Press Release 

We’ve only had Divorce for 18 years –

is that why we don’t deal with it well?

(Dublin, Friday 27 February 2015) One Family – Ireland’s organisation for people parenting alone, sharing parenting and separating – reflects today on the 18 years since divorce legislation came into effect in Ireland on 27 February 1997. The passing of the Referendum on Divorce almost twenty years ago was a groundbreaking acknowledgment of the reality that families in Ireland exist in many forms and that marriage cannot always be forever despite best intentions.

Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO, comments: “In 2013, Ireland had the lowest divorce rate in the EU at 0.6 per 1,000 of the population. We have the third lowest rate of divorce in the world despite fears voiced 18 years ago that the legalisation heralded the end of the family, while the rate of marriage and civil partnership is on the rise. The fact is that relationships do end, couples do separate. Sometimes they are parents too. What is important is that they are supported to separate well. Research shows that it is not family form that impacts on a child’s outcomes, but the quality of their relationships at home. Parental conflict has more adverse effects on children than parental separation.”

Karen continues: “With the right supports, parents can separate well, resolve conflict, manage finances, and ensure their children remain at the centre of parenting. No-one sets out to separate or divorce, especially as a parent, and it is often a very difficult time for all members of the family, with feelings of fear, anger or blame as a backdrop.  Service providers, the family law courts, and Government policy should be focussed on the provision of vital and affordable, services to support people to separate well, like One Family’s counselling, parent mentoring, and mediation services, which are still lacking in many areas around the country due to a lack of funding.”

“We know from working with parents going through separation and divorce that the process of obtaining a divorce is extremely costly and due to the law, requires an incredibly long time which can be destructive to families. The newly introduced Children and Family Relationships Bill will go some way to reforming family law courts but a lot more is needed,” Karen concludes.

People experiencing separation or divorce can call the askonefamily helpline on lo-call 1890 662 212 for information and support, or to find out more about One Family’s services for parents who are separating.  These include parent mentoring, mediated parenting plans, and programmes and workshops such as Impact of Parental Separation and Making Shared Parenting Work, details of which can be found here.

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About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 as Cherish and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those sharing parenting, to those separating, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy, and to professionals working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 66 2212, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes Family Day and presents the Family Day Festival every May, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview

Karen Kiernan, CEO | t: 01 662 9212 or 086 850 9191

Press Release

Get It Right for One-Parent Families

One Family Presents to Joint Oireachtas Committee on Education and Social Protection on Impacts of One-Parent Family Payment Changes

– Policy Changes will lead to Increased Poverty

(Dublin, Wednesday 18 February 2015) One Family – Ireland’s organisation for people parenting alone, sharing parenting and separating – today calls on the Joint Oireachtas Committee on Education and Social Protection to petition the Táiniste and the Department of Social Protection to Get it Right (#GetItRightDSP) for one-parent families.

One Family is invited to present to the Committee today and will stress the reality of the impacts of changes to the One-Parent Family Payment (OFP) which will hit one-parent families this year. Almost 39,000 OFP recipients are being moved to the Job Seekers Transition Allowance (JST)on 2 July.

Stuart Duffin, Director of Policy & Programmes, explains: “This is a result of the decision announced in Budget 2012 to restrict eligibility for the OFP to people parenting alone whose youngest child is aged seven or under. However, the supports that should accompany this policy implementation to ensure its success– particuarly the promised accessible, affordable, quality childcare – have not been delivered, while one-parent families continue to suffer the highest rates of poverty and deprivation of any family type in Ireland.”

Stuart continues: “Over 29% of one-parent families are at risk of poverty and 63% of all one-parent households experience deprivation; this is despite the fact that 53% of lone parents are currently in the labour market. We are hearing from many of these working lone parents, who already finely balance household budgets on a knife-edge, that it will no longer be feasible for them to remain in their part-time jobs. These changes will lead to even greater and deeper poverty for one-parent families.”

One Family calls for an integrated and SMART action plan to help ease confusion and stress for those parents who will be moved from OFP to JST in July, and for the creation of a simple customer charter by the Department of Social Protection where claimants are given clear, sensible and correct information.  The Department needs to take responsibility for the impact its policies will have on families who are in need of service from it and other Departments as these changes take effect.

Stuart further comments, “It is absolutely clear that there is growing inequality in  Ireland,  that tackling it must be a national priority and that fixing the administration of  social welfare and its support services will remove a key trigger for deeper deprivation for those parenting alone. Also, it is clear that no child or parent should be going hungry in Ireland today. Low pay, rising housing and energy  costs are key drivers of family poverty, but the missing piece of the puzzle is that for many lone parents ‘work does not pay’ leaving families increasingly exposed to poverty of opportunity. Ireland needs a whole of public service response not a siloed service that leaves families struggling and parents demotivated.”

Lone parents want to work and they want to create the best possible outcomes for their children. With the right policies, the right time-frame, and the right level of political will, choices can be made to enable those thousands of one-parent families suffering deprivation to grow out of poverty and achieve better futures.

About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 as Cherish and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those sharing parenting, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to professionals working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 62 22 12, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes Family Day and presents the Family Day Festival every May, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview

Stuart Duffin, Director of Policy & Programmes |t: 01 662 9212 or 087 062 2023

The Central Statistics Office (CSO) published the results of the 2013 Household Finance and Consumption Survey (HFCS) 2013 today, which was undertaken between March and September 2013. The HFCS collects data on household assets and liabilities, income, consumption and credit constraints. The figures released  demonstrate the effects of the overt discrimination and disadvantage experienced  by one-parent families in Ireland as a result of Government tactics and policies. This is shameful.

Stuart Duffin, One Family Director of Policy & Programmes, responds: “This is yet more very worrying data on the situation of one-parent families, in particular in terms of their level of savings, assets and also debt, particularly on non-mortgage loans. While lone parent households make up 4.4% of all households covered by the survey, they only account for 0.7% of total net wealth.”

“This is bad news for parents struggling on low and insecure wages, coping with rising living costs and no coordinated supports,” he continues. “Parents are short of the money essential for basics. This impacts on and can define a child’s life; denying opportunities and quality of life which increases the odds of a damaged future and a lifetime of disadvantage.”

This follows closely on and reinforces data from the Survey on Income and Living Conditions (SILC) 2013 published last Wednesday which shows that 63% of one-parent family households in Ireland suffer deprivation, and the lived daily realities of the one-parent families One Family supports.

Read our response to SILC 2013 here.

The CSO press release can be read here and the Household Finance and Consumption Survey 2013 downloaded here.

Press Release

One-Parent Family Helpline Calls Increase by 30% in 2014

Families Just One Bill Away from Disaster

www.onefamily.ie

(Dublin, Monday 22 December 2014) One Family – Ireland’s organisation for people parenting alone and sharing parenting – has recorded a staggering 30% increase in first time callers to its askonefamily helpline to date in 2014, with a marked increase in calls from working parents precariously balanced on the verge of homelessness or newly experiencing separation.

Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO, comments: “The continued poverty of one-parent families in Ireland today is simply not acceptable. We are hearing from parents who are living on a knife edge; worried constantly about the basics such as food, heating and keeping a roof over their children’s heads. We have heard from parents who themselves do not eat an evening meal so that their children can, and from those needing to attend local food banks for the first time; mothers who get up at 5am to avail of reduced rate electricity to iron their children’s school uniforms; fathers who ration a bag of coal – often their only source of heating – into daily allowances. Many hundreds of families are living under the constant threat of homelessness, just one bill away from disaster. They survive week to week and planning for the future is a luxury they do not have.”

“The majority of these new askonefamily callers are working lone parents, low or middle income earners. While 53% of people parenting alone are in the labour market, one-parent families consistently have the lowest disposable income out of all households in the state and experience the highest rates of deprivation,” Karen continues. “Government’s activation measures from Budget 2012 are now being phased in with over 39,000 lone parents being moved to Jobs Seekers Transitional next year. They will no longer be eligible for the One-Parent Family Payment. Owing to their parenting responsibilities, many lone parents with young children must opt for part-time work but now we are hearing from many that they will no longer be able to afford to work. For a lone parent doing all he or she can to make a difference for their family, in an economy that we are hearing every day is now out of recession – and in this 20^th anniversary year of UN International Year of the Family – this is shocking.”

One Family’s askonefamily helpline is also hearing more from parents who are now experiencing separation. Most tell us that years of stress and worry about household finances, combined with a lack of or reduced employment and income, have contributed to the end of their relationship. These families need specialist supports to enable them to separate well, establish shared parenting plans and keep their children at the centre of parenting. One Family offers relevant supports but Government needs to ensure accessibility in all parts of the country to appropriate services.

As evidenced by this increase of callers to askonefamily, the real impact of years of austerity is only now truly coming to the fore.  Many one-parent families who were already living in consistent poverty are now barely managing to keep their family homed. More and more couples are separating, creating new one-parent or shared parenting families. Yet one-parent families in working poverty and parents sharing parenting of their children have borne the brunt of spending cuts such as the changes to the Single Person Child Carer Tax Credit last year, and the ill-formed re-activation measures flagged in Budget 2012.

Government must recognise and respond to this reality for so many of Ireland’s families. One Family reiterates its call to Government to enact its 10 Solutions campaign, with an immediate focus on provision of long-promised, affordable and accessible quality local childcare.  Every parent should have an equal opportunity to create a better future for his or her children, and all children deserve that.

For further information on One Family’s 10 Solutions, click here.

The askonefamily helpline can be contacted on lo call 1890 66 22 12 or by email to support@onefamily.ie.

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About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 as Cherish and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those sharing parenting, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to professionals working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 62 22 12, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes Family Day and presents the Family Day Festival every May, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview

Karen Kiernan, CEO | t: 01 662 9212 or 086 850 9191

Further Information/Scheduling

Shirley Chance, Director of Communications | t: 01 664 0124 / e: schance@onefamily.ie

Are you parenting alone or sharing parenting? Do you want your voice be heard and to be part of something that matters for one-parent families?

One Family is seeking willing participants to engage with our Policy Panel 2015. The Policy Panel will consist of ten-twelve lone parents and/or parents sharing parenting who will collaborate with us throughout 2015 in creating a Manifesto of things that Government needs to change for people parenting alone or sharing parenting and their children so they can create better futures.

Panel members will be encouraged to contribute their own lived experience and personal circumstances in order to enhance and parent proof One Family’s policy papers and budget submission. We welcome expressions of interest from women and men in a variety of circumstance, such as those in education or employment, in receipt of government supports, never married, separated or divorced and living in different areas around the country. The panelists will work with us to develop polices and submissions which reflect the lived reality for one-parent families in Ireland today.

Those interested in taking part should:

• Wish to articulate their opinions and be comfortable discussing personal experiences and opinions, and core budget issues (housing, childcare etc.)
• Currently live in Ireland – we hope to hear from people from both urban and rural areas
• Be able to commit to a minimum of three hours per month (a mixture of phone and online engagement with occasional meetings in Dublin 2) on a volunteer basis

Existing One Family Members are encouraged to participate though it is not not essential for a panelist to be a Member.

If you are interested in being a One Family Policy Panelist in 2015, please complete the Expression of Interest Questionnaire here by 7 January 2015 and we will contact you in the New Year.

The term ‘absent parent’ refers to a parent whom a child has never met or has had very little contact with. Note: This is different to a ‘non-resident parent’, ‘non-primary’ or ‘secondary carer’, or when parents co-parent/share parenting of their child.

People find themselves parenting alone through a variety of circumstances. It is natural that children will become curious about their other parent and start to ask questions about them as they grow. This can be very difficult to deal with as a parent, especially if processing our own feelings of hurt, rejection, anger or grief. What is most important is to be prepared for this question, and to be consistent, honest and straightforward.

This week, our ’10 Ways to’ series becomes ’15 Ways’ as we explore how to explain an absent parent to your child.

1. Children will usually start to ask about their absent parent once they start school and start to notice that many children have two parents. Questions can increase as they grow – especially if they are working on family trees in school as they often do.
2. The best approach to take is to be brave and tell them that yes, they have two parents. Then start to tell them a little about the other parent.
3. You can tell them that the other parent was not yet ready to be a parent, perhaps that they were scared and choose not to do it. Reassure them that they have you and you are 100% committed to being their parent and to loving and supporting them.
4. There is no value in painting a negative picture of the parent who is absent for many reasons and young children don’t need negative information. Keep it simple and give the basic information they need for now. “Yes, you do have two parents, your other parent is called [their name].” Talk about any similarities the child might have to the other parent.
5. Take out any photographs you have of the other parent or photos with both parents. Talk with your child about when you and their other parent loved each other or really liked each other – whichever the case may be – and that you both made the child together.
6. Create a ‘shoe box parent’ for the child. This is a box where you can place anything which has a story about the child’s other parent. This could be photos, pictures you make together of what the parent looks like, what he or she liked to do or eat, or places you visited with them.
7. Talk with the child about any contact the other parent had with them and make it positive for them. When children grow up they will know the full story but for now, keep it simple. Children need to identify with both parents.
8. Give some thought to making contact with an absent parent if it is safe to do so. Allow the other parent an opportunity to explore some form of contact. If this can’t happen, then work with your child to help them understand that maybe the other parent will be ready to be a parent some day. Often when children are very keen to meet an absent parent, it is because they feel this parent will meet a currently unmet need. This often turns out not to be the case. Help your child to identify their needs so you can try to meet them.
9. Think about contact with extended family members of the other parent if you feel it is helpful for the child. Just because a person may not want to be a parent, that may not be the same for their family members. Enable grandparents in particular an opportunity to engage with their grandchild.
10. Always allow children to ask you many questions and talk with you. Expect that every three years or so, another round of questions will come. Be patient with your child and give them permission to talk about the absent parent and ask any questions.
11. Be honest and consistent and give them as much age appropriate information as you can. Often children just need basic information. They simply need to be able to say to other children, for example, “Yes, I have a daddy and his name is Jack.” Children are curious by nature so support them with this.
12. It may be very hard to talk with your child about all of this, but be brave, take a deep breath and do it and then get support for yourself afterwards. Remember that your relationship with the other parent and what you experienced is not what your child has experienced. Most children do not feel rejected by not knowing an absent parent, it is we as the parents who feel rejection.
13. Get support if you find it difficult to talk about the other parent. Many people don’t deal with the hurt and pain of the past and benefit from professional support to let go and move on. Allow life to give you all it has to offer.
14. If you became pregnant or a lone parent through an abusive experience or relationship, get support to deal with this. You can still support your child to have a positive healthy childhood. Children don’t need to know the circumstances of how they came to be. Talk with them about who is in their life and how much they are loved. You can explore with them what they imagine life would be like with two parents and help them further explore the negatives and positives of that life. Talk with them about how wonderful that vision is for them. Don’t try to corrode it by being negative. Tell them that you are glad they shared that with you. You can’t make it different so just be the best parent you can be for your child.
15. Children can grow up perfectly happily and successfully in a one-parent family, as current research shows. What they need are quality relationships with people in their life who like to spend quality time with them, people who understand them and who can support their needs. Once you can love your child and support them, they will and can be very happy and confident in their family form.

Next you might like to read 10 Ways to Talk With Your Child About “Where do I come from?”

This article is part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips, and is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly. Coming soon: 10 Ways to Nurture Your Role as a Stepparent and 10 Ways to Make Christmas Stress Free.

LIVE Facebook Q&A with Geraldine on explaining an absent parent on Monday 17 November from 11am-12pm on One Family’s Facebook page. Join in and post your question.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and advice on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.

Press Release

Small Step to Make Work Pay:

One-Parent Family Payment and Income Disregard

www.onefamily.ie

(Dublin, Wednesday 5 November 2014) One Family – Ireland’s organisation for people parenting alone and sharing parenting – welcomes Tánaiste Joan Burton’s announcement that she will retain the level of the income disregard at €90 for those parents in work and in receipt of the One-Parent Family Payment (OFP), responding positively to One Family’s vociferous calls for its retention following a series of cuts impacting lone parents on social welfare in Budget 2012.

Stuart Duffin, One Family Director of Policy & Programmes, states: “This is a modest investment in poor working parents, helping to make work pay and helping to reduce child poverty. This responsive action by the Tánaiste recognises that many families require two salaries to meet expensive childcare and accommodation costs, something which a family on one income finds extremely difficult to do.”

He continues, “This small step can have a big impact as it will allow parents to stay in part-time work thus keeping their connection with the labour market and making it more likely that s/he will be able to progress to full-time employment when family life permits. We have seen parents have to leave part-time work since the income disregard was cut as work just didn’t pay for them anymore. Keeping the income disregard at this modest level will assist government policy of activating OFP recipients into the labour market.”

Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO explains, “Prior to Budget 2012, 60% of those on the OFP were in work and today that has halved to around 33%. This is a reality which One Family does not want to see perpetuated. To maintain the income disregard at the €90 level will cost €8.3m in 2015 and approximately €15m in 2016 which is a small sum given what has been cut from individual one-parent families’ incomes over the past few years.

She continues, “Income disregards offer an immediate incentive and instant return for parents. However, this is just the first step in economic and social policy working together. More needs to be done to deliver high quality employment, affordable part-time education and appropriate training for those parenting alone so they can move out of consistent poverty. We look forward to working with the Department and the Tánaiste to ensure that the 39,000 parents coming off the OFP in July 2015 have access to quality information, advice, supports and opportunities tailored to their needs so that government policy will be a success instead of a failure.”

Note on Income Disregard

Parents can work and receive the One-Parent Family Payment. The amount of this payment depends on their weekly means. Currently the first €90 of parents gross weekly earnings is not taken into account (or disregarded). This means that parents can earn up to €90 per week and qualify for the full One-Parent Family Payment. Half the remainder of a parent’s gross earnings up to €425 per week is assessed as means. If parents  earn between €90 and €425 per week they may qualify for a reduced payment. SW 19 Social Welfare Rates of Payment booklet shows the amount of OPF payable with a parent’s means. Social insurance contributions, superannuation/PRSA contributions and trade union subscriptions are not taken into account in the assessment of earnings. However, gross earnings must be below €425 before any deductions are allowed.

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About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 as Cherish and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those sharing parenting, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to professionals working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 62 22 12, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes Family Day and presents the Family Day Festival every May, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview

Stuart Duffin, Director of Policy and Programmes | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 0622023

Karen Kiernan, CEO | t: 01 662 9212 or 086 850 9191

Every month One Family invites a response to our short, 3 question survey. Our survey for September 2014 was in relation to the proposed water charges due to commence, at the time of writing, in January 2015. The aim of the survey was to find out how those parenting alone or sharing parenting feel about the charges and how they have been implemented to date.

A selection of survey responses include:

“I often skip dinner to ensure my son will have a dinner the next day. I am sick of counting slices of bread or watching in envy when someone gets to buy a newspaper. No idea where I am meant to find the money for another bill.”

“I live in an apartment and I still do not know how much I’ll have to pay. I can’t even budget or anticipate. My daughter spends 2 nights with her dad so don’t know if this will be taken into account or not. What if he was first with sending the pack to Irish Water and he claimed the allowance first?”

“I am a lone parent to 5 year old twin boys, stuck on rent allowance. I have a disability and I’ve recently had my heating cut off because I couldn’t afford the bill and now they want €220 to switch it back on which I can’t afford . Water charges will cripple this household altogether.”

“I am a single father with two young kids living with me nearly 50% of the time. I pay maintenance on top of this. I support them fully for 50% of the time and get no child benefit. The government have already taken a tax credit from me. This is an extra insult to single fathers like me. It is almost as if Fine Gael is deliberately making it too financially difficult for single fathers to co-parent.”

“I will have to reconsider working. I am a lone parent, I earn €450 per week. €110 a week rent, €120 a week childcare, other bills including electricity, broadband, mobile, heating, car expenses etc total €150. I have nothing left over and the water charges are the last straw for me. My job, which I love, may need to take a back seat.”

You can read the full Water Charges survey results here. Take this month’s survey on Reaction to Budget 2015 here, or view all of our monthly survey results.

It is National Parents Week, a time to celebrate all the wonderful parents out there who are raising happy, healthy children in all kinds of circumstances and family structures. The routes to lone parenthood are many and varied, and everyone has their own story.

Recently Tina wrote to us after the birth of her little boy. His father has opted not to be a part of his son’s life. This is Tina’s story.

My name is Tina and I’m from Offaly. I’ve recently become a single parent and when I stumbled across this site I shed a few tears of happiness to see that I’m not alone.

My story started back in November 2013 when I started dating someone I’ve known for a while and thought was genuinely decent. After a few months together I started to get the inkling that I could be wrong and so stopped seeing him. When I split with him I came off the pill as I noticed I had started to gain a few pounds and wanted to trim down a bit but after two months with my tummy only getting bigger I decided to do a pregnancy test to rule out that reason. When the test displayed a positive result I was fit to collapse with the shock! I had been taking a contraceptive pill yet a little life was growing inside me.

I confirmed the result the next day with the doctor and felt the next step was to inform the father. I had already realised we weren’t a good match but I thought there was no reason why we couldn’t get along for the child’s sake. Then I met with him.

He spent hours trying to convince me to abort on the grounds that he had gotten back with his ex who he loved very much, that his mother would disown him for not being in a committed relationship with the mother of his child, and that he already has a dog who he considers his child.

When he realised I wasn’t going to do what he wanted and have an abortion, he then decided to hammer home how important it was never to reveal his identity and how this included my not pursuing him for maintenance. The last I heard of him he tried to get me to meet him to sign something that’d release him from paying maintenance.

I was now starting into my third trimester and also in the middle of trying to renovate my very dilapidated home on a very small budget. I was living in a house that had no doors, no kitchen, bare concrete floors, hardly any furniture and constant problems with pests. I had my aging father living with me who needs caring for as well. So I cried my tears and got over the shock and got on with it.

I dedicated the last few months to getting parts of the house ready and ensuring a healthy lifestyle. Two weeks ago I gave birth to a healthy little boy who is currently thriving. He has filled my heart with love and made all the pain and hard graft seem worth it. I have the support of a wonderful family. It is my mission in life to do whatever it takes to make sure that my little boy is loved and never feels an ounce of rejection as a result of what his father did.

When I see the blatant disregard for single parent families in this country it makes me sad and angry at the same time. My son doesn’t deserve to be a statistic or the subject of a study into the harsh implications of single parent life on a child’s wellbeing. When I came across this site, I was delighted to see that there’s someone fighting our corner.

I would like an Ireland where my son won’t have to be ashamed of how many parents he has. He has one sitting here writing this who would do anything in the world to protect him. I’ve done all I could and continue to do so for his happiness.

* The name and location of the author have been changed. Everything else remains her story in her own words, as told to One Family.

Press Release

Separating Families in Dire Need of Supports

New Specialist Services Launched by One Family to Meet Demand

www.onefamily.ie

(Dublin, Monday 20 October 2014) One Family – Ireland’s organisation for people parenting alone and sharing parenting – launches its Positive Parenting for Changing Families programme at a Seminar in Dublin Castle tomorrow, Tuesday 21 October, in celebration of National Parents Week which runs from 20 to 26 October.

Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO, comments: “We are pleased to launch our new Positive Parenting for Changing Families programme. Carefully researched and developed over several years, this parenting programme is expertly designed to meet the needs of people parenting alone, sharing parenting, and those going through the process of separation. We know from our national helpline and other services of the struggles that separated and other one-parent families face. Current structures do not always support them well and laws as well as services need to be updated and expert.”

“For over 40 years One Family has supported the diversity of one-parent families and we understand their needs, so we are also launching a new mediation service focussed on developing parenting plans following separation as well as individual parent mentoring services,” Ms Kiernan continues. “It is imperative to ensure that the real supports these families want to access are available as they separate, share parenting and introduce step-parents, to help ensure the best outcomes possible for children.”

Donagh McGowan, Solicitor and incoming Chair of the Law Society Family Law Committee and member of the Family Law Court Development Committee, explains: “As a family law practitioner, I have seen firsthand how family support services such as counselling, mediation and parenting programmes can benefit both the Family Law Courts and the parents themselves as they work through the difficult process of separation. Whilst the draft Children and Family Relationships Bill provides for expanded ancillary support services to courts – which is to be welcomed – what Ireland really needs is a comprehensive range of State funded ancillary services to assist families in preventing or reducing conflict arising from relationship breakdown and to support the Courts where such conflict requires judicial intervention.”

Mr McGowan will present on this topic at the Seminar on Tuesday. Other speakers include: Ms Stella Owens, Centre for Effective Services, Chair of Special Interest Group on Supporting Parents; Ms Helen Deely, Head of HSE Crisis Pregnancy Programme; and Mr Niall Egan, Jobseekers and One Parent Family Policy Section, Department of Social Protection. The panel will be chaired by Dr Anne-Marie McGauran, NESC, and One Family Board member.

Since 1972, One Family – formerly called Cherish – has been at the forefront of responding to the real needs of one-parent families and separating families, developing supports which focus on keeping children at the centre of parenting that are both practical and empowering for the families who avail of them. Full details are available on www.onefamily.ie.

The new services being launched on Tuesday by One Family are:

• Positive Parenting for Changing Families programme | A practical and positive course for parents of 2-12 year olds to build on existing skills in order to manage behaviours and development well.

• Mediated Parenting Plans | Supporting both parents during and after the process of separation to develop their own comprehensive and practical parenting plan around how they will successfully share parenting into the future.
• Parent Mentoring | Individual sessions which focus on helping parents to understand their own and their child’s behaviour, giving them the tools they need as a parent.

One Family will also announce the expansion of its parenting programmes for parents into new regions including the North-West, and new online parenting programmes which commence in January 2015. These additional services will enhance and complement One Family’s existing suite of supports for today’s families which include workshops, welfare to work programmes, counselling including crisis pregnancy counselling, and the askonefamily lo-call helpline on 1890 66 22 12.

/Ends.

About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 as Cherish and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those sharing parenting, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to professionals working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 62 22 12, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes Family Day and presents the Family Day Festival every May, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview

Karen Kiernan, CEO | t: 01 662 9212 or 086 850 9191

Donagh McGowan, Solicitor | via Karen Kiernan on 086 850 9191

Further Information/Scheduling

Shirley Chance, Director of Communications | t: 01 664 0124 / e: schance@onefamily.ie

There was little change in the Budget to address the needs of one-parent and shared parenting families in Ireland. However, the main rates of social welfare payments went unchanged and there was a small increase in Child Benefit rates for 2015. A small bonus for Christmas for recipients of many social welfare payments was also among the Budget 2015 announcements made today. askonefamily, our information service, summarises the key changes relevant to one-parent families below.

Summary of Relevant Budget 2015 Changes

Main social welfare payments rates (including One Parent Family Payment, Jobseeker’s Allowance Transition, Jobseeker’s Allowance, Carer’s Allowance and others)

• The rates of weekly payment will remain the same in 2015

Child Benefit

• Increase of €5 per month, per child, from January 2015 to €135 a month, per child.

Back to School Clothing and Footwear

• This payment is maintained in 2015

NEW***Christmas Bonus

• Recipients of long term social welfare payments will receive a bonus payment of 25% of weekly payment this December 2014. This includes recipients of One Parent Family Payment, Carer’s Allowance, Disability Allowance, long-term Jobseeker’s Allowance, Jobseeker’s Allowance – Transition, Community Employment, Back to Work Allowance, Widow/Widower’s pension, Job Initiative and some others

NEW***Back to Work Family Dividend

• For one-parent families and long term jobseeker families with children who find or return to work, they will be able to retain the Qualified Child Increase of €29.80 per child, per week, for 12 months and then 50% of the rate for a second year. This applies to employment and self-employment.  This Back to Work Family Dividend (BTWFD) will be in addition to eligibility for Family Income Supplement (FIS) and will not affect the level of FIS payment.
•  In order to be eligible for the BTWFD then a person must be coming off their main social welfare payment (One-Parent Family Payment, Jobseeker’s Allowance or Jobseeker’s Allowance – Transition), in full and going into employment or self-employment.   A person who is already in employment and in receipt of One-Parent Family Payment (OFP) and who then increases their hours of employment to the point that they are no longer eligible for OFP because their earnings from work are in excess of €425 a week (gross) or who is no longer entitled to an OFP payment because of the age of their youngest child may then qualify for the BTWFD.  Applications will be open in January 2015.

NEW***Water Subsidy

• For those in receipt of Fuel Allowance then an additional €100 a year will be paid as support towards water services. The Water Support payment will be paid at a rate of €25, four times a year for a total yearly payment of €100.  First payments will be issuing by the end of March 2015. If you have been awarded the Fuel Allowance then you will automatically receive the Water Support payment.

Taxes

• No increase in taxes on petrol or diesel or Motor tax

Income tax

• Increase in the standard rate tax band for a single people from €32,800 to €33,800
• Higher tax rate reduced from 41% to 40%

Universal Social Charge (USC)

• The Universal Social Charge rates have been reduced; the 2% rate drops to 1.5% and the 4% rate drops to 3.5%
• Entry point for paying USC going up from just over €10,000 to just over €12,000 in 2015

If you would like further clarification on any of Budget changes, contact askonefamily on 1890 66 22 12 or by email.

Press Release 

Government Promised to Make Work Pay

But Budget 2015 Will Push More Vulnerable Families Out of Work

www.onefamily.ie

(Dublin, Tuesday 14 October 2014) One Family – Ireland’s organisation for people parenting alone and sharing parenting – today responds to Budget 2015 acknowledging the small increase in the universal child benefit and the partial reinstatement of a Christmas Bonus, yet noting that the failure to commit to retaining the Income Disregard level or provision of affordable accessible childcare prove that Government’s ears are still not fully open to the voices of Ireland’s one-parent and shared parenting families.

Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO explains: “Enda Kenny said that this Budget would be about building for the future. Yet thousands of one-parent families are denied that opportunity. Research shows that it is poverty, not family structure, that most impacts on outcomes for children. While the child benefit increase of €5 and the partial re-instatement of the Christmas Bonus may be welcomed by some parents, these are not cost-effective measures that will impact on poverty levels in any tangible manner without being tailored to respond to need. 53% of lone parents are in the labour force yet one-parent families remain those statistically most at risk of poverty.  Maintaining the Income Disregard would be an effective step towards making work pay, rather than forcing low and middle income families into the preposterous position of being less well-off when working.”

Stuart Duffin, One Family Director of Policy & Programmes, states: “Let’s be absolutely clear. If Government wants to invest money to help working parents, tailored investment in education and not expensive one-size fits all activation measures is a way of doing that. Together, both the NGO sector and the Government could do a lot more at far less cost by improving access to part-time education. Government must recognise the importance of locally tailored services.”

One Family’s 10 Solutions campaign – 10 effective measures that Government could implement at low or no cost – have been partially listened to but not fully addressed meaning that the disastrous legacy of Budget 2012 will continue to entrap one-parent families in poverty.  With over 55,000 more lone parents being moved onto the live register by 2015, with little in place, more children will grow up in poverty.

Karen Kiernan continues: “One-parent families in working poverty and parents sharing parenting of their children have borne the brunt of spending cuts such as the changes to the Single Person Child Carer Tax Credit last year, and the ill-formed re-activation measures flagged in Budget 2012. Government should be doing everything it can to help poor children, not condemning more children to join them. There is no future in that.”

/Ends.

Available for Interview

Karen Kiernan, CEO | t: 01 662 9212 or 086 850 9191

Stuart Duffin, Director of Policy & Programmes | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 062 2023

Many young children will start to wonder about and question where they came from, sometimes triggered by meeting new friends at school or learning that new little siblings will be coming into the family, while other children may have hardly any interest in the topic. Whatever your child’s level of curiosity may be, it’s helpful to think about what your answer will be in advance so that you’re not thrown whenever the question is asked.

1. Be honest with children. Explain things as simply as possible but always truthfully. Give them just enough age and developmentally appropriate information. Over time you can add more detail.
2. Try telling younger children that an egg and seed make friends and then it grows into a baby. They don’t have to know just yet how this actually happens. Sex discussions can come a little later.
3. Tell children that the baby is connected to Mum inside and when ready to come into the world, the doctors help the baby to be born .
4. Remember that families are diverse. Children are created in many ways. Explore this with your child. Don’t presume that all of your child’s classmates are all children of two biological parents. Some children will have same sex parents.
5. Your child may be adopted and may not know whose egg or seed they came from, but you can tell them that they have parents who love them and feel very lucky that some other person was able to share their child with them.
6. Explain to children that sometimes Mums and Dads don’t have eggs or seeds themselves so they have to be received from a kind person.
7. Talk with children about relationships. Explain that babies are usually made when two people care about each other a lot and want to have a special person. Explain also that sometimes only one parent is ready when this actually happens which is why some families are one-parent families. Sometimes a Mum and Dad might not live in the same house. Assure your child they are loved and wanted and special.
8. Use books to support your conversations with children. There are books for all ages to help explain all issues in life from making babies to death. Check out your local library and book shop.
9. Children often wish for more siblings. Maybe you have chosen not to have more children. Children grow out of this and really they long for more relationships, not necessarily siblings.
10. Grow things with your child, such as flower seeds. This helps them to understand that everything comes from somewhere.  There is a process to everything that grows, just as there is to making babies.

This article is part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips, and is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly. Coming soon: 10 Ways to Make the Most of Halloween and 10 Ways to Encourage Toddlers and Young Children to Eat.

One Family offers specialist support in explaining about an absent parent to a child. For support and advice on this or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie. Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent mentoring service here.

Photo credit: Pixabay

Everyone who is a parent can benefit from family support. Grandparents can be a wonderful source of strength and knowledge, especially to a mum or dad parenting on their own. It’s not always possible for a parent and their child to have a Grandparent in their lives for a variety of reasons, but when it is, this is a relationship to be nurtured as it can be of great influence on a child. As part of our weekly series of parenting tips, here are our suggestions on how to support Grandparents to have the best relationship they can with their grandchildren.

1. Invite Grandparents into your child’s life. They have a lot to offer, things you may not be able to imagine. Children like to know who they are and where they come from. Grandparents can offer a lot of history to children and support them to understand their identity.
2. Be open to exploring how the Grandparents of your child’s other parent can be part of your child’s life. Many Grandparents seek court ordered contact now around this. Others don’t know what to do when couples separate. Explore this with them. Children have a right to contact with family unless it presents any danger to them.
3. Support Grandparents to be just that – Grandparents!  Don’t expect them to take on too much. They have been parents in the past and now they have other challenges and avenues to explore.
4. Allow Grandparents some freedom with treats; this is what Grandparents do!
5. Acknowledge what Grandparents do for you and your child. Don’t take it for granted. They are not duty bound to support you to parent. Appreciate whatever they do.
6. Do not talk badly about Grandparents in front of children, even if you’ve had or have your own relationship difficulties. They are doing their best. Children will respect others in the way you model for them.
7. Talk with grandparents about issues you may have with them. Agree how they can support you to manage your child’s behaviour in a that way everyone is happy, especially the child.
8. Encourage a good relationship with Grandparents. Support them to enjoy being with the children, maybe one at a time to build up relationships.
9. Try to acknowledge that just because you ask for support you may not get it, or perhaps not in the form you had hoped. Have other support systems in place and don’t expect too much from one source.
10. Be confident in your own parenting so you can hear the many words of wisdom Grandparents may wish to offer you. Remember that although you are the authority on your own parenting, to thank Grandparents for their thoughts, to consider their suggestions, and to make your own choices as a parent.

This week’s ’10 Ways to’ is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly. Coming soon: 10 Ways to Encourage Toddlers to Eat; 10 Ways to Answer the ‘Where do I come from’ Question; and 10 Ways to Make the Most of Halloween.

For support and advice on any of these topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie. Find out more about our parenting skills programmes here.

Image Credit: Pixabay

Press Release

Government policies push more one-parent families out of work and into poverty –

One Family Annual Review 2013

www.onefamily.ie

(Dublin, Monday 29 September 2014) One Family – Ireland’s organisation for people parenting alone and people sharing parenting – launches its Annual Review 2013 amid ongoing trends of embattled parents leaving work due to poorly thought-out government policies, lack of quality out of school care and rising accommodation costs.

Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO explains: “2013 was another hard year for one-parent families in Ireland. The poorly planned policies in Budget 2012 are pushing more people parenting alone onto social welfare fulltime as they cannot afford to work, attend education or get workplace experience due to government cuts. This makes no sense and is counter-intuitive as on the one hand government is forcing people onto the live register when their youngest child is seven, whilst at the same time making it harder for them to stay connected to the labour market as the income disregard has been slashed. We know that work isn’t working for far too many families. We must move on from attacking those parenting alone to addressing real needs by helping people stay in work by increasing the income disregard in Budget 2015.”

Stuart Duffin, One Family Director of Policy & Programmes, highlights: “One Family’s Annual Review 2013 shows a 20% increase in calls to our national askonefamily helpline specifically in relation to social welfare and finance issues as parents try to make work pay, often unsuccessfully. This is because the support they get from the State is continuing to decline in real terms, the barriers to returning to or staying in work can be insurmountable for many and government policies are working against them.”

One Family’s 10 Solutions campaign addresses this as a matter of urgency. Research shows that a key contributor to children’s futures is not the structure of their families but living in consistent poverty.  Current policies mean that Ireland risks seeing more poor children becoming poor adults. This is catastrophic for their life chances and the public purse. But it is not too late to change this.

Karen continued: “We saw a massive increase in tax related queries as Budget 2014 removed the One Parent Tax Credit which is another example of the government not understanding the needs of families who share parenting of their children. The tough qualifications for rent supplement is also pushing people out of work and many families are becoming homeless – this is a matter of urgency.”

One Family’s Annual Review 2013 can be read/downloaded here. 

A short video summarising One Family’s Annual Review 2013 and 5 key demands for Budget 2015 can be viewed here.

One Family’s demands for Budget 2015 are:

1. Work must pay for low-income families.
2. Income disregard cannot be cut anymore and the minimum hours qualification for FIS eligibility should be reduced.
3. Those on the OFP must have equal access to all of the government activation measures and access to free part-time education to help them get into sustainable careers.
4. Out of School Childcare needs to be recognised and supported so that parents can access education, training and work.
5. The Single Person Child Carer Tax Credit discriminates against those sharing parenting – most often against Fathers, and is out of step with the realities of contemporary Irish family life.

One Family’s full Budget Submission can be read here.

Lone parents are being forced out of employment.  The ongoing reduction of the income disregard – the amount a lone parent in receipt of the One-Parent Family Payment can earn without a reduction in supports as they transition into employment – from €146.50 to €60 per week is working against Government policy. This reduction means that it is no longer financially viable for many to work which is the opposite of what Government claimed to set out to do – support lone parents into employment.  Although 53% of lone parents are in the labour force, one-parent families remain those statistically most at risk of poverty.  This cannot be justified.

/Ends.

About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 as Cherish and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those sharing parenting, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to professionals working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 62 22 12, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes Family Day and presents the Family Day Festival every May, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview

Karen Kiernan, CEO | t: 01 662 9212 or 086 850 9191

Stuart Duffin, Director of Policy & Programmes | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 062 2023

Every month a member of the One Family services team explains more about the particular supports they offer. This month, Parent Mentor Niki Williams writes about One Family mentoring supports available to all parents.

Parent Mentoring is a service where a parent can safely talk one to one with a trained professional about any concerns they may have with their family and child relationships. With sensitive guidance and practical suggestions, the mentor supports a parent to identify what is working well for their family and what could be changed.

Raising children can be a really challenging job yet most of us don’t evaluate our family relationships until a crisis forces us to. When living with a situation daily, it can be difficult to ‘see the wood for the trees’. Whether facing tantrums with toddlers, fussy eaters, children who won’t stay in their beds, unhappiness at school or a grunting teenager, it’s okay for a parent to need a listening ear and a helping hand sometimes. Parents always work hard to do their very best for their children.

A Parent Mentor will support a parent to take time to reflect and reach a new perspective on what’s happening. This is useful for any parent regardless of the age and stage of their child/ren.

I’m a Psychiatric Nurse, Counsellor, Parent Mentor and Trauma Therapist by training. I’ve also experienced challenging life events. In my experience, getting support doesn’t always mean solving the problem. It can mean maintaining a loving relationship even in the face of that problem. With increased knowledge about why parents and children behave the way they do, a more peaceful and enhanced home life can result for every member of the family.

One Family’s Parenting Mentoring service is now available in Cork, Dublin and Wicklow with additional regions being added later this year. This is a low-cost service charged on a sliding scale from €20-€60. To book, call 01 662 9212 or click here to complete a short booking form.

Next, you might like to read what One Family Counselling Support Worker, Lisa Maguire, wrote last month about our services for Young People in Care.

Press Release

Government Claims to Have Protected ‘Most Vulnerable’

yet One-Parent Families are Poorer When Working 

One Family supports today’s St Vincent De Paul report findings 

(Dublin, Monday 22 September 2014) One Family – Ireland’s organisation for one-parent families and people sharing parenting – welcomes the St  Vincent De Paul report published today which recognises that being a lone parent is one of the hardest survival situations in the State. One Family’s 42 years of experience delivering expert services to those parenting alone and sharing parenting helps to strengthen the SVP message.

Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO explains: “The devastating impact of Budget 2012 means that those parenting alone have been living a financially precarious life.  Today’s child and family poverty statistics highlight the inconvenient truths for Government; that maintaining the value of social security support helps protect families with children from poverty, and that work isn’t working for far too many families. The government may claim to have protected the ‘most vulnerable’ but there are thousands of lone parents and their children living in desperate circumstances. We must move on from attacking those parenting alone to addressing real needs.”

Stuart Duffin, One Family Director of Policy & Programmes, highlights: “The stark evidence we collate on an on-going basis – from callers to our national askonefamily helpline and responses to our monthly survey – illustrate unequivocally that survival for our families in low-paid or no employment is balanced on a knife edge. This is because the support they get from the State is continuing to decline in real terms, while the barriers to returning to the workplace remain insurmountable for so many. If items such as food, social housing and childcare continue to become more expensive, these families’ overall incomes cannot keep up.”

Lone parents are being forced out of employment. One Family has heard from working lone parents who, with the changes being implemented from Budget 2012, have had a net income reduction of €200 per week. The ongoing reduction of the income disregard – the amount a lone parent in receipt of the One-Parent Family Payment can earn without a reduction in supports as they transition into employment – from €146.50 to €60 per week is working against Government policy. This reduction means that it is no longer financially viable for many to work which is the opposite of what Government claimed to set out to do – support lone parents into employment.  Although 53% of lone parents are in the labour force, one-parent families remain those statistically most at risk of poverty.  This cannot be justified.

Stuart Duffin further comments: “This isn’t just about balancing the high cost of housing, childcare and energy: it includes a family’s need to be part of society, by being able to participate in things many take for granted, such as buying a small birthday present or taking the children swimming on occasion. Government needs to square-up to in-work poverty. ”

One Family’s 10 Solutions to Government address this as a matter of urgency. Research shows that a key contributor to children’s futures is not the structure of their families but living in consistent poverty.  Current policies mean that Ireland risks seeing more poor children becoming poor adults. This is catastrophic for their life chances and the public purse.

Click here to read One Family’s monthly survey results. The St Vincent De Paul report can be read here.

One Family’s demands for Budget 2015 are:

1. Work must pay and be seen to pay.
2. The proposed parental dividend must work in conjunction with an up-rated income disregard.
3. Those parenting alone must have equal access to all of the government activation measures, such as MOMENTUM and access to free part-time education to help raise their labour market skills base.
4. Comprehensive provision and support for Out Of School Childcare and Recreation (OSCAR). Currently, the new child care provision (ASCCS) only lasts for 12 months, is not available for existing workers and does not take into account existing childcare relationships.
5. The Single Person Child Carer Tax Credit discriminates against those sharing parenting – most often against Fathers, in effect – and thus must recognise the realities of contemporary Irish family life.

/Ends.

About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 as Cherish and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those sharing parenting, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to professionals working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 62 22 12, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes Family Day and presents the Family Day Festival every May, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview

Karen Kiernan, CEO | t: 01 662 9212 or 086 850 9191

Stuart Duffin, Director of Policy & Programmes | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 062 2023

Children are a wonderful gift, but they are very delicate and it is often easy for them to feel unappreciated or ignored. As parents, it is very important to make sure our children are growing up happy and confident, and to do that we must make sure they feel special, appreciated, and loved. By recognising their accomplishments and encouraging them to be proud of themselves, we can help them to develop confidence and a sense of achievement that will last them the rest of their lives. In this week’s edition of parenting tips, we highlight 10 ways to improve your child’s self esteem.

1. Children who have lots of positive experiences and positive things said to them will have healthy levels of self esteem, as opposed to children who have many negative experiences growing up.

2. Children need to be recognised and admired. They are important to us and important in the world. Tell them this!

3. Praise children for the efforts they make. The focus should not be on the end result. Children remember praise and it has long-lasting effects.

4. Compliment children on their appearance, how they are doing at school, with friends and with hobbies. Every child is special and should know this.

5. Notice your children’s strengths and tell them what they are. Help them understand how to use those strengths well.

6. Show your child you are so proud of them and the effort they make – to play, to share, to eat dinner etc.

7. Have special time with your child each day and let them know they are top of your list. The feeling of self worth will be enormous.

8. Encourage children to be proud of their own achievements.

9. Encourage children to be open about what strengths they have and also that we all can’t be good at everything. Help them accept they are human, and it is normal to have strengths and weaknesses.

10. Be respectful of children. Talk with them, not at them. Listen to them and hear what they are trying to say. Understand their behaviours and why they exist rather than trying to just fix them. Admire their qualities, even those which are challenging can be used in positive ways throughout life. Accept your child for who they are and tell them everyday how much you love and admire them.

This week’s ’10 Ways to’ is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly.

Coming soon: 10 Ways to Support Your Child’s Sex Education; 10 Ways to Survive Sleepless Nights; 10 Ways to Encourage Healthy Eating.

For support and advice on any of these topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.

Image credit: Pixabay

Everyone is different, and it is important to be sensitive to that fact. Children look up to their parents and will imitate their behaviour, so the way you act towards others who are different can have a profound impact on them. By making sure you are respectful to everyone, you can ensure your children will do the same. In this week of our parenting tips series, we have 10 ways to respect the differences between yourself and others.

1. Be courteous and friendly to others.  You can help your child respect others by the way you greet people, talk with them, and talk about them afterwards. Children learn from our example.

2. Make a family book about similarities and differences:  You and your child could work together to make a book about the people in your family.

3. Value difference. Arrange a small get-together with one or two families. Each could make a snack that may be different or new to the others, possibly an ethnic food or one that is special in other ways for their family.

4. Meet new friends.  You may want to tell your child about a time when you met someone who seemed different at first but as you got to know the person, you came to appreciate him or her.

5. Use empathy: Can your child remember coming into a group and feeling ignored or left out? Talking about your child’s feelings can help your child develop empathy and begin to see things from another person’s point of view.

6. We believe that we are all special people.

7. Treat others kindly even if they are different.

8. We show we are listening by what we say.

9. We are concerned about each other’s feelings.

10. Use books, the internet and society to introduce your child to difference and in particular all types of families and how they are all unique and special – just like ours.

This week’s ’10 Ways to’ is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly.

Coming soon: 10 Ways to Prepare Your Child for Preschool; 10 Ways to Improve Your Child’s Self Esteem; 10 Ways to Encourage Healthy Eating.

For support and advice on any of these topics, call askonefamily on 0818 66 22 12 or emailsupport@onefamily.ie.

Image Credit: Pixabay

Assertiveness is a wonderful quality to have, and as long as you know how to use it properly it can be help you be direct and clear in your communication with others. In order to be successful with communication, there are several guidelines we can all follow to ensure our point is being made in an assertive way.  In this week’s edition of our ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips, we look at 10 keys to being assertive.

1. Assertiveness is an approach that helps you to be direct, honest and respectful in expressing your feelings, wants, needs and opinions.
2. You should always be respectful of others and yourself when being assertive.
3. Being assertive should not mean being aggressive.
4. Use clear and direct communication instead of unclear or indirect communication.
5. Be more confident about how you say things and how you get your message across.
6. Assertiveness will help your children learn how to be assertive and help a family to be positive and have shared values.
7. Remember you are making requests not demands. Expect yes and no answers.
8. Be ready to negotiate and compromise with others, including children.
9. Be very specific with children in particular about what you need them to do. ‘I need you to tidy your room’ is too vague. Indicate certain areas of the room: ‘I need you to tidy your dolls today’ and explain what that should look like.
10. Learn to say no and explain why it is a ‘No.’ The ‘No’ is about you safeguarding yourself as opposed to blocking another person: ‘No, you cannot walk alone to the shops, I need you to be safe and I need to hold your hand to ensure this.’

This week’s ’10 Ways to …’ is compiled by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly.

Coming soon: 10 Tips for Respecting Difference; 10 Tips on Preparing Your Child for Preschool; 10 Tips on Improving Your Child’s Self Esteem

For support and advice on any of these topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or emailsupport@onefamily.ie.

Picture credit: Pixabay

Press Release

Compulsory registration of birth certificates will require

General Register Office to be highly trained 

One Family – Ireland’s organisation for one-parent families and people sharing parenting – today welcomed the publication of the Civil Registration (Amendment) Bill 2014 whilst also warning about the problems that will arise in some difficult cases requiring sensitivity and transparency from the country’s registrars.

The new Civil Registration Bill has some far reaching impacts for children and parents in one-parent and diverse families. The main change is that it will now be compulsory for a father’s name to be provided by a new mother and for the father to register themselves on the birth certificate. Exceptions can be made to this where the father’s identity or whereabouts are unknown by the mother or where she can furnish proof that it would not be in the best interests of the safety of the child to contact the father and register his name.

Karen Kiernan, CEO of One Family said: “It is very much in the interest of the vast majority of children to know and have a legal and social relationship with both of their parents and it relatively rare that father’s names are not on birth certs – approximately 6% of all certificates. However there are exceptional circumstances where it may not be safe for a father to be identified and contacted and the burden of proof will need to be carefully considered so that it is not too onerous for those women who have been subjected to rape, incest or violence.”

Kiernan continued: “The General Register Office personnel will need to configure their offices so that confidential and highly sensitive information can be shared by parents. They will require expert training and support to deal with the issues that may arise and a transparent system of how the registrar accepts or rejects evidence on exceptional circumstances. It would be extremely helpful if this new Bill can be accompanied by an information campaign targeting parents not married to each other so they have clarity on what joint birth registration means for them and their children. One Family is glad to see that the Minister has progressed from the argument that this is needed to save social welfare expenses to seeing that this is an important issue for children.”

The Bill can be read here.

About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to those working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 622 212, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes the Family Day Festival, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today, with 10,000 people attending in 2013 (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview

Karen Kiernan, CEO | t: 01 662 9212 or 086 850 9191

Press Release

Shortfalls for Children of Separated Parents in

Justice Committee Report on Draft

Children & Family Relationships Bill 

www.onefamily.ie

(Dublin, Wednesday 9 July 2014) One Family – Ireland’s organisation for one-parent families and parents sharing parenting – welcomes the publication of the report from the Justice Committee on the Children & Family Relationships Bill 2014 tomorrow. With over 40 years campaigning for legal recognition and support for the wide diversity of families that children in Ireland live in, One Family believes that this Bill is long overdue. The focus now should be to ensure that it is passed as quickly as possible to meet the urgent needs of children and parents though it is disappointing to note that some important issues such as ancillary reports to courts and child safety were not highlighted in the report.

Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO comments: “While this Bill is progress, it is disheartening that the Justice Report contains no mention of the need for ancillary services to the family law courts, especially Child Contact Centres which are necessary to ensure safety of children in contentious custody disputes. One Family published an evaluation of its pilot Child Contact Centre scheme in March this year and highlighted this need at the Committee hearing on 9 April. The Courts do not yet have access to professionally conducted family assessments in order to make evidence-based, child-centred decisions that will be safe, enforceable and fair. This has yet to be addressed for the safety of children.”

Stuart Duffin, One Family Director of Policy & Programmes, comments: “This report is a missed opportunity in a number of respects.  Government places ever greater emphasis on the importance of children having meaningful relationships with both their parents yet the report fails to explore ways to mainstream services to support this in the face of family separation, especially for low-income families. When parents separate, benefits and allowances attach wholly to one parent or the other, with often the non-resident parent – most usually the father – becoming ‘invisible’ other than as a source of income.  The report is not addressing this imbalance which has huge consequences for separated parents and their well-being, and that of their children.”

The Children & Family Relationships Bill will need to acknowledge the need for greater cooperation of services aimed at building broad local partnerships. It should result in quality, professional supports to cover the wide range of needs of families during separation and after, and when accessing the family law courts. It should ensure that legislators are equipped to make evidence-based decisions with children’s needs at the centre of these decisions.

Otherwise, while a step in the right direction, additional costs will be incurred to the State down the line while the Bill fails to fully deliver for children of separated families.

One Family’s Child Contact Centres Key Learnings can be read here: http://www.onefamily.ie/wp-content/uploads/One-Family_Child-Contact-Centre_Key-Learnings.pdf

The Executive Summary of the Evaluation can be read here: http://www.onefamily.ie/wp-content/uploads/Executive-Summary-December-2013.pdf

/Ends.

About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to those working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 622 212, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes Family Day and presents the Family Day Festival every May, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview

Karen Kiernan, CEO | t: 01 662 9212 or 086 850 9191

Stuart Duffin, Director of Policy & Programmes | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 062 2023

Further Information/Scheduling

Shirley Chance, Director of Communications | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 414 8511

Press Release

A July of Fear and Insecurity for over 9,000 Lone Parents

One Family will state at the pre-budget forum that Department of Social Protection has put lone parent families in the frontline of austerity and the back of the queue for the recover. 

www.onefamily.ie

(Dublin, Thursday 3 July 2014) One Family – Ireland’s organisation for one-parent families – is participating  in Department of Social Protection’s pre-budget forum tomorrow, where One Family’s Stuart Duffin and a lone parent member of One Family’s Budget Panel will call for joined up thinking and security. The whole of Government must enable lone parents to create better futures rather than implementing further complicated systems that result in continued entrapment in poverty for families already on the edge, such as those being implemented today with changes to the One-Parent Family Payment.

“If you looked at me you’d never think I have only €16 to my name. I wear a suit to work in a very well-known company, my son is in a good crèche, I live in a 3 bedroom house (because it’s €100k in negative equity so I can’t afford to sell it). And here I am, without money for food.”

– Lone parent quoted in One Family’s Pre-Budget Submission 2015

58% of lone parents in Ireland are working, often in low paid part-time employment. Some working lone parents now face a barbaric income reduction of up to €200 per month.  The changes – first announced in Budget 2012 – are causing great confusion and stress to lone parents.  These men and women are not asking for hand-outs but to be supported as they strive towards bettering their children’s futures. The Department of Social Protection has put one-parent families in the frontline of austerity and the back of the queue for recovery due to the lack of development of joined up policies and supports. These cuts without supports such as out of school care, access to part-time education and less earned income have resulted in what feels like a sustained attack on one-parent families.

Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO, comments: “Food banks symbolise the insecurity facing so many.  More needs to be done to understand and tackle the reasons why families have to access free food to live. We need a new approach that prioritises secure futures for one-parent families and that will reduce child poverty. Lone parents want and are keen to work yet the short-sighted nature of social welfare measurements firmly put one-parent families in deeper and deeper pits of poverty.”

The Pre-Budget Forum on Friday will be hosted by Minister Joan Burton. Its purpose is to provide organisations including One Family to input into the Budget process and to discuss their Pre-Budget Submissions with the Minister and senior officials of the Department.

Stuart Duffin, One Family Director of Policy and Programmes, comments: “On Friday we will highlight that this is a chance to move on from attacking the victims of poverty to addressing its causes – such as the lack of decently paid jobs, expensive housing and unaffordable childcare that have left many lone parents doing too much of the heavy lifting out of poverty. The ridiculous reduction in the Income Disregard combined with the mediaeval threshold nature of FIS and its annual review disincentive the ability to work. One-parent families are consistently those most at risk of or living in poverty in Ireland. Now is the time for some real vision and ambition in tackling the root causes of family poverty by investing in lone parents and making work pay. We will also voice our 10 Solutions – ten practical solutions that Government could implement at no or low-cost yet which would result in real progression for one-parent families – which form the basis of our Pre-Budget Submission.”

Simple actions will deliver investment in one-parent families:

1. Reform the Income Disregard into a Tax credit paid into the pay packet,
2. Deliver free part-time education,
3. Invest in the economic benefits of Out of School Childcare and Recreations (OSCAR).

One Family is hearing from lone parents to its askonefamily helpline and through our monthly surveys and Facebook page that these changes will make it almost impossible for many of those who are already working to sustain their employment. The reality is that these changes could mean an increase of over 55,000 more people onto the live register over the next 3 years as lone parents are transitioned to Job Seekers Allowance without adequate Government supports such as the long-promised affordable, local, quality childcare. Recipients of the OFP are excluded from schemes like Jobs Plus so there is, in effect, also a disincentive in place for employers to employ them.

One Family’s Pre-Budget Submission can be read here: http://www.onefamily.ie/wp-content/uploads/One-Family-2015-Pre-Budget-Submission_June-2014.pdf

More information about One Family’s 10 Solutions can be read here: http://www.onefamily.ie/policy-campaigns/one-family-campaigns/ten-solutions-for-smarter-futures/

Parents affected by the changes can contact askonefamily lo-call helpline for advice and support on 1890 66 22 12 or by emailing support@onefamily.ie

/Ends.

About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to those working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 622 212, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes Family Day and presents the Family Day Festival every May, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview

Karen Kiernan, CEO | t: 01 662 9212 or 086 850 9191

Stuart Duffin, Director of Policy & Programmes | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 062 2023

Further Information/Scheduling

Shirley Chance, Director of Communications | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 414 8511

Press Release

One-Parent Family Success Stories at One Family

Government Must Step Up to the Mark
and Enable Lone Parents to have a Fighting Chance in our Economy

www.onefamily.ie

(Dublin, Wednesday 18 June 2014) One Family – Ireland’s organisation for one-parent families – celebrates the achievements of almost 100 lone parents who have completed its courses throughout the past year at a Graduation Ceremony in the Conference Centre, Dublin Castle on Thursday 19 June at 10am in the week that it also makes its Pre-Budget Submission calling on Government to invest in one-parent families.

Recent response to media coverage of mother and baby homes has demonstrated again that people, women in particular, who parent alone still experience stereotyping, stigma and shame. One Family issued a statement in response to this harrowing topic last week which can be read here. This coverage has proved distressing for many One Family clients, lone parents and their children. Now, it is timely to celebrate those inspirational lone parents and people sharing parenting who have successfully overcome many challenges in pursuit of their awards.

Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO, comments: “The parents celebrating their graduation this week want to learn more and they want to work. They want to build on the successes being celebrated. 58% of lone parents in Ireland today are working. One Family wants to see a clear political commitment in the 2015 budget to enable those most in need to return to work and education and create better futures for their children by provision of key supports such as affordable, quality childcare. An investment in childcare is an investment in one-parent families.”

Many of today’s Graduands have completed One Family’s flagship New Futures training which is FETAC Level 4 accredited and offers personal and professional development with wrap-around supports including one-to-one mentoring. Others have completed the One Family parenting programmes Family Communications and Positive Parenting, designed to strengthen family relationships, enable parents to understand difficult behaviour in children, and learn techniques to promote conflict resolution. Other parents who are parenting alone or sharing parenting are to be celebrated for taking a pro-active role in crafting One Family’s Pre-Budget Submission by participating in the organisation’s Budget Panel to help ensure that the voices of one-parent and shared parenting families are heard by Government.

One Family’s Director of Policy and Programmes, Stuart Duffin, comments: “One Family’s Budget Panel members are asking a simple question: ‘Will the 2015 budget improve the position of the poorest families and will children’s well-being be prioritised as the economy recovers?’ Paid work can make a difference for families, but this needs to accommodate the needs of children, income adequacy and security. The government’s focus has been on economic growth and jobs as a silver bullet solution to poverty. However, many lone parents and those sharing parenting cannot undertake or maintain enough paid work to sustain a family because of changes in tax and the lack of jobs. It is vital that government adopts a comprehensive strategy to reduce child and family poverty, a much broader strategy is needed to address the underlying causes.”

People parenting alone – including those parents receiving their Certificates this week – are all job-seekers and need to have adequate income to raise their children. All parents need sufficient levels of income security but today Ireland’s poorest families do not have enough to live on. It is crucial that the social welfare safety net that supports families in tough times is repaired and strengthened to enable the one-parent families who need to avail of it to create better outcomes. Children in all families deserve the chance to thrive.

/Ends.

About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to those working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 622 212, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes the Family Day Festival, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview

Karen Kiernan, CEO | t: 01 662 9212 or 086 850 9191

Stuart Duffin, Director of Policy & Programmes | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 062 2023

Further Information/Scheduling

Shirley Chance, Director of Communications | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 414 8511