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The Skill of Clear and Direct Communication

One Family is delighted to announce the relaunch of our newly updated and redesigned e-learning course, The Skill of Clear & Direct Communication. This course has been carefully developed to support parents in understanding healthy conflict and building positive relationships. Whether you are parenting alone, sharing parenting or navigating post-separation challenges, this programme offers essential tools to enhance your communication skills.

Why Take This Course

Clear and direct communication is the foundation of all healthy relationships. This programme equips parents with the skills to communicate assertively with their children, reducing conflict and misunderstandings – you will then find that the positive impact resulting from this will improve your general wellbeing and quality of life.

For people going through a separation or settling into a new life in the aftermath of a family break-up, this course provides guidance on maintaining effective communication with the other parent, ensuring that important conversations remain constructive and focused on the wellbeing of the child.

Designed as a standalone course, The Skill of Clear & Direct Communication is also a great introduction to our other  parenting programmes. Alternatively, it serves as a valuable follow-on course, reinforcing key concepts that support positive family interactions.

What To Expect

This course is structured into five modules, guiding participants through a step-by-step journey of self-reflection, choice and use of communication styles, emotional awareness and practical application.

The key areas covered include:

How It Works

This programme is designed to be completed at your own pace, at your convenience and from the comfort of your home. You will have access to video content devised and produced by One Family‘s experienced staff, alongside additional learning resources to support your progress.

To gain the most from the course, we recommend setting aside approximately 40 minutes per day over a few weeks. Each unit takes around 20 minutes to complete, with optional exercises and journaling activities to deepen your learning. By engaging fully with the programme, you will not only develop new skills but also create meaningful changes in your relationships.

How To Enrol

The Skill of Clear & Direct Communication course is available for just €24.99, and provides unlimited continuous  access to course content and resources. Whether you are looking to improve communication with your children, strengthen co-parenting interactions or simply gain confidence in expressing yourself in your day-to-day social interactions, this course offers practical, tried-and-tested strategies that can be applied in all areas of life.

Learn more about how to enrol, register and pay
for the course by watching the explainer video below.
Discover our full range of parenting e-learning courses here.

If you are ready to take the first step towards healthier relationships and improve your parenting experience, click below to access a preview of the course and complete the enrolment process.

Share this post with someone who might be interested in taking this course.


Benefits of a shared parenting plan at Christmas 


When it comes to making a plan for sharing parenting at Christmas the earlier you talk about it the better. Sharing parenting can be a very positive experience for children when parents are able to do it well. However, as a well renowned Psychotherapist, Gary Neuman said, ‘Out of the countless studies conducted to measure children of divorce, from their academic performance to their self esteem, one truth emerges repeatedly: it is parental conflict, not divorce itself that places children at risk in virtually every area of their life.’ Now is the time to plan how you will share parenting this Christmas and to ensure your child is at the centre of your agreement.

Importance of communication



Communication is usually the cornerstone of effective shared parenting or any relationship we have in life. For many parents sharing parenting, communication can be the area that you have not been able to master since separation. However it is never too late.

Assertive communication, also known as clear and direct communication, will support you to build a parenting relationship with the other parent of your child, allowing you both parent your child and ensure positive outcomes for your child as they grow and develop.



How to communicate directly 

There are four key steps to clear and direct communication.


When it comes to planning Christmas for your child, an example of clear and direct communication is, ‘I heard you tell Jack you would see him on Christmas Day. I feel annoyed when Jack is told things before we have talked about them. I need us to talk about the plan and then tell the children when we are clear what is happening.’

When you communicate in this assertive way, the hope is that it will support the other person to engage in a conversation with you. A conversation where you can over time find a compromise to an issue. If you communicated this message in a different way such as, ‘Why did you tell Jack you would see him Christmas day, you always do this? I am so sick of it.’ You can imagine what would happen. Most likely conflict, a breakdown in communication and finding a positive way forward would be hard as it would take time for both parties to recover from the upset of the communication that took place.

Applying direct communication 

The following are some tips to support you to communicate more assertively going forward:


Final thoughts 


Need more help?

Our askonefamily helpline is open 10am – 3pm, Monday – Friday. We provide detailed, confidential information on social-welfare entitlements and finances, family law, housing, education, childcare and parenting.

We also offer a listening-support service for people who need help parenting alone, sharing parenting or separating. You can call the askonefamily helpline on 0818 662 212 or 01 662 9212, or email your query to 
helpline@onefamily.ie.

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One Family’s Parenting Team is delighted to announce the publication of a new children’s book, The Doshel Bond by Dr Sara Flynn.  One Family’s Director of Parenting and Professional Training, Geraldine Kelly, worked with Dr Flynn on the book which supports parents and professionals to discuss tricky topics with children.

The book is a heart-rendering tale of parent and sibling relationships within a contemporary blended family. Some aspects of blended families can cause big emotions for children, young and old. The Doshel Bond highlights the importance of not shying away from the difficult conversations about these issues and provides caring adults with a gentle vehicle for open communication with children and also for personal self-reflection.

Appropriate prompts and questions are dotted throughout the story to give adults the language to carefully probe emotive issues with children, such as different rules in different houses, expressing challenging feelings and words for new family members. All families have their challenges – love and communication are the key components that pave the way through them.

One Family have sent over 400 free copies of the book to professionals working with one parent families across the country.

The book is now available to buy for a cost of €12.50 at all good bookshops and online at: Outside the Box

This book was developed with support from HSE National Lottery funding in partnership with One Family.
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One Family, today launched 5 new, low-cost, on-line e-learning parenting courses.  The new e-courses, which are on the organisations new e-learning platform, can be completed in the comfort of your own home, at your own pace and are specially designed for people parenting alone, sharing parenting and parenting post separation (separating). To view courses click here.
One Family’s Director of Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly said, ” It’s so exciting to have these courses available to parents to complete in the comfort of their own homes and at their own pace. We know how much pressure parents are under especially with the schools still off and we hope the courses will support parents to overcome some of the challenges of parenting during lockdown and parenting through separation. While the courses are self-directed, we are still here for parents if they need further support.”
The e-courses are self-directed and include built in tutorials from One Family parenting staff. Courses include:
  • Parenting Through Stressful Times
  • The Skill of Clear & Direct Communication
  • Positive Parenting – For Changing Families
  • Family Communications – Coping With Family Life and Teens
  • Family Communications – Parenting When Separate
To view courses click here.

One Family’s tips on how to make blended families work was featured in an article by Sheila Wayman in the Irish Times on Wednesday 2 September. The article featured comment by One Family’s CEO Karen Kiernan on how to make blended families work – to read the article click: Irish Times article:

Meanwhile, our helpline staff have come up with a list of books that parents could find helpful when starting conversations with children about blended and shared families. Diverse families: onefamily.ie/booklist/diver and Blended Families: onefamily.ie/booklist/blend

One Family’s tips on how to make blended families work:

For more parenting tips click here:

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Talking to your Child about becoming seriously Ill

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Talking to your child about you, their parent, potentially becoming seriously ill is something most parents might think about, but hope will never come to pass.  Therefore, planning what they would say and do is never put into action.
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It is hard to talk with your children about the possibility of you, not being there to care for them. However, taking the time to sit and talk with your child about the possibility of this happening is extremely important especially as we go through the COVID-19 crisis.
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Using props and play to support your child to understand the concept of Mammy or Daddy getting sick can be helpful.  Sitting with older children and finding ways to introduce the topic through an art activity, a movie time, story time or just as you relax can work well. Children like to have something else to focus on when the topic at hand might be hard for them. Allow time for children to ask questions as you work through the fears and anxieties this will raise for them. Some children might ask no questions the first time to raise this issue with them.
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Follow up the conversations with more light-hearted games and activities. Reassure children that you are exploring the issue with them, so they know there is a plan in place.  Be sensitive to their needs and their age; however, do not avoid the topic for fear of making children more anxious. Children are often thinking about things long before parents broach the subject with them.
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Children will have many questions and they will come back to you over and over in the coming  weeks and months. New questions or old questions will be asked again as children try to process what is means for a parent to be sick; what it means for them and their care and wellbeing if a parent is sick. Something on the TV, in the paper or a conversation overheard will prompt them to ask more questions and gain more clarity. Offering reassurance by answering their questions will help them through such difficult concepts.
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Continue to make time for talking things through with family, not only illness. Plan time in your weekly routines for sitting and talking with your child. Children sometimes will save a question as they know the space will come up, rather than going looking for the space. Support children to understand that we all make plans, however it does not mean something will happen. Give them examples of other situations when you have planned for something that in the end was not needed.
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Expect your children’s behaviour to change over this time as they process new concepts that maybe difficult for them. Make time each day to incorporate 20 minutes of Quality Time. This is time in the busy day when you are fully present to your children; listening to them; available to them; allowing time to talk. We can feel because we are at home that we are with our children all day. However, if we monitor what we are doing as parents, we might notice how busy we are and how much time we are not fully engaged with children. Try to incorporate fun into each day, enjoy activities together and create good memories of COVID-19 too.
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The following tips will support you as a parent to understand what may be happening for your child at this time:

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Awkward Questions: As a parent you will already know there are many times children ask awkward questions. You will have had to be brave and find the answers no matter how hard. This is one of those times.
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Worry: Children, due to their very existence and developmental stage will worry about what happens to them if a parent gets sick or dies.  This can happen more if one parent or another close relative has died. Who will look after them? Where will they live? Look out for all the tips around supporting children with worry/anxiety and build some actions into daily life.
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Time for Feelings: Talking about your children’s worries is important so you can try to understand what they worry about. Share a little with them about what you worry about too. Make sure to keep it appropriate to their age. Be open about feelings within the family. Make it safe to say how you feel.
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Identify Needs: What you as their parent might worry about could be somewhat different to that of your child or very much the same. Identifying your child’s needs at this time will help you to start creating a practical plan around supporting them. Unmet needs will create new and often challenging behaviours.
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Practical Steps: Consider what would happen if you were to become seriously ill. Focusing on taking practical steps will help you start a journey along with your child in preparing for changes. This does not need to be scary or create more anxiety than already exists. Creating the plan is about answering the questions you all have, that each of you are afraid to ask out loud.
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Children often like facts: Children will want to know who will look after them if they live alone with one parent. If Mammy or Daddy become sick and need to stay at the hospital, what is the plan? Be factual in the planning. Young children are not always ready for the emotional impact of a change; they often focus on practical changes first.
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Call askonefamily Lo-Call Help line 1890 662 212 for a listening ear, advice and support.
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This service can link you in with counselling and parenting supports. See www.onefamily.ie for more information.
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Extra Resources

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Talking with children about the death of a loved one:

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How To Tell Your Child That You're Separating

For a parent the thought of telling your children that you and their other parent are separating is incredibly hard to imagine. It’s common to feel overwhelmed and unsure of how to approach the conversation, what to tell them and what to not say. 

It can feel easier to avoid having the conversation or hope that your child won’t notice the change. But it’s critical that parents talk with their children as soon as possible once a decision to separate has been made.

Even if you are still living in the home together, but have ended your romantic relationship, you should tell your child. Children are very observant and as much as you might think they do not notice that things have changed, they do.

Children will be the first to notice and feel that something is different and they need your support to understand what this change is so they are not left feeling worried, anxious, scared and upset trying to figure out a feeling or a sense they have, but without the maturity or words to understand it. 

Young children need parents to sit with them and help them to understand that the family form is about to change.  They need support and to be told how much they are loved and how they will remain central in their parents lives and the decisions they make.

Tips for telling your young child (aged 2-4) that you’re separating

  • Use imaginative play: Young children both learn things and process things through imaginative play. Sit with them as you play with dolls or figurines  create two homes to play in. Introduce the concept of Mummy in one house and Daddy in the other house and then play a game of the child coming to spend time in each house. Help them to build the home, what it looks like, what they would have in each home to make it nice and safe, and a place they would like to be. What would Mummy need in her home and Daddy in his home? When the homes are built, talk with your child about what it would be like if there really were two homes and that one parent was going to live in a new house, just like in the game. Hear what your child has to say. Gently explore what they come up with.
  • Address the practicalities: Children will have many practical concerns at this age about living in two homes around toys, belongings etc. Remember children at this age are still very egocentric and life is all about them and their needs. Talk with them gently about how you might be able to meet those concerns for them.
  • Continue the conversation: It’s not about one big conversation, but lots of little ones. Keep talking about what is happening by using story books and art work. Draw images of family and home as you know it now and then again introduce two homes and what would they look like. Use imaginative play to create the two homes again and encourage your child to play the game over and over so they can process how this might all work for them. Playing this game with your young child will help you as a parent to understand what their needs are, what they are worried about and what you as their parent need to do in order to support them through this major family and life change.
  • Be honest: Always be honest with children, in an age appropriate way. Just answer the question that they ask, as honestly as your can, in the simplest way that you can. Don’t offer up additional information, just focus on answering the specific question they asked. Children will process and then return to you with more questions as they have them.
  • Don’t blame: Do not tell children one parent is to blame for the separation, even if you feel this is the truth. There is nothing positive that will be achieved for your child by doing this. This can feel difficult, especially during the first phases of a separation, so it’s critical that if you think you need support with this, you seek it. One Family provide a range of supports to families that may be useful. 
  • Stop the conflict: If conflict formed a regular part of life leading up to the separation, you need to seek professional support around how to learn to communicate more effectively with each other. Children do not suffer negatively because of family separation but they do with prolonged chronic parental conflict. One Family have a range of online parenting courses which can help parents with this. 
  • Parental presence: If one of the parents is leaving the family home, ensure that your child can see the other parent often and frequently, if possible. Children need constant reassurance during the early stages of separation that both parents are there for them and they need to see each parent to know they are okay.
  • Self-care: Separation can be exhausting, both emotionally and practically. It’s important to look after yourself and take moments when you can to mind your wellbeing. Exercise, meditation or watching your favourite TV show uninterrupted can all be helpful activities which top-up your resilience. Lean on friends and family for support or engage in therapy to help you process your feelings around the end of your relationship. This can be a challenging time and it can feel even harder when you are trying to build a positive parenting relationship with the other parent.  Be kind to yourself. 
  • Create your own shared parenting plan: Every family is unique and  therefore the shared parenting plan should be unique to your family, ensuring your child’s needs are met within it. Try not to listen to what others have done or what you think the norm is. All plans will need to be adjusted over time as children grow and life changes and this should be expected and supported.

Tips for telling your child (aged 5-9) that you’re separating

Children of this age are a little wiser to the world. They are in school and they understand more clearly that children all have parents or carers. They will at this stage have a long enough history of living with both of their parents to really value what that offers to them.

Children of this age notice everything and are sensitive to change.

In their own lives they are managing so much in school as they engage with the community there, with extracurricular activities and the larger community. Introducing a family change can be very hard for them as they feel it emotionally more so than their younger counter parts as they are starting to understand emotions and how they feel and they can in many ways express it more clearly to us as parents.

  • Tell your child together: At this age group it is best for both parents to sit the children down together and tell them, for example, ‘Mummy and Daddy no longer want to live in the same house. You may have noticed we fight more than we should and we don’t think this is the best way for our family to be. We have decided that we are going to have two homes and live separately where you will live with us.’ It is really important to be clear with the children, do not leave them confused in the message you give to them. On the day you share this news with your child, try to ensure both parents can be around for them for the remainder of the day. Do something nurturing with them, reading a story, bath time, art work. Allow them time to go away and play and to find you again for more questions or a cuddle. Children will need a lot of reassurance that both parents still love them and will be there for them.
  • Be clear, direct, honest: Be very clear and direct with this age group, do not tell them false truths. Try to have as much practical information as you can to give them and reenforce how you both love your child and always will, that will never change.
  • No blame games: Do not blame one parent for the separation. Children love parents equally regardless of what either of you might do. They are loyal to both parents, so do not ask them to take sides, as in the long run you will create emotional turmoil for them. The details of why the separation happened are for you as parents to figure out; it is your intimate relationship. While you need to be honest with your children about what is happening, you don’t need to give them the explicit reasons why. Even though you are separating, you are still parenting together and you want to build a positive relationship to do that and both have active role in parenting, and continuing to parent, your child.
  • Encourage questions: It’s normal that children have lots of questions and queries. Create a space that enables them to ask these, without fear of upsetting you. It’s important that you are a calm emotional space for your children to allow their feelings spill out to. It’s normal for children to feel shocked, sad, upset, angry or confused. But feelings come and feelings go and as they adjust to the “new normal”, feelings won’t feel as intense. 
  • Prepare them before moving: If one of you is moving out of the family home, talk with your child about how two homes is going to happen. Do not allow them to witness a situation where one parent packs and says goodbye. This is heartbreaking for children to see a parent walk out the door, the sense of abandonment and hurt can be felt for many years. Prepare them as much as you can in advance about the parent who is leaving, show them where you are going to be staying, have them over to visit or stay overnight, if it’s possible. 
  • Involve your child in the plans: Plan with your child, as much as you may not want to, around the next steps. Allow them be involved in making the changes as this will support them to understand it more clearly. By understanding what is happening they will develop the language to talk about it with you and with others.
  • Encourage openness: Support children to know the separation is not a secret. They can tell their close friends if they wish to  and talk to relatives about it. As parents it is really important to tell the school. Schools will notice a change in your child and they need to understand the background. This will also allow the school to be more sensitive to the issue in class work and activities.
  • Talking and listening: Create plenty of opportunity for your child to talk about what is happening. Do not try to justify the changes or fix them. Just listen and tell your childr you are happy they can talk about what worries them with you. As two parents separating, you need to take this on board when arranging a shared parenting agreement, keeping your child central to the decisions you make going forward.

Tips for telling your child (aged 10-14+) that you are separating 

Children of this age can be very mature and portray an image that they can cope with a lot more than their age would suggest.

However, they are still children and will need a lot of support to understand and cope with family separation.

At this age children are at a critical stage of change in their own development so adding a family change can bring great turmoil for them. This age group are very concerned with what others think and know about them. They may fear bullying, whispering and others talking about their family.

Children of this age could be acutely aware that the parental relationship was not working well, that there was conflict or unhappiness; however they may also have no other experience of family life, so accept this is family life. They may be relieved that the conflict will end with the separation if the parents can manage to agree how to share parenting and move forward, unfortunately many parents do not stop the conflict at separation. Children can become very confused as to the benefit of the separation for anyone.

  • Tell them together: Both parents should sit down with your child and tell them very clearly that you have decided to separate. Children may walk away when you tell them this, overwhelmed with emotion and unable to talk or ask questions. It is important for parents to be available to them for the remainder of the day, even if they don’t want to speak. This demonstrates togetherness in your parenting and your shared love for your child, even though your intimate relationship has ended. 

  • Encourage questions: Allow your children to ask questions. Many will be about their own needs or what may happen to them. Children will worry about change and who will notice the change. They may worry about how their life will change, from the the practical to the emotional.  Try answers their questions as honestly as you can, providing reassurance and security. 
  • Demonstrate togetherness: It is important as two parents to reassure your children you are going to work with each other to find the best solutions to all of these worries as you both love your children and want the best for them. Try not to make promises at this time until you have both talked and agreed what the plan will be. Focus on the high-level things; you both love your child and want what’s best for your child and will together to achieve this.
  • Don’t share intimate details: If a partner is not a good partner, it doesn’t mean they’re not a good parent. Your child only has two parents and loves you both equally, it’s important that you don’t try to damage (intentionally or not) with their other parent. They do not need to know what happened  to cause the relationship to break down. The relationship they have with you as their parent is very separate to the one you have with their other parent. 
  • Plan the new normal: Plan with your children how the two homes will be created and how and when one parent will leave. Children will remember this event for life so try to ensure you are not adding to the grief they will feel by the way you carry this out. As much as you may resent the other parent, remember if you have decided to separate it is now about the business of sharing parenting and putting the children first.

  • Further Support

    We provide limited direct support to both parents and children of one-parent families. This support can be requested directly by parents, for themselves or their child, and by professionals who work with one-parent families. You can find out more about this support here.

    Helpline

    Our askonefamily helpline is open 10am – 3pm, Monday – Friday. We provide detailed, confidential information on social-welfare entitlements and finances, family law, housing, education, childcare and parenting.We also offer a listening-support service for people who need help parenting alone, sharing parenting or separating.

    You can call the askonefamily helpline on 0818 662 212 or 01 662 9212, or email your query to helpline@onefamily.ie.

Homework is considered to be beneficial in helping children to learn how to manage time, planning and priorities, and to learn independently and take responsibility. These are all skills that will help them in the future in many ways. Homework also helps teachers to determine how well students are understanding their lessons. It is important as parents that we support our children in doing their homework. This keeps us in touch with what’s happening at school and how our children are managing, and will help children to achieve academically throughout their education. As part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips, here are our 10 Ways to Manage Homework with Primary School Children.

  1. Homework belongs to the child not the parent. Teach your child from entry to school that they are responsible for homework being done. Your role is to support your child with homework, but not to do it.
  2. Create the necessary environment for your child to work in. They need a calm space with no TV or other distractions. Allow them time to relax when they come in from school and have a snack and change of clothes ready.
  3. Always demonstrate an interest in your child’s homework, support them, champion them and stand up for them. You know them best, so encourage and support yet know when it’s time to stop. Know your limits and theirs.
  4. Encourage your child if they feel it’s too hard. Acknowledge that it is hard but tell them you know they can do it. If you find yourself being negative with them, or saying something like, “Yes, you are no good at maths”, then it is advisable to look at your own issues with homework.
  5. Set a start and end time for homework. Sometimes you may feel your child has too much homework on a particular day. Let the teacher know it will be completed by the end of the week rather than pushing a very tired child to finish it that evening.
  6. The National Parents Council offers a guide to the amount of time each age group should spend on homework, stating that in general the following guidelines apply:
    • Junior/Senior infants: No formal homework but perhaps some drawing, preliminary reading, matching shapes and pictures or listening to stories read by parents.
    • First/Second class: 20-30 minutes.
    • Third/Fourth class: 30-40 minutes.
    • Fifth/Sixth class: 40-60 minutes.
  7. When you are tired and your child is tired, it’s usually time to stop. Your level of patience will be lower. Remember that your relationship with your child is more important than homework.
  8. Arguing late in the evening over homework leaves everyone unsettled and stressed which can lead to bedtime routines being disrupted.
  9. Talk with the school/your child’s teacher if you feel your child cannot get their homework done without your help. Children should be able to do their homework alone with parents nearby. Your role should involve encouragement, checking it’s done, and testing them on key things such as spelling.
  10. Sometimes children need time off too. Explore how many extra activities they have on and look at creating down time for them. Would you like to bring home work every day? A school day is long and it is important to acknowledge all the work they have already done that day. Try not to focus on the areas they’re less successful at as this will do nothing for self-esteem and achieve nothing. Appreciate that children have a lot on and need you to recognise the effort they are making in every task.

This article is part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips, and is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly.

For support and advice on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.

divorce-156444_1280According to The United Nations Rights of the Child, it is the right of the child to have contact with both parents after parental separation; yet many parents see it as their right, as parents, to have contact with their child.

When it comes to contact with children, mums can hold the power from day one: they carry the baby for nine months so straight away they make the very first decisions about the baby. All too easily, fathers can take a back seat in parenting and when a separation occurs they can struggle to assert their position as an involved father. So many separated fathers, whom I work with, want to be hands-on fathers. Men are as capable as women but culturally we are often led to believe they are not.

It is not good for children to see two parents without equal status. If society doesn’t encourage fathers to play an active role in parenting then we are not allowing children the full opportunities they are entitled to: the right to both parents provided it is safe for the child.

We need to separate out poor partners from poor parents: it is a different relationship. Children only have two biological parents; allowing them every opportunity to have a relationship with both parents is important to the positive outcome of their lives. Here we offer ’10 ways’ to support your child through shared parenting:

  1. Explore what prevents you from allowing the other parent to have an active parenting role. Is this a genuine concern based upon facts or an opinion you have formed? Does your child feel safe and happy with the other parent? Try to follow their lead. Take small steps to try and build confidence in their ability.
  2. Start with small steps changes in contact. Talk with your child about what they would like to happen.
  3. Reassure your child that you trust that their other parent loves them and therefore you want both parents to be active in their life.
  4. Ask the other parent to do practical things to support parenting rather than only getting involved for the fun parts.
  5. Allow them to have opportunities to take children to and from school, to the doctor, the dentist and to after-school activities. Your child only has one life, it does not need to be separated into mum’s time and dad’s time.
  6. Share practical information with the other parent about your child’s development and everyday life. Know what stage your child is at. Don’t expect to be told everything, find things out for yourself, ask questions, read up on child development and talk to the school if you are a legal guardian.
  7. Pay your maintenance and don’t argue over the cost of raising a child. If you receive maintenance be realistic about what the other parent can afford. If you were parenting in the same home you would do everything you possibly could to ensure your child has what they need. It cannot be any different just because you parent separately.
  8. Buy what your child needs and not what you want to buy for your child. It is always lovely to treat children but not when it means they have no winter coat. Talk with the other parent about what the child has and what they need.
  9. Ask your family to respect your child’s other parent. They are, and always will be, the parent of your child. Children need to know that family respect their parents. It is not healthy for the extended family to hold prejudice over parents.
  10. If you are finding it really difficult to allow your child have a relationship with their other parent, seek professional support to explore the reasons for this. There is obviously a lot of hurt and I am not dismissing this in anyway but if you can move on you will allow your child to have positive experiences.

This ’10 Ways to’ article is by One Family’s Director of Children & Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, as part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips. You can read the full series here.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or on 01 662 9212.

Join the One Family Parenting Group online here

 

It is so easy as a parent to get caught in the cross fire of sibling arguments.  As parents there are some simple guidelines we can follow to support our children and ourselves to navigate sibling rivalry:

Further Support

We provide limited direct support to both parents and children of one-parent families. This support can be requested directly by parents, for themselves or their child, and by professionals who work with one-parent families. You can find out more about this support here.

Helpline

Our askonefamily helpline is open 10am – 3pm, Monday – Friday. We provide detailed, confidential information on social-welfare entitlements and finances, family law, housing, education, childcare and parenting.

We also offer a listening-support service for people who need help parenting alone, sharing parenting or separating. You can call the askonefamily helpline on 0818 662 212 or 01 662 9212, or email your query to 
helpline@onefamily.ie.

All families experience problems at some time. No matter how strong a family unit is or how positive our relationships, siblings will still argue, parents may be stressed over finances, bedtime routines may be difficult to establish.  The demands of daily life can be challenging and problems can easily arise.

If a recurring problem is not addressed, over time it can become a major issue and affect the quality of life and relationships at home for every member of the family. It is essential to recognise and address problems to help prevent this happening.

Here are some tips on solving problems, together, as a family:

    Further Support

    We provide limited direct support to both parents and children of one-parent families. This support can be requested directly by parents, for themselves or their child, and by professionals who work with one-parent families. You can find out more about this support here.

    Helpline

    Our askonefamily helpline is open 10am – 3pm, Monday – Friday. We provide detailed, confidential information on social-welfare entitlements and finances, family law, housing, education, childcare and parenting.

    We also offer a listening-support service for people who need help parenting alone, sharing parenting or separating. You can call the askonefamily helpline on 0818 662 212 or 01 662 9212, or email your query to 
    helpline@onefamily.ie.

    It’s not always easy for parents, especially those parenting alone and/or with little expendable income, to feel they can establish or maintain connection with other parents/peers. This connection is an important part of having good self-esteem and enables parents to support this development in their children. It can also be a support for you on your own parenting journey. Here are our tips on how to connect with other parents: 

     

    Parenting Teenagers: Maintaining Communication

    This can be a challenging time for parents and children to maintain good relations and communication. It’s important that the relationship is maintained and lines of communication are kept open on both sides, so that this new period can be navigated in a healthy, supportive way. Here are some tips to achieve this:

    • Talk with them: Talking to your teenager, not at them, is the key to good communication.
    • Listen: Listen to what they have to say and ask questions to help you understand their thinking. Sometimes you need to just accept that they see things differently to you.
    • Empower them: Help your teen find their own solutions to their issues. Don’t give so much advice, let them think it out.
    • Let them make mistakes: We all learn from making mistakes. Stop trying to make the world perfect for your teen, they need space to learn. You can be there to support them when times are hard.
    • Share with them: You may hate watching The Kardashians or football on TV, but if your teenager loves them then make the effort to sit and watch it with them. This can be a bonding experience and you will get great insight into how their mind works by doing this.
    • Make dates: Life is busy as a teen. Make a date with your teenager to do something together and don’t break it, keep it as a regular event. It can be as simple as cooking dinner together, watching a TV show or movie or trying to play a video game with them.
    • Forget about their bedroom: Most teens can cause havoc in homes over untidy bedrooms. Try setting some rules that washing must be placed in the wash basket and dishes and food all brought to the kitchen. After that, forget it. Public spaces within the home must be respected by all but allow them keep their room as they like it.
    • Like their friends: and boyfriends/girlfriends. You may not particularly like another teen but try to get to know them and be respectful of them. It’s better to have your teenager hanging out in your home than their friends as then you can know more about what’s going on.
    • Taxi time: It’s horrid but has to be done. It’s only for a few years but it’s necessary. At least if you bring your teen somewhere and collect them you may have more peace of mind than worrying who they are getting lifts with.
    • They are teens not babies: Teens from 12 years old onwards want to be treated as young adults – with the exception of when they are sick or tired and want to be babied again. Give them responsibilities, trust them and expect them to follow rules. Don’t judge them too quickly as they are only learning.

    Further Support

    We provide limited direct support to both parents and children of one-parent families. This support can be requested directly by parents, for themselves or their child, and by professionals who work with one-parent families. You can find out more about this support here.

    Helpline

    Our askonefamily helpline is open 10am – 3pm, Monday – Friday. We provide detailed, confidential information on social-welfare entitlements and finances, family law, housing, education, childcare and parenting.

    We also offer a listening-support service for people who need help parenting alone, sharing parenting or separating. You can call the askonefamily helpline on 0818 662 212 or 01 662 9212, or email your query to
    helpline@onefamily.ie.