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relaxation

Parenting | 10 Ways to Parent ‘On The Run’

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realxationFor many parents it can feel like you are on a treadmill that is never switched off. On Monday you might be asked, how was your weekend? You look in amazement at the person and try to think, the weekend, when was that? Whether sharing parenting, parenting alone, when your children are very young or teenagers, it never stops. Keeping on top of it all is very challenging and we often forget to be mindful of our own well being. We laugh at the though of it. Obviously the person who coined the term ‘self care’ has no children!

But here it is again – self care. If you can’t find the time to look after yourself and your needs, what type of parent will you be? You may be coping alright now, but how long until the batteries run dry? We all have areas in our lives that are not going too well, sometimes it is because we don’t have the energy or time to put into them.

This summer, could you take on the challenge of trying to do one thing for yourself each day? It is just for you now, but really it is an investment in your ability to parent and thus in your children. They need parents who can stay on the treadmill for a very long time.

Here are some ideas to help get you started:

  1. Take a 30 minutes walk, once a week: on your own ideally or bring the buggie if you must. It helps clear the mind and keep you feeling energised. This will also give you time to see the world and possibly bump into the neighbours for a chat.
  2. Read a book that is not about fairies and princesses and superheroes. Can you find an hour a week to read a chapter? Connect to the adult world around you. It is amazing how we forget it exists. This will also give you something to talk about. We often think if we did meet someone, what would we talk about? Our lives are so focused on our children, it’s easy to forget how to have adult conversations.
  3. Join a parent and toddler group. Even though children are with you, it allows great opportunities to talk with other parents and possibly widen your social circle. Some groups are great at organising trips and events. Check in with your local community center, community bulletin/newsletter and even the local shop notice boards to find groups near you.
  4. Use a drop in crèche for one hour a week. Can you budget to allow yourself one hour off a week? You can just sit and think, plan, read or drink coffee. Basically, this is one hour for you to stay still.
  5. Can you arrange for a relative to take your children once a month? One day off or if you are really lucky one night off is a great opportunity to recharge the batteries. A night of undisturbed sleep does wonders for the body and mind. Then you will feel ready for the children again when they return.
  6. If your children go to their other parent, can you do things in this time for yourself? Many parents use this time to cook, freeze dinners, clean and get ready for another week. Even though this will make the next week run smoother it does not really count as time spent for you. Think about what hobbies you had as a child, or something you wished you had done. Can you join a club – a walking club, book club, hobby or maybe even a study group? Have you had time to think about what you want for you?
  7. We take a lot of time to plan what our children will eat. Have they eaten their 5 a day? We challenge the other parent to reduce the intake of junk food. But how often do you look at your diet. Can you take some time to plan your 5 a day? You are your child’s best role model after all.
  8. Can you arrange a babysitter club? It does not have to be at night time as it depends on what you enjoy doing. Can your friend take your child for a few hours to allow you some time and then you do the same for them?
  9. Many parents buy too many clothes for their children. Do they really need all these clothes? Do they notice what they wear? Why not put some time in to your own wardrobe? What could you do with getting? At times we avoid going out and about as we feel we have nothing to wear. It would be a great resource for your child to have a parent who is confident in how they look.
  10. Ask for help. Parenting is very challenging no matter what form your family takes. Seek out supports. Access professional parenting supports like parenting courses or one to one mentoring – One Family have parenting supports available in many locations both in Dublin and in other. Don’t go it alone when others would love to be invited to join you. (See below for more information on One Family parenting supports.)

This summer take time for you. It may seem selfish at first, but your children will be the ultimate winners when you succeed.

This ’10 Ways to’ article is by One Family’s Director of Children & Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, as part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips. You can read the full series here.

Next you might like to read: 10 Ways to Parent Self Care

LIVE Facebook Q&A with Geraldine on this topic Tuesday 14 July from 10am-11pm in our NEW One Family Parenting Group which is a closed Facebook group (meaning that only members can read posts) that anyone can join. Post your questions and share your experiences.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.

 

Supporting a step parent relationship150x150

Parenting | 10 Ways to Support a Child in a Step Parent Relationship

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Supporting a step parent relationship250x250Having a step parent is a very normal part of life for many children in Ireland today. Often children hear about step mothers in fairy tales and the picture painted is not one that would excite you. In order for children to have a good relationship with a step parent they need to be supported in the following ways:

  1. While it may not be your ideal situation that your child has a step parent, in order for them to feel safe and secure in the relationship you must give them permission to have a relationship with this person.
  2. Many parents can feel that a step parent may try to take over their role. This can lead to the parent fighting against the relationship and making life somewhat more difficult for their child. If you can be confident in your relationship with your child then there is no need to worry about anyone trying to take your place.
  3. Remember that children need adults and good positive relationships in their lives. The step parent, if allowed, can be a very supportive person for your child. If they are spending periods of time with this person then they need to be able to talk with them, share worries and seek support. The biological parent most likely won’t always be there, so the more people around to support your children the better.
  4. Try to form a relationship of respect with the step parent. It can be very hard for children to have a good relationship with someone they don’t see their parent engage positively with. Talk with your child’s other parent about how you can both take steps to ensure the relationship with the step parent is one based on respect. In the case of infidelity, this can be very difficult, but we must always try to think about the best interests of our children.
  5. Allow your child to talk about their time with the other parent and the step parent. Acknowledge what they do with your child. Try to say positive things about the step parent. By not talking about them at all you are very clearly letting your child know you have no time for them.  Ask yourself, is this fair on your child considering they have to live with the step parent part of the time?
  6. It might be nice to arrange for all of the parents, step and biological to go out once or twice with the children. Blended families are a common feature in Irish society. Children can and do have wonderful experiences in blended families.
  7. As family life moves on after separation and step parents become a more permanent part of your child’s life try to accept them fully and acknowledge with your child the part that the step parent plays in their life.
  8. Remember the other parent may be the first one to introduce a step parent to your child, but in time you could also be with someone new. What type of relationship would you like your child to have with your new partner?
  9. If the step parent also has children, then your child has more to deal with. When sharing time with the other parent your child will need your support to explore how they want to engage with the other children who live with them. Is it okay for them to be good friends? They will need to learn the rules of sibling rivalry if they have not any biological siblings. They may also need support around sharing their parent with other children. This may be hard for them if they already feel they don’t have enough time with that parent.
  10. Good stable adult relationships are very valuable for your child to witness and be part of. It can offer your child great stability and help to build up their  confidence. It is really good for children to see their parents in good positive relationships. Part of life is learning that not every relationship is good and not every relationship lasts forever but it should not stop you from engaging with people and giving new relationships a chance.

Next you might like to read: 10 Ways to Sensitive Integration of a Step Parent 

This ’10 Ways to’ article is by One Family’s Director of Children & Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, as part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips. You can read the full series here.

LIVE Facebook Q&A with Geraldine on this topic Tuesday 7 July from 11am-12pm in our NEW One Family Parenting Group which is a closed Facebook group (meaning that only members can read posts) that anyone can join. Post your questions and share your experiences.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.

 

 

Having Fun In Summer

Parenting | 10 Ways to Have Fun This Summer

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Having Fun In SummerIt is easy to trudge through the summer months wishing they were over, especially when we may not have the money for a holiday at a time when it seems that everyone is going away.  However, you can still have fun over the summer months without it costing money.

  1. Try to make a conscious effort to do something different this summer. Enjoy special time with your children and do your best to put aside any worries or issues you may have going on, even for part of the day.
  2. If you live near a forest, park or even a lovely big field, why not have dinner outside some evenings? Pack a picnic style dinner or if it’s hot, wrap and run. Children love picnics and you can have so much fun afterwards running about, playing games, kicking ball, flying a kite, looking for butterflies and other creatures. Keep a scrap book of what creatures and birds you see each day.
  3. If you’re lucky enough to live near the seaside, within an hour anyway, perhaps you can schedule a weekly trip? Pack up the buckets and spades. Buy the food in the local shop before you get there or else bring your own picnic. Agree on treats in advance. Children generally love the splashing, sand, digging and diving. It can be such great fun. And there’s lots of opportunities for whale and dolphin watching in many parts of the country too.
  4. If you have a back or front garden, use it. Can you invest a little money in some new outdoor toys? Maybe put up or make a tent? Have a barbeque. Get a cheap paddling pool. Have a treasure hunt. Cloud watch and tell stories. The garden is a great area for fun activities all summer long.
  5. Climb a mountain. Most people have a hill or mountain of some sort not far from where they live. Why not plan a climbing adventure?
  6. Playgrounds can be a great resource. Even if you already go, plan to make it a very regular event over the summer months. Play with your child and support them to make friends in the playground. You will be increasing their confidence and social skills all summer. Playgrounds can also a great way to meet and interact with other parents and increase your own social network.
  7. Check out local groups who may be running trips for families. One Family have weekly outings in the summer time, at very low cost, that are lots of fun. Check out our website and join our social group. Parent and child groups often have trips, start googling what is happening in your community and check out local notice boards. If there is nothing on, try to plan a trip with some other parents.
  8. Many organisations offer quality, free activities that children enjoy such as, for example, Bat Conservation Ireland who lead free bat walks all over the country; or National Heritage Week which has a packed programme of free events in August. There are hundreds of festivals nationwide which generally have a programme strand of free entertainment or workshops for children, as do many museums and art galleries on Sunday afternoons. Local county councils/corporations/town councils also often present free, family-friendly events over the summer time. Swimming pools and libraries usually do too. Take some time to engage with services in your community. You might be surprised by what they have to offer.
  9. Talk with your children and hear what they would like the summer to be like. You can have lots of fun on a budget, and children will really feel they have had different experiences and want to share them with others.
  10. Most of all, take time with your children this Summer. Enjoy them and experience all the fun times that parenting can bring, as too often we are bogged down with the challenges, especially when parenting alone or sharing parenting.

Next you might to read: 10 Ways to Make The Most Of School Breaks

This ’10 Ways to’ article is by One Family’s Director of Children & Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, as part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips. You can read the full series here.

LIVE Facebook Q&A with Geraldine on this topic Monday 29 June from 11am-12pm in our NEW One Family Parenting Group which is a closed Facebook group (meaning that only members can read posts) that anyone can join. Post your questions and share your experiences.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.

School Holidays

Parenting | 10 Ways to Manage School Holidays

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School HolidaysFor some parents the school holidays are a respite time with a more relaxed routine. However, it can be a nightmare for others and so requires a lot of planning and management. As parents we learn quickly that when raising children it is important to have as many options and resources as you can possibly gather. Managing childcare over the summer months can be a challenge and early planning is the key.

  1. Research what summer camps are running in your area. What are their price ranges? Children love to engage with their peers. These interactions help them to develop their confidence and learn new skills. They may need a little support to attend at first.
  2. Co-ordinate with other parents to find out if any of your child’s friends are attending summer camps. It is always nice to know somebody.
  3. Can you set up a play date rota with another parent? You could plan your leave with each other. Even if it only works for one week, it can be very helpful.
  4. It can be lovely for children to have special time with grandparents and build their relationships. Can you stay at grandparents also and commute to work from there? Is your child old enough to leave with a grandparent for the week? Or maybe a grandparent could come and stay. If you can rely on a grandparent, maybe work in a few treats for them during the week to help them feel appreciated.
  5. Plan with other family members. See if you can support each other during the summer months. Maybe friends would also be open to helping out. Count each week separately. It will most likely be impossible to have one plan to cover the whole summer. If you have friends or family who can help out, try to plan a day out during the summer or have them over for a fun day to thank them.
  6. Try shortening your week if you are working outside of the home. Can you take a small amount of leave each week to shorten the work week rather than taking blocks of time? Can you take unpaid leave or parental leave? Of course bills still have to be paid and not all employers will offer flexibility so it can be tricky, but if this is a possibility then it can relieve childcare pressures.
  7. If you and your child’s other parent are sharing parenting, can you coordinate on holidays to develop a routine to share the care over the summer period?
  8. Is there a minder in your area who will take on children for the summer time? Can you negotiate a good rate with them?
  9. Children manage change well, once they are kept informed of the plan. Young toddlers can thrive once the routine around sleep and eating times is maintained. As it is a temporary measure children can often enjoy the different experiences and gain from them. It makes the holiday period more interesting when new things are happening.
  10. Summer time can be expensive, ideally planning for summer time should start months ahead. Setting aside a little each week if you can, can go along way to easing the costs of the summer holidays.

If you are lucky enough to have lots of holidays to use over the summer time, enjoy the time with your child and plan days out. They don’t have to cost money, but spend the time in a different way with your children so you feel the summer was something new and fun.

Coming up next week: 10 Ways to Have Fun This Summer.

This ’10 Ways to’ article is by One Family’s Director of Children & Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, as part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips. You can read the full series here.

LIVE Facebook Q&A with Geraldine on this topic Monday 22 June from 11am-12pm in our NEW One Family Parenting Group. Join in to post your questions and share your experiences.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.

School Tours

Parenting | 10 Ways to Prepare For School Tours

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School ToursSchool tours can be a time of great excitement for many children and one of dread for many parents. The cost may be one issue, but especially for those with younger children it may be the first time you have allowed anyone take your child on a day out. It is ok to feel anxious about placing your trust in the childcare team to take good care of your little ones. Managing your own anxieties is the key to supporting your child to go on these trips with ease.

  1. Don’t panic.
  2. Children are very sensitive to our tone of voice, even if we are saying something positive; if our tone is nervous our children will pick up on it.
  3. Talk with the school to check out the details of the trip. Where they are going? What bus is taking them? Does it have seat belts? How many adults are supervising? What is the missing child policy/accident policy? Having this information can help you to stay calm and not fear the worst.
  4. School trips are a great way for children to build up their confidence. Even if you are worried, tell them it is ok for you to worry a little, but that you trust them.
  5. As parents, it is important that we let our children know that we trust them to be responsible. Give them some examples of how they have already shown that they can make good choices. This will reinforce their confidence.
  6. Remind them of the key rules: stay with your friends, no wondering off, wear your seat belt and listen to the teacher. When children come home from the trip take the opportunity to praise them for being so brave and responsible.
  7. Each year the trips get easier, especially during primary school years. When the overseas trips come up in secondary school you may be back to square one again.
  8. Remember how responsible your child can be. Trust that children/teenagers do make good choices every day. This is your guide to allowing them take the next step of overseas trips. We have to remember to stay calm, see the advantages these trips give to your child and use it as time to recognise how much they are growing up and how capable they are becoming.
  9. Talk with your children about the trips, children like detail as much as adults do. Young children may want to know about practical things such as; where will the toilet will be? What they will do if they have an accident of any sort? To help ease these worries, pack the bag with them so they know what they have e.g. change of clothes, food, drinks, tissues etc.
  10. If you are feeling very anxious you are probably not the only one. Try talking to other parents that morning and do something together to help distract you from the worry. This may be a good opportunity to form new friendships and support networks.

This ’10 Ways to’ article is by One Family’s Director of Children & Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, as part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips. You can read the full series here.

LIVE Facebook Q&A with Geraldine on this topic Monday 15 June from 11am-12pm in our NEW One Family Parenting Group. Join in to post your questions and share your experiences.

Next you might like to read 10 Ways to Keep Your Child Safe When Out and About

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.