Our Thoughts on Mother’s Day

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One Family board members, staff, volunteers and lone parents working with us on policy issues respond to the question, “What does Mother’s Day mean to you this year?”

When I was small I would steal daffodils for my mother from the neighbour’s garden. I would fill my hands with the stems until I could hold no more and run all the way home, heart full, longing to please the most important woman in my life. Mother’s Day reminds me of that longing. It reminds me of spring, of fresh starts and of daffodils.

– Katriona, Board Member

This year, Mother’s Day for me is bittersweet. I am 37 weeks pregnant so I’m missing it by 3 weeks, but because I am so excited to become a first time mum I most certainly will celebrate. My plan is to visit my mum’s grave and bring fresh flowers – to have a little chat with her at her graveside, to sit, think, and relish the memories I have of when she was here and we celebrated Mother’s Day with her.

When she passed away, I took legal guardianship of my brothers and sister. You could say I have been like a step-mum in some ways. I would not say ‘Mother’ as I could never take her place. She was, and always will be, very special to me. My brothers and sister have grown up now, so I am really excited to start my own little family. Scared and excited all at the same time …

What gives me hope and makes me smile, is knowing that my mum will always be watching down on us – myself, my brothers, sister, my beautiful nephew and, of course, my new little Bundle of Joy.

– Nicola, Receptionist

What does Mother’s Day mean this year? In 2014? This is the year my son will turn 10. And I turn 40. Oh. My. God. Life begins this year, I am told.

My “life”, as a mother, began in 2004. That June, I was working fulltime in Dublin, had savings, my independence. By July, I had a newborn. In 2015, I will lose the allowance the Government gives us to live on. I wish I could afford childcare so I can work part-time. But it is not affordable.

Nevertheless, I am up-skilling again, like when I sold my car to fund childcare in 2009, but this year I’ll study online at night. I am a caring, hard-working and intelligent mother. I am resourceful. But I am afraid.

So this Mother’s Day, I will be cutting corners, spending as little as possible and hoping that 2015 will not mean abject poverty.

– Deirdre, Budget Panel 

1960. I am nine years old and my brother is 8. We’ve been saving for weeks because Mother’s Day is coming. There is a tiny shop on Dún Laoghaire main street called Graces. It is filled with treasure including a selection of real diamond jewellery. We know they are real diamonds because they glitter so beautifully and look just like the necklaces and tiaras we have seen the queen wear, or Elizabeth Taylor, in magazine pictures.

We can choose from bracelets, tiaras, necklaces and earrings. We visit the shop many times over the weeks, staring at the window display, and finally pick a dazzling necklace, a magnificent cascade of glittering diamonds. The amused assistant puts it in a velvet box and wraps it for us. We are thrilled with ourselves. We’ve got it and Mum doesn’t know!

My Mum worked two jobs to keep us fed, clothed and a roof over our heads. She probably hadn’t been out for the evening in years. But she wore that outrageous piece of costume jewellery, with her cardi and a big grin, all Mother’s Day. What a hero! Mother’s Day is for my Mum.

– Sherie, Director of Counselling

My first thought about Mother’s day is my daughter’s tiny black haired head appearing for the first time. Enthralled, I whispered unheeded encouragements into her mother’s ear.

Since then, Mother’s Day is a time to appreciate her mother’s love, sacrifice and constant caring for the child we parent. That experience has made me more appreciate my own mother and what she forwent to rear my siblings and me.

Each and every child is like a pebble dropped into a still pond. The ripples travel far and wide affecting all in their path. Mothers have been, are and always will be a potential force for good in a troubled world.

My daughter’s mother birthed a child who has been my redemption.

– Declan, previous Board Member

My children are still small enough to be excited about holidays. They don’t distinguish between them – Pancake Tuesday is as important as Mother’s Day. Both are joyous events. They are delighted to spend time making me a card. It’s a privilege to be woken by them and receive kisses – one impulsively shared, the other requested and more self-consciously given – and wished a Happy Mother’s Day.

I’ll ring my own mum and wish her the same. Does she wish, I wonder, that she and I were still at that stage; when you are the most important person in your child’s life? How will I feel when my children move past me into themselves and their own lives?

– Linda, Administration Supervisor

My daughters and I like to play a game we call “guess how much I love you”. All the way out to the far reaches of the universe and back again is only a trillionth of how much I love you – these are measures we use.

But I know they don’t yet understand the gift of love they have given me by agreeing to be my children.  They each have only one mother to love, but I have four children, my two daughters and my stepson and stepdaughter.

As I sometimes say to them my love is not a cake that gets divided in to child shaped sizes and then eaten up by a certain date – it is infinite.   At its simplest it is a kiss good night and a welcoming smile to a tousle head in the morning.  But at the other end of the scale it is the quantum complexity that states that no matter where they are, how old they get, or whether they are mischievous or charming, or even just being, their four hearts beat a symphony of love that nourishes my body and sustains my soul.

The secret of motherhood is that love multiplies exponentially, not divides.  This is the gift given to me by children.  This is what I celebrate today.

– Iseult, Board Member

Mothering Sunday means little to me. I’m mothering alone everyday for over 10 years with little external support or recognition for my efforts. But the rewards come in the form of regular laughter, hugs, health and happiness and the ‘Wow’ moments that occur with physical growth spurts and developments in mental maturity. That’s when I am proud of my mothering of another human being and realise that my contribution to the human race is growing into a decent person who will go on touch the lives of many in a positive, compassionate way.

– Noreen, Budget Panel

Anna Jarvis, founder of Mothers’ Day, later tried to have the holiday destroyed: she soured on the commercial interests associated with the day. She wanted Mother’s Day “to be a day of sentiment, not profit.” Beginning around 1920, she urged people to stop buying flowers and other gifts for their mothers. She referred to the florists, greeting card manufacturers and the confectionery industry as “charlatans, bandits, pirates, racketeers, kidnappers and termites that would undermine with their greed one of the finest, noblest and truest movements and celebrations.” She attempted to stop the floral industry by threatening to file lawsuits and by applying to trademark the carnation together with the words “Mother’s Day” though she was denied the trademark.

Jarvis’s ideal observance of Mother’s Day would be a visit home or writing a long letter to your mother. She couldn’t stand those who sold and used greeting cards. “Any mother would rather have a line of the worst scribble from her son or daughter than any fancy greeting card,” she said.

In 2014, I support her. It’s too commercial. It’s outdated and it doesn’t reflect the diversity of families we have to-day. Instead we should celebrate parenting and nurturing and call for the abolition of Mother’s and Father’s Days combining into Family Day: a day to celebrate our individual dynamic family heritage.

– Stuart, Director of Policy & Programmes

After I had my son Mother’s Day began to mean a lot to me.  I was alone, my husband had left us, my child was premature and sick and every day I struggled to cope. So for me, each Mother’s Day represented that I’d won the battle and gotten through another year. No matter what I always felt happy on this day. Strong; like I was a survivor, not a victim. Though usually negative, my self-talk turned positive and predominately strong on this day. I’d tell myself I’d done a really good job and reflect on the ups and downs of the year. I’d bring my son with me to treat myself to a nice lunch on this day and some wine. Now that he’s older at seven, and a strong little man himself, I don’t struggle to cope so much anymore. Although it’s still there sometimes, there’s no longer a daily battle with depression, isolation, frustration and loneliness. Things are so much brighter for us now.

I see Mother’s Day as a symbol  of hope that no matter what happens I can cope, that things will continue to get better, as a tribute to all women who are mothers, and as mothers united bestowing respect upon one another. Especially the ‘bad ass’ ones who are doing it alone.

– Ellen, One Family Budget Panel

I was born on my mother’s 33rd birthday and to recognise this I was named after my mother. I grew up in a house with eleven people including six siblings, parents and grandparents, so it was hard to get attention. Still, I always felt that I was special because I had been born on the same day as my mother and we had the same name – as a child it felt like we had a special bond. Now I call my Mum on our birthday and I say “Happy Birthday Valerie” and she returns the sentiment. “Happy Birthday Valerie.” It is the only time of the year that I call my mother by her first name. I guess it has become our little tradition.

My own daughter was due on my birthday and I was hoping to continue the family tradition and name her after my mother and I but she arrived a little late, as children tend to do, so it was not meant to be. Since becoming a mother myself, I appreciate so much more everything that my mother has done for me. I realise now all the little things a mother does every day for her children. Not just the obvious things but other more subtle things that you don’t notice as a child. My grandmother and great-grandmother also had seven children each. I feel proud to have come from such a long line of strong, independent, loving women who have dedicated their lives to nurturing the next generation.

– Valerie, Research & Policy Analyst

I am the daughter of the original Yummy Mummy. Even after having her six children that she was so proud of, my mum – with her tousled curls, mini skirts, tan tights and high-heeled sandals – ran the house with huge energy and music and dancing. She had a kind of distracted, whimsical approach to housework while, encouraged by her own mother, making us all laugh came naturally and ‘got done’ much more often. My father remained madly in love with her until death did them part. She misses her gorgeous husband so much!

– Paula, Director of Professional Development

Before becoming a Mum, it was a day to tell my Mother how much she meant to me. Even though that remains important, being a Mum myself for the past 21 years makes Mother’s Day very special for me. I plan well in advance how to spend the day in the best way possible with my three children. My oldest daughter will be working but she will have a small gift for me, rarely a card, but I know she cares and acknowledges that I do my best for her and have done since she was born – all 8Ib 12ozs. The smallies are where my energies really go and this will be my first Mother’s Day with my son, so it is very special, and I will talk with my little daughter a week or so in advance. I’ll let her be part of the planning so she can feel she is special to me every day. We hope to have a family fun day out in the zoo.

I will go to bed exhausted after our big day out, I know, but delighted to have had a quality day with my children. Even though I try to have lots of quality time with them, it can be hard when you’re a working Mum. I feel we really add to our relationship and bond on this special day. Not everyone gets to feel this very special pride. I feel Mother’s Day is about celebrating what an honour it is to be a Mum.

– Geraldine, Director of Children and Parenting Services

Every year, I love my mother more. And I see more clearly how alike we are, and my daughter too. We are all carers, we love to give to others and make them happy. I wasn’t always comfortable with this trait but I see now that it is a wonderful way to be. Thanks Mum, for passing this on.

– Sinéad, Board Member

My thoughts as I reflected on this question have been with the mothers I have worked with during my time as a counsellor in One Family.  I have met many brave, courageous and wonderful women mothering in that time.

Mothering Sunday can be a very emotive day for our clients.  There are high expectations that go with that day for both mother and child. This day celebrates the unconditional love between mothers and their children.  A day of surprises and treats, gifts, and maybe breakfast in bed.   I am thinking of many mothers of young children and babies who do not have a family member or partner to make sure there is a card or present for that mother on mother’s day.  That mother lives in isolation, perhaps in a hostel or housing estate, with few friends or family for support.

I have also thought in the last weeks of the mothers I have worked with in One Family who have found mothering difficult.  Who either did not bond or found it very difficult to love their babies.  These women find it very difficult to find a safe place to voice this experience.  This is to speak the unspeakable – that a mother might find it difficult or may indeed not love her baby. If they tell their GP or any professional service, they will most lightly be offered anti-depressants or told they have post natal depression.   A number of women have told me that during pregnancy when they expressed fears about motherhood, they were told ‘when the baby’s born, it will be different’ or ‘you will fall in love when you see the baby’.  This is not always the case.

In the recent debates on abortion I am always struck by how the consequences of a woman going ahead with a pregnancy she does not want is never discussed or mentioned.  The long-term emotional distress, both for her and the child …  This often manifests itself in lack of confidence, low self-esteem, depression and anxiety, for both mother and child.

I will think of those brave women on Mother’s Day.

– Marguerite, Counsellor

Mother, the noun: a woman in relation to a child or children to whom she has given birth. Mother, the verb: bring up (a child) with care and affection. I experienced both the noun and the verb in a variety of guises throughout my childhood. I learned that ‘mother’, in its essence, is fluid – a term of great complexity, confusion and change. It can represent the cruelest heartbreak and the purest kindness.

Two of my mothers are gone now. Both are in my thoughts every day and will be on Mother’s Day. For the one who is still here, I’ll ensure she knows that she is a much loved ‘verb’.

– Shirley , Director of Communications

This Mother’s Day let’s think of the children who don’t have a Mum in their lives and make sure they feel included and cherished. Let’s be aware of the Dads who are raising children on their own and let’s make sure they feel appreciated for being a special type of Mum. Let’s remember the women who are Mums in their hearts but not in reality because their dream to be a parent has not yet come true or may never come true.

Let’s remember the women who relinquished children to be adopted for whatever reason and who may have that shadowy experience of having been a Mother but not a parent. Let’s remember the Mothers who dream of, raise, support and love children day in and day out but who are not able to be legal parents. Let’s remember the foster-Mums who are caring for, loving and raising our vulnerable children year in and year out but who are not able to adopt them. Let’s remember the Mums who feel like failures, who have let down their children and who are mercilessly judged for not being ‘Irish Mammies’ – we can all only do our best even though sometimes our best is not good enough for others.

Let’s remember the Mums who are living in Ireland working in our hospitals, cleaning our houses and caring for our children and whose own children may be far away in another country, Mums who are not able to afford to have their children with them. Let’s remember the Mums who go without food, who make heroic sacrifices to give their children enough even though they have barely enough to live on.

On behalf of One Family, on this special day, let’s remember all the Mums who are doing it on their own. Let’s remember the brave founders of Cherish who back in the early 1970s said they were not giving up their children; let’s be aware of the fact that 65% of the poorest children in Ireland live in one-parent families; let’s know that for most Mums parenting alone is probably not the way they wanted it to turn out. Let’s say well done to all those Mums as they battle negative attitudes, juggle parenting with work and education, pay for everything from one salary, are good cop and bad cop, and put their children first and last, always.

Well done, keep up the good work raising the next generation – you are appreciated.

– Karen, CEO

 

* A version of this article has appeared in thejournal.ie today.

Hands

Pilot Child Contact Centre Evaluation and Key Learnings Documents

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One Family launches the Evaluation of the Child Contact Centre pilot services and our Key Learnings document containing Policy Recommendations for Policy Makers today, Friday 28 March in the Chester Beatty Library, Dublin Castle at 9.30am. Speakers include the Hon Mr Justice Michael White of the High Court and Chair of the Courts Family Law Committee; Dr Stephanie Holt of the School of Social Work and Social Policy, Trinity College Dublin; and One Family CEO Karen Kiernan.

The services were run on a pilot basis in two locations in north and south Dublin between 2011 and 2013 by One Family and Barnardos in a partnership arrangement, offering a range of assessment, contact and family support services to high-conflict families who were frequently in legal disputes in relation to contact arrangements for their children. These Child Contact Centres provided a safe, neutral, child-centered environment for children to spend time with the parent/s they do not live with. Common challenges for families included domestic abuse, poor mental health and addiction.

The following documents were launched and can be read/downloaded below:

One Family_Child Contact Centre_Key Learnings March 2014 – PDF

Child Contact Centre Executive Summary December 2013 – PDF

Child Contact Centre Evaluation December 2013 – PDF

You can also read our Press Release, issued on Thursday 27 March 2014:

Courts Need Professionally Conducted Assessments to Ensure Child Safety

Our Response to Draft Heads of Children and Family Relationships Bill: Submission on the Children and Family Relationships Bill 2014 to the Joint Committee on Justice, Defence and Equality can be read here: Children and Family Relationships Bill 2014 – Response to Draft Heads.

10 Ways to Establish a Bedtime Routine

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Many children find it difficult to settle down at bedtime which can lead to challenges. For this week’s ’10 Ways to …’ post offering parenting tips, we look at how to establish your child’s bedtime routine. Here are some tips that should help:

  1. Adequate Sleep: How much sleep does your child need every day? Use the guide to help you choose an appropriate bedtime: 1-3 years: 10-15 hours including naps / 4-7 years: 10-13 hours with no naps.
  2. Reduce naps: Once children reach preschool age, naps are no longer necessary. It is best to get your child to bed early and get adequate sleep at night time. Early to bed and early to rise!
  3. Routines are crucial: Develop a clear routine around bedtime with your child and stick to it. The bedtime routine should start no later than 30 minutes prior to your child being in bed.
  4. Snacks: It is important to ensure your child is not hungry going to bed but be careful about food choices offered late in the evening. Too much sugar will not aid sleep.
  5. Consistency: Children are consistent in how they sleep and wake. If you let them stay up late, they will generally still get up at their usual time meaning that you’ll probably have a day ahead with a cranky child – and parent.
  6. Quality time: As part of your routine, plan relaxing, wind-down activities for the hour leading up to bedtime. Too much activity close to bedtime can keep children from falling asleep. Think about what play is good to help children relax and calm down.
  7. Share time: Parents and children need to relax together and reconnect after the day. Share stories from your day and talk about what is happening the next day. Children will sleep better when they have had time to tell you about any worries they might have and to share their stories, and they feel safe knowing what tomorrow brings.
  8. Behaviour: The right time to change behaviours is not when everyone is tired. Think about what is problematic and plan changes. Involve your child in the changes. Make sure they know about this prior to bedtime.
  9. The bedroom: Keep it quiet and calm. Make sure the lighting is just right and ensure your child feels safe. Baby monitors are great at all ages as they reassure a child that their parent will hear them if they call out.
  10. Support children in developing self soothing skills: Encourage your child to soothe themselves back to sleep.  Talk about what might help them to do this during the day, not at night time. Agree in advance what the child can do – can they come to your bed or do you go to them?

This ’10 Ways to …’ feature is compiled by Grace Mulligan, Crèche Team Leader, One Family.

Coming soon: 10 Ways to Successful Toilet Training and 10 Ways to Happy School Breaks.

The One Family parenting skills courses Positive Parenting and Family Communications are enrolling now. Click here for information.

 

Gavel

Courts Need Professionally Conducted Assessments to Ensure Child Safety

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Press Release

Courts Need Professionally Conducted Assessments to Ensure Child Safety

Child Contact Centre Pilot Services Evaluation Launched by One Family

(Dublin, Thursday 27 March 2014) One Family – Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families – launches the Evaluation of the Child Contact Centre pilot services and its Policy Recommendations for Policy Makers document on Friday 28 March in Dublin Castle. Speakers include the Hon Mr Justice Michael White of the High Court and Chair of the Courts Family Law Committee; Dr Stephanie Holt of the School of Social Work and Social Policy, Trinity College Dublin; and One Family CEO Karen Kiernan.

Child Contact Centre services were run on a pilot basis in two locations in north and south Dublin between 2011 and 2013 by One Family and Barnardos in a partnership arrangement. The service offered a range of assessment, contact and family support services to high-conflict families who were frequently in legal disputes in relation to contact arrangements for their children providing a safe, neutral, child-centered environment for children to spend time with the parent/s they do not live with. Common challenges for families included domestic abuse, poor mental health and addiction.

Families ranged across socio-economic backgrounds and the services were mainly used constructively by courts. Referrals to the service were from the courts (35%), self-referrals (29%) and the HSE/Social Workers (22%). 40% of families had a HSE Social Worker. Currently children may be court-ordered into unsafe contact/access situations due to inadequate information available to court.

An evaluation of the service was conducted by Candy Murphy of CMAdvice and Dr Stephanie Holt of the School of Social Work & Social Policy, Trinity College Dublin based on data for the period October 2011 to April 2013. Dr Stephanie Holt, Director of Teaching and Learning at Trinity’s School of Social Work and Social Policy comments: “For approximately 10-30% of separated families, the process by which contact is agreed is problematic and potentially dangerous. Some parents (both perpetrators and victims of domestic violence) may not see that domestic abuse impacts negatively on their ability to parent well or that such abuse may negatively impact their children. The service worked closely with all parties providing a safe place for the voice of the child to be heard and a core focus on the child’s best interest. With child-centred therapeutic support even young children were able to articulate what they wanted in terms of contact.”

Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO, in responding to the Evaluation, summarises One Family’s recommendations to policy makers: “The courts need access to professionally conducted family assessments in order to make child-centred decisions that will be safe and enforceable. This will save court time and ensure that children do not experience unsafe court-ordered contact visits. Child Contact Centre services offering supervised, supported and handover contact, in conjunction with family supports including counselling, parent mentoring and child therapy, must be part of the ancillary court services contained in the Children & Family Relationships Bill. Effective cross departmental and interagency working is essential involving the Department of Justice and Equality including the Courts Service, the Probation Service, the Legal Aid Board, the Family Mediation Service and COSC; and the Department of Children and Youth Affairs including the Child and Family Agency which now has responsibility for child protection and welfare.”

Key Statistics

  • Referrals to the service were from the courts (35%), self-referrals (29%) and the HSE/Social Workers (22%). 40% of families had a HSE Social Worker.
  • The average age of parents was 33 years old and 79% of parents were unmarried.
  • There was an average of two children per family and 66% of the children were aged 8 or younger.
  • 72% of families had been in or were in court proceedings with 58% of families having Access Orders in place.
  • 77% of children had either never lived with their non-resident parent or not lived with them for over a year.
  • At the time of the referral, 61% of children had no contact with their non-resident parent.
  • 59% of families in the service were assessed as having a current risk of child abuse and 50% of families had a current risk of domestic violence.
  • 23 Child Protection Notifications were sent by the service to the HSE in respect of 38 children.
  • The service offered children and parents 455 contact opportunities of which 333 (73%) were taken up.
  • The service offered a total of 502 counselling and parent-mentoring sessions of which 387 (77%) were taken up.

Further Information

Child Contact Centre: Key Learnings – One Family

Read/download here.

Final Evaluation of the Barnardos/One Family Pilot Child Contact Centre – CMAdvice Ltd

Read/download at here.

Executive Summary of the Barnardos/One Family Pilot Child Contact Centre – CMAdvice Ltd

Read/download here.

About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 as Cherish and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to those working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 622 212, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes the Family Day Festival in Dublin’s Iveagh Gardens. This annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland takes place on Sunday 18 May 2014 (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview

Karen Kiernan, CEO, One Family

Dr Stephanie Holt, School of Social Work and Social Policy, Trinity

For Interview Scheduling/Further Information

Shirley Chance, Director of Communications | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 414 8511 | schance@onefamily.ie

Girl playing

10 Ways to Understand the Value of Play

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For our ’10 Ways to …’ feature this week, we explore why play is important. Read on for our ‘10 Ways to Understand the Value of Play’.

The importance of play in a child’s life cannot be underestimated. Play is a child’s work and is “serious stuff”.

  1. Importance of play: Play fosters a child’s development in every way imaginable. Play helps develop self-esteem and social skills, motor skills, and aids physical development and a child’s intelligence.
  2. Different forms of play: There are many ways in which children play.  Play can be inside or out, using toys or using household items. The imagination can be very active or the child may be focused on a puzzle or constructing a tower. It might be with water or sand, paint or dough. They may love dolls and playing house. Whatever it is, they are learning. Add things in for children to play with which will extend their learning. Such as water in the sand, bubbles in the water etc.
  3. Language: Through play, children are learning new words every day. They are playing with parents and others and have to use language to communicate and play the game they want.
  4. The 20 minute tool: By sitting with and playing with your child every day for 20 minutes, you will not only learn a vast amount of information about your child, how they think and how they see and feel the world but you will also be supporting them to play and helping them learn.
  5. Value play: Allow children time to play. Give them notice of when play time is up, as it’s time to eat or sleep or go out. Respect their time to play and notice when they are playing well with others.
  6. Social skills: Children learn how to socialise and be with others through play. Initially children like to play alone but as they reach school age they see the value in playing with others as opposed to alongside them. Sharing and taking turns can be hard work and play supports children to practice this.
  7. Emotions: You will often see children play the same role play game over and over and then one day it stops. Children will act out what they see important adults in their lives do. This helps them to learn and to understand what is happening and the roles we are playing in the world.
  8. Physical well-being: Outdoor play in particular is so important for children. They get their exercise through playing in the park, running, hide and seek, ball games etc. Children will be happier and more confident when they are fit and healthy.
  9. Aids learning: School can be difficult for some children. It is important to remember when they get in from school to allow play time. They need this to process what has happened in school, with teachers and with friends. They can feel energised after some play and then homework will usually go a lot smoother.
  10. All ages play: Children from birth onwards play, it just changes as they grow and develop. Play with your child from day one. Get comfortable with playing with them and you will be creating a solid foundation for your life together.

This ’10 Ways to …’ feature is compiled by Grace Mulligan, Crèche Team Leader, One Family.

Coming soon: 10 Ways to Make Bed Time Better and 10 Ways to Successful Toilet Training.

The One Family parenting skills courses Positive Parenting and Family Communications are enrolling now. Click here for information.

One Family 10 Solutions

Childcare Provision Failure is One of Government’s Harshest Blows to One-Parent Families

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Press Release

Childcare Provision Failure is One of Government’s Harshest Blows to One-Parent Families

www.onefamily.ie

(Dublin, Wednesday 19 March 2014) One Family – Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families in Ireland today – responds to the pending publication of a new report due for release later this month by the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) which will show that a family in Ireland with two children spends 40% of its average wage to meet childcare costs. Ireland is one of the most expensive countries worldwide for childcare services.

One Family has been calling for affordable, accessible childcare for many years and putting forward to Government our no-cost and low-cost solutions as part of our 10 Solutions campaign. Lack of childcare remains one of the greatest barriers to lone parents wishing to return to work and/or education. Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO, responds to the pending publication of the OECD report as follows: “This new report is timely. Currently Minister Fitzgerald is reviewing the myriad of child support schemes and their impact on low income families. One Family is recommending an amalgamation of supports into a single accessible and tailored Childcare and Out of School Care financial support programme to ensure work pays for low income families and enables them to get out of consistent and persistent poverty.”

Lone parents on social welfare will be activated (turned into job-seekers) when their youngest child is 7 years old. Success relies on activation being underpinned by local, affordable, accessible and quality child and out of school care. This is not the case as the spread and reach of services is patchy.  Stuart Duffin, One Family’s Director of Policy & Programmes, comments, “There is little room for injecting funding into delivery of existing services so we need to be creative, innovative and entrepreneurial in how we craft and model provision using available resources and assets. The outcomes need to support the needs of parents and the exchequer.”

Worldwide, many innovative schemes are in place. Yesterday a major new childcare package was launched in the UK. It aims to help millions of parents, enabling them to go out to work and providing more security for their families, while directing extra support to those children from disadvantaged backgrounds through a tax free Childcare allowance. In New Zealand, the Out of School Care and Recreation (OSCAR) Subsidy is proving to be a good economic policy.

Government is charged to commit to protecting and building childcare and out of school care spaces in both the short and long term, for families in transition and particularly for those parenting alone. For low-income parents, the lack of access to quality and affordable childcare remains a fundamental challenge to participation in the labour market. Their ability to work is jeopardised which makes the entire childcare system vulnerable and ultimately the economy as a whole. Provision of childcare and OSCAR, both before and after-school care, is an economic driver. A value-for-money and quality assured childcare service can be delivered by a well designed tax credit system which can provide the targeted support needed to help lone parents secure the employment opportunities that would lead to financial independence.

One Family reiterates its call to Government to enact its 10 Solutions campaign, with an immediate focus on childcare.  All children deserve the best start in life.

Read more about One Family’s 10 Solutions.

About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to those working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 662 212, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes the Family Day Festival, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today, with 10,000 people attending in 2013 (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview

Karen Kiernan, CEO | t: 01 662 9212 or 086 850 9191

Stuart Duffin, Director of Policy & Programmes | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 062 2023

Further Information/Scheduling

Shirley Chance, Director of Communications | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 414 8511

 

 

Launch of Child Contact Centre Pilot Services Evaluation and Recommendations

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Child Contact Centre services were run on a pilot basis in two locations in north and south Dublin between 2011 and 2013 by Barnardos and One Family in a partnership arrangement. The service offered a range of assessment, contact and family support services to high-conflict families who were frequently in legal disputes in relation to contact arrangements for their children.

‘A Child Contact Centre is a safe, friendly and neutral place where children can spend time with the parent/s they do not live with. It is a child centred environment which allows the child to form or develop a relationship with the parent at their own pace and in their own way, usually through play and child centred activities.’

The services to families that the Child Contact Centre provided included:

  • Assessment to identify whether contact is in the best interests of the child and if so what supports the child and family require including risk assessment.
  • Preparation for contact the child and for both parents.
  • Supervised contact, supported contact and handover contact services.
  • Family supports for parents including individual parent mentoring, mediated parenting plans and counselling.
  • Family supports for children including play therapy and art therapy.
  • Regular reviews with inputs from the child wherever possible and from both parents.
  • Pre and post-contact family supports as required.
  • Information on and referral to other services as required.
  • Court reports as appropriate.

On Friday 28 March, One Family will launch the Evaluation of the Child Contact Centre Pilot Services and our Policy Recommendations in Response to the Evaluation from 9.30am to 11am in the Chester Beatty Library, Dublin Castle. Speakers include: The Hon. Mr. Justice Michael White of the High Court and Chair of the Courts Family Law Committee; Dr. Stephanie Holt of the School of Social Work & Social Policy, Trinity College Dublin; and Karen Kiernan, CEO of One Family.

All are welcome to attend but as a limited number of places are available, RSVP is essential. If you wish to attend, please RSVP by email to onefamily@onefamily.ie or call 01 662 9212 by Wednesday 26 March.

Child Contact Centre

Our Response to Draft Heads of Children and Family Relationships Bill

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One Family has submitted a Response to the Draft Heads of the Children and Family Relationships Bill to the Joint Committee on Justice, Defence and Equality.

One Family holds a broad and inclusive view of family life and we work with people who parent alone, people who share parenting of their children as well as families who are in transition e.g. going through the process of separation or becoming a step or blended family. Children are at the centre of what we do and we hold and actively promote the child’s best interest principle, as well as working from a human-rights based approach.

We offer a wide range of specialist and expert family support services, which form the basis of our Professional Development Service and our practice to policy and advocacy work. The opinions and recommendations in this submission are based on the lived reality of the families we work with who live in challenging and diverse situations, on national and international best practice evidence, and on socio-legal research.

This submission is available as a PDF to read and/or download here: Children and Family Relationships Bill – Response to Draft Heads.

An International Women’s Day Focus – Mother’s Education Level

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Press Release

An International Women’s Day Focus –

Mother’s Education Level and Impacts on Lone Parenthood and Well-Being of Children

(Dublin, Friday 7th February 2014) One Family – Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families in Ireland today – looks forward to acknowledgment of International Women’s Day on Saturday 8th March and calls for a new look at education for women in Ireland. Founded by a small group of strong, progressive women who rejected the accepted ‘norm’ to bring about great change including the abolition of the status of illegitimacy, One Family has worked to better the lives of women and children for over four decades.

A mother’s education level has a huge effect on the well-being of children. In Ireland, the majority of lone mothers are aged between 35 and 49 (CSO 2011). Tony Fahey, UCD in ‘Growing Up In Ireland’ (GUI 2011), found that early child-bearing (before the age of 25) is the main factor predicting lone parenthood, no matter what the educational level of the mother, but that less educated women are more likely to have a first birth before age 25. Currently this group represents 6% of the total number of lone parents in the state (CSO 2011).  ‘Growing Up in a One-Parent Family’, a study by researchers at the University of Limerick using the ‘Growing Up in Ireland’ data published by the Family Support Agency in December, indicated that children from one-parent families and cohabiting families fare the same as children from married families when faced with similarly adverse conditions growing up. It concluded that the traditionally perceived benefits of marriage in relation to child development are not a result of marriage itself but are due to the parent or parents’ background and educational levels.

The increase in child well-being over the past 40 years can be attributed to the better education of women, according to GUI 2011. Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO, comments: “The effect of women’s educational expansion on child well-being is enormous. Better educated women may be more likely to understand the development needs of their children and resourced to cope through stressful transitions. Improving women’s education tends to increase national wealth, which in turn improves population’s health.”

Worldwide, there were 8.2 million fewer deaths in 2011 among children younger than 5 than there were in 1970. Of those “averted deaths,” 4.2 million were the result of better-educated mothers and 590 million the result of higher-income households (Institute for Health Metrics and Evaluation at the University of Washington). The rest of the lives saved were attributable to better health interventions. Researchers used data from 915 sources, mostly surveys and censuses, gathered between 1953 and 2013. The experience of countries varied widely but the research found that women are now more educated than men in 87 countries, including nearly all the rich ones.

“These findings are not surprising, but the magnitude is impressive,” says Stuart Duffin, One Family Director of Policy & Programmes. “They clearly justify what One Family has been saying for a long time – that one of the investments we need to make is women’s education and this must be supported by wrap-around, affordable childcare.”

A lack of accessible and affordable childcare in Ireland remains one of the greatest barriers to women parenting alone being able to return to education, or employment, as highlighted in One Family’s ongoing 10 Solutions campaign. One Family provides free childcare in its on-site crèche for parents participating in its learning programmes. It offers education in three main areas: parenting skills for lone parents and those sharing parenting; welfare to work initiatives such as the 20 week New Futures programme; and accredited training for professionals working with lone parent families and families in transition – the flagship Positive Parenting and Family Communications programmes.

“We’re going from a world that was heavily dominated by male educational attainment to one where women are becoming more educated than men,” Stuart Duffin further observed. “The long-term social implications of that are pretty intriguing and are important for Ireland’s economic and social development.”

About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to those working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 622 212, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes the Family Day Festival, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today, with 10,000 people attending in 2013 (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview

Shirley Chance, Director of Communications | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 414 8511

 

10 Ways to Build and Maintain a Close Relationship with your Teenager

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As part of our ’10 Ways to …’ series which offers tips for parents on a variety of topics, here are our ‘10 Ways to Build and Maintain a Close Relationship with your Teenager‘.

  1. Talk with them: Talking to your teenager, not at them, is the key to good communication.
  2. Listen: Listen to what they have to say and ask questions to help you understand their thinking. Sometimes you need to just accept that they see things differently to you.
  3. Empower them: Help your teen find their own solutions to their issues. Don’t give so much advice – let them think it out.
  4. Let them make mistakes: We all learn from making mistakes. Stop trying to make the world perfect for your teen, they need space to learn. You can be there to support them when times are hard.
  5. Share with them: You may hate watching the Kardashians or football on TV but if your teenager loves them then make the effort to sit and watch it with them. This can be a bonding experience and you will get great insight into how their mind works by doing this.
  6. Make dates: Life is busy as a teen. Make a date with your teenager to do something together and don’t break it – keep it a regular thing.
  7. Forget about their bedroom: Most teens can cause havoc in homes over untidy bedrooms. Try setting some rules that washing must be placed in the wash basket and dishes and food all brought to the kitchen. After that forget it. Public spaces within the home must be respected by all but allow them keep their room as they like it.
  8. Like their friends: and boyfriends/girlfriends. You may not particularly like another teen but try to get to know them and be respectful of them. It’s better to have your teenager hanging out in your home than their friends as then you can know more about what’s going on.
  9. Taxi time: It’s horrid but has to be done. It’s only for a few years but it’s necessary. At least if you bring your teen somewhere and collect them you may have more peace of mind than worrying who they are getting lifts with.
  10. They are teens not babies: Teens from 12 years old onwards want to be treated as young adults – with the exception of when they are sick or tired and want to be babied again. Give them responsibilities, trust them and expect them to follow rules. Don’t judge them too quickly as they are only learning.

The ’10 Ways to …’ series is compiled by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly.

Coming soon: 10 Ways to Enjoy School Breaks and 10 Ways to Improve Listening in the Home.

The One Family parenting courses Positive Parenting and Family Communications are enrolling now for March. Click here for information.