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Parenting | Father’s Day

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man-863085_1280Many children will be looking forward to some special time with Dads, Stepdads and Granddads on Father’s Day, though it is also a day that can bring challenges. In One Family, children are at the centre of our work and we support parents to help children to have contact with both parents where possible, unless it is not safe for a child. It can, of course, often be challenging for separated parents to develop good communication in order to implement a shared parenting plan, but the positive outcomes for children are very much worth the effort that parents put in.

Successfully sharing parenting can seem difficult, especially if parents are experiencing hurt or anger. When two parents can be there for their child, we ask parents to allow each other the opportunity to parent. Children need so much love and time; they can never have too much. There is room in your child’s life for both of you. Developing a shared parenting plan may be challenging, but when you do figure it out and see how your child flourishes, you will know it is worth the effort.

For Dads parenting alone, there may not be anyone to help your child make a card or shop for a little gift. Or even to acknowledge the day at all. Why not acknowledge it for yourself? Own it for you. You don’t need someone else to tell you how great a parent you are. You do everything from braiding hair, to playing football, to helping with homework, to planning your family’s weekly meals. Acknowledge, embrace and celebrate your achievements, even through the tough times. Allow yourself a Father’s Day treat, and plan to celebrate the day with your child.

If your child’s Father has chosen not to be present in their life, or is otherwise absent, you may worry that your child is excluded from the celebrations. Or that your child may feel a little sad, and so might you. Acknowledge this for them; it is okay to feel this way. Maybe it is a day you can talk about it together with your child. Share memories, and talk with them about all the wonderful people that are in their life. Ask them what they would like to do if Dad was there, and then plan something fun to do together with your child on the day.

This year, whatever your circumstances, perhaps you can plan a day out with your child on Father’s Day? Plan for quality time together. Plan a picnic, pitch a tent in the garden, have a barbeque. Invite some friends over and have your own soccer tournament. Children just love being busy and having fun, it doesn’t have to cost much. Make some plans today to have fun and create memories, and if it is not possible to celebrate with your child this Father’s Day, perhaps you can plan to share it on a different day in the future.

Whatever you do this Father’s Day, it is a day that is about children. On Father’s Day, we encourage thought about what your child needs from you. What can you do now to support your child through life, whether this means being physically present in your child’s life on a regular basis, consideration of the financial support a child requires to help them to have what they need to grow, develop and succeed in life, or working to develop a shared parenting plan.

Father’s Day is about valuing children’s presence in our society, and looking at what we can offer them. So Dads, Mums, Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Stepparents, Guardians, Friends – everyone is important in a child’s life and we all can help them to grow, to feel loved, and to know they are valued.

This  article is by One Family’s Director of Children & Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly.

Next you may wish to read:

https://onefamily.ie/training/10-ways-to-successful-shared-parenting/

https://onefamily.ie/training/10-ways-to-explain-an-absent-parent/

https://onefamily.ie/training/10-ways-to-positively-maintain-contact/

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or on 01 662 9212.

Parenting Tips | Managing behaviour without idle threats

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thinkstockangrykid-300x200It’s just over 40 days to Christmas. Chances are Santa has already been mentioned in your house. But is this because you are using Santa as a tool, warning children that they must behave now or they won’t get any presents on Christmas morning? Threatening children that Santa won’t come is possibly the greatest idle threat used by parents. You should not revert to this idle threat now that we are in November. Likewise, you shouldn’t use a child’s upcoming birthday as a reason to bribe or threaten them, nor should other annual events like Easter or Halloween be used in this way. Implement the parenting tools you know and use them for all 12 months of the year.

Here are some tips on managing behaviour between now and Christmas, without using the threat of “Santa won’t come!”:

  1. Focus on what you know about your children. They like routines and consistency. The first lesson in parenting? Stick to the routine.
  2. When children start to misbehave, the first step in dealing with the issue is to check that their basic needs are being bet. Ensure they have been fed, that they are warm, comfortable and not in need of sleep or feeling unwell. Remember that when us adults are hungry, tired, cold or unwell, it is very difficult for us to manage our behaviour.
  3. Recognise how your child responds to your actions. Some children know by one look that they need to stop misbehaving. Others know that they will get numerous chances. Some children will hear the tone of voice change while others will hear the loud shout up the stairs. Others will know their parent means business when they take them by the hand and remove them from a situation. Every child knows what their parent will do in any given situation and they expect this to happen. When we are not consistent in our approach, children are left confused and they also learn they can push boundaries.
  4. At times we can just get tired. It may seem easier to make an idle threat than to follow through with action. Life is challenging and there is a lot that can leave us tired and distracted; having the energy to parent is not always forthcoming. We have to dig deep at times.
  5. The more you threaten, usually the more anxious children become and consequently behaviour decreases even further. Research has reported that children are showing more and more signs of anxiety and depression.
  6. This year, leave the threats aside and instead develop traditions of preparation for Christmas. Look forward to the time-off work and school that you can spend together. If we stop using occasions (like birthdays, Christmas, Halloween, or Easter) to threaten children then we could really embrace them and enjoy the excitement such times can bring. We could plan for occasions and prepare and develop traditions around them, making the occasion wholly positive for everyone.
  7. Remember that Santa is meant to be a fairytale of innocence and magic. We don’t need Santa to support us when it comes to managing behaviour but we can enjoy the magic he will create on Christmas and the memories that will be made.

This article is part of our weekly parenting tips, and is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly.

For support and advice on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.

Parenting | Establishing family rituals

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rope-1469244_1920A family ritual, or tradition, is a practice within a family that has special meaning to family members. Family rituals provide a sense of belonging and continuity. They bring families closer together. It is often hard in our day and age to escape the pressures and daily stresses that make up our lives but having rituals creates an opportunity for children to feel secure. Family routines and rituals not only improve family relationships, they also improve health and emotional well being, particularly for children.

As part of of our ‘10 Ways to‘ weekly series of parenting tips, here are some ideas to help you develop family rituals and traditions for your family.

  1. Think simple, not extravagant. An example of a simple and easy ritual is to eat together at least once every week.
  2. Set aside time each week. Create a time where you and your children can be together to play.
  3. Create your own special activity. For weekends, birthdays or celebrations, decide with the family how you really enjoy celebrating these occasions and go with that.
  4. Include your children in the planning.
  5. Create rituals that are meaningful to the whole family.
  6. Be different. Don’t be afraid to start a new or different kind of family tradition.
  7. Celebrate success. Acknowledge achievement within the family.
  8. Don’t be a perfectionist. There’s no need to stress if it does not work out exactly the way you envisaged and planned.  Things go wrong sometimes. A sense of bonding between the members involved is still created.
  9. Create a Family Event Jar. A family jar or box is a decorated jar used to save for the next big adventure. Decorate it with pictures and words of places you want to visit or have visited, or activities you enjoy. The jar becomes a daily visual reminder for all family members of something to look forward to.
  10. Rituals and traditions are something for all family member to enjoy together. Don’t fight your natural inclinations. You probably won’t stick with a tradition that isn’t working for all members of the family.

This ’10 Ways to’ article is by One Family’s Director of Children & Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, as part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips. You can read the full series here.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or on 01 662 9212.

 

Events | Social Group Summer Outings

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Are you a lone parent who would like the opportunity to meet other people parenting alone or sharing parenting after separation? Would you like your children to interact with others of the same age? Then join us this summer on any of our Social Group Summer Outings for a fun and affordable day out for your family. See below for more details.

  1. Airfield Estate & Pet Farm UPDATE: This outing is now booked out.

When: Thursday 17th of August

Meet at: Airfield, Overend Way, Dundrum, Dublin 14

Time: Meet at entrance @11am sharp

Cost: €5 per adult/parent

 

  1. Dublin Zoo UPDATE: This outing is now booked out.

When: Thursday 24th of August

Meet at: Dublin Zoo

Time: Meet at Group Entrance Gate @ 11am sharp

Cost: €5 per person

Children 3 years and under are Free

 

How to book

To join us, email Margareth Petroli or call 01 662 9212. Mention the outing you would like to attend, provide your name and contact number and the names and ages of your children.

These social group outings are open to anyone who is parenting alone, and One Family subsidises costs so that they are free or low-cost for families attending. As capacity is limited, places will first be allocated to current clients of One Family if demand is very high. Please note, if you are not currently a client of One Family, you will be asked to complete a registration form.

Visit One Family on Facebook for updates on each event.

 

Parenting | How to guide your teen in a part-time job

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man-439040_1280Getting a job as a teenager is like taking on an extra subject, one that cannot be taught in school. Real learning about the world, and the people in it, can come from getting a job. If teens are working with the public they will learn to listen to and respect strangers. They learn that they cannot say what they want or they may be sacked. A part-time job will teach your teen to be self-motivated. When they go to college or into the world of work they will know how to cope. The teen years are the time to start training them to use time wisely. They must start deciding how best to use their time for study, work and socialising. It can all fit.

Here are ’10 ways to’ guide your teen in a job:

  1. Usually after Junior Cert the time for a part-time job has arrived. There is something out there for every teen.
  2. Support them to find the right job for them.
  3. Your teen must commit to and be responsible for the job they take on. Mum or Dad cannot pick up the pieces when they do not show up for work. A note into the boss will not be permitted.
  4. If your teen cannot make it into work they should call to explain their absence themselves or they have to organise someone else to cover the shift. They have to acknowledge they are letting others down.
  5. Parents should never get involved in workplace issues.
  6. When issues do arise, support your teen to talk it out. Help them to explore options around resolving workplace issues. They will learn so much about life and grow with great confidence from doing this.
  7. If they struggle to manage a part-time job, along with other activities and social time, then perhaps their energy levels need to be looked at. You will have some work to do with them around capacity building.
  8. You may think they will be sacked the very first week but encourage them to learn from any mistakes and to keep going.
  9. During the school term, it is possible to study and to work and try not to pretend they can’t. The highest achievers out there are usually the busiest of people.
  10. Believe in your teen and they will believe in their own abilities. It is not about earning at the end of the day (although that has its charm), it is about learning survival skills and gaining self awareness.

This ’10 Ways to’ article is by One Family’s Director of Children & Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, as part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips. You can read the full series here.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or on 01 662 9212.