parenting skills – One Family

As summer winds down, it is time to start thinking about school again. For parents with young children, that means looking into preschools for your children. Sending your child to preschool for the first time is a big step in both you and your child’s life, and it is important to make sure both of you are prepared to take that step. There are many ways to see if your child is ready for preschool, and in this week’s edition of parenting tips, we look at 10 ways to prepare your child for preschool.

Sit back and look at how much your child has grown in the past 3 years. Ask yourself if you are really supporting them to be more responsible, allowing them make choices and have more control over what they want and how they do things.
Ensure your child is toilet trained and able to manage in the toilet unaided.
Ensure your child can use a spoon to feed themselves, that they can recognise their belongings, get out their lunch and tidy away by themself.
Support your child to learn the rules of friendship, taking turns, sharing, asking for what they want and being inclusive of all children.
Play school with them at home. Help them act out their fears around school and through role play help them understand what will be expected of them in preschool.
Explore with them how they need to behave in preschool and what will happen if they misbehave.
Talk with them about the other children who will be there and how they will be very friendly with some and may not really like some children. Encourage them to have time for everyone and to aim to be friendly with all the children.
Visit the preschool in advance. Understand the policies and procedures in advance as a parent and help your child know what their day will look like in preschool. There are great differences between many preschools.
Keep preschool fresh in your child’s mind over the summer time. Help them be ready for school. Help them be confident by preparing them well and encouraging them to practice at home asking questions and resolving small disputes in a positive manner
Don’t put any pressure on your child. It is not university, so relax about whether they know their colours and numbers. They will learn if they are happy and feel supported to do so.

This week’s ’10 Ways to’ is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly.

For support and advice on any of these topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or emailsupport@onefamily.ie.

Image credit: Pixabay

One way or another children will misbehave, but understanding the reason why can give parents the opportunity to develop positive coping mechanisms to address misbehaviour and in turn develop stronger and more positive relationships with their children.

When thinking about the reasons why children misbehave it is perhaps useful to think firstly about what misbehaviour actually is.
A lot of behavior is more an expression of energy and enthusiasm than any desire to misbehave.
Misbehaviour may be the expression of the need for limits to be set.
Building healthy self-esteem requires parents to provide their children with a predictable, safe environment.
Positive attention is an essential ingredient to raising confident, happy children
A child who receives regular positive attention learns that they are a valuable human being and learns ‘I am a worthwhile, interesting person’.
Attention-seeking behaviour in children arises out of very real needs and any attention is better than no attention.
Positive attention means using positive feedback to point out to your child the things that they do well.
Be generous with praise and encouragement when it’s due.
When you reward your child with an incentive be sure to add a comment that causes your child to think about doing the right thing.

This article is part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips, and is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly.

For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.

A family ritual, or tradition, is a practice within a family that has special meaning to family members. Family rituals provide a sense of belonging and continuity. They bring families closer together. It is often hard in our day and age to escape the pressures and daily stresses that make up our lives, but having rituals creates an opportunity for children to feel secure. Family routines and rituals not only improve family relationships, they also improve health and emotional well being, particularly for children.

As part of of our ‘10 Ways to‘ series of parenting tips, here are some ideas to help you in developing family rituals and traditions for your family.

Think simple, not extravagant. An example of a simple and easy ritual is to eat together at least once every week.
Set aside time each week. Create a time where you and your children can be together to play.
Create your own special activity. For weekends, birthdays or celebrations, decide with the family how you really enjoy celebrating these occasions and go with that.
Include your children in the planning.
Create rituals that are meaningful to the whole family.
Be different. Don’t be afraid to start a new or different kind of family tradition.
Celebrate success. Acknowledge achievement within the family.
Don’t be a perfectionist. There’s no need to stress if it does not work out exactly the way you envisaged and planned. Things go wrong sometimes. A sense of bonding between the members involved is still created.
Create a Family Event Jar. A family jar or box is a decorated jar used to save for the next big adventure. Decorate it with pictures and words of places you want to visit or have visited, or activities you enjoy. The jar becomes a daily visual reminder for all family members of something to look forward to.
Rituals and traditions are something for all family member to enjoy together. Don’t fight your natural inclinations. You probably won’t stick with a tradition that isn’t working for all members of the family.

One Family offers a range of training options to help parents and guardians to build on their parenting skills which you can find out about here.

This week’s ’10 Ways to’ is adapted by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, from our Family Communications training programme.

For support and advice on any of these topics, call askonefamily on 1890 66 22 12.

Image credit: Freedigitalphotos.net/arztsamui

With a young child, one of the most trying times can be night time. We all expect to be awake with babies and infants, but what if your child is 3 years of age and still waking you at night? Parents and children need their rest after a long day of work, school, or play, although sleep is often interrupted by a cry for help from another room. As parents, it’s impossible to ignore our children, yet we all need a good night’s sleep and we want the same for our children as well. Not getting enough sleep can affect how we parent and many other aspects of our lives. We explore 10 Ways to Survive Sleepless Nights.

If you know to expect that your child might call you during the night, it’s best to just accept it rather than dread it, as children will pick up on your anxiety.
Try to get to bed yourself very early at least 3 nights a week – even if you don’t really feel like it – so you can get hopefully 4-5 hours of continuous sleep before the first call from your child.
Stay calm during the night. Remember that it’s okay to forget the rules at times. If they will sleep well in your bed take them in, or get into bed with them if you can. A double bed for young children can be great if you have the space; at least you’ll have room then!
Talk with your child during the day about sleeping. Praise them if they sleep well and try to encourage them to call you when it starts to get bright, not when it is dark. Encourage self-soothing such as cuddling up with favourite teddy bears. Be extra generous with praise for any attempt they make to sleep better in their own bed without calling you. Talk to them about how sleep fills them up with energy for the next day and how they need it for the busy day ahead of them. Help them to understand and like the idea of sleeping, and talk with them about why parents need sleep too.
Try to ensure that during the day (not at bedtime), that you talk over things that are happening with them too. All kinds of things can play on your child’s mind that you might not be aware of: new home, new baby, getting in trouble, starting school etc. Dreams can wake them with anxiety.
If you live with another adult take turns to get up to the child – take every second night – then at least you are both getting a good sleep a few nights every week.
What if you have two children waking in the night? If safe to do so, and you have a big bed and side rails – and you have not been drinking alcohol or are impaired in any way – it can be good to take them on a sleepover into your bed on occasion. This could mean you all get to sleep till morning, or at least the early hours.
Try not to focus on how little sleep you get. Remember that a lot of parents are in the same situation. Think about how you might be able to incorporate opportunities for sleep into your own routine. If you travel on public transport, perhaps take a nap on the bus or train; or have one in the morning at home if your child is at creche or school. Explore if anyone can mind your child once a week for a few hours during which you can look forward to some sleep; for example, arranging rotating play dates with another parent.
Build some positives into your day. For example, look forward to some nice breakfast to give yourself a boost to get going. Something like fruit and yoghurt doesn’t have to cost much or take a lot of time to prepare. When we are really tired, we can feel somewhat low, especially if we’re parenting alone without many opportunities to plan for some sleep for ourselves; so it’s very important to actively build in these little positives to our routine.
Support your child to sleep well by following a bedtime routine and providing them with a restful space. What is the room like that they sleep in? Do they like it? Do they have cuddly teddies they have a good bond with during the day? Have they a night light? Is it a calm, secure, peaceful area?

Along with this post, you might like to also read ‘10 Ways to Establish a Bedtime Routine.’

’10 Ways to’ is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly.

For support and advice on any of these topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie. Find out more about our parenting programmes here.

Image credit: Pixabay

Are you a lone parent who would like the opportunity to meet other people parenting alone or sharing parenting after separation? Would you like your children to interact with others of the same age? Then join us this summer on any of our Social Group Summer Outings for a fun and affordable day out for your family. See below for more details.

Airfield Estate & Pet Farm UPDATE: This outing is now booked out.

When: Thursday 17th of August

Meet at: Airfield, Overend Way, Dundrum, Dublin 14

Time: Meet at entrance @11am sharp

Cost: €5 per adult/parent

Dublin Zoo UPDATE: This outing is now booked out.

When: Thursday 24th of August

Meet at: Dublin Zoo

Time: Meet at Group Entrance Gate @ 11am sharp

Cost: €5 per person

Children 3 years and under are Free

How to book

To join us, email Margareth Petroli or call 01 662 9212. Mention the outing you would like to attend, provide your name and contact number and the names and ages of your children.

These social group outings are open to anyone who is parenting alone, and One Family subsidises costs so that they are free or low-cost for families attending. As capacity is limited, places will first be allocated to current clients of One Family if demand is very high. Please note, if you are not currently a client of One Family, you will be asked to complete a registration form.

Visit One Family on Facebook for updates on each event.

Travelling anywhere by any means with young children can be a challenge. These tips are intended to support you when travelling mostly on a bus or by train with young children.

Boredom. Try to understand how boring the trip may be for your child. How can you make it less boring? You may feel you are also bored and that is just the way it is, but try telling your young child that and see how far you get.
Distraction. Try to have lots of things in your bag that you can use to distract your child. Maybe have something like a doodle board that they only get when on the bus. You will be surprised how many small toys and gadgets you can take in your bag.
Feed them. Often children can be hungry and thirsty when travelling. Maybe you were rushing to leave the house and they didn’t get to eat. Have simple snacks with you or a little lunch box with some small bites in it. Try to steer clear of anything that will be messy or that spills easily. You may also not want your child soiled when you are getting off the bus so think clean food – raisins, apples, grapes, plain biscuit, water etc.
Engage with your child. It can be easy to sit on the bus and try to think and plan what you need to do while out. It is very hard for young children to have a parent with them who is really not present to them. Try to play games and talk with your child. ‘I spy’ can be a lot of fun. Read short stories and talk with them about what they see around them. Children generally enjoy adults engaging with them. If you are keeping them in the buggie try to position it in such a way that they can see other people. They may be amused watching others also.
Plan ahead. Before going on the trip make sure you have a solid plan of action. Talk with your child about where you are going, acknowledge it is not ideal but that you need them to cooperate with you. Build something into the trip which they will enjoy E.g. Stopping at the park to feed the ducks, playing on the swings, or some other special reward for cooperating. Let them know that you understand it is hard for them and ask them to bring something with them for amusement. If possible, try to plan a trip when your child is due to nap.
Involvement. Find ways to involve your child in the trip. Maybe they need some new paints or nappies. Talk with them about that being why they are coming. Give them a little responsibility around this task. Make a big deal of getting whatever it is. Children love things to be playful. Make it fun as much as you can. It can be fun if you just talk with them and get excited about the outing.
Your mood. If you are tired or hungry when the trip is due to happen you can be sure it will not go well. IT is important that you plan for yourself too. Take a snack with you if you can’t eat before leaving. Try not to plan trips when you are tired or children are sick.
Keep trips as short as you can. Stopping endlessly to talk with people while keeping children confined to their buggie is usually not good. Be conscious of your child’s needs. Try every hour to let them out of the buggie for a run around.
Praise. Tell your child during the trip how much you appreciate them coming with you and thank them for cooperating. Acknowledge it is hard, but that they are doing well. Remind them of their reward. Sometimes we take children for granted. We expect that they should just cooperate; this should not be the case.
When you’re done, thank your child again. Even if parts of the trip were hard, tell them about the parts they did well on. Focusing on what went wrong will not achieve anything. This is for you to think about later and to plan again for the next trip. Is there anything you can do differently? Before the next trip talk with your child again. Trust that they want to do well. Give them the reward and encourage them to work hard the next time, but support them in this.

This article is part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips, and is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly.

LIVE Facebook Q&A on this topic with Geraldine, 23 March from 11am-12pm on One Family’s Facebook page. Join in and post your questions.

Next you might like to read: 10 Ways to Keep Your Child Safe When Out And About.

Coming up next week: 10 Ways to Support Your Children Through Times Of Change.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.

It is important for you and your children to have a sense of pride about your family. No matter what form your family takes, what wealth you may or may not have, or what activities you may or may not do, being secure in one’s family and self – which will nurture family pride – is achieved through building strong supportive relationships. It is the quality of these relationships at home that has most importance for a child’s outcomes. When every member of the family feels cherished and valued, they experience higher self-esteem which contributes to family self-esteem. To build strong relationships, establish pride and a sense of innate family self-esteem, we must encourage positive emotional growth in our children and in ourselves. In this week’s instalment of our ’10 Ways to’ parenting tips series, we looks at some ways to nurture positive growth and your family’s sense of pride.

When children feel a sense of belonging and sense of pride in their families, they can be emotionally strong. Developing family rituals and traditions can bolster this.
Giving children messages of encouragement enables them to develop a positive sense of who they are.
Remember that for your child you are the expert – you are the all important ‘big’ person. How you behave impacts most strongly on your child. Develop pride in yourself as a parent and show pride in your family unit.
When you get it wrong say, ‘I am sorry, I made a mistake’. Saying sorry does not weaken your role as a parent and models positive behaviour for your child.
Keep organised. Simple tools such as a hand-drawn weekly planner on the ‘fridge can help with organising activities, menus, homework time etc. Knowing what is happening helps children to feel secure. Don’t be stressed if you do not have an always perfectly clean and tidy home. It’s difficult to achieve with children! What is important is that your home provide a safe, secure and comfortable environment for your child. Every member of the family should treasure their home and feel pride in their space.
Spend some time thinking about how you can best meet your child’s needs and if there are changes you can make.
Examine your needs as a parent. How can you meet these needs? Remember that the key to positive and successful parenting is to parent yourself first. You must meet your own needs so that you can best meet the needs of your child.
Show affection towards each other. Expressing that you care both strengthens and celebrates your bond as a family unit.
Think about respect within your family. Do you respect your children as you do other adults in your life? Do your children respect you? If not, think about why this is and what changes could be made.
Aim to be a ‘good enough’ parent; no one is perfect and we do not want our children to feel they have to be perfect.

This article is part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips, and is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly. Coming up Next Week: 10 Ways to Understand Why Children Misbehave and the Power of Positive Parenting.

Next you might like to read: 10 ways to Parent Self Care or 10 ways to Improve your Child’s Self Esteem

LIVE Facebook Q&A on this topic with Geraldine, 26 January from 11am-12pm on One Family’s Facebook page. Join in and post your questions.

Life often throws obstacles our way. Maybe you have had a tough year in 2014 and can recall more things that went badly than those that went well. It happens to all of us at some time in our lives. Whether you feel this past year has been good or bad, this time as we transition into a new year can be the ideal time to take stock. It’s a good time to look back over the previous twelve months in a productive manner, with a view to making positive changes for your family in 2015. Give yourself some quiet time to sit down with a notebook and pen, think about our suggestions below, and make your parenting plan for the brand new year ahead.

Make a list of the top three things you love about your children.
Make a list of the top three issues you can deal with well around parenting.
Now that you are hopefully feeling a little more positive that things are never as bad as they seem, think about the things you need to make changes around.
Name five areas of your parenting that you would like to change in the coming year. Write this plan into a nice diary or notebook that you will keep close with you all year. Or make a little poster and pin it up in your home to remind you of the goals you are setting for 2015.
Start with introducing family meetings. If you don’t do this already then the time has come. As a parent your key role is to facilitate harmony in your home. You cannot do this without everyone getting on board. Talk with your children about the idea of family meetings. Everyone gets to talk and be heard. It’s a time for planning and sharing and most importantly solving issues. Have a family meeting book, use a notebook which will last the year and keep note each week of the meeting, the issues and the plan. This can make such a drastic change in families, you really should try it. When everyone is planning together and each family member feels they are being heard, then the plan is more likely to work. If it is your plan alone, you can bin it as it most likely will not work. Check out our 10 Ways to Run a Family Meeting for more information.
Next you need to think about self-care. All parents need to make and value some time for themselves. This is especially valuable for anyone parenting on their own as no one else can do this for you so it’s important to acknowledge this and plan your own self-care. Without looking after yourself and meeting your own needs, you will not be able to continuously meet the needs of your family. Make a plan now of when you will get time out each week. What are your 3 top needs for this year? Name them and start planning. There is most often a simple way of meeting needs, but you have to be creative and positive that it is possible. Now write them up clearly and promise yourself that you deserve this time for you and your children will be much happier as a result. Happy Parents, Happy Home.
Spend a week looking at you, at how you engage with your children. Is the picture one you like? If not then plan a change. Can you listen more and talk less? Can you ask for their story and not always tell yours? Can you empower your children to resolve their own issues instead of always trying to fix them for them? Can you put yourself in their shoes, what is life like for them? Can you talk with them and not at them? Can you see yourselves as team members who need to work together, cooperate with each other to get things done and needs met? Are the rules fair? Who made them? Is it time to review them? How many chances do you give? If the answer is more than one, then it’s time to think again. Talk with your child about choices, they choose to behave in certain ways, as do you, and we all face consequences. Are the consequences fair and does everyone face them?
Think about your child’s other parent. What does it mean to your children to have two parents? Is your child’s other parent currently involved in parenting? What is your relationship like with the other parent? If there is room for improvement then try to make a change. Explore your style of communication and look at your role in any conflict. You can’t change your child’s other parent, you can only make changes for you, however positive changes often have ripple effects on others. For more suggestions, read 10 Ways to Explain an Absent Parent, 10 Ways to Successful Shared Parenting and 10 Ways to Positively Maintain Contact.
Remember to contact One Family if you would like parenting support. We offer a variety of online information, one-to-one-supports, and parenting courses including a new online parenting support course starting this Spring. Click here to find out more. Maybe these supports are what you need to help you as you make positive change happen.
You can also call or email our askonefamily helpline to talk about what is challenging you when starting into this new year ahead. You have the answers already, but you may need some support to dig them out.

This article is part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips, and is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly. Next week we examine how to put routines into place.

LIVE Facebook Q&A with Geraldine on Monday 5th January from 11am-12pm on One Family’s Facebook page. Join in and post your question.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and advice on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.

Problems are a normal part of life. Many families face situations in life that, despite our best efforts, we simply can’t ‘fix’. Often there are other options we can explore and developing coping skills helps us to identify what these could be. Good coping skills also help us to learn to accept those situations that are beyond our control so we can feel better and progress, even if the problem still exists. Developing coping skills in our families makes us more resilient. Children learn from what they see and enabling them to develop these skills and resources will help them in countless ways as they progress through life.

This week in our ’10 Ways to’ series we look at ways to develop coping skills within your family. Many of these suggestions are expanded upon in other ’10 Ways to’ articles which you can access by clicking on the links within the points below.

1. Do things together – eat, play, socialise – spend quality time together as much as possible to help strengthen your family’s bonds and relationships.

2. Talk and listen to each other; value the time you spend together.

3. Choose how to use your time. Prioritise what is most important, don’t stress if the little things don’t get done.

4. Show appreciation for each other. Demonstrate it with your words and actions.

5. Take care of your physical and mental needs, and those of your children. It is important to remember to look after the basics such as healthy eating, adequate sleep and social engagement.

6. Develop social supports in your community. This can seem challenging, especially if we don’t have friends or family members who live nearby, but there are many ways to increase our involvement in our communities and invest in building relationships. Get involved.

7. Actively do things which help reduce your stress levels. These can be as simple as a walk in the park, calling a friend, or focussing on taking deep, relaxing breaths.

8. Plan things; the everyday and the long term. Write out your plan, it will seem more manageable and help you to achieve your aims.

9. Don’t spend all day worrying and thinking about a problem – box it, and play with your children.

10. Seek professional supports and use them well. Many organisations offer these supports including One Family which provides a range of counselling and parenting supports focused on the needs of one-parent families, parents sharing parenting, parents experiencing separation, and their children; and those experiencing a crisis pregnancy. Our confidential lo-call askonefamily helpline is 1890 66 22 12 / support@onefamily.ie.

This week’s ’10 Ways to’ is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly.

For support and advice on any of these topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie. Find out more about our parenting skills programmes here.

Everyone is different, and it is important to be sensitive to that fact. Children look up to their parents and will imitate their behaviour, so the way you act towards others who are different can have a profound impact on them. By making sure you are respectful to everyone, you can ensure your children will do the same. In this week of our parenting tips series, we have 10 ways to respect the differences between yourself and others.

1. Be courteous and friendly to others. You can help your child respect others by the way you greet people, talk with them, and talk about them afterwards. Children learn from our example.

2. Make a family book about similarities and differences: You and your child could work together to make a book about the people in your family.

3. Value difference. Arrange a small get-together with one or two families. Each could make a snack that may be different or new to the others, possibly an ethnic food or one that is special in other ways for their family.

4. Meet new friends. You may want to tell your child about a time when you met someone who seemed different at first but as you got to know the person, you came to appreciate him or her.

5. Use empathy: Can your child remember coming into a group and feeling ignored or left out? Talking about your child’s feelings can help your child develop empathy and begin to see things from another person’s point of view.

6. We believe that we are all special people.

7. Treat others kindly even if they are different.

8. We show we are listening by what we say.

9. We are concerned about each other’s feelings.

10. Use books, the internet and society to introduce your child to difference and in particular all types of families and how they are all unique and special – just like ours.

This week’s ’10 Ways to’ is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly.

Coming soon: 10 Ways to Prepare Your Child for Preschool; 10 Ways to Improve Your Child’s Self Esteem; 10 Ways to Encourage Healthy Eating.

For support and advice on any of these topics, call askonefamily on 0818 66 22 12 or emailsupport@onefamily.ie.

Image Credit: Pixabay

All families experience problems at some time. No matter how strong a family unit is or how positive our relationships, siblings will still argue, parents may be stressed over finances, bedtime routines may be difficult to establish. The demands of daily life can be challenging and problems can easily arise. If a recurring problem is not addressed, over time it can become a major issue and affect the quality of life and relationships at home for every member of the family. It is essential to recognise and address problems to help prevent this happening. Our ’10 Ways to Better Problem Solving’ can be useful in solving challenging family problems.

Name the issue, identify the problem. Work on the easier issues first of all. Working out the smaller stuff gives you the confidence to address the bigger issues.
Try to figure out how strongly everyone feels on the issue at hand by asking, on a scale of 1 to 10, how strongly do you feel about your point? 1 is not very strong and 10 is very strong.
Do not attempt to start talking about a solution until you can truly re-state each person’s point to their satisfaction and understand it, and have established what, if any, common ground there is.
Communicate about the problem with each other using the four-step method for clear and direct communication:
- Observations | Be factual. Don’t judge or evaluate. State the problem clearly.
- Feelings | Talk about what this observation makes you feel. Ask other family members what their feelings are about it.
- Needs | Talk about the needs that cause these feelings.
- Requests | Be clear, ask for – not demand – what you want. Other family members should have the option to say no and come up with alternatives.
Come up with some solutions – ask everyone in the family for them.
Select a solution.
Act on the solution. Divide out responsibility amongst the members of the family.
Appoint someone to monitor the action. For less serious issues, children can be responsible monitors too.
Evaluate the whole thing, and within a reasonable time, ask if the solution is working? If not, pick another one to try. Talk about what you all learnt from the situation.
Remember that is not your job as the parent to ‘fix’ life. Empower your children to make decisions and be responsible.

Having read these tips, you may also find our 10 Ways to Run a Family Meeting helpful.

If you would like support, information or advice in relation to the topic above, contact our lo-call askonefamily helpline on 1890 66 22 12 / support@onefamily.ie. One Family offers a range of training options to help parents and guardians to build on their parenting skills which you can find out about here. These include our upcoming Summer School of Parenting Skills Workshops in July.

This week’s ’10 Ways to …’ is adapted by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, from our Family Communications training programme.

Coming soon: 10 Ways to Develop Family Rituals and 10 Ways to Develop Coping Skills in Your Family.

When there is an issue for any family member, holding a family meeting is a good way to resolve it as a family, and regular meetings can promote harmony between all family members.

Read on for our 10 Ways to Run A Family Meeting

Don’t force anyone into doing it. Try saying ‘ I would like to give this a try – would you?’
Meetings should happen regularly on a certain day and time, even if there are no specific issues.
All family members need to attend, even the youngest.
Set ground rules for the meetings, including how to deal with someone who does not keep their agreements.
Decisions need to be made by consensus.
Make some time in the meeting for each person to say how they appreciate everyone or something someone did that they liked that week.
Nice snacks are important – you can rotate who chooses and prepares the treats. Children will find it fun to be given the responsibility for this task.
As a parent, try not to talk too much – family meetings are about sharing power.
Agree a way forward, write it down and try it.
Review the plan, if it works, great! If not make a new plan.

This week’s ’10 Ways to …’ is adapted by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, from our Family Communications training programme.

Coming soon: 10 Ways to Positively Maintaining Contact, 10 Ways to Effective Toilet Training and 10 Ways to Increase Social Engagement.

One Family offers a suite of training opportunities for parents and for professionals on an on-going basis. To find out more, click here or call 01 662 9212.

(Photo credit: FreeDigitalPhotos.net/Teerapun)

Introducing a new partner who may be potential stepparent to your children requires great care and patience with the focus on helping children to adapt. As part of our weekly ’10 Ways to …’ series, here are our tips on managing this situation so that, in time, all members of the family can enjoy positive and supportive relationships.

10 Ways to Sensitive Integration of a Stepparent

Be friends: Introduce your child to your new partner gently and slowly. Plan a fun activity for the family and bring your new partner along. Your partner may not love the child on first meeting, this is natural. Allow the relationship to develop and for both parties to become comfortable with each other.
Talk with your child: Involve your child in your life. Tell them you have made a new special friend and that you would like them to get to know your child.
Moving in: It is usually once a new partner moves in that they become a stepparent (not always through marriage as legally recognised). Involve children in this process. Talk in advance about what this will look like and how it may change current family life – be clear about the positives and the negatives.
Talk about behaviour: When there are young children involved, the stepparent must be allowed to manage behaviour if they are being asked to care for the children. It is important to discuss your views on managing behaviour in advance and agree how to handle issues. Work with each other. Discuss parenting styles and how you were parented as a child. What do you want for your child and how can the stepparent support you to parent?
3 parents: Your child has two parents usually and may not feel they have room for a third. Be gentle in your approach. Don’t get into a situation whereby the child feels the biological parent is being replaced. Always respect the child’s feelings.
Respect: Always respect the biological parent of the child and respect the role the child’s biological parent plays in their life. Do not encourage or permit the child to call a stepparent Dad or Mum. You are just creating confusion and disrespecting the other parent. Make sure to talk with the other biological parent about this new important person in your child’s life.
Couple time: Remember you are a couple and not just parents. Take time out as a couple and also take time to talk about the challenges of parenting with another adult who is not the parent. It is hard for both of you. The stepparent may have to learn how to share you with your child and that you have to juggle meeting their needs and those of your child.
Acknowledge: Both parties need to acknowledge that this may be hard for the child. They may find it hard to adapt to sharing their parent. Maybe they have been hurt in the past. Involve them. Talk about things in the home and plan changes together. Explore issues as they arise and find solutions together.
Have fun: Do fun things together! Also allow both the parent and stepparent have one-to-one time with the child. This will help build the relationship for both parents and child.
Trust: Trust each other. If you cannot trust your partner with your child then you need to think about what is happening. Take everything your child says seriously. They are not out to hurt you or break up a relationship. Hear them.

If you would like to talk about the issues above or have any other concerns or questions, our askonefamily lo-call helpline is available on 1890 662 212 and by emailing support@onefamily.ie.

This week’s ’10 Ways to …’ is compiled by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly.

Coming soon: 10 Ways to Positively Maintaining Contact and 10 Ways to Effective Toilet Training.

The One Family parenting skills courses Positive Parenting and Family Communications are enrolling now for Summer. Click here for information.

Many children find it difficult to settle down at bedtime which can lead to challenges. For this week’s ’10 Ways to …’ post offering parenting tips, we look at how to establish your child’s bedtime routine. Here are some tips that should help:

Adequate Sleep: How much sleep does your child need every day? Use the guide to help you choose an appropriate bedtime: 1-3 years: 10-15 hours including naps / 4-7 years: 10-13 hours with no naps.
Reduce naps: Once children reach preschool age, naps are no longer necessary. It is best to get your child to bed early and get adequate sleep at night time. Early to bed and early to rise!
Routines are crucial: Develop a clear routine around bedtime with your child and stick to it. The bedtime routine should start no later than 30 minutes prior to your child being in bed.
Snacks: It is important to ensure your child is not hungry going to bed but be careful about food choices offered late in the evening. Too much sugar will not aid sleep.
Consistency: Children are consistent in how they sleep and wake. If you let them stay up late, they will generally still get up at their usual time meaning that you’ll probably have a day ahead with a cranky child – and parent.
Quality time: As part of your routine, plan relaxing, wind-down activities for the hour leading up to bedtime. Too much activity close to bedtime can keep children from falling asleep. Think about what play is good to help children relax and calm down.
Share time: Parents and children need to relax together and reconnect after the day. Share stories from your day and talk about what is happening the next day. Children will sleep better when they have had time to tell you about any worries they might have and to share their stories, and they feel safe knowing what tomorrow brings.
Behaviour: The right time to change behaviours is not when everyone is tired. Think about what is problematic and plan changes. Involve your child in the changes. Make sure they know about this prior to bedtime.
The bedroom: Keep it quiet and calm. Make sure the lighting is just right and ensure your child feels safe. Baby monitors are great at all ages as they reassure a child that their parent will hear them if they call out.
Support children in developing self soothing skills: Encourage your child to soothe themselves back to sleep. Talk about what might help them to do this during the day, not at night time. Agree in advance what the child can do – can they come to your bed or do you go to them?

This ’10 Ways to …’ feature is compiled by Grace Mulligan, Crèche Team Leader, One Family.

Coming soon: 10 Ways to Successful Toilet Training and 10 Ways to Happy School Breaks.

The One Family parenting skills courses Positive Parenting and Family Communications are enrolling now. Click here for information.