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Grandad and Baby

10 Ways to Support Grandparents’ Relationships with Grandchildren

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Grandad and BabyEveryone who is a parent can benefit from family support. Grandparents can be a wonderful source of strength and knowledge, especially to a mum or dad parenting on their own. It’s not always possible for a parent and their child to have a Grandparent in their lives for a variety of reasons, but when it is, this is a relationship to be nurtured as it can be of great influence on a child. As part of our weekly series of parenting tips, here are our suggestions on how to support Grandparents to have the best relationship they can with their grandchildren.

  1. Invite Grandparents into your child’s life. They have a lot to offer, things you may not be able to imagine. Children like to know who they are and where they come from. Grandparents can offer a lot of history to children and support them to understand their identity.
  2. Be open to exploring how the Grandparents of your child’s other parent can be part of your child’s life. Many Grandparents seek court ordered contact now around this. Others don’t know what to do when couples separate. Explore this with them. Children have a right to contact with family unless it presents any danger to them.
  3. Support Grandparents to be just that – Grandparents!  Don’t expect them to take on too much. They have been parents in the past and now they have other challenges and avenues to explore.
  4. Allow Grandparents some freedom with treats; this is what Grandparents do!
  5. Acknowledge what Grandparents do for you and your child. Don’t take it for granted. They are not duty bound to support you to parent. Appreciate whatever they do.
  6. Do not talk badly about Grandparents in front of children, even if you’ve had or have your own relationship difficulties. They are doing their best. Children will respect others in the way you model for them.
  7. Talk with grandparents about issues you may have with them. Agree how they can support you to manage your child’s behaviour in a that way everyone is happy, especially the child.
  8. Encourage a good relationship with Grandparents. Support them to enjoy being with the children, maybe one at a time to build up relationships.
  9. Try to acknowledge that just because you ask for support you may not get it, or perhaps not in the form you had hoped. Have other support systems in place and don’t expect too much from one source.
  10. Be confident in your own parenting so you can hear the many words of wisdom Grandparents may wish to offer you. Remember that although you are the authority on your own parenting, to thank Grandparents for their thoughts, to consider their suggestions, and to make your own choices as a parent.

This week’s ’10 Ways to’ is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly. Coming soon: 10 Ways to Encourage Toddlers to Eat; 10 Ways to Answer the ‘Where do I come from’ Question; and 10 Ways to Make the Most of Halloween.

For support and advice on any of these topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie. Find out more about our parenting skills programmes here.

 

Image Credit: Pixabay

Water Allowances for Children of Parents Sharing Parenting

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One Family made a submission to the Commission for Energy Regulation (CER) and Irish Water regarding affordability and allowances, and highlighted the issue of allocating children’s water allowances when people are sharing parenting equally. The proposed children(s) allowance(s) and charging suggests that these allowance(s) are allocated to the recipient of the children’s allowance which is provided for by the Department of Social Protection. This, in effect, in most cases is the mother which does not recognise the dynamics of the Irish modern family and reflect that children may spend significant time in the separate homes of their mothers and fathers.

Just and fair recognition must be given to the dynamics of Irish modern families when allocating allowances associated with children’s consumption of water and that a significant number of children will spend equally as much time in the home of their father and mother.

Our submission and recommendations can be read here.

 

Parents arguing

10 Ways to Successful Shared Parenting

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For many parents sharing parenting after separation, one parent is the ‘primary carer’ and the other spends their time with their child at weekends and holidays. As part of our ’10 Ways to …’ series of weekly parenting tips, here are our suggestions on minimising stress and helping both parents to focus on keeping the child at the centre of parenting.

10 Ways to Successful Shared Parenting

  1. You will always be parents: no matter what happened in the adult relationship you will both still be the parents of your child. Allow each other to parent.
  2. Move on: get support to deal with what happened in the adult relationship and move on to a relationship which is focused on parenting your children.
  3. Communicate: it is not possible for you both to parent unless you work out how to both feel safe in communicating with each other.
  4. Parenting Agreement: work with professionals (such as our trained staff at One Family or other professional organisations) and get support to develop a parenting agreement.
  5. Respect: respect each other as parents of your child. Talk positively about the other parent to your child.
  6. Support your child: listen to your child, support them to have a relationship with both parents. They have a right to safe contact with both parents.
  7. Talk: allow your child to talk about how they feel. What is life like for them? Just listen and acknowledge what they are saying and how they are feeling
  8. Involve family: with very young children it is hard to let them go on contact visits. Try to have friends and family support you both until you feel confident the parent can manage. They may just need experience.
  9. Conflict: do not get into arguments in front of your child. Don’t talk about maintenance or other issues at handover times. Plan a time to talk when the child is not present and the impact will not affect your parenting later that day.
  10. Keep your child at the centre: it’s your child’s contact not yours. Support them to have it and to own it. Seek professional support to help with your feelings and anxieties over contact.

In cases where there is addiction, domestic violence or other similar challenges, please seek professional support before engaging in contact.

One Family offers a course to help people sharing parenting which you can find out about here. Yesterday we wrote about Coping with the End of a Relationship. You can also find additional One Family supports here or call our askonefamily helpline on lo-call 1890 662 212.

This episode of ’10 Ways to …’ was compiled by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly.

Coming soon: 10 Ways to Enjoy School Breaks and 10 Ways to Effective Toilet Training.

 

Shared Parenting Penalised by Government as Flexibilities Problematic on One Parent Family Tax Credit

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Press Release

One Family, Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families, reacted to the announcement of the abolition of One Parent Family tax credit with concern following the Budget 2014 announcement. Today this concern has been cemented with evidence of the government’s inability to practically and holistically respond to what One Family and hundreds of parents have been communicating since the shock announcement.

One Family wrote to every TD and publicised information based on over 40 years of experience including direct feedback based on what hundreds of parents told us following the announcement about the damaging consequences for separated Fathers and Mothers who share parenting of their children.

Karen Kiernan, CEO of One Family, comments:  “One Family warned the government that merely making the Single Parent Child Carer credit available to one or other separated parent will cause huge problems and we predict that there will be heavier court use, family conflict and use of the Legal Aid Board as a result. What will happen when the resident parent moves into employment and also requires this tax credit? How will it be decided who gets it? Can it be shared? Either way it continues to be an additional tax on one-parent families who were hit brutally in Budget 2012 and who are continuing to feel these effects year on year.”

Stuart Duffin, Director of Policy and Programmes at One Family states: “The removal of an in-work tax credit from parents who are negotiating the difficult job of sharing parenting is highly disappointing. The hundreds of parents who have contacted us will be very disappointed and all to save a small amount of money to the exchequer.”

The One Parent Family tax credit of €1,650 was previously available to both working parents sharing parenting after separation. It will be replaced by a Single Person’s Child Carer tax credit of €1,650 which will now be available first to the parent in receipt of Child Benefit and if not being used by them will be available to the other parent, from January 2014.  Some parents may be at a loss of over €125 per month as a result of the removal of the one-parent family tax credit and the removal of the one-parent family tax rate.

In acknowledgement that reform is needed, One Family had proposed that a Child Support & Parenting Agreement – a written agreement between separated parents on the amount of child maintenance to be paid towards the financial costs of raising their children including an agreed plan in relation to parenting issues as appropriate with be in place between the parents – be submitted when applying for the tax credit. This would help to ensure that separated parents engaged in appropriate shared parenting arrangements would be able to avail of the Tax Credit and/or allocate the credit between them.

One Family regrets that government has not listened to separated parents sharing parenting responsibly and has not accounted for the long-term outcomes of this mistaken reform which will result in increased risk of poverty for many of the fathers, mothers and children already at the highest risk of deprivation in the state today.

Concerned parents can contact the lo-call askonefamily helpline on 1890 662 9212 and email support@onefamily.ie.

 

A Mother’s Story | Losing the One Parent Family Tax Credit

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Dearbhla * wrote to One Family about the Budget 2014 announcement of the abolition of the One Parent Family Tax Credit.

Dearbhla (39) is a separated wife whose marriage broke down in 2005 after twelve years. She and her husband (49) agreed to separate on good terms and always put their son (now aged 13) first, and continue to do so. Dearbhla’s ex-husband has always voluntarily paid maintenance to support his son and they still have a mortgage on the family home.

In her own words:

“My ex-husband has a full time job and he works hard. I work part-time. I felt sick to the pit of my stomach when I listened to the budget and realised what the removal of the One Parent Family Tax Credit would do to us. My ex-husband is ill and is suffering from stress from work/financial pressure. He has said several times recently that he believes we would be better off financially if he was no longer here. His father died at sixty years of age due to a stroke, and the doctor has warned him he is heading the same way if he does not stop worrying and get his stress under control. I am genuinely concerned this will push him over the edge.

After maintenance he has to pay for rent, electricity, gas, food, etc. I have the mortgage, electricity, gas, food, school costs etc. At the moment he has no TV licence as he can’t get the money together to pay for it. He dresses himself from charity shops. This is a man who is working a full week’s work to end up with so little.

I am not in arrears in my mortgage as the one thing I fear more than anything is losing the home I have made for myself and my son. I will go without food etc. to ensure my son is fed and well looked after, and my bills are paid.   We do not drink or smoke, and as for socialising, I cannot remember the last time I went out. The last holiday I had was in 2004.

We have nothing left to give.

When I say nothing, I mean nothing. I am pleading with the government to not let this huge cut to our family go through and to try to understand the extra costs a separated couple endures. We are simply honest, decent people who have always tried to do the right thing.”

One Family is extremely concerned by the Budget 2014 announcement of the replacement of the One Parent Family Tax Credit with a Single Person Child Carer Tax Credit. To read more and to download a pro-forma letter that you can adapt to send to your TDs about this issue, please click here.

The group Irish Parents for Equality are calling for signatures to a petition which can be found here.

* No details have been changed apart from the name of the mother

Abolition of the One Parent Family Tax Credit

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One Family is extremely concerned by the Budget 2014 announcement of the replacement of the One Parent Family Tax Credit with a Single Person Child Carer Tax Credit as it causes a significant number of problems and possibly unintended outcomes.

The financial impact of abolition of the One Parent Tax Credit for the non-resident parent, as verified by Revenue, is:

Annual wage Difference in tax take per week
€13,500 (minimum wage x 30 hours) No change
€20,000 €13
€30,000 €10
€40,000 €48
€60,000 €47

The Revenue Commissioners estimates that for 2013, 76,800 income earners utilise some or all of the One-Parent Family Tax Credit. The gender breakdown is estimated as follows:

Female    51,224

Male       25,573

Total:    76,797

One Family has written to all Ministers, TDs and Senators to voice these concerns and urges everyone to write to their Representatives as soon as possible to do the same.

A proforma letter with suggested text that individuals can change as required is available to download here: One Parent Family Tax Credit_Letter to Representatives

A list of TDs and Senators including their contact details is available here.

One Family representatives have also participated in a number of press, radio and television interviews on the issue. You can read the press releases issued by One Family below:

17.10.2013 | Attack on Parents Sharing Parenting After Separation is Unjust, Unfair and Underhand

15.10.2013 | Budget 2014 is Anti-family and Anti-parent

Attack on Parents Sharing Parenting After Separation is Unjust, Unfair and Underhand

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Press Release

Attack on Parents Sharing Parenting After Separation

 is Unjust, Unfair and Underhand

(Dublin, Thursday 17 October 2013) One Family, Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families, is deeply concerned by the removal of the One Parent Family tax credit and tax free allowance announced on Tuesday as part of Budget 2014 which will have disastrous and far-reaching consequences for separated Fathers and Mothers who share parenting of their children.

Stuart Duffin, Director of Policy and Programmes at One Family states: “Claimants of the One Parent Family tax credit are working Mums and Dads who are committed, responsible parents participating in a successful arrangement with their child’s other parent for the well-being of their child. This is an in-work support and the kind of mechanism that needs to be in place to deliver Pathways to Work, a cornerstone initiative of the Government’s recovery programme. Ultimately it is children who will be impacted with less money to go round in already hard hit families.”

The One Parent Family tax credit of €1,650 was previously available to both working parents sharing parenting after separation. From 2014, it is being replaced by a Single Person’s Child Carer tax credit of €1,650 which will only be available to the parent in receipt of Child Benefit. As the principle carer is usually the child’s Mother, and she may not be working, these changes mean that in many cases neither parent will now meet the specified criteria.  Some parents may be at a loss of over €125 per month as a result of the removal of the one-parent family tax credit and the removal of the one-parent family tax rate.

Duffin continued: “One Family has a received a barrage of calls to the askonefamily helpline, plus emails and Facebook comments from worried parents who are already pushed to their limits. There is a lack of joined up thinking and policy between the Departments of Finance, Social Protection and Children & Youth Affairs as this government is penalising the good practice of shared parenting. One Family is actively calling for clarity and action to ensure that working parents don’t become welfare recipients.”

One Family warns Government that it must address implementation problems, otherwise this is going to create long-term challenges for parents.

Karen Kiernan, CEO of One Family, comments:  “We are calling on Government to reverse this decision and to reinstate the relevant tax credits to ensure that one-parent families who are still coping with the cuts of Budget 2012 are not pushed further into poverty. We are concerned that along with other government measures this will damage the objective of making work pay and more people will end up becoming customers of the Department of Social Protection as many fathers have told us they simply won’t be able to pay as much maintenance as they have been.”

Concerned parents can contact the lo-call askonefamily helpline on 1890 662 9212 and email support@onefamily.ie.

Notes for Editors:

  • 1 in 4 families with children in Ireland is a one-parent family
  • Over half a million people live in one-parent families in Ireland
  • Almost 1 in 5 children (18.3%) live in a one-parent family (Census 2011)
  • There are over 215,000 one-parent families in Ireland today (25.8% of all families with children; Census 2011)
  • 87,586 of those are currently receiving the One-Parent Family Payment
  • Those living in lone parent households continue to experience the highest rates of deprivation with almost 56% of individuals from these households experiencing one or more forms of deprivation (EU-SILC 2011)
  • Operational Challenges for Government to be addressed:
  1. If the principal carer is not working, can the allowance be claimed by the other parent?
  2. If the principal carer is not working and the allowance is claimed by the other parent, what happens when the principal carer returns to work?
  3. What about parents who share care 50/50?
  4. How will this be managed for parents who are already in dispute with each other following separation?
  5. Can clear provisions be made for flexibilities such as splitting the credit between working parents; and making it available to the working parent, usually the Father, who is often classed as ‘secondary carer’.

Available for Interview

Stuart Duffin, Director of Policy & Programmes | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 062 2023

Karen Kiernan, CEO | t: 01 662 9212 or 086 850 9191

For Case Studies, Further Information/Scheduling

Shirley Chance, Director of Communications | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 414 8511

 

Budget 2014 is anti-family and anti-parent

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Press Release

More attacks on working mothers and shared parenting

Budget 2014 is anti-family and anti-parent

(Dublin, Tuesday 15 October 2013) One Family, Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families today responds to Budget 2014 noting the removal of the One Parent Family Tax Credit, the cutting of Maternity Benefit at the higher rate and no plans to help lone parents get into work.

Karen Kiernan, CEO of One Family, states: ‘We are extremely disappointed that working parents who share caring and financial responsibility for their children after separation are now to be penalised by the removal of the One Parent Family Tax Credit for one parent. We should be supporting both parents to cooperate and share responsibility for their children following relationship breakdown instead of penalising them. In addition, the adjusted Maternity Benefit payments, following on last year’s taxation of the Benefit, will negatively impact on thousands of working mothers.’

The One Parent Family Tax Credit has been available to both people sharing parenting of their children where they are not cohabiting and their child lives with them for part of the year. It was worth €1,650 per year in addition to the normal tax credit.

Stuart Duffin, Director of Policy and Programmes at One Family states: ‘We have been concerned for some time by incidences of social welfare inspectors investigating families because the parents after separating are sharing parenting of their children. One Family works to ensure that parents do their best for their children as they move through separation and into the often challenging landscape of shared parenting. This cut is retrograde. It ignores the reality of the collaborative approach many people can take to sharing responsibility and penalises families who have separated.’

Kiernan concludes: ‘One Family finds the ongoing negative approach to parents and families by this government to be alarming. People need support to balance their working and parenting responsibilities. It costs people more money to live apart and share parenting of their children than if they were living together and the removal of this Tax Credit will cause conflict in separated one-parent families.’

Notes for Editors:

  • 1 in 4 families with children in Ireland is a one-parent family
  • Over half a million people live in one-parent families in Ireland
  • Almost 1 in 5 children (18.3%) live in a one-parent family (Census 2011)
  • There are over 215,000 one-parent families in Ireland today (25.8% of all families with children; Census 2011)
  • 87,586 of those are currently receiving the One-Parent Family Payment
  • Those living in lone parent households continue to experience the highest rates of deprivation with almost 56% of individuals from these households experiencing one or more forms of deprivation (EU-SILC 2011)

Available for Interview

Karen Kiernan, CEO | t: 01 662 9212 or 086 850 9191

Stuart Duffin, Director of Policy & Programmes | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 062 2023

Further Information/Scheduling

Shirley Chance, Director of Communications | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 414 8511

One Family welcomes research which indicates that focusing on family type as a predictor for child well-being is irrelevant

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One Family today welcomes research from UCD analysing 9 year olds in the Growing Up in Ireland data which strongly indicates that focusing on family type as a predictor for child well-being is irrelevant.

One Family Director Karen Kiernan welcomed the report saying: “This research confirms what we have seen for 40 years in One Family; that lone parents are doing the very best they can in difficult circumstances to raise their children well. We have always found the argument about married families being better to be ridiculous, especially given that so many one-parent families are created through the dissolution of marriage, but this is a clear message to policy makers that education of mothers is important for the well-being of their children.”

Kiernan continued: “The research indicates that never-married lone mothers have far fewer children than average, are more likely to have their child at a young age and to have lower education levels and this is the most vulnerable family form in Ireland at the moment. This type of parent is also less likely to form a second union during the child’s younger life.”

The extent and nature of shared parenting between parents who do not live together was also looked at in the research and moderately high levels of contact between children and their non-resident parent were found. Karen Kiernan commented on this: “One Family has been working to promote positive and constructive shared parenting in one-parent families for many years and we are pleased to finally see some statistics on the extent of this in Ireland. Whilst shared parenting is not the majority practice, daily or weekly contact between children and their non-resident parent is very common and this is good news.”

Quotes from the study press release:

“It shows that family type is not the over-riding influence on the well-being of a child,” said lead author Dr Tony Fahey, of the UCD School of Applied Social Science.

“Our findings show only a slight, or, in many cases, a complete absence of differences in the indicators of child well-being between children of two-parent married families, co-habiting families, step-families, and one-parent families.”

“The single most important mechanism that public policy can use to combat family problems is to tackle educational disadvantage.”

Full research report here.

For more information, contact:

Karen Kiernan, Director, One Family 01 662 9212 or 086 850 9191.