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Positive Parenting Manual Cover

Positive Parenting for Changing Families, a One Family Seminar in National Parents Week

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Positive Parenting Manual CoverOn Tuesday 21 October we present a seminar entitled Positive Parenting for Changing Families in Dublin Castle. Of particular interest to those working with children, families and/or in the sector, we will celebrate National Parents Week (20-26 October 2014) while reviewing the importance of a Positive Parenting approach with a range of experts. We will also launch our updated Positive Parenting for Changing Families manualised programme and offer the opportunity to attend free workshops on how to support diverse family situations.

The panel of expert speakers includes:

  • Karen Kiernan, CEO, One Family
  • Stella Owens, Centre for Effective Services, Chair of Special Interest Group on Supporting Parents
  • Helen Deely, Head of HSE Crisis Pregnancy Programme
  • Donagh McGowan, Donagh McGowan & Co Solicitors, incoming Chair of the Law Society Family Law Committee and member of the Family Law Court Development Committee
  • Niall Egan, Jobseekers and One Parent Family Policy Section, Department of Social Protection

UPDATE

We asked, “What’s the important issue for you around positive parenting for changing families?”

In this short video Donagh McGowan, Solicitor and incoming Chair of the Law Society Family Law Committee and member of the Family Law Court Development Committee, talks about his important issue: how to address the failings of the current family law system.

In this short video Niall Egan of the Department of Social Protection talks about his important issue: the Job Seekers Transition Allowance.

 

(L-R) Helen Deely, Donagh McGowan Dr Anne-Marie McGauran, Karen Kiernan, Stella Owens, Niall Egan_One Family Seminar_21.10.14

(L-R) Helen Deely, Donagh McGowan, Dr Anne-Marie McGauran, Karen Kiernan, Stella Owens, Niall Egan

Agenda

1.30pm | Registration & Refreshments

2.00pm-3.00pm | Plenary session chaired by Dr. Anne-Marie Mc Gauran (NESC/One Family Board member).

3.10pm-4.30pm | Workshops – try out two of our four free taster workshops faciliated by One Family’s parenting experts. Choose from: Parenting Through Stressful Times, Making Shared Parenting Work, Making Conflict Healthy, and Supporting Children Through Family Change.

Date: Tuesday 21 October 2014

Time: 1.30pm – 4.30pm

Venue: Bedford Suite, Dublin Castle, Dublin 2

Cost: Free

 

Girl blowing dandelion seeds

10 Ways to Talk With Your Child About “Where do I come from?”

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Girl blowing dandelion seedsMany young children will start to wonder about and question where they came from, sometimes triggered by meeting new friends at school or learning that new little siblings will be coming into the family, while other children may have hardly any interest in the topic. Whatever your child’s level of curiosity may be, it’s helpful to think about what your answer will be in advance so that you’re not thrown whenever the question is asked.

  1. Be honest with children. Explain things as simply as possible but always truthfully. Give them just enough age and developmentally appropriate information. Over time you can add more detail.
  2. Try telling younger children that an egg and seed make friends and then it grows into a baby. They don’t have to know just yet how this actually happens. Sex discussions can come a little later.
  3. Tell children that the baby is connected to Mum inside and when ready to come into the world, the doctors help the baby to be born .
  4. Remember that families are diverse. Children are created in many ways. Explore this with your child. Don’t presume that all of your child’s classmates are all children of two biological parents. Some children will have same sex parents.
  5. Your child may be adopted and may not know whose egg or seed they came from, but you can tell them that they have parents who love them and feel very lucky that some other person was able to share their child with them.
  6. Explain to children that sometimes Mums and Dads don’t have eggs or seeds themselves so they have to be received from a kind person.
  7. Talk with children about relationships. Explain that babies are usually made when two people care about each other a lot and want to have a special person. Explain also that sometimes only one parent is ready when this actually happens which is why some families are one-parent families. Sometimes a Mum and Dad might not live in the same house. Assure your child they are loved and wanted and special.
  8. Use books to support your conversations with children. There are books for all ages to help explain all issues in life from making babies to death. Check out your local library and book shop.
  9. Children often wish for more siblings. Maybe you have chosen not to have more children. Children grow out of this and really they long for more relationships, not necessarily siblings.
  10. Grow things with your child, such as flower seeds. This helps them to understand that everything comes from somewhere.  There is a process to everything that grows, just as there is to making babies.

This article is part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips, and is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly. Coming soon: 10 Ways to Make the Most of Halloween and 10 Ways to Encourage Toddlers and Young Children to Eat.

One Family offers specialist support in explaining about an absent parent to a child. For support and advice on this or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie. Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent mentoring service here.

 

Photo credit: Pixabay

Grandad and Baby

10 Ways to Support Grandparents’ Relationships with Grandchildren

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Grandad and BabyEveryone who is a parent can benefit from family support. Grandparents can be a wonderful source of strength and knowledge, especially to a mum or dad parenting on their own. It’s not always possible for a parent and their child to have a Grandparent in their lives for a variety of reasons, but when it is, this is a relationship to be nurtured as it can be of great influence on a child. As part of our weekly series of parenting tips, here are our suggestions on how to support Grandparents to have the best relationship they can with their grandchildren.

  1. Invite Grandparents into your child’s life. They have a lot to offer, things you may not be able to imagine. Children like to know who they are and where they come from. Grandparents can offer a lot of history to children and support them to understand their identity.
  2. Be open to exploring how the Grandparents of your child’s other parent can be part of your child’s life. Many Grandparents seek court ordered contact now around this. Others don’t know what to do when couples separate. Explore this with them. Children have a right to contact with family unless it presents any danger to them.
  3. Support Grandparents to be just that – Grandparents!  Don’t expect them to take on too much. They have been parents in the past and now they have other challenges and avenues to explore.
  4. Allow Grandparents some freedom with treats; this is what Grandparents do!
  5. Acknowledge what Grandparents do for you and your child. Don’t take it for granted. They are not duty bound to support you to parent. Appreciate whatever they do.
  6. Do not talk badly about Grandparents in front of children, even if you’ve had or have your own relationship difficulties. They are doing their best. Children will respect others in the way you model for them.
  7. Talk with grandparents about issues you may have with them. Agree how they can support you to manage your child’s behaviour in a that way everyone is happy, especially the child.
  8. Encourage a good relationship with Grandparents. Support them to enjoy being with the children, maybe one at a time to build up relationships.
  9. Try to acknowledge that just because you ask for support you may not get it, or perhaps not in the form you had hoped. Have other support systems in place and don’t expect too much from one source.
  10. Be confident in your own parenting so you can hear the many words of wisdom Grandparents may wish to offer you. Remember that although you are the authority on your own parenting, to thank Grandparents for their thoughts, to consider their suggestions, and to make your own choices as a parent.

This week’s ’10 Ways to’ is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly. Coming soon: 10 Ways to Encourage Toddlers to Eat; 10 Ways to Answer the ‘Where do I come from’ Question; and 10 Ways to Make the Most of Halloween.

For support and advice on any of these topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie. Find out more about our parenting skills programmes here.

 

Image Credit: Pixabay

Government Policies Push More One-Parent Families Out of Work and Into Poverty

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Press Release

Government policies push more one-parent families out of work and into poverty –

One Family Annual Review 2013

www.onefamily.ie

(Dublin, Monday 29 September 2014) One Family – Ireland’s organisation for people parenting alone and people sharing parenting – launches its Annual Review 2013 amid ongoing trends of embattled parents leaving work due to poorly thought-out government policies, lack of quality out of school care and rising accommodation costs.

Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO explains: “2013 was another hard year for one-parent families in Ireland. The poorly planned policies in Budget 2012 are pushing more people parenting alone onto social welfare fulltime as they cannot afford to work, attend education or get workplace experience due to government cuts. This makes no sense and is counter-intuitive as on the one hand government is forcing people onto the live register when their youngest child is seven, whilst at the same time making it harder for them to stay connected to the labour market as the income disregard has been slashed. We know that work isn’t working for far too many families. We must move on from attacking those parenting alone to addressing real needs by helping people stay in work by increasing the income disregard in Budget 2015.”

Stuart Duffin, One Family Director of Policy & Programmes, highlights: “One Family’s Annual Review 2013 shows a 20% increase in calls to our national askonefamily helpline specifically in relation to social welfare and finance issues as parents try to make work pay, often unsuccessfully. This is because the support they get from the State is continuing to decline in real terms, the barriers to returning to or staying in work can be insurmountable for many and government policies are working against them.”

One Family’s 10 Solutions campaign addresses this as a matter of urgency. Research shows that a key contributor to children’s futures is not the structure of their families but living in consistent poverty.  Current policies mean that Ireland risks seeing more poor children becoming poor adults. This is catastrophic for their life chances and the public purse. But it is not too late to change this.

Karen continued: “We saw a massive increase in tax related queries as Budget 2014 removed the One Parent Tax Credit which is another example of the government not understanding the needs of families who share parenting of their children. The tough qualifications for rent supplement is also pushing people out of work and many families are becoming homeless – this is a matter of urgency.”

One Family’s Annual Review 2013 can be read/downloaded here. 

A short video summarising One Family’s Annual Review 2013 and 5 key demands for Budget 2015 can be viewed here.

One Family’s demands for Budget 2015 are:

  1. Work must pay for low-income families.
  2. Income disregard cannot be cut anymore and the minimum hours qualification for FIS eligibility should be reduced.
  3. Those on the OFP must have equal access to all of the government activation measures and access to free part-time education to help them get into sustainable careers.
  4. Out of School Childcare needs to be recognised and supported so that parents can access education, training and work.
  5. The Single Person Child Carer Tax Credit discriminates against those sharing parenting – most often against Fathers, and is out of step with the realities of contemporary Irish family life.

One Family’s full Budget Submission can be read here.

Lone parents are being forced out of employment.  The ongoing reduction of the income disregard – the amount a lone parent in receipt of the One-Parent Family Payment can earn without a reduction in supports as they transition into employment – from €146.50 to €60 per week is working against Government policy. This reduction means that it is no longer financially viable for many to work which is the opposite of what Government claimed to set out to do – support lone parents into employment.  Although 53% of lone parents are in the labour force, one-parent families remain those statistically most at risk of poverty.  This cannot be justified.

/Ends.

About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 as Cherish and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those sharing parenting, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to professionals working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 62 22 12, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes Family Day and presents the Family Day Festival every May, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview

Karen Kiernan, CEO | t: 01 662 9212 or 086 850 9191

Stuart Duffin, Director of Policy & Programmes | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 062 2023

 

 

 

 

Video | Annual Review 2013 and Five Budget Demands

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One Family Annual Review 2013 CoverToday we launch our Annual Review 2013. Throughout the year, we offered 3,611 individual service offerings and 2,474 in-person service interactions; an increase on the previous year of 9%.

Also today, we reiterate our demands for Budget 2015 (our full Pre-Budget Submission can be read here) which is scheduled to be announced on Tuesday 14 October.

This short video features our CEO Karen Kiernan who summarises our Annual Review, and our Director of Policy & Programmes Stuart Duffin, who states our five key Budget demands to Government.

Dad and children walking on beach

10 Ways to Develop Coping Skills in Your Family

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Problems are a normal part of life. Many families face situations in life that, despite our best efforts, we simply can’t ‘fix’.  Often there are other options we can explore and developing coping skills helps us to identify what these could be. Good coping skills also help us to learn to accept those situations that are beyond our control so we can feel better and progress, even if the problem still exists. Developing coping skills in our families makes us more resilient. Children learn from what they see and enabling them to develop these skills and resources will help them in countless ways as they progress through life.

This week in our ’10 Ways to’ series we look at ways to develop coping skills within your family. Many of these suggestions are expanded upon in other ’10 Ways to’ articles which you can access by clicking on the links within the points below.

1. Do things together – eat, play, socialise – spend quality time together as much as possible to help strengthen your family’s bonds and relationships.

2. Talk and listen to each other; value the time you spend together.

3. Choose how to use your time. Prioritise what is most important, don’t stress if the little things don’t get done.

4. Show appreciation for each other. Demonstrate it with your words and actions.

5. Take care of your physical and mental needs, and those of your children. It is important to remember to look after the basics such as healthy eating, adequate sleep and social engagement.

6. Develop social supports in your community. This can seem challenging, especially if we don’t have friends or family members who live nearby, but there are many ways to increase our involvement in our communities and invest in building relationships. Get involved.

7. Actively do things which help reduce your stress levels. These can be as simple as a walk in the park, calling a friend, or focussing on taking deep, relaxing breaths.

8. Plan things; the everyday and the long term. Write out your plan, it will seem more manageable and help you to achieve your aims.

9. Don’t spend all day worrying and thinking about a problem – box it, and play with your children.

10. Seek professional supports and use them well. Many organisations offer these supports including One Family which provides a range of counselling and parenting supports focused on the needs of one-parent families, parents sharing parenting, parents experiencing separation, and their children; and those experiencing a crisis pregnancy. Our confidential lo-call askonefamily helpline is 1890 66 22 12 / support@onefamily.ie.

This week’s ’10 Ways to’ is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly.

For support and advice on any of these topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie. Find out more about our parenting skills programmes here.

Gavel

Children & Family Relationships Bill Published Today is a Major Step to Recognising Family Diversity and Change in Ireland

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Press Release

One Family Welcomes Children & Family Relationships Bill as a Major Step to Recognising Family Diversity and Change in Ireland:

but to work it requires investment

(Dublin, Thursday 25 September 2014) One Family – Ireland’s organisation for one-parent families and people sharing parenting – welcomes the publication of the Children & Family Relationships Bill 2014 by Minister Frances Fitzgerald today. As an organisation with 42 years of expertise in supporting diverse families in Ireland, One Family acknowledges that this Bill is groundbreaking in recognising the complexity of family arrangements that children live in today.

Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO explains: “We are pleased that the Bill will provide the ability for people who live with and care for children such as step-parents, grandparents and foster-parents to seek guardianship, as well as wider family members to seek contact time. It assists in the somewhat stressful process for some unmarried fathers in becoming guardians of their children as more will become automatic guardians. We welcome the fact that many of One Family’s recommendations were listened to and that the important section on Making Parenting Orders Work has been expanded and clarified.”

“The elucidation of the importance of the concept of the ‘best interests of the child’ and the impact of violence in a family is extremely welcome as is the ability of the Court to request reports and expert testimony on the welfare of any child. However the major problem in One Family’s experience is that there is no court welfare system in Ireland and what exists currently is unregulated and expensive. Our work in the pilot Child Contact Centres with Barnardos resulted in comprehensive family and child assessments and this is what is required in many families where they are in dispute in court. Family law courts are currently making inappropriate decisions about children resulting in unsafe or unsuitable access and custody arrangements as they have no evidence on which to base their decisions.”

The Bill recognises the importance of measures to resolve family issues outside court including tools such as mediation, counselling, the development of an agreement and parenting programmes. Also welcome is the fact that no judge, barrister or solicitor should wear a wig or gown during family law proceedings.

Karen continues: “Of major concern to us in One Family is the fact that all costs relating to court process, mediation, counselling and parenting supports seems to be borne by the parents involved in family law matters. This is not realistic for many parents who are struggling to make ends meet and government needs to invest in ancillary family support services to court which will assist this Bill in being successful in the resolution of family law disputes outside court.”

The Press Release issued this afternoon by the Department of Justice can be read here.

/Ends.

About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 as Cherish and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those sharing parenting, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to professionals working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 62 22 12, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes Family Day and presents the Family Day Festival every May, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview

Karen Kiernan, CEO | t: 01 662 9212 or 086 850 9191

Further Information/Scheduling

Shirley Chance, Director of Communications | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 414 8511

 

Featured Service | Parent Mentoring

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Every month a member of the One Family services team explains more about the particular supports they offer. This month, Parent Mentor Niki Williams writes about One Family mentoring supports available to all parents.

Parent Mentoring is a service where a parent can safely talk one to one with a trained professional about any concerns they may have with their family and child relationships. With sensitive guidance and practical suggestions, the mentor supports a parent to identify what is working well for their family and what could be changed.

laptop and headphones for the new generationsRaising children can be a really challenging job yet most of us don’t evaluate our family relationships until a crisis forces us to. When living with a situation daily, it can be difficult to ‘see the wood for the trees’. Whether facing tantrums with toddlers, fussy eaters, children who won’t stay in their beds, unhappiness at school or a grunting teenager, it’s okay for a parent to need a listening ear and a helping hand sometimes. Parents always work hard to do their very best for their children.

A Parent Mentor will support a parent to take time to reflect and reach a new perspective on what’s happening. This is useful for any parent regardless of the age and stage of their child/ren.

Niki Williams

Niki Williams, Parent Mentor

I’m a Psychiatric Nurse, Counsellor, Parent Mentor and Trauma Therapist by training. I’ve also experienced challenging life events. In my experience, getting support doesn’t always mean solving the problem. It can mean maintaining a loving relationship even in the face of that problem. With increased knowledge about why parents and children behave the way they do, a more peaceful and enhanced home life can result for every member of the family.

One Family’s Parenting Mentoring service is now available in Cork, Dublin and Wicklow with additional regions being added later this year. This is a low-cost service charged on a sliding scale from €20-€60. To book, call 01 662 9212 or click here to complete a short booking form.

Next, you might like to read what One Family Counselling Support Worker, Lisa Maguire, wrote last month about our services for Young People in Care.

Lone Parents Forced Out of Workforce – One Family Supports New St Vincent De Paul Report

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Press Release

Government Claims to Have Protected ‘Most Vulnerable’

yet One-Parent Families are Poorer When Working 

One Family supports today’s St Vincent De Paul report findings 

(Dublin, Monday 22 September 2014) One Family – Ireland’s organisation for one-parent families and people sharing parenting – welcomes the St  Vincent De Paul report published today which recognises that being a lone parent is one of the hardest survival situations in the State. One Family’s 42 years of experience delivering expert services to those parenting alone and sharing parenting helps to strengthen the SVP message.

Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO explains: “The devastating impact of Budget 2012 means that those parenting alone have been living a financially precarious life.  Today’s child and family poverty statistics highlight the inconvenient truths for Government; that maintaining the value of social security support helps protect families with children from poverty, and that work isn’t working for far too many families. The government may claim to have protected the ‘most vulnerable’ but there are thousands of lone parents and their children living in desperate circumstances. We must move on from attacking those parenting alone to addressing real needs.”

Stuart Duffin, One Family Director of Policy & Programmes, highlights: “The stark evidence we collate on an on-going basis – from callers to our national askonefamily helpline and responses to our monthly survey – illustrate unequivocally that survival for our families in low-paid or no employment is balanced on a knife edge. This is because the support they get from the State is continuing to decline in real terms, while the barriers to returning to the workplace remain insurmountable for so many. If items such as food, social housing and childcare continue to become more expensive, these families’ overall incomes cannot keep up.”

Lone parents are being forced out of employment. One Family has heard from working lone parents who, with the changes being implemented from Budget 2012, have had a net income reduction of €200 per week. The ongoing reduction of the income disregard – the amount a lone parent in receipt of the One-Parent Family Payment can earn without a reduction in supports as they transition into employment – from €146.50 to €60 per week is working against Government policy. This reduction means that it is no longer financially viable for many to work which is the opposite of what Government claimed to set out to do – support lone parents into employment.  Although 53% of lone parents are in the labour force, one-parent families remain those statistically most at risk of poverty.  This cannot be justified.

Stuart Duffin further comments: “This isn’t just about balancing the high cost of housing, childcare and energy: it includes a family’s need to be part of society, by being able to participate in things many take for granted, such as buying a small birthday present or taking the children swimming on occasion. Government needs to square-up to in-work poverty. ”

One Family’s 10 Solutions to Government address this as a matter of urgency. Research shows that a key contributor to children’s futures is not the structure of their families but living in consistent poverty.  Current policies mean that Ireland risks seeing more poor children becoming poor adults. This is catastrophic for their life chances and the public purse.

Click here to read One Family’s monthly survey results. The St Vincent De Paul report can be read here.

One Family’s demands for Budget 2015 are:

  1. Work must pay and be seen to pay.
  2. The proposed parental dividend must work in conjunction with an up-rated income disregard.
  3. Those parenting alone must have equal access to all of the government activation measures, such as MOMENTUM and access to free part-time education to help raise their labour market skills base.
  4. Comprehensive provision and support for Out Of School Childcare and Recreation (OSCAR). Currently, the new child care provision (ASCCS) only lasts for 12 months, is not available for existing workers and does not take into account existing childcare relationships.
  5. The Single Person Child Carer Tax Credit discriminates against those sharing parenting – most often against Fathers, in effect – and thus must recognise the realities of contemporary Irish family life.

/Ends.

About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 as Cherish and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those sharing parenting, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to professionals working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 62 22 12, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes Family Day and presents the Family Day Festival every May, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview

Karen Kiernan, CEO | t: 01 662 9212 or 086 850 9191

Stuart Duffin, Director of Policy & Programmes | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 062 2023

 

 

Safefood Urges Parents to Say No to Treats Every Day

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Safefood Just Say No

safefood’s excellent Childhood Obesity campaign launches into another phase today with a focus on treat foods for children. safefood is urging parents to say no to sweets, biscuits and crisps every day and to cut down on the amount of treat foods children are eating, so that a treat food becomes just that – an occasional treat, rather than an every day part of a child’s diet.

Parents can access a list of popular children’s ‘treats’ and their calorie content on the safefood website as well as video advice and top tips from health experts on healthy eating and how to be more active. You can follow the campaign on social media using the hashtag #letssayno.

You can also read, as part of One Family’s weekly series of parenting tips, our 10 Ways to Encourage Healthier Eating Habits and 10 Ways to Make the Most of the Playground.