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One Family – Ireland’s organisation for people parenting alone and sharing parenting – reacted with alarm at the latest figures from the Survey on Income and Living Conditions (SILC). The report shows that one-parent families are now five times as likely  to live in consistent poverty than two-parent households; this is an increase in the ratio from 2016 when the gap was four times as likely to live in consistent poverty. The report also shows that lone parents have the lowest disposable income and highest deprivation and at risk of poverty rates of all households with children in the State.

In 2017, individuals living in households where there was one adult with children aged under 18 continue to have the highest consistent poverty rate at 20.7% which is a decrease of 2.5% from 2016.This is compared to a consistent poverty rate of 3.9% for two-parent households. This means that lone parents are five times as likely to be living in consistent poverty compared to two-parent households.

Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO, comments: “SILC results reflect and amplify what we keep saying. People parenting alone tell us through our askonefamily helpline and our mentoring, counselling, education and other support services, that they live in constant fear on the knife edge of poverty. While there were a number of welcome measures in Budget 2019 this unacceptably high poverty and deprivation rates for one-parent families continues. There are real families behind these figures and lone parents and their children are tired of waiting.”

Valerie Maher, One Family Policy & Programmes Manager, comments: “Lone parents are still struggling to meet the costs of living for themselves and their children. This includes the basics such as housing, food, heating and clothes. This is unacceptable and should not be normalised. More needs to be done to ensure that the government commitment to lift 95,000 children out of consistent poverty remains at the top of the political agenda. Increased access to education, affordable and accessible childcare and long-term housing solutions are needed now to reverse these unacceptable trends.”

One in four families in Ireland is a one-parent family. Research shows that a key contributor to children’s futures is not the structure of their families but living in consistent poverty.

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About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 as Cherish. It is Ireland’s organisation for one-parent families and people sharing parenting, or separating, offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those sharing parenting, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to professionals working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services.

These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 662212, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes Family Day every May, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today (www.familyday.ie).

SILC 2017 results can be viewed here.

One Family’s pre-budget submission can be read here.

For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

We need help…particularly from Dads parenting alone or sharing parenting. We represent and support all one-parent families. To help us be the best we can, we are asking you to take part in a quick, completely anonymous survey. It will take no more than 8-10 minutes to complete and will help us serve the needs of all one-parent families into the future. Thank you to everyone who has already completed the survey and if you know of anyone parenting alone or sharing parenting who might be interested in completely it please share. Thanks from all at One Family

Please click on the link below to complete the survey :
https://bit.ly/2pArSxM

On Wednesday 24 October we bid a fond farewell to the Chair of our Board Dr Anne-Marie McGauran. Anne-Marie has been a Board member since 2001 and played a pivotal role in the success of One Family over that period. She is unique amongst our ‘Boardies’ as she held the roles of Company Secretary, Treasurer and for the past year, Chair.  A passionate advocate of one-parent families, Anne- Marie used her social policy expertise to oversee One Family and our clients through some of the darkest periods in our history including the financial crisis and the savage 2012 budget cuts.
We are particularly grateful for Anne-Marie’s diligence, leadership and expertise on the Governance Code as she steered us to full compliance at a very early stage. We wish Anne-Marie well, thank her and her family for all the time she spent with us and we hugely appreciate her leadership, expertise, commitment and compassion to the organisation and the families we support and represent. We look forward to welcoming our new Chair, Sinéad Gibney who will lead the development of our next 3 year strategy. Sinéad is a former service user of One Family, inaugural Director of the Irish Human Rights & Equality Commission and a consultant trainer.

One Family, Ireland’s organisation for people parenting alone, sharing parenting, and separating welcome the additional QCI increase of €5.20 for children over 12 which acknowledges the higher costs faced by lone parents with older children, many of whom were disproportionately impacted by the One-Parent Family Payment reforms. The next steps require significant and prolonged investment in key public services such as health, housing, education and childcare and a whole of government approach must be in place to achieve this.

Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO, said:“We broadly welcome Budget 2019 which includes many targeted steps that will impact positively on children living in poverty. The child maintenance disregard for the Working Family Payment (WFP) is a particularly positive step towards the recognition of child maintenance as a separate and independent income for children. We encourage Government to apply these disregards to all state supports and payments to make sure children living in the poorest families can directly benefit. Government must also take the burden of seeking child maintenance away from the parent with care responsibilities and establish a standardised, State supported process for child maintenance.”

Ms Kiernan added, “The Budget also provided limited measures to support lone parents back to education with anomalies between Back to Education Allowance, housing supports and the SUSI maintenance grant remaining in place. This is a consistent and significant barrier to lone parents returning to education and needs to be addressed as a matter of urgency. Budget 2019 was a positive step in the right direction in reducing the disproportionate child poverty rates impacting on children in one-parent families but much more needs to be done on child maintenance, investment in key services and access to education.’

One Family’s Pre-Budget Submission 2019 included recommendations designed to support lone parents into education and/or employment, while acknowledging their parenting responsibilities. It can be read here.

One week out from Budget 2019 leading national charities call on Government to ensure child poverty target will be decisively acted on.

(Dublin 2 Oct 2018) Today in Dublin a group of leading national charities has said that time is running out for the Government to deliver on its 2020 child poverty commitments. Barnardos, the Children’s Rights Alliance, Early Childhood Ireland, One Family and St Vincent de Paul have come together to remind Government about commitments made in the national strategy for children and young people: Better Outcomes, Brighter Futures to lift 100,000 children out of poverty by 2020 and to offer advice on key actions that must be taken now.

Karen Kiernan, CEO of One Family said, “It is crucial that Government targets supports to Ireland’s poorest children who are primarily living in one-parent families. The way to combat this is with targeted supports such as the full restoration of the income disregard for lone parents in receipt of social welfare payments to what they were before cuts in Budget 2012 and to target the poorest children by increasing the portion of a social welfare payment for children again in this budget.”

June Tinsley, Barnardos Head of Advocacy said “Education is the key to breaking the cycle of poverty and enabling children to reach their potential. Budget 2019 must see significant investment in our education system so all children can fully participate, without schools being forced to ask parents for funds and parents aren’t continuously overburdened by school costs which disproportionately affect children from low income families”.

Caroline Fahey, SVP Head of Social Justice said, “Almost 4,000 children in Ireland are homeless, with many others living in insecure, poor quality and overcrowded accommodation due to the high cost of rents and the shortage of social housing.  Increasing the supply of housing provided by local authorities and Approved Housing Bodies would offer families the security of an affordable long-term home, protecting children from the risk of homelessness and allowing families to plan for the future.”

Teresa Heeney, CEO of Early Childhood Ireland “Access to quality early childhood education and care is tremendously beneficial for all children, yet some very vulnerable children are at risk of missing out on this opportunity due to proposed rules. It is imperative that these children are not left behind in Budget 2019. We call on Government to put in place a mechanism to identify these vulnerable children, and to allocate robust funding for targeted subsidies to safeguard both their rights and those of their families.”

Tanya Ward, Chief Executive of the Children’s Rights Alliance said: We know that children are going to bed hungry and that 25% of children under eight years old are overweight or obese.  This is a public health crisis. We need to see leadership from the highest levels of Government to ensure that nutritious meals are made available and easily accessible for children living in poverty particularly those suffering with chronic health issues and struggling to concentrate in school.”

She continued, “Healthcare can be hugely expensive for families living on low incomes. The income thresholds for the Medical Card have not been revised since 2005, leaving many children and families unable to access healthcare. With access to free GP cards now a long term objective for the Government, it is crucial that we consider other measures to provide adequate healthcare to the families.”

New future beckons for lone parents as return to work programme records over 70% success rate

MEDIA RELEASE

(Dublin, Thursday 6 September 2018) One Family – Ireland’s organisation for people parenting alone and sharing parenting – has said that lone parents could fill the skills gap in the labour market if the Government were to provide targeted supports to parents. The call comes as the charity launched its annual review for 2017 which shows that, to-date,over 70% of graduates who completed the ESF funded ‘New Futures’, ‘Options’, ‘New Steps’ and ‘Pathway’ programmes are now in employment or education.

Speaking at One Family’s Annual Graduation event, One Family CEO Karen Kiernan said, “The long-term unemployment rate fell from 3.2 per cent of the labour force last year to 2 per cent today. This means the traditional pool of unemployed workers to grow our workforce is also drying up.There is an easily accessible solution available for the Government – lone parents. Many lone parents have been hampered in returning to the workforce by a lack of childcare, difficult relationships, court battles and an overly complex and punitive social welfare system.

“Our programmes show how targeted supports, such as specialist bridging programmes,can support parents on social welfare out of poverty and back to education and ultimately the work force. These parents are full of potential, hugely resilient, adaptable and committed and with adequate supports such as childcare and a more compassionate court and social welfare system they could help to reduce the skills shortage in the labour market.If Government is serious about lifting 100,000 children out of poverty in Ireland they need to start with children living in one-parent families and really support their parents to develop sustainable careers.”

Graduate and lone parent Sarah Conway said, “The programme was great, you’re supported and challenged to be the best person you can be and the opportunity to develop a clear career plan. But it’s more than that, it’s the support behind you, you feel like you are part of something and that whatever challenges you face there is somebody there to lend a hand. I’m back at work now and together with my daughters we can start to see light at the end of the tunnel and a better future.”

Ms Kiernan added, “The European Social Fund (ESF) funded these programmes butthey require ongoing mainstream funding from the Department of Employment Affairs &Social Protection so that parents around Ireland can access them. We have been calling since the cuts in Budget 2012 for specialist supports for parents on Job-Seeker’s Transition Allowance (JST) so they can be career-ready as their children grow. While the DEASPhave helped in terms of signposting parents to our programmes, they don’t currently offer this form of targeted support. We would call on the Government and the Department to invest in targeted, measurable supports that make a tangible difference to parents’ lives, society and the economy.”

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Notes to editor:

About One Family One Family was founded in 1972 as Cherish and is Ireland’s organisation for one-parent families and people sharing parenting, or separating.

One Family programmes:

All One Family’s programmes are specifically designed for those parenting alone or sharing parenting and incorporate 1:1 and wrap around family support services.

Key statistics from the One Family’s Annual Review 2017:

Statistics on one-parent families:

Link to One Family Annual Review 2017:

https://onefamily.ie/wpcontent/uploads/2011/12/14578_onefamily_review_2017_Final_web.pdf                                     For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

 

Available for Interview

Karen Kiernan, CEO | t: 01 662 9212 or 086 850 9191

Valerie Maher, Programmes Manager

Further Information/Scheduling

Noel Sweeney, Communications and Events Manager | t: 01 622 9212 or 085 7241294

The New Futures project is part supported by the Irish Government and the European Social Fund as part of the ESF Programme for Employability, Inclusion and Learning (PEIL) 2014-2020

[Dublin 4 September] Registered charity One Family has been appointed as the provider of the HSE’s National Telephone Counselling Service for Crisis Pregnancy and Post-Abortion. The service is due to start in 2019 and will provide a national counselling service to women experiencing an unplanned or crisis pregnancy. The appointment comes following a European wide e-tender process.

One Family CEO Karen Kiernan said: “One Family is delighted to build on our decades of experience in providing non-directive crisis pregnancy counselling to women, their partners or family members to ensure that women will have all the information and support they need when new legislation is enacted around the provision of abortion services in Ireland.”

The service will provide 20 hours of counselling by telephone per week. Whilst plans are still in development it is anticipated that this will primarily be delivered out of regular office hours. The Sexual Health and Crisis Pregnancy Programme of the HSE undertook the commissioning of this service.

Whilst the maximum budget available for the 3 year service was €800K, One Family’s bid was significantly less than this. One Family has undertaken to provide four counsellors for the 20 hours per week as it is anticipated that demand will be high for this service.

Kiernan continued: “We look forward to working in partnership with the HSE’s Sexual Health & Crisis Pregnancy Programme so we can ensure that high quality services are available to people around Ireland who require them in a time of crisis. The HSE’s planned national promotional campaign will ensure that clear accurate information will be widespread about when and how to access this new innovative service.”

Notes to Editor:

One Family, formerly Cherish, has over 46 years experience working with women experiencing a crisis or unplanned pregnancy. One Family has been providing expert training around the issues of crisis pregnancy, abortion and working with migrants to crisis pregnancy counsellors via Maynooth University over the past eight years.

For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview

Karen Kiernan, CEO | t: 01 662 9212 or 086 850 9191

Further Information/Scheduling

Noel Sweeney, Communications & Events Manager | t: 01 622 9212 or 085 7241294

Press Release | New Appointment to the Board of the Courts Service.

One Family CEO Karen Kiernan appointed to the Board.

One Family – Ireland’s organisation for people parenting alone, sharing parenting, and separating –  announce the appointment of its CEO, Karen Kiernan, to the Board of the Courts Service by Minister of Justice and Equality, Charlie Flanagan.

Ms Kiernan will represent consumers of the Courts Service on the board and her appointment comes following a robust open competition. Ms Kiernan said, “I am delighted to be appointed to the Board and look forward to working to represent the interests of family law users. Working in One Family since 2001, I understand the challenges that parents in conflict can face particularly in relation to custody, access and child maintenance.

Ms Kiernan continues “Family law reform is a key aspect of our Pre Budget Submission 2019 including the introduction of a comprehensive court welfare system that would support all parents and their children through the common and traumatic experience of separation and family dissolution.”

The Court Service Board consists of eighteen members. The function of the Board is to consider and determine policy in relation to the Service, and to oversee the implementation of that policy by the Chief Executive Officer. The full Board is listed here.

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Karen Kiernan Biog

Karen Kiernan was born in Dublin and educated at Trinity College. She has spent over twenty years working in the community and voluntary sector for organisations and has been CEO of One Family since 2001. Since she became CEO, Karen has overseen the development and expansion of One Family, which was formerly called Cherish, to become Ireland’s organisation for one-parent families.

Karen is passionate about what she sees as the two most critical issues for people parenting alone, sharing parenting and separating which are the unacceptably high rates of child poverty in one-parent families; and the dearth of supports for people whose families separate.

Minister Doherty must resist attempts to give blanket social welfare increases and instead use research to focus increases on the most vulnerable groups

[Dublin 20 July] One Family, Ireland’s organisation for people parenting alone, sharing parenting and separating has today said Budget 2019 must focus on evidence based targeted supports rather than blanket increases to social welfare. The charity’s comments came at the launch of its Pre-Budget Submission ahead of the Pre-Budget Forum in Dublin Castle.

Karen Kiernan One Family CEO said, “Budget 2019 must focus on targeted ‘evidence based’ increases to social welfare and we call on Minister Doherty to resist attempts to give blanket increases to all social welfare recipients. The Minister should use the realms of research that clearly show children living in one-parent families are consistently more likely to be poor than children in two parent families to target supports to one-parent families.”

Consistent research has shown that children in one-parent families are most at risk of poverty, Government must now act to support these vulnerable families. One Family’s Pre-Budget Submission includes recommendations that would enable Government to provide targeted supports to children living in poverty.

They include:

One Family’s Pre-Budget Submission can be viewed here.

About One Family
One Family is Ireland’s organisation for one-parent families and people sharing parenting, or separating, offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those sharing parenting, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to professionals working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services.

These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 662212, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes Family Day every May, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today.

Further Information

Karen Kiernan, One Family, CEO  | t: 01 662 9212 / 086 850 9191.

Noel Sweeney, Communications & Events Manager | t: 01 662 9212

Report by the National Economic and Social Council of Ireland (NESC) – Launch and Seminar.

The report is co-authored by One Family Board Chair, Dr Anne Marie McGauran, and Dr Helen Johnston, both working in the NESC and can be downloaded here.

FINDINGS:

In Ireland the percentage of people living in households where no-one is working, or have a marginal attachment to the labour force, is higher than in most other EU countries. These households are diverse: unemployed people, lone parents, people with an illness or disability and ethnic minorities. ‘Low work intensity’ households experience much higher poverty rates and have a long-lasting negative impact on the children growing up in them. There are significant costs to the State.

The Report came to three overall conclusions:

1 – There is a need to develop a stronger focus on the household, by continuing to expand activation supports to adult dependents, people with a disability, and carers who wish to enter employment. A seminar speaker, Herwig Immervol, also supported this finding by suggesting that households, rather than individuals, need to be considered, as a whole, in activation measures. (link below)

2 – Stronger links are needed between employment services and employers, and between all services in order to support jobless households. Resources for this co-ordination need to be provided.

3 – Increase intensity of support to ensure effective outcomes particularly for those most distant from the labour market: lone parents, people with illness/disability, and those with literacy difficulties, poor English, no work experience or contacts, a history of addiction or time in prison. Supporting this finding the seminar speaker Deborah Rice also found that well-trained caseworkers who can develop good relations with clients and have some autonomy contribute to positive outcomes (link below).

The report also examined welfare and employment services and found that, though generally supportive, there is a lack of trust between service users and Intreo, where people can feel they have no choice in relation to activation/training options offered.

The programme for the full seminar can be accessed here.

In Ireland, Czech Republic, Germany, Italy and Scotland, new programmes promote work-family balance to support parents to enter and stay in employment.

One Family – Ireland’s organisation for people parenting alone, sharing parenting, and separating –has developed two professional learning programmes designed to support lone parents and employers to work together to forge better work-family balance practices in Ireland,Czech Republic, Germany, Italy and Scotland.

One Family has collaborated with four other European organisations that provide supports and services for one-parent families: APERIO in the Czech Republic; Berufundfamilie in Germany; Intermedia in Italy; and One Parent Families Scotland (OPFS). These innovative programmes,which involve parents and employers through online learning, have been created in response to the urgent need to improve access for people parenting alone to the job market in a more effective and fair way. The aim of the programmes is to contribute to lowering the risk of poverty for one-parent family households and to enable parents to unlock their full potential in contributing to the workforce.This is phase two of a four year collaboration with four programmes developed in total.

Valerie Maher, One Family Programme Manager,comments: “Lone parents want to make better futures for their children. In attempting to balance employment with parenting in a society where parenting requirements are often not recognised, many lone parents become employed in less qualified, lower paying and precarious employment, sometimes on zero hour contracts.They often suffer in-work poverty as a result. One Family will be engaging closely with employers in Ireland to design and implement the best approaches when working with lone parents as employees. We are providing easily accessible tools which will benefit employers and lone parents by supporting them to work more efficiently together which can achieve the potential of lone parents as employees to benefit their families and their employers.”

Two programmeshave been produced and piloted over the two-year period from 2016-2018:

  1. Online training for lone parents in employment who struggle to stay employed and progress in their roles.
  2. Online training for HR specialists and employers who want to benefit from the professional potential of lone parents and retain experienced staff.

For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie and www.strongerfamilies.eu

#WorkFamilyBalance  #StrongerFamilies

 

This project has been funded with support from the European Commission.This publication [communication] reflects the views only of the author, and the Commission cannot be held responsible for any use which may be made of the information contained therein.

 

On May 10th, 2018, One Family attended the annual Social Inclusion Forum (SIF) in the Aviva Stadium in Dublin.  The theme of the Forum was Social Inclusion in a Changing Environment. 

The SIF was established by Government, and convened by the Department of Employment Affairs and Social Protection (DEASP), as part of the national structures to monitor and evaluate Ireland’s National Action Plan for Social Inclusion (NAPinclusion).

This event was the principal forum for wide public consultation and discussion on social inclusion. It provides an opportunity for engagement between officials, community and voluntary organisations, and most importantly, people experiencing poverty in relation to policy.

The theme for this year’s Forum focussed on how national social inclusion and development issues interact with the United Nations 17 Sustainable Development Goals[1]

The Forum ran a number of Workshops

  1. Tools for Change: How Does the Public Sector Duty Relate to Poverty and Social Inclusion Policies?
  2. Strengthening the Voice of the Social Inclusion Forum: What Role Should the Social Inclusion Forum Play in the New National Action Plan for Social Inclusion?
  3. Equality Proofing Public Expenditure: Lessons for Poverty Proofing
  4. Childcare Policies: Supporting Participation and Early Childhood Development
  5. Community Work at Local Level: Its Contribution to Understanding and Responding to Poverty and Social Exclusion

One Family participated in the “Tools For Change” workshop  which looked at the Irish Human Rights and Equality Act 2014 (IHREC). In this Act, in Section 42 (Public Sector Equality and Human Rights Duty[2])  , all public bodies in Ireland have a legal responsibility to promote equality, prevent discrimination and protect the human rights of their employees, customers, service users and everyone affected by their policies and plans.  The discussion and debate during the workshop opened up issues relevant to lone parent families.

One Family pointed out that this legal duty in the public sector needs to be fully implemented and enforced. It would support the rights of both public sector workers themselves and clients engaging with public services. In particular, there is a need to ensure that proper training and support for staff in human rights and equality issues is not carried out in a vacuum. Pilot programmes with IHREC which have actively included front-line workers and clients in detailed consultations in the public services show great enhancement of those services. They make the work-service provision environment better for all.  One Family has repeatedly called for training, information and support for Intreo case-workers in order to understand the realities of lone parent families, to be fully knowledgeable about all services and supports available. Without an whole-of-government, fully integrated wraparound supports and services, lone parents will continue to experience routs to education and work as an obstacle course.

The Forum closed with a robust session on how the UN Sustainable Development Goals intersect with our national social inclusion and poverty reduction targets and strategies. Participants spoke strongly against using any measures or interventions which would re-prioritise already established anti-poverty goals, targets or strategies. Participants rejected measures which do not align explicitly with those already established. Lowering or moving poverty-reduction targets caused by political decisions during the recession, for example the cuts of Budget 2012, are not a coherent strategy. If the cuts born so heavily by lone parents from the 2012 Budget onwards  were made by reason of a ‘recession’, by the same token, increases should be made in 2018 in a rising economy. Throughout the day the lives and realities of lone parent families, along with other disadvantaged groups, were raised consistently from various quarters.[3]

 

[1] https://www.un.org/sustainabledevelopment/sustainable-development-goals/

[2] https://www.ihrec.ie/our-work/public-sector-duty/

[3] https://www.welfare.ie/en/downloads/SIF2018Brochure.pdf

Survey finds 75% of parents have discussed abortion with their children because of campaign.

A survey by One Family, Ireland’s organisation for people parenting alone, sharing parenting, and separating, has found that over 88% of parents think the referendum posters are unhelpful with 75% confirming the campaign has led to discussions with their children about abortion.

One Family, which provides crisis pregnancy and post abortion counselling services launched the survey last week following an escalation in the number of people seeking its counselling and parenting services, particularly its tips on how to speak to your child about abortion. The majority of those seeking support said they had done so after they, or their children, had seen graphic campaign posters.

Speaking about the results, One Family CEO Karen Kiernan said, “There has been a marked increase in women and couples seeking our counselling and parenting services. What we are finding is that parents are being triggered by the images into a conversation with their children that they are just not ready for. Many parents are particularly annoyed by posters that parents believe are targeting parents and children such as those being placed near schools. Although we don’t know how the parents might vote, overwhelmingly they are unhappy with the graphic posters.”

When asked ‘Have your children noticed the posters associated with the referendum campaign?’ 84% of parents said yes, their children had noticed the campaign while 88% answered No to the question ‘Have the posters associated with the referendum campaign been helpful to you as a parent?’

The survey found that 75% of parents had a discussion with their child about abortion because of the referendum but many did not do so proactively or willingly. Verbatim comments demonstrate some of the anger parents are feeling:

“This not a topic that I thought my 9 yr old was really ready to hear about or actually understand, but the more graphic posters from the no campaign made the topic impossible to avoid. Initially he was v shocked by the “killing babies” posters and was quite upset about it.”

The survey was conducted online by One Family through its social media and e-zine followers as well as via other organisations working with families and had over 300 respondents.  42% of parents who responded had children in the 6-10 age group, followed by 26% in the 3-5 age group and 20% in the 11+ age group.

 Selection of verbatim quotes from parents:

Q: Have your children noticed the posters associated with the referendum campaign?

“You can’t miss them 100 feet from their school gates.”

“Is it yes for abortion? What is abortion? Do you want abortion?”

“They are a constant source of discussion. They have come up in my child’s class 4th and when he was in 2nd classroom also discussed there. Think teachers are under pressure to provide age appropriate info. think it would associate abortion with killing and murder of babies because of the no posters and don’t know what effect this will have on these kids later.”

“ My 10 year old now informs me randomly that “1 in 5 ‘babies’ in the UK are aborted”

“Thankfully they are too young”

“My eldest son 9 has & can read. My 6 year old hasn’t noticed or hasn’t commented to me.”

Q: Have you discussed the issue of abortion and the referendum with your children as a result of the referendum campaign?

“I didn’t necessarily want to but had to. In the car. Images didn’t help at all. Would have likely discussed it but on my terms and in my words.”

“The campaigners left us with no choice but to discuss an issue which is not appropriate for our children”

“It’s been very difficult. I feel the posters are designed to be manipulative and to force parents into uncomfortable conversations with their children. Will the no side try to win at any price ? Even the innocence of children??”

“As far as it is Human Rights issue, content No poster not negative towards children”

“6 years old too young to discuss it with.”

“This not a topic that I thought my 9 yr old was really ready to hear about or actually understand, but the more graphic posters from the no campaign made the topic impossible to avoid. Initially he was v shocked by the “killing babies” posters and was quite upset about it.”

“He’s five so I’ve just explained about voting and we’ve practised voting with him and his younger sister on simple issues like what will we have for dinner. He hasnt read the word abortion he hasn’t asked so I haven’t discussed”.

Q: Have the posters associated with the referendum campaign been helpful to you as a parent?

“It’s nightmare explaining to 8 year old about abortion”

“I would have liked to have been in control of when we had the conversation.”

“Very difficult for them to get a balanced view when posters are so based on images of babies. I don’t think it is fair coverage. Referendum posters should be text only in my opinion.”

“Would answer somewhat helpful. Neither side is fully engaged or respectful with the impact this has on potential parents, pregnant women, but i would say particularly the No side has been disrespectful of women.”

“The images of foetuses on the posters with messages about killing etc. are extremely unhelpful because they have required explaining to my son (age 8) and that the No posters are lying about babies being aborted at 6 months, that they are just trying to manipulate people.”

“The posters are forcing parents to have to discuss a matter that’s just not appropriate for discussion with young children. I don’t want to tell my child why girls and women need access to a abortion ie when they have been raped, suicidal or when their life is at risk.”

“I’m lucky he hasn’t asked anything about the issue. But it’s been helpful to introduce the concept of voting and having a say in what the government does.”

 

Notes to Editor:

Survey ran online from Saturday 28 April to 9am Friday 4 May and 325 parents responded.

One Family, formerly Cherish, has been providing services and supports for people parenting alone, sharing parenting, and separating since 1972. One Family provides post-termination and crisis pregnancy counselling and supports to its clients in their roles as parents and into training, education and employment. One Family also provides support for children in one-parent families.

For more information on who we are and what we do please visit: www.onefamily.ie

One Family’s counselling services are funded by the HSE Sexual Heath and Crisis Pregnancy Programme (SHCPP). Details of HSE funded services are available on www.positiveoptions.ie and  www.abortionaftercare.ie

One Family’s parenting tips are available here:

www.onefamily.ie/how-to-talk-with-your-child-about-abortion-a-guide-from-one-family/

For more information please contact:

One Family is aware that many parents are struggling to answer questions from their children about the abortion referendum and the associated posters, leaflets and online content. We would like to offer some support to parents so they can talk with their children with confidence. Parents are also welcome to contact our askonefamily helpline on 1890662212 or 016629212

Here are some thoughts and tips for different aged children that you may find useful in the coming weeks. As a parent remember, you know your child best and know what they are capable of understanding.

 

Children aged 3-5 years

As the campaign heats up there will be visual images on posters, leaflets and the media that children as young as 3-5 years old may notice and ask why. Of course at this age, children are far too young to understand the complexity of abortion. But they may be upset or confused by some of the images that are used in the campaign.

For parents the key things to remember are:

 

Children aged 6-10 years

Children in this age group can take a great interest in what is going on around them, in their school, their local community and in their home. You will find they may be listening in on adult conversations more frequently, or listening to what is on the news as they are becoming very curious about the bigger world around them.

The campaigns on the upcoming referendum for the repeal of the 8th amendment will generate great curiosity for them. As a parent some key issues for you to consider in order to support your child in the coming weeks include:

 

Children aged 11 years and older

Children of this age range will hopefully have a good understanding of reproduction, sexuality and they may also be starting to experience relationships. Parents and schools will have hopefully have spoken in great detail with these young people about how their bodies work, how babies are formed and the importance of sex and relationships. Some young girls may already have started their period and may be very conscious of how a girl or woman can become pregnant. Many young people in this age range will be starting puberty so sexual development will be a key issue for them. Some areas to consider when supporting adolescents include:

 

  1. One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 as Cherish and provides support, information and services to people parenting alone, those sharing parenting of their children, those going through separation; as well as to people experiencing an unplanned or crisis pregnancy. One Family believes in an Ireland where every family is cherished equally, and enjoys the social, financial and legal equality to create their own positive future. Full information on One Family can be found at www.onefamily.ie.

  1. Introduction

One Family works towards the full inclusion and integration of one parent families into the fabric of Irish society. Parenting alone, and sharing parenting in new complex and blended family forms, is an increasing and emergent social reality. Many parents will parent alone through the course of their lives, either temporarily or permanently. The traditional ‘breadwinner’ model of family life has given rise to most of our social and economic infrastructure and tends to ignore or evade the multiple, on-going demands of lone parenting. The first requirement, therefore, in removing barriers to economic and social inclusion is recognition and acceptance of the realities of diverse and fluctuating forms of family life.

Lone parents are a group who experience multiple disadvantage in Irish society and access to education is part of that. One Family welcomes the opportunity to submit to the Joint Committee on Education & Skills and appreciates your interest in this important issue.

    3. Data and Research

3.1  Demographics: one in five children in Ireland live in a one-parent family while one in four families are headed by a lone parent. There were approximately 218,817 lone parents in Ireland in 2016[1] which is an increase of over 3,500 families since 2011. Almost 90,000 were single; a further 50,496 were widowed, while the remaining 68,378 were separated or divorced. The number of divorced people in Ireland nationally has increased from 87,770 in 2011 to 103,895 in 2016. The vast majority (86.4%) of one-parent families are headed by mothers but many families share parenting of their children. Overall, recent Census data[2] shows there is a steady increase in diverse families in Ireland and this is replicated throughout Europe.

3.2       Lone Parent’s access to Wealth:

TASC’s The Distribution of Wealth in Ireland[3] report indicates that one-parent families are:

 

3.3       Employment Rates:

Available employment figures[4] indicate that the employment rate of lone parents (aged 15-64) is 58.5%, dispelling any myth that people parenting alone are not working.

The employment rate of lone parents is directly linked to the age of their youngest child, as follows:

Therefore as children get older parents are more available for work, this is directly linked to the childcare needs of children.

3.4    Education Participation:

Lone parent participation in education has decreased by approximately 20% between 2011 and 2016[5]. The reasons for this trend can be complex and varied, but One Family consistently hear from parents that barriers to accessing education are significant.

A parent’s availability for education may also be inferred from their availability for employment as above. Both situations share many similarities in that the time and work needed to balance parenting and study/work need to be managed.

3.5   Children’s Well-Being:

It is well recognised that the educational levels of parents have direct impact on the lives of their children with the educational level of a mother in particular having a direct impact on the well-being of her child/ren[6].

The draining away of lone parents from higher education therefore is of particular concern. The CSO notes that “higher educational attainment levels are linked with lower unemployment rates. Those with primary education/no formal education were over four times more likely to be unemployed in Q2 2017 (14%) when compared with those who had a third level qualification (3%)”. [7]

International research similarly shows that despite the complex interactions between parental social, economic and educational positions and conditions, the educational levels of both parents are a significant influence on the life expectations and outcomes of their children. Education is a gateway to more sustainable, quality employment which lifts lone parents out of poverty in the longer term. Educational access enables engagement with society generally, to shared customs, beliefs and behaviours, to marketable skills and professions, and to political engagement. The children of lone parents are entitled to such supports through their parents’ access to mainstream social capital.[8]

3.6  Government Policy:

as far back as 2006, a Government Discussion Paper: Proposals for Supporting Lone Parents, put forward a number of actions to support lone parents. Among these recommendations there was an express objective to “Facilitate participation in employment /education and training in a positive and systematic way” [9].

3.7   Maynooth University Research:

Twelve years later, in 2017 Maynooth University Independent Review to Identify the Supports and Barriers for Lone Parents in Accessing Higher Education and to Examine Measures to Increase Participation[10] arose from a commitment made in the 2016 Programme from Government.

One Family was consulted as part of this review process as a representative stakeholder group. The recommendations of the Review echo One Family’s recent Pre-Budget Submission[11].  The report notes especially that while lone parents have attracted considerable policy attention in welfare, and education and training, with regard to activation measures; much less specific attention has been paid to lone parents in higher education and suggests an urgent need to widen access for these families. The need to improve access to higher and tertiary education has also been highlighted by our colleagues in An Cosán in their recent campaign.[12]

The complexity of the current system of supports was also highlighted in the Review, including the inadequate dissemination of information, guidance and awareness-raising to lone parents regarding the ‘bundles’ of supports that are offered by different government departments and agencies.  The effectiveness of high-support guidance intervention on well-being, career efficacy and employability factors  has been shown in recent research on activation, giving rise to an urgent need to train Intreo case workers in the very complex set of opportunities and barriers facing lone parents .[13]

4  Barriers to Education for Lone Parents

4.1  Work Life Balance:

Balancing parenting responsibilities and managing finances with accessing education is a difficult task, especially so for lone parents, who often do so with half the resources and double the responsibility.

4.2  Lack of pathway to education:

there are well documented additional challenges for young parents who wish to stay in education as well as older parents who wish to return as mature students. There is no clear pathway of progression for parents who cannot readily move from second level to third level education.

4.3 Lack of income to access education:

the income supports that are in place in Ireland are overly complex to access and at insufficient levels to avoid poverty in many cases. One example is that the age of a child generates a barrier to support. Currently, if a child is over 14 yrs, transfer to BTEA is compulsory when a lone parent has moved onto Jobseekers Allowance. As a result of this forced transfer, access to a SUSI maintenance grant is denied to these parents.

4.4  Housing:

Ireland is experiencing a housing crisis with most homeless families being one-parent families. If a family is living in insecure housing they are very unlikely to be able to enter or maintain participation in education. Some financial housing supports are specifically unsupported in conjunction with some educational supports and so access to education depends on housing tenure. This is both unfair and illogical.

Such barriers often result from uneven and contradictory systems of support, such as the clash between being in receipt of Rental Support on the one hand, but excluded by virtue of receiving that support on the other – for example the SUSI grant.

4.5  Childcare:

the challenges for parents in accessing affordable, high quality childcare for their children is well documented. It is extremely difficult to access out of school care as well which may be required for educational participation.

4.6  Inclusion:

single mothers are the most socially isolated people in Ireland[14] and particular efforts must be made to recruit and maintain them in education.

 5. Recommendations to remove Educational Barriers for Lone Parents

Whilst the issue of barriers to education for parents is complex and some structural barriers such as homelessness and childcare require cross-departmental funding and exchequer investment to solve, other issues can be more directly addressed.

5.1  Income Supports:

Lone parents who have transferred to BTEA were particularly highlighted in Maynooth University’s Independent Review as the most economically vulnerable group among lone parent welfare recipients[15]. One Family recommends the following changes to income supports to ameliorate some barriers to education for lone parents:

5.2  Complexity of Supports:

the complicated nature of the current systems of supports can block access purely on a bureaucratic level. We recommend stronger dissemination of information, guidance, and awareness-raising regarding the ‘bundles’ of supports offered by different government departments and agencies to parents.

We also concur with Maynooth University’s recommendation that there is a persistent need for training and awareness for Intreo case-workers who operate frontline services and supports in the Department of Employment Affairs & Social Protection[16].

We are concerned that supports and payments from two government departments interact with each other in a negative way and we strongly recommend that the Department of Education & Science collaborates with the Department of Employment Affairs & Social Protection in order to ensure that parents can access education irrespective of their housing tenure.

5.3 Access Pathways:

Taking an education-first approach will result in improved employment rates for one-parent families in the longer term. Jobseeker’s Transition (JST) payment recipients are a distinct group with a specific set of needs. The time spent on JST is a unique opportunity to invest in a package of supports and services to ensure that these parents can access education or employment. Broadening access to JST will also allow parents with older children to enhance their employability through further education and training. These recommendations would remove a number of structural barriers which currently prevent lone parents from accessing education.

The provision of specialist bridging programmes such as One Family’s New Futures and New Steps for lone parents[17], which directly support progression, job-readiness, and incorporate wrap-around parenting and family support services, offer an example of a genuine way into heretofore exclusionary educational institutions.

5.4  Pro-Active Inclusion:

Lone parents are a considerable body of potential students who are systematically excluded, since the requirements for their participation are not being met. The profile and needs of this large student cohort should be  integrated explicitly into the ethos of each Higher Education Institutions (HEI). This needs to be visibly stated by colleges and universities, who have the responsibility of welcoming people who are parenting alone onto campuses. There is a need to provide lone parents with tutoring that generates both the technical skills and ‘cultural’ competencies required for higher educational engagement. Like other students, they need the tools to succeed.

While there are established Access to Higher Education programmes available across the networks of further education colleges, Institutes of Technology and Universities, there is a need to meet the specific needs of students, current and potential, who are lone parents.

5.5   Housing Tenure:

The ability to access and stay in education should not be linked to housing tenure, indeed education is a route out of homelessness into independence and security for lone parents. The following recommendations are critical for access to education for lone parents:

5.6   Childcare:

The provision of affordable, accessible and quality childcare, including early years and out-of-school care are pre-requisites for lone parents’ ability to engage with work or education. Childcare costs in Ireland are the highest in the OECD for lone parents and the second highest for couples.[18] One Family makes the following recommendations:

Ends

[1] Census 2016 http://www.cso.ie/en/csolatestnews/presspages/2017/census2016summaryresults-part1/

[2] Census 2016 http://www.cso.ie/en/csolatestnews/pressreleases/2017pressreleases/pressstatementcensus2016resultsprofile4-householdsandfamilies/

[3] https://www.tasc.ie/download/pdf/the_distribution_of_wealth_in_ireland_final.pdf

[4] CSO QNHS Q2 2017. http://www.cso.ie/en/releasesandpublications/er/qnhs/quarterlynationalhouseholdsurveyquarter22017/

[5] Census 2016. http://www.cso.ie/en/census/

[6] Growing up in Ireland : DYNAMICS OF CHILD ECONOMIC VULNERABILITY AND SOCIO-EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT:  AN ANALYSIS OF THE FIRST TWO WAVES OF THE GROWING UP IN IRELAND STUDY https://www.esri.ie/pubs/BKMNEXT284.pdf

[7] http://www.cso.ie/en/releasesandpublications/er/eda/educationalattainmentthematicreport2017/Ibid.

[8] Erola, J et al, (2016),  Parental education, class and income over early life course and children’s achievement, Research in Social Stratification and Mobility. Volume 44, June 2016, Pages 33-43, Elsevier. Open Access:   https://ac.els-cdn.com/S0276562416300038/1-s2.0-S0276562416300038-main.pdf?_tid=d89fc2fa-c2f7-4188-bfbe-8134e6c06dbd&acdnat=1521208135_5a6f1b80f20cfd812e758e547662485c

[9] https://www.welfare.ie/en/pressoffice/pdf/pr200306.pdf

[10] https://www.education.ie/en/Publications/Education-Reports/supports-barriers-lone-parents-accessing-HEd.pdf

[11] https://onefamily.ie/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/One-Family_Pre-Budget-Submission-2018.pdf

[12]http://www.dhr.ie/tag/education/

[13]http://oireachtasdebates.oireachtas.ie/Debates%20Authoring/DebatesWebPack.nsf/committeetakes/SPJ2018012500002?opendocument#D00100

[14] Margret Fine-Davis, Attitudes to Family Formation in Ireland: Findings from the Nationwide Study, Dublin, Family Support Agency and Social Attitude and Policy Research Group, Trinity College, December, 2011

[15] Byrne, D., Murray, C. (2017) An Independent Review to Identify the Supports and Barriers for Lone Parents in Accessing Higher Education and to Examine Measures to Increase Participation. Maynooth University. DSP, DCYA, DES.  “https://www.education.ie/en/Publications/Education-Reports/supports-barriers-lone-parents-accessing-HEd.pdf

[16] Ibid (p.13)

[17] https://onefamily.ie/how-we-support-families/parenting-supports/for-parents/back-to-work-education/new-futures/

[18]  OECD, ‘Ireland Economic Survey of Ireland’, September 2015

[19] https://www.earlychildhoodireland.ie/latest-eu-report-highlights-irelands-embarrassing-track-record-investment-care-young-children/

One Family, Ireland’s organisation for people parenting alone, sharing parenting, and separating, has voiced its concern that child maintenance is to be assessed as parental income under the Affordable Childcare Scheme. According to the organisation, if child maintenance is assessed as child income rather than parental income it could significantly reduce the impact of poverty on lone parents.

Karen Kiernan, CEO of One Family responding to comments made by representatives of the Department of Children and Youth Affairs (DCYA) at a seminar on the Childcare Support Bill organised by the Children’s Rights Alliance said, “One Family has serious concerns about this issue and we have written to Minister Zappone and the members of the Committee on Children and Youth Affairs and asked them to make the appropriate change.”

There is a clear rationale for the Affordable Childcare Scheme to exclude child maintenance as income; currently a number of income sources are excluded from income assessment for state supports such as the Working Family Payment.

Ms. Kiernan added, “I can understand why the Department have chosen this provision. They believe that by including it would prevent a poverty trap but there is no indication that excluding child maintenance from assessment would form a poverty trap. These payments do not vary for recipients when they leave or enter employment, so the exclusion of this income source would not serve as a disincentive to enter or increase employment.”

The payment of child maintenance varies significantly based on the vagaries of the relationship with the maintenance payer. Feedback from the One Family national helpline and from frontline staff in the District Court in Dublin indicate that a significant majority of court-ordered maintenance orders are not complied with fully or at all. It is also extremely likely that non-court-ordered arrangements are also not fully adhered to in many cases. This can cause significant difficulty and stress to the family in receipt of the payments as their social welfare payment may have been reduced, their rent supplement may have been reduced and they be left at short notice without a full income in any given week.

The issue of child maintenance and the negative impacts of non-payment on vulnerable children and their parents has become an issue of great political interest with bills being introduced both by Fianna Fail and Sinn Fein in recent months. The non-payment of maintenance is regarded by a Government agency Cosc as domestic abuse and should be taken very seriously. This relatively simple assessment change would protect vulnerable children and help towards lifting 100,000 children from poverty by 2020.

#AffordableChildcare and #EndChildPoverty.

 

#AffordableChildcare  #EndChildPoverty

 

 

***Updated Thursday 1 March ***

The One Family office will now be closed until Monday 5th of March. We can be contacted during normal office hours at support@onefamily.ie

—————————————————————————————————————————

Our office will be closed today, Wednesday 28 February, due to the adverse weather conditions and the status red weather warning. We are unable to go ahead with the parenting programmes and other services today. The helpline will also be closed but if you need to contact us please email support@onefamily.ie. We will be monitoring the situation as the week progresses. Please keep an eye on our Facebook page for our latest updates. Stay safe.

One Family, Ireland’s organisation for people parenting alone, sharing parenting, and separating, welcomes the ERSI report Poverty Dynamics of Social Risk Groups in the EU in relation to the specific barriers faced by lone parents in both accessing work and their experience of higher levels of deprivation and child poverty. The paper draws on the EU-SILC dataset to investigate changes over the period 2004 to 2014 in the trends and dynamics in poverty for social risk groups in selected European countries representing different welfare regimes. Out of 11 EU countries, the persistent poverty gap in Ireland was the largest; it also increased the most during the study’s time frame.

The main findings of the report indicate that one-parent families in all countries have among the highest risks of both material deprivation and income poverty. Ireland, along with the UK, stood out as having poorer outcomes for vulnerable groups such as lone parents, especially in terms of material deprivation. Both are liberal welfare regime countries. The report also showed that lone parents face significant challenges in converting resources such as capital and skills into desired outcomes, with 43% of lone parents experiencing material deprivation in at least one of two consecutive years compared to 13% for other adults aged 30 to 65.

Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO, states: “We have had multiple reports telling us that lone parents face significant barriers in being able to get into the workforce, in earning enough money to sustain their families and being able to keep their jobs. There is an incredible amount of evidence all telling the Government what they need to do which is to prioritise supports to people parenting alone who are on social welfare or low incomes.”

Karen continues: “It is extremely frustrating to see that not all social welfare cuts have yet been restored since Budget 2012; so many parents are not even back at the low level of income they were at in 2011. This is too long for thousands of children to have grown up in crushing poverty and to know nothing else. There is a Government commitment to lifting over 100,000 children out of poverty in the next two years – strong and specific actions must be focussed on children living in one-parent families to achieve this.”

According to Dorothy Watson of the ESRI, policies which successfully reduce poverty for the population as a whole are not enough to support vulnerable groups. “Proactive steps are required to address the deprivation experienced by lone parents and adults with disabilities, and also to tackle the higher rate of child poverty associated with these households. Such interventions are particularly urgent in Ireland, as the data show that the deprivation gap is most pronounced here,” she said, in the organisation’s press release.

The report also found that lone parents and adults with a disability face barriers when trying to get work. The ESRI suggested improving access to affordable childcare, flexible work arrangements and protection of secondary benefits such as medical cards to make getting to work easier.

NOTES FOR EDITORS

ERSI report : Poverty dynamics of social risk groups in the EU: an analysis of the EU Statistics on Income and Living Conditions, 2005 to 2014

/Ends.

One Family welcome the launch of Sinn Féin’s proposal paper on the establishment of a statutory Child Maintenance Service. This proposal is an important first step in clearly asserting that the payment of child maintenance is not a discretionary gift, but a legal requirement, and the responsibility of both parents.

It is the State’s responsibility to intervene and assert and protect these rights in a systematic and equitable way, whether lone parents are in receipt of financial state supports or not.

A summary of their proposal is as follows:

Context:

Three Options for a Child Maintenance Service Model:

  1. Parental Arrangements – Parents willing to negotiate can avail of advice, support and information in agreeing amount. This option is not available in cases of domestic violence.
  2. Direct Pay – Situations where non-custodial parent is willing but agreement cannot be reached. This allows the Child Maintenance Service to calculate an appropriate amount. Once agreed, the payment is then made directly between both parents.
  3. Collect & Transfer – This will occur where the non-custodial parent refuses to engage. The Child Maintenance Service will calculate, collect and make payment. This should be an automatic option in case of domestic violence.

Other Key Points:

One Family Response

Children living in one-parent families are living in the most socially and financially deprived homes in Ireland. Lone parents have the highest rates of consistent poverty, the lowest disposable income and the highest rates of deprivation. The government has made clear commitments to reduce child poverty and the formation of a Child Maintenance Service provides a clear opportunity for the government to increase household income for lone parents.

Current mechanisms available to parents to seek maintenance orders, and their subsequent enforcement, rest with those who are seeking the payment, placing an excessive burden on them. Parents must utilise the family law courts to legally seek and enforce these requests. Many parents find the court process daunting and overwhelming and require, often costly, legal advice in order to fully utilise the family courts system effectively. There is also inconsistency and a lack of transparency regarding how the courts decide how much maintenance should be paid by the non-resident parent. State intervention is needed to better support these families.

Some countries, mostly Nordic (Denmark, Norway, Finland, Sweden) and some Central European states (Germany), operate systems of guaranteed maintenance which involves state departments making provisions to ensure children actually receive maintenance consistently even where non-custodial parents are unwilling to pay. Countries such as the United Kingdom, Ireland and United States view child maintenance as a financial obligation on liable relatives governed by family law placing the burden on custodial parents in seeking maintenance arrangements. The affect of these two aforementioned approaches to maintenance governance and provision mean very different outcomes for one-parent families.  Children have better outcomes in those countries where a guaranteed state mechanism is in place for the payment of child maintenance.

Talking about Death250x250When someone in the family or community dies, children are at times kept away from it. Death is a very normal part of life and children, like adults, need to know and understand what is happening, at an age appropriate level of course. They also need closure and support to deal with the loss.

Many children’s first experience of death is that of a pet; it can be great for this to be a first experience as no matter how upsetting the loss is, it will not be as great as that of a family member.

When talking with children about death:

  1. Tell them the truth, someone has died, they will not be able to come back. Talk with them about where you believe they go to after death.
  2. Allow children to ask questions, although you may be very upset at this time, children need information to cope with the death. The more details they have the easier it can be for them. They will want to know how they died and why. You may not have all the answers and tell them if you don’t.
  3. Allow children be part of the funeral and days leading up to the funeral. Allow them time to look in the coffin when it is quiet. Allow them to examine the dead person and put things into the coffin with them, if they wish to.
  4. Bring them at a quiet time, not the first time you visit the coffin, allow yourself some space to grieve and then allow your child time with you.
  5. It is okay for children to see you upset. Sadness and grief are part of our human emotions. Children need to know we have them and your role is to support them to cope with these feelings.
  6. Always tell anyone working closely with your child about the death so they too can support the child in the weeks and months ahead.
  7. Children will continue to ask questions for what seems like forever.  Be patient with them and give them permission to talk and share memories of the dead person.
  8. Start your own traditions around how you will remember the dead person. Will you visit the grave, let off a balloon every so often, look at photos and talk about the good memories. Children don’t want to forget, so even though this may be hard for you to cope with at times when you need to get on with things, tell them it is okay to talk and remember, even if it does make you sad.
  9. If a child loses a sibling or an unborn sibling, share this with them. Create memories for them. It is very important that you can talk with them about this. They will know something has changed in the family, in you. It is important that as a child they know what has changed. We often want to protect children from terrible things that happen, but keeping them as part of the unit, close to you and helping them understand, is much more beneficial for them long term. Finding out as an adult about such things can be more heart breaking.
  10. Children will go through the stages of grief just as adults do. Support them and if at any stage you feel they need more support than you can offer, seek professional support for them through programmes such as Rainbows, Seasons of Growth, Play and Art Therapy and many other services.

This article is part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips, and is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.