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Girl blowing dandelion seeds

10 Ways to Talk With Your Child About “Where do I come from?”

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Girl blowing dandelion seedsMany young children will start to wonder about and question where they came from, sometimes triggered by meeting new friends at school or learning that new little siblings will be coming into the family, while other children may have hardly any interest in the topic. Whatever your child’s level of curiosity may be, it’s helpful to think about what your answer will be in advance so that you’re not thrown whenever the question is asked.

  1. Be honest with children. Explain things as simply as possible but always truthfully. Give them just enough age and developmentally appropriate information. Over time you can add more detail.
  2. Try telling younger children that an egg and seed make friends and then it grows into a baby. They don’t have to know just yet how this actually happens. Sex discussions can come a little later.
  3. Tell children that the baby is connected to Mum inside and when ready to come into the world, the doctors help the baby to be born .
  4. Remember that families are diverse. Children are created in many ways. Explore this with your child. Don’t presume that all of your child’s classmates are all children of two biological parents. Some children will have same sex parents.
  5. Your child may be adopted and may not know whose egg or seed they came from, but you can tell them that they have parents who love them and feel very lucky that some other person was able to share their child with them.
  6. Explain to children that sometimes Mums and Dads don’t have eggs or seeds themselves so they have to be received from a kind person.
  7. Talk with children about relationships. Explain that babies are usually made when two people care about each other a lot and want to have a special person. Explain also that sometimes only one parent is ready when this actually happens which is why some families are one-parent families. Sometimes a Mum and Dad might not live in the same house. Assure your child they are loved and wanted and special.
  8. Use books to support your conversations with children. There are books for all ages to help explain all issues in life from making babies to death. Check out your local library and book shop.
  9. Children often wish for more siblings. Maybe you have chosen not to have more children. Children grow out of this and really they long for more relationships, not necessarily siblings.
  10. Grow things with your child, such as flower seeds. This helps them to understand that everything comes from somewhere.  There is a process to everything that grows, just as there is to making babies.

This article is part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips, and is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly. Coming soon: 10 Ways to Make the Most of Halloween and 10 Ways to Encourage Toddlers and Young Children to Eat.

One Family offers specialist support in explaining about an absent parent to a child. For support and advice on this or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie. Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent mentoring service here.

 

Photo credit: Pixabay

Government Policies Push More One-Parent Families Out of Work and Into Poverty

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Press Release

Government policies push more one-parent families out of work and into poverty –

One Family Annual Review 2013

www.onefamily.ie

(Dublin, Monday 29 September 2014) One Family – Ireland’s organisation for people parenting alone and people sharing parenting – launches its Annual Review 2013 amid ongoing trends of embattled parents leaving work due to poorly thought-out government policies, lack of quality out of school care and rising accommodation costs.

Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO explains: “2013 was another hard year for one-parent families in Ireland. The poorly planned policies in Budget 2012 are pushing more people parenting alone onto social welfare fulltime as they cannot afford to work, attend education or get workplace experience due to government cuts. This makes no sense and is counter-intuitive as on the one hand government is forcing people onto the live register when their youngest child is seven, whilst at the same time making it harder for them to stay connected to the labour market as the income disregard has been slashed. We know that work isn’t working for far too many families. We must move on from attacking those parenting alone to addressing real needs by helping people stay in work by increasing the income disregard in Budget 2015.”

Stuart Duffin, One Family Director of Policy & Programmes, highlights: “One Family’s Annual Review 2013 shows a 20% increase in calls to our national askonefamily helpline specifically in relation to social welfare and finance issues as parents try to make work pay, often unsuccessfully. This is because the support they get from the State is continuing to decline in real terms, the barriers to returning to or staying in work can be insurmountable for many and government policies are working against them.”

One Family’s 10 Solutions campaign addresses this as a matter of urgency. Research shows that a key contributor to children’s futures is not the structure of their families but living in consistent poverty.  Current policies mean that Ireland risks seeing more poor children becoming poor adults. This is catastrophic for their life chances and the public purse. But it is not too late to change this.

Karen continued: “We saw a massive increase in tax related queries as Budget 2014 removed the One Parent Tax Credit which is another example of the government not understanding the needs of families who share parenting of their children. The tough qualifications for rent supplement is also pushing people out of work and many families are becoming homeless – this is a matter of urgency.”

One Family’s Annual Review 2013 can be read/downloaded here. 

A short video summarising One Family’s Annual Review 2013 and 5 key demands for Budget 2015 can be viewed here.

One Family’s demands for Budget 2015 are:

  1. Work must pay for low-income families.
  2. Income disregard cannot be cut anymore and the minimum hours qualification for FIS eligibility should be reduced.
  3. Those on the OFP must have equal access to all of the government activation measures and access to free part-time education to help them get into sustainable careers.
  4. Out of School Childcare needs to be recognised and supported so that parents can access education, training and work.
  5. The Single Person Child Carer Tax Credit discriminates against those sharing parenting – most often against Fathers, and is out of step with the realities of contemporary Irish family life.

One Family’s full Budget Submission can be read here.

Lone parents are being forced out of employment.  The ongoing reduction of the income disregard – the amount a lone parent in receipt of the One-Parent Family Payment can earn without a reduction in supports as they transition into employment – from €146.50 to €60 per week is working against Government policy. This reduction means that it is no longer financially viable for many to work which is the opposite of what Government claimed to set out to do – support lone parents into employment.  Although 53% of lone parents are in the labour force, one-parent families remain those statistically most at risk of poverty.  This cannot be justified.

/Ends.

About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 as Cherish and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those sharing parenting, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to professionals working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 62 22 12, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes Family Day and presents the Family Day Festival every May, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview

Karen Kiernan, CEO | t: 01 662 9212 or 086 850 9191

Stuart Duffin, Director of Policy & Programmes | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 062 2023

 

 

 

 

Happy child

10 Ways to Improve Your Child’s Self Esteem

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Children are a wonderful gift, but they are very delicate and it is often easy for them to feel unappreciated or ignored. As parents, it is very important to make sure our children are growing up happy and confident, and to do that we must make sure they feel special, appreciated, and loved. By recognising their accomplishments and encouraging them to be proud of themselves, we can help them to develop confidence and a sense of achievement that will last them the rest of their lives. In this week’s edition of parenting tips, we highlight 10 ways to improve your child’s self esteem.

1. Children who have lots of positive experiences and positive things said to them will have healthy levels of self esteem, as opposed to children who have many negative experiences growing up.

2. Children need to be recognised and admired. They are important to us and important in the world. Tell them this!

3. Praise children for the efforts they make. The focus should not be on the end result. Children remember praise and it has long-lasting effects.

4. Compliment children on their appearance, how they are doing at school, with friends and with hobbies. Every child is special and should know this.

5. Notice your children’s strengths and tell them what they are. Help them understand how to use those strengths well.

6. Show your child you are so proud of them and the effort they make – to play, to share, to eat dinner etc.

7. Have special time with your child each day and let them know they are top of your list. The feeling of self worth will be enormous.

8. Encourage children to be proud of their own achievements.

9. Encourage children to be open about what strengths they have and also that we all can’t be good at everything. Help them accept they are human, and it is normal to have strengths and weaknesses.

10. Be respectful of children. Talk with them, not at them. Listen to them and hear what they are trying to say. Understand their behaviours and why they exist rather than trying to just fix them. Admire their qualities, even those which are challenging can be used in positive ways throughout life. Accept your child for who they are and tell them everyday how much you love and admire them.

This week’s ’10 Ways to’ is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly.

Coming soon: 10 Ways to Support Your Child’s Sex Education; 10 Ways to Survive Sleepless Nights; 10 Ways to Encourage Healthy Eating.

For support and advice on any of these topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.

Image credit: Pixabay

Group of people

10 Ways to Respect Differences

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Everyone is different, and it is important to be sensitive to that fact. Children look up to their parents and will imitate their behaviour, so the way you act towards others who are different can have a profound impact on them. By making sure you are respectful to everyone, you can ensure your children will do the same. In this week of our parenting tips series, we have 10 ways to respect the differences between yourself and others.

1. Be courteous and friendly to others.  You can help your child respect others by the way you greet people, talk with them, and talk about them afterwards. Children learn from our example.

2. Make a family book about similarities and differences:  You and your child could work together to make a book about the people in your family.

3. Value difference. Arrange a small get-together with one or two families. Each could make a snack that may be different or new to the others, possibly an ethnic food or one that is special in other ways for their family.

4. Meet new friends.  You may want to tell your child about a time when you met someone who seemed different at first but as you got to know the person, you came to appreciate him or her.

5. Use empathy: Can your child remember coming into a group and feeling ignored or left out? Talking about your child’s feelings can help your child develop empathy and begin to see things from another person’s point of view.

6. We believe that we are all special people.

7. Treat others kindly even if they are different.

8. We show we are listening by what we say.

9. We are concerned about each other’s feelings.

10. Use books, the internet and society to introduce your child to difference and in particular all types of families and how they are all unique and special – just like ours.

This week’s ’10 Ways to’ is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly.

Coming soon: 10 Ways to Prepare Your Child for Preschool; 10 Ways to Improve Your Child’s Self Esteem; 10 Ways to Encourage Healthy Eating.

For support and advice on any of these topics, call askonefamily on 0818 66 22 12 or emailsupport@onefamily.ie.

 

Image Credit: Pixabay

New Compulsory Registration of Father’s Names on Birth Certificates

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Press Release

Compulsory registration of birth certificates will require

General Register Office to be highly trained 

One Family – Ireland’s organisation for one-parent families and people sharing parenting – today welcomed the publication of the Civil Registration (Amendment) Bill 2014 whilst also warning about the problems that will arise in some difficult cases requiring sensitivity and transparency from the country’s registrars.

The new Civil Registration Bill has some far reaching impacts for children and parents in one-parent and diverse families. The main change is that it will now be compulsory for a father’s name to be provided by a new mother and for the father to register themselves on the birth certificate. Exceptions can be made to this where the father’s identity or whereabouts are unknown by the mother or where she can furnish proof that it would not be in the best interests of the safety of the child to contact the father and register his name.

Karen Kiernan, CEO of One Family said: “It is very much in the interest of the vast majority of children to know and have a legal and social relationship with both of their parents and it relatively rare that father’s names are not on birth certs – approximately 6% of all certificates. However there are exceptional circumstances where it may not be safe for a father to be identified and contacted and the burden of proof will need to be carefully considered so that it is not too onerous for those women who have been subjected to rape, incest or violence.”

Kiernan continued: “The General Register Office personnel will need to configure their offices so that confidential and highly sensitive information can be shared by parents. They will require expert training and support to deal with the issues that may arise and a transparent system of how the registrar accepts or rejects evidence on exceptional circumstances. It would be extremely helpful if this new Bill can be accompanied by an information campaign targeting parents not married to each other so they have clarity on what joint birth registration means for them and their children. One Family is glad to see that the Minister has progressed from the argument that this is needed to save social welfare expenses to seeing that this is an important issue for children.”

The Bill can be read here.

About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to those working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 622 212, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes the Family Day Festival, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today, with 10,000 people attending in 2013 (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview

Karen Kiernan, CEO | t: 01 662 9212 or 086 850 9191