, 9 March from 11am-12pm on One Family’s Facebook page. Join in and post your questions.

Next you might like to read: 10 ways to Support Grandparents Relationships With Your Child, 10 ways to Nurture Your Role As A Step Parent or 10 ways to Explain An Absent Parent.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.

We’ve only had Divorce for 18 years – is that why we don’t deal with it well?

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Press Release 

We’ve only had Divorce for 18 years –

is that why we don’t deal with it well?

(Dublin, Friday 27 February 2015) One Family – Ireland’s organisation for people parenting alone, sharing parenting and separating – reflects today on the 18 years since divorce legislation came into effect in Ireland on 27 February 1997. The passing of the Referendum on Divorce almost twenty years ago was a groundbreaking acknowledgment of the reality that families in Ireland exist in many forms and that marriage cannot always be forever despite best intentions.

Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO, comments: “In 2013, Ireland had the lowest divorce rate in the EU at 0.6 per 1,000 of the population. We have the third lowest rate of divorce in the world despite fears voiced 18 years ago that the legalisation heralded the end of the family, while the rate of marriage and civil partnership is on the rise. The fact is that relationships do end, couples do separate. Sometimes they are parents too. What is important is that they are supported to separate well. Research shows that it is not family form that impacts on a child’s outcomes, but the quality of their relationships at home. Parental conflict has more adverse effects on children than parental separation.”

Karen continues: “With the right supports, parents can separate well, resolve conflict, manage finances, and ensure their children remain at the centre of parenting. No-one sets out to separate or divorce, especially as a parent, and it is often a very difficult time for all members of the family, with feelings of fear, anger or blame as a backdrop.  Service providers, the family law courts, and Government policy should be focussed on the provision of vital and affordable, services to support people to separate well, like One Family’s counselling, parent mentoring, and mediation services, which are still lacking in many areas around the country due to a lack of funding.”

“We know from working with parents going through separation and divorce that the process of obtaining a divorce is extremely costly and due to the law, requires an incredibly long time which can be destructive to families. The newly introduced Children and Family Relationships Bill will go some way to reforming family law courts but a lot more is needed,” Karen concludes.

People experiencing separation or divorce can call the askonefamily helpline on lo-call 1890 662 212 for information and support, or to find out more about One Family’s services for parents who are separating.  These include parent mentoring, mediated parenting plans, and programmes and workshops such as Impact of Parental Separation and Making Shared Parenting Work, details of which can be found here.

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About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 as Cherish and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those sharing parenting, to those separating, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy, and to professionals working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 66 2212, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes Family Day and presents the Family Day Festival every May, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview

Karen Kiernan, CEO | t: 01 662 9212 or 086 850 9191

 

Shadow hands

One-Parent Family Helpline Calls Increase by 30% in 2014

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Press Release

One-Parent Family Helpline Calls Increase by 30% in 2014

Families Just One Bill Away from Disaster

www.onefamily.ie

(Dublin, Monday 22 December 2014) One Family – Ireland’s organisation for people parenting alone and sharing parenting – has recorded a staggering 30% increase in first time callers to its askonefamily helpline to date in 2014, with a marked increase in calls from working parents precariously balanced on the verge of homelessness or newly experiencing separation.

Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO, comments: “The continued poverty of one-parent families in Ireland today is simply not acceptable. We are hearing from parents who are living on a knife edge; worried constantly about the basics such as food, heating and keeping a roof over their children’s heads. We have heard from parents who themselves do not eat an evening meal so that their children can, and from those needing to attend local food banks for the first time; mothers who get up at 5am to avail of reduced rate electricity to iron their children’s school uniforms; fathers who ration a bag of coal – often their only source of heating – into daily allowances. Many hundreds of families are living under the constant threat of homelessness, just one bill away from disaster. They survive week to week and planning for the future is a luxury they do not have.”

“The majority of these new askonefamily callers are working lone parents, low or middle income earners. While 53% of people parenting alone are in the labour market, one-parent families consistently have the lowest disposable income out of all households in the state and experience the highest rates of deprivation,” Karen continues. “Government’s activation measures from Budget 2012 are now being phased in with over 39,000 lone parents being moved to Jobs Seekers Transitional next year. They will no longer be eligible for the One-Parent Family Payment. Owing to their parenting responsibilities, many lone parents with young children must opt for part-time work but now we are hearing from many that they will no longer be able to afford to work. For a lone parent doing all he or she can to make a difference for their family, in an economy that we are hearing every day is now out of recession – and in this 20th anniversary year of UN International Year of the Family – this is shocking.”

One Family’s askonefamily helpline is also hearing more from parents who are now experiencing separation. Most tell us that years of stress and worry about household finances, combined with a lack of or reduced employment and income, have contributed to the end of their relationship. These families need specialist supports to enable them to separate well, establish shared parenting plans and keep their children at the centre of parenting. One Family offers relevant supports but Government needs to ensure accessibility in all parts of the country to appropriate services.

As evidenced by this increase of callers to askonefamily, the real impact of years of austerity is only now truly coming to the fore.  Many one-parent families who were already living in consistent poverty are now barely managing to keep their family homed. More and more couples are separating, creating new one-parent or shared parenting families. Yet one-parent families in working poverty and parents sharing parenting of their children have borne the brunt of spending cuts such as the changes to the Single Person Child Carer Tax Credit last year, and the ill-formed re-activation measures flagged in Budget 2012.

Government must recognise and respond to this reality for so many of Ireland’s families. One Family reiterates its call to Government to enact its 10 Solutions campaign, with an immediate focus on provision of long-promised, affordable and accessible quality local childcare.  Every parent should have an equal opportunity to create a better future for his or her children, and all children deserve that.

For further information on One Family’s 10 Solutions, click here.

The askonefamily helpline can be contacted on lo call 1890 66 22 12 or by email to support@onefamily.ie.

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About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 as Cherish and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those sharing parenting, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to professionals working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 62 22 12, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes Family Day and presents the Family Day Festival every May, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview

Karen Kiernan, CEO | t: 01 662 9212 or 086 850 9191

Further Information/Scheduling

Shirley Chance, Director of Communications | t: 01 664 0124 / e: schance@onefamily.ie

 

Christmas Candles

10 Ways to Achieve Successful Shared Parenting Over Christmas

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Christmas Candles 150x150Christmas doesn’t have to be a difficult time for parents who do not live together and share parenting of their child. There are, of course, things that will need to be worked out. What is most important is to do this well in advance, agreeing to solutions and a plan. Agree your plan now in November, to help ensure a happy, fun-filled Christmas for all members of the family, centered around your child. Read on for this week’s parenting tips which explore how parents can achieve successful shared parenting over the Christmas season.

  1. Start thinking it through and planning now.
  2. Plan with your child. Talk with your child about Christmas and explore with them that it lasts for more than one day.
  3. Tell them that both you and their other parent love them and enjoy time with them at Christmas. Ask your child how they would like Christmas to look. Talk with them about the options available.
  4. Try to hear your child in this. Most parents prefer to have their child with them on Christmas Day, and in many separated families it is not possible. See Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and St Stephen’s Day all as Christmas. You will have to agree if each year one of you has the children with them on the 25th and the other parent has them on the 24th or 26th.
  5. Talk with your child’s other parent. Ask them what they hope Christmas will look like and then start to negotiate on contact. Use assertive communication skills. Try not to jump in with a no straight away to what they hope for. Think of your child’s needs and how best you can both meet them. Don’t have these discussions in front of your child.
  6. Children love Christmas – if they don’t have parents arguing over them. All the gifts in the world won’t help if your child is distressed or worried. Talk and plan in advance and avoid conflict. Give each other space to think about what the other parent wants, then talk again about your shared plans.
  7. Explain to your child what will happen and that you and the other parent will try your best to ensure they have the Christmas they hope for. Make sure your child has the information they need in advance.
  8. Children are not going to object to two Christmases. Santa can leave gifts in both homes. Santa knows, of course, that some children have two homes. Families comes in all kinds of shapes and sizes.
  9. Talk about buying the gifts early on. Both parents usually want to be involved in this. Can each of you buy your own gifts from your child’s list and agree to give them on the one day or over two days? Often children get too much on the 25th – maybe they would appreciate receiving the gifts more spread out. Children need to share the excitement with both parents.
  10. If you need help to communicate with each other, seek professional support from services such as One Family’s Mediated Parenting Plans or Parent Mentoring services so you can make plans for a Christmas that everyone can look forward to.

Next you might like to read 10 Ways to Successful Shared Parenting.

This article is part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips, and is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly. Coming soon: 10 Ways to Explain an Absent Parent and 10 Ways to Nurture Your Role as a Stepparent.

LIVE Facebook Q&A with Geraldine on shared parenting over Christmas on Monday 10 November from 11am-12pm on One Family’s Facebook page. Join in and post your questions.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and advice on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.