It is agonising for a parent or guardian to suspect or learn that their child is being bullied while at school. The priority if this happens is to understand and support your child, while taking action to stop the bullying and doing everything possible to prevent it happening again in the future. As part of our weekly series of parenting tips, here are 10 ways to support a child who is being bullied.

1. As a parent, you need to recognise that your child is being bullied. Pay attention to changes in your child’s behaviour, personality and routine.
2. If you are concerned that your child is being bullied, and they are old enough to understand the language, ask them straight out. Otherwise ask them in an age appropriate way.
3. Fostering really good clear ongoing communication between parents and children is the key to knowing your child and supporting them with difficulties. If as a parent you cannot do this, try to ensure that there are other adults in your child’s life that they will talk with.
4. Encourage children to talk about their feelings, around the bullying and the bully.
5. It may be difficult, but ask yourself if there is any possible reason that your child may have been vulnerable to being bullied. Explore what you can do to support your child in these areas – children want to fit in and be part of the group. How can you help them with this?
6. Children with low self esteem and a poor sense of self worth may be more vulnerable to being bullied. Parents need to support children to increase their self esteem. It is important for parents themselves to consider their own level of self esteem as this impacts on children.
7. Reporting the issue to the school and having regular communication to monitor the situation with the school principal is crucial.
8. Children need to find their voice in the home and to practice being assertive in order to have the confidence to do this in school and in the play ground. Role play with your child, expect and encourage them to have a voice in the home.
9. Do not blame, judge or criticise a child for being bullied. Offer reassurance and support. Empower your child to come up with ways to deal with the bullying. Try not to take over. Empowerment will increase self esteem and help your child see that they have the power to make change happen.
10. Help your child to have positive friendships in school; many children need their parents to help them to make their friendships blossom. Practical ways to help are to organise play dates and be friendly with other parents to help your child find where they fit.

You might also like to read 10 Ways to Support a Child Who is Being a Bully.

This week’s ’10 Ways to’ is adapted by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, from our Family Communications training programme.

Coming soon: 10 Ways to Develop Coping Skills in Your Family; 10 Ways to Support Your Child Who is Bullying; and 10 Ways to Respect Difference.

For support and advice on any of these topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.

One Family offers a range of training options to help parents and guardians to build on their parenting skills which you can find out about here. These include our upcoming Summer School of Parenting Skills Workshops in July.

Image Credit: Pixabay

One Family is proud and delighted that the Today FM documentary Cherish All The Children, produced and presented by Hilary Fennell, has won an award in the Social Issues Category at the New York Festivals Radio Awards.

The one-hour radio documentary explores the founding of Cherish/One Family in 1972 and includes interviews with the organisation’s first President, Mary Robinson; our wonderful founders; current staff and clients about what we do today; and many more. It is a fascinating, moving and insightful look at the reality of life for women in the 70s who were pregnant and unmarried, and the achievements, evolution and progression of our organisation.

Our founders recall the lengths they had to go to in hiding their pregnancies – even creating outfits with over-sized pockets and cardigans – and the fear and stress they experienced but they share numerous funny and inspirational stories too; stories filled with courage, resourcefulness and camaraderie.

Congratulations to our brave and eloquent founders, to Hilary Fennell, to Today FM and to all who participated.

Cherish All The Children, which was partially recorded here in Cherish House, was first broadcast on Today FM on 29 December 2013. It is available to listen to here.

To find out more about our history, click here and to download the fascinating book Single Issue by our founding member Maura O’Dea Richards, click here.

Pictured at One Family Graduation 2013

Foreground: Cherish/One Family founder Maura O’Dea Richards

Background: Current CEO, Karen Kiernan

Photo Credit: Paul Sherwood

The Department of Children and Youth Affairs advised today that those wishing to make a submission regarding the Terms of Reference of the Commission of Investigation into Mother and Baby Homes should, in order to adhere to the tight timeframe agreed, lodge their submissions no later than 12.00 pm on Monday 30 June 2014.

One Family has made its submission which can be read/downloaded here: One Family Terms of Reference for Commission of Investigation into Mother & Baby Homes

Minister Flanagan stated today:

“Following the Government decision to establish a Commission of Investigation, there have been calls for the inclusion of a range of other institutions and concerns and these will be given consideration as part of the process underway.

“I am pleased to have an opportunity to meet with a number of advocacy groups as well as the Opposition spokespersons this week. Any submissions made to me during these consultative meetings, which are ongoing, will be fed into the process.

“I am working on an inclusive basis on this important initiative and I wish to see an effective Commission in place which will address these important matters on a sensitive and timely basis.”

The dedicated email address which facilitates submissions regarding the terms of reference of the Commission of Investigation is motherandbabyhomes@dcya.gov.ie.

Clann: Ireland’s Unmarried Mothers and their Children: Gathering the Data (‘Clann’), a joint initiative by Adoption Rights Alliance (ARA) and JFM Research (JFMR), aims to assist those who wish to give evidence to the Commission by arranging free legal assistance for individuals to make full written statements. Further information is available here.

Image: Mark Stedman/Photocall Ireland

“If you looked at me you’d never think I have only €16 to my name. I wear a suit to work in a very well known company, my son is in a good crèche, I live in a 3 bedroom house (because it’s €100k in negative equity so I can’t afford to sell it). And here I am, without money for food.” – Lone parent quoted in One Family’s Pre-Budget Submission 2015

The overarching message of our Pre-Budget Submission 2015 is that all people share in Ireland, and we must believe that government has a responsibility to help people develop their strengths and their potential. We must look to long-term programmes to empower our communities, rather than short-term patches.

Last year we called for collaborators to work with One Family on an on-going basis in crafting our pre-budget submission. Subsequently, the One Family Budget Panel was formed in January 2014. The panel consists of twelve parents. It comprises those parenting alone and sharing parenting; parents from each Provence – urban and rural are represented; the age distribution of representation goes from 24 to 55; 60% of the parents are working either part or full-time; 45% of the parents are in education and/or training full or part-time; the gender split is 85% female and 15% male; 65% of the panel’s parents are in receipt of some form of social assistance, either One Parent Family Payment, Family Income Support or Carer’s Allowance.

The panel makes up a representative sample of lone parents across Ireland and its members collaborated with One Family to produce a pre-budget submission which reflects the lived reality for one-parent families in Ireland.

One Family further ensured the inclusion of the voices of lone parents and parents sharing parenting in our Pre-Budget Submission by inserting direct quotes from parents who responded to our monthly surveys and other One Family initiatives. Some of these quotes are included below:

“No one realises how vulnerable a single parent on benefits actually is. The housing and childcare are the two biggest practical issues I faced, along with stigma and isolation and loneliness and all the rest of it…when you cannot find a roof over your head it really hurts, it affects your mental health also.” 

“For all the talk and publicity about anti-discrimination, there are many instances of legalised discrimination against lone parents in this country. Even if childcare was available, One Parent Family recipients cannot avail of employment where the employer is receiving Revenue Job Assist or JobsPlus schemes.”

“I believe my child deserves the same rights and to be treated with the same dignity as any child of a two parent family. What prevents this from happening is lack of adequate and affordable childcare.”

 “I feel as I have been discriminated against by Revenue and the Government on these tax credit changes based on the fact that I am a dad and not the recipient of the children’s allowance. This has affected my net income, which is no more than the average industrial wage, by reducing it by €47 per week. This is crippling my ability to survive and meet my financial commitments and most importantly my ability to do the things I have endeavoured to do with my children.”

“I have a mortgage but since the breakdown of my marriage I am in significant arrears. Other party not engaging. I am struggling to keep a roof over my daughters head. No mortgage supports available to me.”

“We are caught in positions that revolve around our child care hours and location. It is extraordinarily difficult to further our careers as generally promotion equals more hours, and/or additional training which is impossible when you have to race back before the crèche closes.”

“It’s the feeling of being trapped by your circumstance, of knowing that you’ll never get out of it, that causes the low feelings and of feeling like a failure as a mother towards your child. It’s the fact that it’s not a temporary situation that causes these feelings for me. And it seems to be so hard for other people to understand, and makes it all the more difficult to handle, causing further isolation, maybe secrecy of the situation, bringing only further feelings of inadequacy.”

“What we need now, both lone mothers and fathers, is for policy makers to recognise the difficulties we face in parenting alone. We’re not looking for favours, just equal opportunities to provide for our kids to the best of our abilities.”

If you wish to read/download One Family’s Pre-Budget Submission 2015, it is available here: One Family 2015 Pre-Budget Submission_June 2014.

Press Release

One-Parent Family Success Stories at One Family

Government Must Step Up to the Mark
and Enable Lone Parents to have a Fighting Chance in our Economy

www.onefamily.ie

(Dublin, Wednesday 18 June 2014) One Family – Ireland’s organisation for one-parent families – celebrates the achievements of almost 100 lone parents who have completed its courses throughout the past year at a Graduation Ceremony in the Conference Centre, Dublin Castle on Thursday 19 June at 10am in the week that it also makes its Pre-Budget Submission calling on Government to invest in one-parent families.

Recent response to media coverage of mother and baby homes has demonstrated again that people, women in particular, who parent alone still experience stereotyping, stigma and shame. One Family issued a statement in response to this harrowing topic last week which can be read here. This coverage has proved distressing for many One Family clients, lone parents and their children. Now, it is timely to celebrate those inspirational lone parents and people sharing parenting who have successfully overcome many challenges in pursuit of their awards.

Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO, comments: “The parents celebrating their graduation this week want to learn more and they want to work. They want to build on the successes being celebrated. 58% of lone parents in Ireland today are working. One Family wants to see a clear political commitment in the 2015 budget to enable those most in need to return to work and education and create better futures for their children by provision of key supports such as affordable, quality childcare. An investment in childcare is an investment in one-parent families.”

Many of today’s Graduands have completed One Family’s flagship New Futures training which is FETAC Level 4 accredited and offers personal and professional development with wrap-around supports including one-to-one mentoring. Others have completed the One Family parenting programmes Family Communications and Positive Parenting, designed to strengthen family relationships, enable parents to understand difficult behaviour in children, and learn techniques to promote conflict resolution. Other parents who are parenting alone or sharing parenting are to be celebrated for taking a pro-active role in crafting One Family’s Pre-Budget Submission by participating in the organisation’s Budget Panel to help ensure that the voices of one-parent and shared parenting families are heard by Government.

One Family’s Director of Policy and Programmes, Stuart Duffin, comments: “One Family’s Budget Panel members are asking a simple question: ‘Will the 2015 budget improve the position of the poorest families and will children’s well-being be prioritised as the economy recovers?’ Paid work can make a difference for families, but this needs to accommodate the needs of children, income adequacy and security. The government’s focus has been on economic growth and jobs as a silver bullet solution to poverty. However, many lone parents and those sharing parenting cannot undertake or maintain enough paid work to sustain a family because of changes in tax and the lack of jobs. It is vital that government adopts a comprehensive strategy to reduce child and family poverty, a much broader strategy is needed to address the underlying causes.”

People parenting alone – including those parents receiving their Certificates this week – are all job-seekers and need to have adequate income to raise their children. All parents need sufficient levels of income security but today Ireland’s poorest families do not have enough to live on. It is crucial that the social welfare safety net that supports families in tough times is repaired and strengthened to enable the one-parent families who need to avail of it to create better outcomes. Children in all families deserve the chance to thrive.

/Ends.

About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to those working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 622 212, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes the Family Day Festival, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview

Karen Kiernan, CEO | t: 01 662 9212 or 086 850 9191

Stuart Duffin, Director of Policy & Programmes | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 062 2023

Further Information/Scheduling

Shirley Chance, Director of Communications | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 414 8511

All families experience problems at some time. No matter how strong a family unit is or how positive our relationships, siblings will still argue, parents may be stressed over finances, bedtime routines may be difficult to establish.  The demands of daily life can be challenging and problems can easily arise.

If a recurring problem is not addressed, over time it can become a major issue and affect the quality of life and relationships at home for every member of the family. It is essential to recognise and address problems to help prevent this happening.

Here are some tips on solving problems, together, as a family:

• Name the issue, identify the problem. Work on the easier issues first of all. Working out the smaller stuff gives you the confidence to address the bigger issues.

• Try to figure out how strongly everyone feels on the issue at hand by asking, on a scale of 1 to 10, how strongly do you feel about your point? 1 is not very strong and 10 is very strong.

• Do not attempt to start talking about a solution until you can truly re-state each person’s point to their satisfaction and understand it, and have established what, if any, common ground there is.

• Communicate about the problem with each other using the four-step method for clear and direct communication:
  
  Observations | Be factual. Don’t judge or evaluate. State the problem clearly.
  
  Feelings | Talk about what this observation makes you feel. Ask other family members what their feelings are about it.
  
  Needs | Talk about the needs that cause these feelings.
  
  Requests | Be clear, ask for – not demand – what you want. Other family members should have the option to say no and come up with alternatives.

• Come up with some solutions – ask everyone in the family for them:
  Select a solution.
  
  Act on the solution. Divide out responsibility amongst the members of the family.
  
  Appoint someone to monitor the action. For less serious issues, children can be responsible monitors too.
  
  Evaluate the whole thing, and within a reasonable time, ask if the solution is working? If not, pick another one to try. Talk about what you all learnt from the situation.
  
  Remember that is not your job as the parent to ‘fix’ life. Empower your children to make decisions and be responsible.

Further Support

We provide limited direct support to both parents and children of one-parent families. This support can be requested directly by parents, for themselves or their child, and by professionals who work with one-parent families. You can find out more about this support here.

Helpline

Our askonefamily helpline is open 10am – 3pm, Monday – Friday. We provide detailed, confidential information on social-welfare entitlements and finances, family law, housing, education, childcare and parenting.

We also offer a listening-support service for people who need help parenting alone, sharing parenting or separating. You can call the askonefamily helpline on 0818 662 212 or 01 662 9212, or email your query to 
helpline@onefamily.ie.

One Family Statement on Mother and Baby Homes

One Family, in following recent media coverage in relation to the Tuam Mother and Baby Home, shares the widespread concerns voiced in relation to the treatment of mothers and children and to the remains of deceased infants which has led to the start of a wider conversation about how pregnant women came to be in such homes.

This organisation was founded as Cherish by a small group of unmarried mothers in 1972 who, against prevailing practice, decided that they wanted to keep their babies and raise them themselves. Our founders tell numerous stories of their difficult personal experiences in doing this, as well as those of the many women who turned up at their homes, at group meetings, or here to our offices at 2 Lower Pembroke Street, Dublin desperate for help because they were pregnant and not married which in countless cases had cost them their family relationships, jobs and homes.

Through the 1970s and 1980s the organisation worked hard to change the accepted ‘norms’ by lobbying for the introduction of the first social welfare payment to acknowledge the existence of women bringing up children on their own and to abolish the status of illegitimacy. More information on the history of One Family is here. Our founding member Maura O’Dea Richards has also previously published a book, Single Issue, about this era.

Maura O’Dea Richards said today: “One Family welcomes the Government’s Commission of Investigation into Mother and Baby Homes and we will be making a submission to Minister for Children and Youth Affairs, Charlie Flanagan TD, on appropriate terms of reference. We strongly believe that it will be of great benefit to individual members of families who spent time in mother and baby homes, as well as to wider society, if we are able to respectfully establish relevant facts about who lived and died in homes, who was adopted and where to, and we hear the experiences and voices of those who were born and lived in mother and baby homes.”

One Family’s Chairperson, John O’Connell, who was himself born in Bessborough Home and returned with his mother to her family at the age of six months, comments: “Unfortunately we are aware that secrecy and shame can still surround many women whose children were adopted from mother and baby homes. As a society we need to give a clear and strong message that this secrecy and shame was and is wrong. There are still opportunities for adopted family members to be reunited, for children and parents who lived in mother and baby homes to be heard and acknowledged, and for Irish society to finally learn these lessons and treat all children and families equally.”

Lone parents and their family members affected by the recent harrowing reports may wish to call One Family’s lo-call askonefamily helpline for support on 1890 66 22 12.

Our annual Family Day Festival took place on Sunday 18 May in Dublin’s Iveagh Gardens. Despite the heavy rain, we had a brilliant day with wonderful singers, musicians, poets, performers, sports, storytelling and puppet shows to entertain us, excellent workshops, and information from a variety of family focused and cultural organisations.

View this short Family Day Festival video for a real flavour of the day. It’s guaranteed to put a smile on your face and get your toes tapping.

Thank you to videographer Ger O’Donnell; and thank you to all of the wonderful volunteers, performers, participating organisations, staff and production crew for making the Family Day Festival 2014 such an enjoyable and positive celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today. Thank you also to the Community Foundation for Ireland and Dublin City Council for their support; to Today FM; and to the OPW for kindly providing the Iveagh Gardens. We are already looking forward to Family Day Festival 2015.

There are many ways to get involved in the Festival including sponsorship opportunities. If you or your organisation would like to find out more, please email us or call 01 662 9212.

Press Release

More Children Live in Poverty Because of Lack of Quality Childcare to Enable Lone Parents to Work 

European Commission Highlighting of Childcare Provision Failure

for One-Parent Families Welcomed by One Family

(Dublin, Tuesday  3 June 2014) One Family – Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families in Ireland today – welcomes the highlighting of the need for quality affordable childcare for lone parents which would increase existing low levels of female participation in the workplace, ultimately reducing poverty levels and social exclusion for children, by the European Commission this week.

There has been a significant shift of emphasis in social policy to early years interventions targeted to help children from poorer backgrounds. In many respects this focus is welcome: it acknowledges, for example, that disadvantage starts from birth and needs to be corrected for from the outset of children’s lives. Government fully recognises the value of an accessible childcare system and now needs to deliver it.

Yet despite the widespread recognition of the critical importance of the early years, our Government often seems to fail to acknowledge the reality of child poverty in Ireland today and to design interventions that truly tackle the hardships that poor children encounter. Those living in lone parent households continue to experience the highest rates of deprivation with almost 69% of individuals from these households experiencing one or more forms of deprivation (EU-SILC 2010).

Childcare is particularly expensive in Ireland and, coupled with a ‘low pay premium’ for part-time work, this plays a significant role in whether or not the financial benefits to paid work outweigh the costs for lone parents – the often referenced ‘welfare trap’. We have heard from parents who desperately want to return to work to improve the standard of living for their children and future outcomes, but who have been forced to turn down opportunities owing to a lack of affordable, accessible childcare.

Among One Family’s many services for lone parents and those sharing parenting, we support parents to be able to access work, including good quality part-time/flexible opportunities. Without good quality childcare many lone parents remain simply unable to take up employment opportunities.

Success in achieving such a childcare system would provide a significant boost to the economy. Parents who currently stay at home to care for their children would be able to work if they wished to do so. This would increase family incomes, improve living standards and reduce dependence on benefits, as well as lifting children out of poverty and improving their learning and development outcomes.

One Family reiterates its call to Government to enact its 10 Solutions campaign, with an immediate focus on childcare.  All children deserve the best start in life.

For further information on One Family’s 10 Solutions, click here.

/Ends.

About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families and people sharing parenting offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to those working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 622 212, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes the Family Day Festival, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview

Stuart Duffin, Director of Policy & Programmes | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 062 2023

Further Information/Scheduling

Shirley Chance, Director of Communications | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 414 8511

For many parents sharing parenting after separation, one parent is the ‘primary carer’ and the other ‘non-resident’ or ‘contact’ parent, spends their time with their child at weekends and holidays. It can be challenging for parents in this situation, especially if trust has been broken, to put their feelings about their ex to one side. Remaining focused on the needs of your child is important. In time, a shared parenting relationship can become established where you can both share the positives of being parents.

As part of our ’10 Ways to …’ series of weekly parenting tips, here are our tips for non-resident/contact parents to positively maintain contact to help both parents to focus on keeping their child at the centre of parenting.

1. Once agreed: When you have managed to agree on contact, follow through.
2. Be on time: Timekeeping is crucial. The other parent can and will feel very disrespected if you are late and children can become very anxious and upset.
3. Turn up: This is your time with your child. It may not be exactly what you want but it’s what you have now. Turn up and be with your child. Nothing else should take its place. Rearrange other things – never your child!
4. Maintenance: Try to stick to all court orders and don’t give ammunition to the other parent. Some parents might use maintenance as a bargaining tool.
5. Plan your time: Make contact fun. It doesn’t have to cost much money. Make it child friendly and interact at a very high level with your child. You can rest later.
6. Involve your child: Plan with your child each week. Talk with them and ask them what they would like to do. Follow through.
7. Respect: Always speak well of the other parent even if you don’t feel it. They are your child’s parent and you can impact greatly on their ability to parent and in turn, your child’s well-being.
8. Be back on time: Again, respect the agreement. The resident parent can and will become very distressed even if the child is 5 minutes late.
9. Parent: When with your child be an active parent. Play with them, talk with them and have fun and laugh together.
10. Don’t quiz your child: It’s not your child’s job to keep you informed about the other parent. Talk about school, activities, their likes and dislikes. Talk with them as needed about why you can’t live with them all the time any more. They will seek explanations and want to understand their family form as they grow. No Blame! Children usually love both parents regardless of wrong doings, mind them and enjoy them. Don’t make life hard for them.

If you found this post useful, you might also like to read 10 Ways to Successful Shared Parenting. One Family offers a range of services to parents sharing parenting or parenting alone after separation. You can find out about them here. If you need support, information or advice, contact our lo-call askonefamily helpline on 1890 66 22 12 / support@onefamily.ie.

This week’s ’10 Ways to …’ is adapted by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, from our Family Communications training programme.

Coming soon: 10 Ways to Understand How Your Child May Feel and 10 Ways to Problem Solving.

One Family offers a range of training opportunities for parents and for professionals on an on-going basis. To find out more, click here or call 01 662 9212.

This week’s ’10 Ways to …’ series offers tips for parents on toilet training. There’s no doubt that this is a big milestone for both parent and child and it can seem daunting. There is no exact age to begin as every child is different but when you can tell your child is ready – for example, if they are sometimes dry after naps, have some awareness of bodily functions and can communicate them, and are showing an interest or curiosity – you may find our 10 tips helpful:

1. Are you ready?: As a parent, you must be ready too. You must be ready to acknowledge your child is ready for toilet training, that he or she is not a baby anymore. A new stage has been reached.
2. Set the date: Once you are sure both you and your child are ready to start, then name the day and get organised.
3. Be organised: Plan to start when you have at least 3 days at home with your child. Have the potty in place. Talk with your child about how big they are getting and how they soon won’t need nappies anymore.
4. Involve your child: Bring your child to the shops for a toilet step and pants. Tell them again how big they are getting and how proud you are of them.
5. Be rigid: For the first 3-5 days, the parent must take the lead. Try to stay home and every 20 minutes on the dot take your child to the toilet. Don’t ask them if they need to go to the toilet, tell them it is time to check. They may complain but play a game with them or sing songs on the toilet so they enjoy the experience.
6. Child led: After 3-5 days of the parent taking the lead, allow the child to start taking the lead. Remind them and encourage them. Have the potty in the room near where they are playing. Keep their clothes simple to help them make it on time. You will move out to the toilet in the coming weeks.
7. Be positive: Praise your child for the effort and the success. Do not focus on the accidents. If there are many, simply go back to taking the child every 20 minutes rigidly.
8. Night time: Encourage your child to wear a pull up at night. But soon you may find they will wake at night and want to use the toilet. Once they object to the nappy, leave it off and encourage them to go to the toilet. Always use toilet before bedtime. Have a ‘no drinks for at least 1 hour prior to bed’ rule. Don’t allow drinks during the night either unless they are unwell.
9. Travel Potty: Bring the potty wherever you go. On a walk, in the car, on the bus to the shops. Make it easy for your child to succeed. You won’t make it to a public toilet on time and it may not be suitable for them. Bring the potty in a bag and use it. They will gain better control as time goes on.
10. Stop confusing your child: Don’t put nappies on them when going out. Have faith in your child’s ability to tell you they need to use the potty. You are confusing them otherwise. Are they a baby or are they all grown up? Trust them and let them be responsible.

This week’s ’10 Ways to …’ is adapted by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, from our Family Communications training programme.

Coming soon: 10 Ways to Positively Maintaining Contact, 10 Ways to Understand How Your Child May Feel and 10 Ways to Problem Solving.

One Family offers a range of training opportunities for parents and for professionals on an on-going basis. To find out more, click here or call 01 662 9212.

One Family’s fourth Family Day Festival took place yesterday and was enjoyed by thousands of happy people, children and adults alike, in Dublin’s beautiful Iveagh Gardens – despite the rain.

The annual free Festival is the highlight of One Family’s ongoing campaign for a nationally celebrated Family Day, similar to Mother’s Day or Father’s Day, but which would include all children irrespective of their family make-up. We have been celebrating Family Day for a decade. The Festival, which takes place every year on the Sunday following UN International Day of Families on 15 May, presented a fun, jam-packed programme of workshops from acting to yoga, and butter making to boxing with Olympian Michael Carruth; main stage entertainment with MC Aidan Bishop including magician Brian Daly, Musicantia Roma Children’s Choir, the Nepalese Cultural Group (NCG) and singer Sinéad White; pop-up play opportunities and traditional sports and games; and many of Ireland’s leading cultural organisations for children with fun activities such as puppet shows, arts and crafts, storytelling and more.

The Family Day Festival is a fantastic day out but as the Irish Times noted this week, it also ‘carries a subtle message‘. This message is that all families should be cherished. We know that it is the quality of relationships in the home, not family make-up, that is most important for children’s well-being and Family Day celebrates all the different types of families that make up today’s Irish society. One Family, GLEN, Marriage Equality, Treoir, BeLong To, New Communities Partnership, ISPCC and Children’s Rights Alliance were among the organisations working with and for families who were on hand in the Information Village to have fun and engage with families about their services.

A favourite of this year’s event was the new One Family Talking Tent which presented parenting talks by One Family, Marriage Equality, GLEN and BeLonG To. The Talking Tent line-up also featured powerful spoken word performances from Colm Keegan and John Cummins, and comic verse for children with Paul Tubb. We were delighted to host the Lord Mayor of Dublin, Oisín Quinn. Minister John Hayes TD and Senator Averil Power also attended and joined in the fun.

Ireland’s celebration of the 20th anniversary of UN International Year of the Family 2014 was a great success.

View the Family Day Festival 2014 photo album for lots of fun photos!

If you were there, please take a short anonymous survey by clicking here to help us make next year’s Family Day Festival even better.

Thank you to all the performers and entertainers who created magical memories for so many families throughout the day. Thank you to the participating organisations, to the production staff, and to all of the incredible Family Day Festival volunteers.

The Family Day Festival is kindly supported by the Community Foundation for Ireland, Dublin City Council (DCC) and Today FM. The Iveagh Gardens is provided courtesy of the Office of Public Works (OPW). One Family is grateful to all.

If your organisation would like to get involved in 2015, we’d love to hear from you. Email familyday@onefamily.ie or call us on 01 662 9212 to find out more.

Press Release

Ireland’s Celebration of 20th Anniversary of UN International Year of the Family

Family Day Festival | Sunday, 18 May 2014 | Iveagh Gardens, Dublin 2 | Free

www.familyday.ie

(Dublin, 16 May 2014) One Family – Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families in Ireland – leads the Irish celebrations of the 20th anniversary of UN International Year of the Family which is being acknowledged worldwide with a series of high profile events.

One Family’s annual Family Day Festival is inspired by UN International Day of Families which is marked every year on 15 May. The Family Day Festival takes place on Sunday 18 May in Dublin’s Iveagh Gardens with a packed programme of free entertainment, workshops, talks, information and more for all ages. On hand too are a variety of key organisations working for and with families and children in Ireland today, sharing information about their services and with fun activities to enjoy. These include One Family, GLEN, Marriage Equality, Treoir, BeLong To, New Communities Partnership, ISPCC and Children’s Rights Alliance.

The annual Festival is the highlight of One Family’s ongoing campaign for a nationally celebrated Family Day, similar to Mother’s Day or Father’s Day, but which would include all children irrespective of their family make-up. In this 20th anniversary year of International Year of the Family, we can take the opportunity to refocus on the role of families, to take stock of recent trends in family policy development and share good practices, and review challenges faced by families in Ireland, one-parent and other families, and continue to recommend and pursue solutions.

One Family is also the founding member of the All Families Matter coalition of Irish NGOs campaigning for a Constitutional review of how family is defined. Currently hundreds of thousands of families in Ireland are excluded. All Families Matter has released the viral video Not A Real Family which can be viewed on YouTube.

The Family Day Festival is kindly supported by the Community Foundation for Ireland, Dublin City Council (DCC) and Today FM. The Iveagh Gardens is provided courtesy of the Office of Public Works (OPW).

Further information on www.familyday.ie where the full programme of events is available to read or download.

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About One Family
One Family was founded in 1972 as Cherish and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families, providing services to people parenting alone, sharing parenting and going through family transitions. Its policy work is rooted in its extensive family support work over the past four decades. Children are at the centre of this work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 622 212, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Listings
Family Day Festival | A celebration of the diversity of the family with free entertainment, games, workshops and fun for all ages | Sunday, 18 May 2014 | Iveagh Gardens, Dublin 2 | 11am – 5 pm | Free | 01 662 9212 | www.familyday.ie

Social Media
Facebook: @OneFamilyIreland / Event: https://www.facebook.com/events/1401257896821836/
Twitter: #FamilyDay @1FamilyIre / #AllFamiliesMatter

Available for Interview

• One Family CEO Karen Kiernan | t: 086 850 9191

For Images or Further Information
Shirley Chance, Director of Communications, One Family | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 414 8511 | e: schance@onefamily.ie

It’s not always easy for parents, especially those parenting alone and/or with little expendable income, to feel they can establish or maintain connection with other parents/peers. This connection is an important part of having good self-esteem and enables parents to support this development in their children. It can also be a support for you on your own parenting journey. Here are our tips on how to connect with other parents: 

• Visit the local playground or park regularly and talk to other parents.
• Make play dates with your friends and their children or your child’s friends from school. These can take place at the park or playground if it’s not possible to have them to your home. 
• Join a club, hobby group or walking group. Eventbrite has lots of free, local activities you can try, as do local libraries. 
• Join a playgroup or baby massage class. One Family run a free Stay & Play group and Baby Massage class, you can find more information on them here. 
• Volunteer in your community or local school on the Parent’s Council 
• Spend time with family when possible
• Use social media, wisely, to keep connected. As well as your own social media profiles, there are many online communities established for parents, and you might also like to connect with One Family on Instagram, Facebook or LinkedIn. 

Press Release

New Viral Video Asks

Do All Families Matter in Ireland?

(Dublin, 14 May 2014) Eight national organisations interested in promoting equality for all families have released an innovative video that shows how the Constitution of Ireland excludes many types of families. All Families Matter is a campaigning coalition that would like to change the Constitution so that all types of families can be respected.

Tomorrow, 15 May, is UN International Day of Families and this year we also celebrate the 20^th anniversary of UN International Year of the Family so it is timely to think about what family means.

This two minute video presents a series of everyday situations in which three ordinary families are told they are ‘not a real family’ because only one kind of family, the marital family, is represented in our Constitution. A quirky, fun and enjoyable video, it explores scenarios featuring a one-parent family, parents who are not married to each other, and same-sex parents to illustrate how the wording of our Constitution is so clearly out of line with the reality of the lives of hundreds of thousands of families in Ireland.

The members of All Families Matter include One Family, Irish Council for Civil Liberties (ICCL), Barnardos, the Family Resource Centre National Forum, Marriage Equality, New Communities Partnership (NCP), Transgender Equality Network Ireland (TENI) and Treoir. They came together over a shared belief that a Constitutional review of how family is defined is required so that all families feel protected and recognised.

We all know and care about families like those represented in the video. All Families Matter calls on everyone to watch and share the video and to ask themselves, what really makes a family and isn’t it time the Irish Constitution reflected the lived reality of our families?

The video can be viewed here.

On Sunday 18 May, founding All Families Matter member organisation One Family hosts its annual free Family Day Festival in the Iveagh Gardens, Dublin 2 from 11am-5pm. Many of the All Families Matter members will be in attendance at the event and available to share information about it and their work. Further information on www.familyday.ie.

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Further Information

Facebook: @AllFamiliesMatterIreland | #AllFamiliesMatter

Twitter: @FamiliesIreland | #AllFamiliesMatter

www.allfamiliesmatter.ie

Available for Interview

• One Family CEO Karen Kiernan | t: 086 850 9191

For Video Files or Further Information

Shirley Chance, Director of Communications, One Family | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 414 8511 | e: schance@onefamily.ie

Press Release

‘Modern Family’ Festival to Celebrate All Families with Arts Workshops, Expert Talks, Magic, Music and More

Family Day Festival | Sunday, 18 May 2014 | Iveagh Gardens, Dublin 2 | Free

www.familyday.ie

(Dublin, 9 May 2014) One Family – Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families in Ireland – presents a fantastic programme in celebration of the diversity of the modern families in today’s Irish society at its annual free Family Day Festival in the Iveagh Gardens on Sunday, 18 May 2014 from 11am to 5pm with MC Aidan Bishop.

On the main stage, MC Aidan Bishop, acclaimed stand-up of the International Comedy Club, will introduce a variety of entertainers. Aidan comments: “I am very proud to be a part of the Family Day Festival. I’ve known about One Family for years as my fantastic cousin Sinéad is parenting alone and is on One Family’s Board of Directors.  I’ve been lucky enough to have the opportunity to be like a Dad in many ways to Sinead’s wonderful daughter, Bella.  What children need is love and security. I’ve seen that in lots of different types of family. For me, that’s what the Family Day Festival is all about – celebrating all the kinds of families that children live in today.”

Performing throughout the day is popular magician and Festival favourite, Brian Daly. Another highlight is the captivating singer/songwriter/multi-instrumentalist Sinéad White. Sinéad was a hit at Longitude and Electric Picnic last year and her first album is due for release shortly. Also performing are the Nepalese Cultural Group with scintillating dances and music representing various ethnic backgrounds in Nepal and the wonderful Roma Children’s Choir, Musicantia.

Visitors can also enjoy the One Family Talking Tent which will present a series of expert talks on parenting and diverse family issues, and a cutting-edge line up of spoken word performers on the topic of ‘family’.

Workshops and entertainment offered on the day also include:

• A series of 5 yoga workshops from the Elbow Room with a session to suit each member of the family from pregnancy yoga to baby yoga to kids, teens and adults classes
• Fighting Words encouraging children to create their own stories
• Gaiety School of Acting presenting an acting workshop
• Imaginosity with  singing and story-telling all day
• Printing Wanted posters and making origami hats with the National Print Museum
• Making butter with Daisy Cottage Farm
• Some of the best holiday destinations for families in Ireland such as the award-winning Hotel Westport
• Play workshops for adults and children with Abrakedabra
• The Irish Landmark Trust inviting visitors into a recreation of one of its quirky heritage properties in the Iveagh Gardens, itself a beautiful heritage site
• DCC Boxing in the Community workshops with the rumour of an Irish Olympian in attendance
• The Ark Children’s Museum with comic visual arts activities
• DCC Library Services, the Red Cross and many more with activities and demonstrations
• Facepainting, balloon modelling, many other entertainers and the occasional surprise throughout the day

On hand too are a variety of key organisations working for and with families and children in Ireland today, sharing information about their services and with fun activities to enjoy. These include One Family, GLEN, Marriage Equality, Treoir, New Communities Partnership, ISPCC and Children’s Rights Alliance.

Those who cannot attend the festivities in the Iveagh Gardens are encouraged to host their own Family Day event which can be included on the Family Day site by emailing details to familyday@onefamily.ie.

The Family Day Festival is kindly supported by the Community Foundation of Ireland, Dublin City Council (DCC) and Today FM. The Iveagh Gardens is provided courtesy of the Office of Public Works (OPW).

Further information on www.familyday.ie where the full programme of events will soon be available.

/Ends.

About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 as Cherish and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families, providing services to people parenting alone, sharing parenting and going through family transitions. Its policy work is rooted in its extensive family support work over the past four decades. Children are at the centre of this work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 622 212, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Listings

Family Day Festival | A celebration of the diversity of the family with free entertainment, games, workshops and fun for all ages | Sunday, 18 May 2014 | Iveagh Gardens, Dublin 2 | 11am – 5 pm | Free | 01 662 9212 | www.familyday.ie

Social Media

Facebook: @OneFamilyIreland / Event: https://www.facebook.com/events/1401257896821836/

Twitter: #FamilyDay @1FamilyIre

Available for Interview

• MC and comedian Aidan Bishop
• One Family CEO Karen Kiernan

For Images or Further Information

Shirley Chance, Director of Communications, One Family | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 414 8511 | e: schance@onefamily.ie

When there is an issue for any family member, holding a family meeting is a good way to resolve it as a family, and regular meetings can promote harmony between all family members.

Read on for our 10 Ways to Run A Family Meeting

1. Don’t force anyone into doing it. Try saying  ‘  I would like to give this a try – would you?’
2. Meetings should happen regularly on a certain day and time, even if there are no specific issues.
3. All family members need to attend, even the youngest.
4. Set ground rules for the meetings, including how to deal with someone who does not keep their agreements.
5. Decisions need to be made by consensus.
6. Make some time in the meeting for each person to say how they appreciate everyone or something someone did that they liked that week.
7. Nice snacks are important – you can rotate who chooses and prepares the treats. Children will find it fun to be given the responsibility for this task.
8. As a parent, try not to talk too much – family meetings are about sharing power.
9. Agree a way forward, write it down and try it.
10. Review the plan, if it works, great! If not make a new plan.

This week’s ’10 Ways to …’ is adapted by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, from our Family Communications training programme.

Coming soon: 10 Ways to Positively Maintaining Contact, 10 Ways to Effective Toilet Training and 10 Ways to Increase Social Engagement.

One Family offers a suite of training opportunities for parents and for professionals on an on-going basis. To find out more, click here or call 01 662 9212.

(Photo credit: FreeDigitalPhotos.net/Teerapun)

Siblings can play wonderful roles throughout each other’s lives though there can be challenges along the way. Here are some of our tips to help nurture those important relationships.

10 Ways to Parent Siblings

1. Prepare early: talk to older children and prepare them early on about the importance and role of an older sibling as a source of guidance and care. Do be careful that you do not give an older child too much responsibility for a younger one.
2. Let children express how they feel: if a child is experiencing negative emotions about their brother or sister, allow the child to talk about it. Often a child just needs to be listened to.
3. Don’t play favourite: never show a special preference for one of your children.
4. Never compare your children: they are their own individual persons, so celebrate their differences and let them know they are special for who they are.
5. Respect personal space: make sure each child has enough time and space of their own. Children need opportunities to do their own thing, and to play with their own friends without their sibling.
6. Positive Communication: teach your children how to positively get attention from each other rather than picking a fight.
7. Foster co-operation rather than competition: set tasks up that require co-operation among your children, such as having them race the clock to pick up toys instead of racing each other.
8. Develop ground rules together: have family discussions about what rules to establish and receive feedback from your children. Listening to what they need from you and each other may reduce future conflicts.
9. Do not shout or lecture: it does not help the situation if you get frustrated too. Your children will learn and imitate the way you handle resolving problems.
10. Hold children equally responsible: keep in mind that when rules are broken or conflicts arise, it does not matter who started it because it always takes more than one person to cause an argument or fight.

This week’s ’10 Ways to …’ is adapted by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, from our Family Communications training programme.

Coming soon: 10 Ways to Positively Maintaining Contact, 10 Ways to Effective Toilet Training and 10 Ways to Run Family Meetings.

One Family offers a suite of training opportunities for parents and for professionals on an on-going basis. To find out more, click here or call 01 662 9212.

(Photo credit: FreeDigitalPhotos.net/imagerymajestic)

Kitty Holland writes in the Irish Times today about the distressing case of Sabrina McMahon, a lone parent who has been spending nights with her three young children in their car. Housing concerns and worries are the cause of continuous stress for many of the parents One Family works with, with many telling us they are ‘on the edge’.

Good secure housing enhances children’s well-being and helps provide stability for family relationships, schools and development. The housing crisis is a challenge for Minister Burton that she has to resolve for Budget 2015.

Every month, we invite responses to our anonymous, 3 question survey. Last month’s was on Housing Supports. Comments made by some of those who took the survey included:

I’m from Dublin and still have family there but I was forced to move to Wicklow in 2007 where I have no family or supports.

I can’t do a Masters in Education as I was planning, as I live over 45 km from the college I would have had to attend and I would not be able to afford the journeys.

Having to move constantly due to rent increases takes up time, money and creates instability. A constant home is essential in maintaining positive routine.

Security of place is very important for emotional stability of the children.

Longer leases, RAS (Rent Allowance Supplement) to be more attractive for landlords and to be extended beyond a once off, and more social housing is key with rent to buy schemes in place. 

The Housing Supports survey results can be read here. This will be a key topic of One Family’s Budget 2015 submission.

This month’s survey is on Housing and Rent Supplement Limits and can be taken here.

Introducing a new partner who may be potential stepparent to your children requires great care and patience with the focus on helping children to adapt. As part of our weekly ’10 Ways to …’ series, here are our tips on managing this situation so that, in time, all members of the family can enjoy positive and supportive relationships.

10 Ways to Sensitive Integration of a Stepparent

1. Be friends: Introduce your child to your new partner gently and slowly. Plan a fun activity for the family and bring your new partner along. Your partner may not love the child on first meeting, this is natural. Allow the relationship to develop and for both parties to become comfortable with each other.
2. Talk with your child: Involve your child in your life. Tell them you have made a new special friend and that you would like them to get to know your child.
3. Moving in: It is usually once a new partner moves in that they become a stepparent (not always through marriage as legally recognised). Involve children in this process. Talk in advance about what this will look like and how it may change current family life – be clear about the positives and the negatives.
4. Talk about behaviour: When there are young children involved, the stepparent must be allowed to manage behaviour if they are being asked to care for the children. It is important to discuss your views on managing behaviour in advance and agree how to handle issues. Work with each other. Discuss parenting styles and how you were parented as a child. What do you want for your child and how can the stepparent support you to parent?
5. 3 parents: Your child has two parents usually and may not feel they have room for a third. Be gentle in your approach. Don’t get into a situation whereby the child feels the biological parent is being replaced. Always respect the child’s feelings.
6. Respect: Always respect the biological parent of the child and respect the role the child’s biological parent plays in their life. Do not encourage or permit the child to call a stepparent Dad or Mum. You are just creating confusion and disrespecting the other parent. Make sure to talk with the other biological parent about this new important person in your child’s life.
7. Couple time: Remember you are a couple and not just parents. Take time out as a couple and also take time to talk about the challenges of parenting with another adult who is not the parent. It is hard for both of you. The stepparent may have to learn how to share you with your child and that you have to juggle meeting their needs and those of your child.
8. Acknowledge: Both parties need to acknowledge that this may be hard for the child. They may find it hard to adapt to sharing their parent. Maybe they have been hurt in the past. Involve them. Talk about things in the home and plan changes together. Explore issues as they arise and find solutions together.
9. Have fun: Do fun things together! Also allow both the parent and stepparent have one-to-one time with the child. This will help build the relationship for both parents and child.
10. Trust: Trust each other. If you cannot trust your partner with your child then you need to think about what is happening. Take everything your child says seriously. They are not out to hurt you or break up a relationship. Hear them.

If you would like to talk about the issues above or have any other concerns or questions, our askonefamily lo-call helpline is available on 1890 662 212 and by emailing support@onefamily.ie.

This week’s ’10 Ways to …’ is compiled by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly.

Coming soon: 10 Ways to Positively Maintaining Contact and 10 Ways to Effective Toilet Training.

The One Family parenting skills courses Positive Parenting and Family Communications are enrolling now for Summer. Click here for information.

Modern Family is a new Today FM four-part documentary series on family diversity in Ireland, funded by the Broadcasting Authority of Ireland and narrated by Ray D’Arcy and produced by Mary Carroll.

The series aims to explore the changing face of modern families. Part 4 is a focus on one-parent families and separated parents sharing parenting. It features interviews with one of our founders, Evelyn Forde, and other One Family friends and colleagues.

The four episodes will be first broadcast over this Easter Weekend as below:

1. Modern Family Ep1: Same-sex parents | Friday 18 April 10.30am (Listen back here)
2. Modern Family Ep2: Families with disabilities | Saturday 19 April 10.30am (Listen back here)
3. Modern Family Ep3: Immigrant families | Sunday 20 April 9.30am (Listen back here)
4. Modern Family Ep4: One-parent families | Monday 21 April 10.30am (Listen back here)

Note that we will update this post with links to listen back to each episode as they become available.

Further details:

Episode 1 – Same-sex parents More than two decades ago, when Bernadette and Ann decided to start a family as a lesbian couple, they were ahead of their time. Together they raised their two sons, Conor and Darragh in a society where they sometimes felt isolated and stigmatised as same-sex parents. Clare and Aishling met when they were in school. When Clare hit her 30s the pair started talking about having children. They decided to use donor sperm for artificial insemination and they now have a son, Darragh. Glenn and Adriano became the first gay couple in the state to have their civil partnership formally recognised back in January 2011. Glenn has a nine year-old daughter and shares her parenting duties with her mother.

Episode 2 – Families with disabilities Until the age of 18 Julie lived in institutions – residential centres for children with disabilities. She was one of the first children from the hospital to attend the local secondary school and was the first person in a wheelchair to be recruited in the Civil Service. She is married to Mick and has three children. She talks about the challenges she faced in 1970s Ireland, a society where disabled people were invisible. Cerebral Palsy sufferer Ken Kelly is engaged to Gillian Murray, who has Spina Bifida. They want to move in together but there is a lot that has to be considered. Kieran Coppinger is from Mervue in Galway and has Down Syndrome and he talks about his desire to find a girlfriend and his burgeoning acting career.

Episode 3 – Immigrant families Dr Moosajee Bhamjee was Ireland’s first black, Muslim TD. Originally from South Africa (born to Indian parents), he came to Dublin in 1965 where he studied medicine at the Royal College of Surgeons. He tells us how Irish society has evolved since he arrived over forty years ago. Born in Italy and raised in Sri Lanka, broadcaster and social justice activist Dil Wickremasinghe feels thoroughly Irish. She moved here fourteen years ago and as a gay woman she felt immediately welcome. Tomasz Kostienko and his family came to Ireland in 2007. Tomasz felt accepted straight away and his three children now call Ireland home but he dreams of returning to Poland.  Others have not felt so welcome. Refugee Lassane Ouedraogo arrived here from Burkina Faso seven years ago. He has found it difficult to be accepted in and has experienced racism from Irish people.

Episode 4 – One-parent families Today in Ireland, over half a million people live in one-parent families. However, a generation ago, being a lone parent was strongly disapproved of. When Evelyn Forde realised she was pregnant in 1973, she was faced with the heartbreaking dilemma of whether or not to put her child up for adoption. Labour TD Ciara Conway became pregnant in her final year of college. Her daughter Aeva-May is now 11 years old and Ciara speaks about the difficulties of juggling a hectic work and family life. Three years ago Ciara met Gary and they married at Christmas. Aeva-May talks about bringing Gary into their family. Bonnie Brady is raising her son Jayden alone. She speaks about how her life changed dramatically when Jayden arrived and how difficult it is to make ends meet and pursue her career while parenting alone. Paul and his partner separated when their son Eoin was six months old. They share parenting duties now, but spent years fighting over access. It took Paul a long time to learn that every decision he made had to be in Eoin’s best interest, not his.

Press Release

Family Day Festival celebrates family diversity of today’s Ireland on 18 May

Sunday, 18 May 2014 | www.familyday.ie

(Dublin, 18 April 2014) One Family – Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families in Ireland – celebrates the diversity of families in today’s Irish society with the free one-day Family Day Festival in Dublin’s Iveagh Gardens on Sunday, 18 May 2014 from 11am to 5pm.

This is the fourth year of the annual celebration, which attracted almost 10,000 attendees in 2013, and also the 20th anniversary of UN International Year of the Family which encourages a refocus on the role of families and on family policy development, offering the opportunity to share good practices in family policy making and to review challenges faced by families worldwide and recommend solutions. UN International Day of Families, the inspiration for One Family’s founding of the Family Day Festival, takes place on 15 May annually.

Everyone is invited to celebrate their family and all families on Sunday 18 May in acknowledgment of the wonderful diversity and reality of families in today’s Ireland. Families are not all the same and Mother’s Day and Father’s Day exclude many. The Family Day Festival embraces the UN definition of family which refers to two or more people, bound together by mutual consent, birth and/or adoption or placement who together care for each other. It celebrate all types of family – one-parent families, step families, the traditional married family, adoptive and foster families, blended and extended families, those with opposite and same sex parents.

The Festival offers free entertainment and fun for every age. Adults and children can enjoy arts and crafts, performance and storytelling workshops from organisations such as the National Print Museum, The Ark, Imaginosity, Fighting Words and the Gaiety School of Acting; create their own masterpieces to take home; and participate in traditional sports and games.

They will be entertained by performers including MC Brian Daly, magician extraordinaire who can tickle the funny bones of every age, and musicians, dancers and performers. They can avail of the opportunity to engage with organisations providing services for families from advice to family-friendly holidays, and chat with those working towards equality for all families in Ireland. Tasty food from around the world will be on sale or families can bring their own picnics. The Family Day Festival aims to provide a brilliant, packed day out with a great variety of fun activities accessible to all without the need to spend any money.

Karen Kiernan, Director of One Family, commented: “Although our Constitution still does not acknowledge the reality of the diversity of families and this must change, this is a landmark time with the new Children and Family Relationships Bill intending to provide legal clarity on parental rights in diverse family forms, and Better Outcomes: Brighter Futures, the National Policy Framework for Children and Young People 2014-2020 published this week. The Family Day Festival creates a chance to celebrate all families while having a lot of fun. Everyone around the country can enjoy it with their family members and friends and wish everyone a Happy Family Day!” 

Those who cannot attend the festivities in the Iveagh Gardens are encouraged to host their own Family Day event which can be included on the Family Day site by emailing details to familyday@onefamily.ie.

The Family Day Festival is supported by the Community Foundation of Ireland, the Office of Public Works and Dublin City Council.

Further information is available on www.familyday.ie where the full programme of events will soon be available.

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About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 as Cherish and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families, providing services to people parenting alone, sharing parenting and going through family transitions. Its policy work is rooted in its extensive family support work over the past four decades. Children are at the centre of this work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 622 212, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Listings

Family Day Festival | A celebration of the diversity of the family with free entertainment, games, workshops and fun for all ages | Sunday, 18 May 2014 | Iveagh Gardens, Dublin 2 | 11am – 5 pm | Free | 01 662 9212 | www.familyday.ie

For Images or Further Information

Shirley Chance, Director of Communications, One Family | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 414 8511 | e: schance@onefamily.ie

One Family strongly welcomes the publication of Better Outcomes: Brighter Futures – the National Policy Framework for Children and Young People 2014-2020 which was launched today by the Minister for Children and Youth Affairs, Frances Fitzgerald TD, in Dublin Castle and attended by our CEO Karen Kiernan. Better Outcomes: Brighter Futures aims to get 70,000 children in Ireland out of poverty by 2020.

Speaking at the launch, Minister Fitzgerald said: “The purpose of this framework is to coordinate policy across departments to achieve the best for children.” Commitment 4.4 of the Framework is to: Reform the One-Parent Family Payment Scheme so that lone parents have access to a range of supports and services designed to provide them with pathways to work while acknowledging their caring responsibilities.

While both of these positive expressions are also welcome, it is disappointing to note that responsibility for Commitment 4.4 seems allocated only to the Department of Social Protection (DSP). One Family has been calling for cross-departmental collaboration in relation to the daily realities that affect lone parents and their children as part of our 10 Solutions Campaign with our Solution 9 being Joined-up Delivery.

The overarching focus of the Framework is to commit Government Departments to working together in achieving five outcomes for children and young people aged 0-24.

These five outcomes are that children and young people:

•  Are active and healthy, with positive physical and mental well being,
•  Are achieving their full potential in all areas of learning and development,
•  Are safe and protected from harm,
•  Have economic security and opportunity,
•  Are connected, respected and contributing to their world.

Childhood obesity and food poverty are two key areas highlighted, as are child protection and welfare and easier access for young people to mental health services. The Framework also aims to reduce the harm often caused to children by court proceedings. Following closely on the recent launch of our Key Learnings and the Evaluation of the pilot Child Contact Centres we ran for over two years, this too is something we very much welcome.

People in lone parent households tend to have the lowest disposable income out of all households in the state (EU-SILC 2010) and those living in lone parent households continue to experience the highest rates of deprivation with almost 69% of individuals from these households experiencing one or more forms of deprivation (EU-SILC 2010).

One Family positively welcomes the Framework for its potential to effect real change for children and young people as we continue to work towards an end to poverty for all children in Ireland.

Better Outcomes: Brighter Futures – the National Policy Framework for Children and Young People 2014-2020 is available to download/read on the DCYA site here.

For many parents sharing parenting after separation, one parent is the ‘primary carer’ and the other spends their time with their child at weekends and holidays. Achieving successful shared parenting can feel daunting, but it is achievable. When it happens, it can minimise stress for parents and helps keep the focus on the child/children shared.

Achieving Successful Shared Parenting

• You will always be parents: no matter what happened in the adult relationship you will both still be the parents of your child. Allow each other to parent.
• Move on: get support to deal with what happened in the adult relationship and move on to a relationship which is focused on parenting your children.
• Communicate: it is not possible for you both to parent unless you work out how to both feel safe in communicating with each other.
• Parenting Agreement: work with professionals (such as our trained staff at One Family or other professional organisations) and get family support to develop a shared parenting agreement.
• Respect: each other as parents of your child. Talk positively about the other parent to your child.
• Support your child: listen to your child, support them to have a relationship with both parents. They have a right to safe contact with both parents.
• Talk: allow your child to talk about how they feel. What is life like for them? Just listen and acknowledge what they are saying and how they are feeling
• Involve family: with very young children it is hard to let them go on contact visits. Try to have friends and family support you both until you feel confident the parent can manage. They may just need experience.
• Conflict: do not get into arguments in front of your child. Don’t talk about maintenance or other issues at handover times. Plan a time to talk when the child is not present and the impact will not affect your parenting later that day.
• Keep your child at the centre: it’s your child’s contact not yours. Support them to have it and to own it. Seek professional support to help with your feelings and anxieties over contact.

In cases where there is addiction, domestic violence or other similar challenges, please seek professional support before engaging in contact. We offer a range of family support to help those in this situation, you can learn more here.