Active Listening

10 ways to Active Listening and Assertive Parenting

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Active ListeningActive Listening is an important part of being an assertive parent. It allows children to express their emotions and shows your child that you are taking on board  what they are saying and making an effort to understand how they are feeling about what is going on in their lives.

  1. A child who is allowed time to think for themselves learns to have faith in their own problem solving abilities.

  2. Parents who use active listening teach their children that they are valuable individuals who, given time, can work through and find solutions to the many challenges they may face in life.
  3. Our aim as parents is to be assertive in how we communicate and relate to our children.
  4. Assertiveness is a skill that is learned over time. Through patience and persistence it can transform the relationship between parents and their children.
  5. The world can be a difficult and complicated place for children.
  6. Active listening is the key to good communication.
  7. Listen for feelings and try to put a name on that feeling.
  8. Let your child clarify what feelings they are experiencing or correct you if you have got the feeling wrong.
  9. Being self-aware is crucial to successful anger management. Ask yourself, ‘What is the trigger for this anger I feel?’

  10. You can control your own behaviour and this will model anger management for your child, but you cannot control your child’s behaviour.

This article is part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips, and is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly. Coming up Next Week: 10 ways to Handling Difficult Behaviour – Part 1.

LIVE Facebook Q&A on this topic with Geraldine, 9 February from 11am-12pm on One Family’s Facebook page. Join in and post your questions.

Next you might like to read 10 ways to Improve your child’s Self Esteem, 10 ways to Be Assertive or 10 ways to Improve Listening in the Home

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.

One-Parent Family Poverty Demonstrated By Household Finance and Consumption Survey 2013

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CSOThe Central Statistics Office (CSO) published the results of the 2013 Household Finance and Consumption Survey (HFCS) 2013 today, which was undertaken between March and September 2013. The HFCS collects data on household assets and liabilities, income, consumption and credit constraints. The figures released  demonstrate the effects of the overt discrimination and disadvantage experienced  by one-parent families in Ireland as a result of Government tactics and policies. This is shameful.

Stuart Duffin, One Family Director of Policy & Programmes, responds: “This is yet more very worrying data on the situation of one-parent families, in particular in terms of their level of savings, assets and also debt, particularly on non-mortgage loans. While lone parent households make up 4.4% of all households covered by the survey, they only account for 0.7% of total net wealth.”

“This is bad news for parents struggling on low and insecure wages, coping with rising living costs and no coordinated supports,” he continues. “Parents are short of the money essential for basics. This impacts on and can define a child’s life; denying opportunities and quality of life which increases the odds of a damaged future and a lifetime of disadvantage.”

This follows closely on and reinforces data from the Survey on Income and Living Conditions (SILC) 2013 published last Wednesday which shows that 63% of one-parent family households in Ireland suffer deprivation, and the lived daily realities of the one-parent families One Family supports.

Read our response to SILC 2013 here.

The CSO press release can be read here and the Household Finance and Consumption Survey 2013 downloaded here.

Positive Parenting for Changing Families Cover

Opportunities for Professionals Working with Families

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Positive Parenting for Changing Families CoverDoes your work bring you into contact with families, parents or children? Family support workers, social workers, youth workers, therapists, educators, drugs project workers, teachers, counsellors, people who deliver training programmes and other professionals in a variety of roles will gain real value from participating in a One Family professional development programme this Spring.

They include our acclaimed three day programmes – Positive Parenting for Changing Families and Family Communications – as well as specialist half day workshops such as Coaching Parents in Successful Shared Parenting and Talking to a Child About Their Absent Parent which are three hours packed full of current information. CPD points are available for our half day workshops, while our three day programmes offer all of the benefits of One Family accreditation and a beautifully designed robust manual that will be a valued resource for years to come.

One Family was founded in 1972 and brings 40+ years experience working with parents and children to all of our Professional Development programmes. Our programmes are also extensively researched and regularly updated, ensuring that they offer professionals working with families today a fully rounded development opportunity which will enable them to acquire real skills for everyday use.

A busy schedule for Spring sees us deliver programmes in Dublin, Galway and Westport. We can also faciliate groups in other areas or in organisations on request.

If one of your new year resolutions is to invest in your career development in 2015, this could be the training opportunity you’ve been looking for. Call One Family’s Director of Professional Development, Paula Lonergan on 01 662 9212 or email her to discuss your needs as a professional working with families.

What Previous Participants Said

“After completing this training, I now have increased confidence in my ability to work with a group of parents.”

“The manual explains everything step-by-step and all you’ll need to know is in it.”

“This course really helped me to have more empathy with parents and how they might perceive questions during a session.”

“I loved how interactive it was.”

“The tips for facilitation given by the trainer were excellent.”

Where’s the education and childcare for lone parents for sustainable jobs?

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Press Release

“The best way out of poverty is a job,” says Joan Burton.

“Where’s the education and childcare for lone parents for sustainable jobs?”asks One Family

www.onefamily.ie

The routeway out of poverty is a job: education is the ladder.

(Dublin, Tuesday 27 January 2014) One Family – Ireland’s organisation for people parenting alone and sharing parenting – reacts to the RTÉ 1 Claire Byrne Show debate  with the Táiniste, Joan Burton  and President of Sinn Féin, Gerry Adams.  The coalition Government promised that austerity would be shared equally between rich and poor, young and old. It hasn’t turned out quite like that. 63% of one-parent family households in Ireland suffer deprivation (SILC Report 2013 published last week).

Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO, comments: “Despite it setting out by stating ambitious reformist intentions, under this coalition Government we now see more homelessness, poor access to quality childcare, rising child poverty and vulnerable families pushed onto the live register without supports.”

Stuart Duffin, One Family Director of Policy & Programmes, states, “July 2015 will see up to 39,000 recipients of the One-Parent Family Payment transferred to the Jobs-seekers Transition Allowance until their youngest child is 14 years old. Tánaiste Burton’s mantra is: ‘The best way out of poverty is a job’. Yet 53% of lone parents are already in the labour market and most are working poor. What’s really on offer today for the majority of people parenting alone? Low wages, insecure or zero hours contracts combined with no childcare. That will not take a one-parent family out of poverty.”

He continues: “Táiniste Burton stated last night on the RTÉ 1 Claire Byrne Show that the Job Seeker Transition payment ‘gives lone parents seven years to get into education and then into work.’  Where are these opportunities? Where are these supports? Where are the Out-of School childcare services and training programmes to support parents? We must be solution-focused. Not only do we need to understand poverty but the causes and the routeways out of poverty. Access to free part-time education is the best value approach to activation for Government. Enabling someone who has been removed from the workforce to rejoin it is about more than just assisting them with uploading their CV to an online site. If a job is the routeway out of poverty then access to education is the ladder.”

“If we don’t enable those parenting alone or sharing parenting to be included in Irish society and economy, they and their children will remain outside in deeper poverty and disadvantage into the foreseeable future, and they are voters too,” concludes Stuart.

One Family reiterates its call to Government to enact its 10 Solutions campaign, with an immediate focus on provision of affordable and accessible quality local childcare.  Every parent should have an equal opportunity to create a better future for his or her children. All families deserve an equal chance. One Family is keen to meet with Government to share its European-wide expert knowledge, and over 40 years of experience, on what works for those parenting alone and sharing parenting.

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About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 as Cherish and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those sharing parenting, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to professionals working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 62 22 12, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes Family Day and presents the Family Day Festival every May, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview

Stuart Duffin, Director of Policy & Programmes | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 062 2023

Further Information/Scheduling

Shirley Chance, Director of Communications | t: 01 664 0124 / e: schance@onefamily.ie

10 Ways to Feel Pride in Your Family

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Family PrideIt is important for you and your children to have a sense of pride about your family. No matter what form your family takes, what wealth you may or may not have, or what activities you may or may not do, being secure in one’s family and self – which will nurture family pride – is achieved through building strong supportive relationships. It is the quality of these relationships at home that has most importance for a child’s outcomes. When every member of the family feels cherished and valued, they experience higher self-esteem which contributes to family self-esteem. To build strong relationships, establish pride and a sense of innate family self-esteem, we must encourage positive emotional growth in our children and in ourselves. In this week’s instalment of our ’10 Ways to’ parenting tips series, we looks at some ways to nurture positive growth and your family’s sense of pride.

  1. When children feel a sense of belonging and sense of pride in their families, they can be emotionally strong. Developing family rituals and traditions can bolster this.
  2. Giving children messages of encouragement enables them to develop a positive sense of who they are.
  3. Remember that for your child you are the expert – you are the all important ‘big’ person. How you behave impacts most strongly on your child. Develop pride in yourself as a parent and show pride in your family unit.
  4. When you get it wrong say, ‘I am sorry, I made a mistake’. Saying sorry does not weaken your role as a parent and models positive behaviour for your child.
  5. Keep organised. Simple tools such as a hand-drawn weekly planner on the ‘fridge can help with organising activities, menus, homework time etc. Knowing what is happening helps children to feel secure. Don’t be stressed if you do not have an always perfectly clean and tidy home. It’s difficult to achieve with children! What is important is that your home provide a safe, secure and comfortable environment for your child. Every member of the family should treasure their home and feel pride in their space.
  6. Spend some time thinking about how you can best meet your child’s needs and if there are changes you can make.
  7. Examine your needs as a parent. How can you meet these needs? Remember that the key to positive and successful parenting is to parent yourself first. You must meet your own needs so that you can best meet the needs of your child.
  8. Show affection towards each other. Expressing that you care both strengthens and celebrates your bond as a family unit.
  9. Think about respect within your family. Do you respect your children as you do other adults in your life? Do your children respect you? If not, think about why this is and what changes could be made.
  10. Aim to be a ‘good enough’ parent; no one is perfect and we do not want our children to feel they have to be perfect.

This article is part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips, and is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly. Coming up Next Week: 10 Ways to Understand Why Children Misbehave and the Power of Positive Parenting.

Next you might like to read: 10 ways to Parent Self Care or 10 ways to Improve your Child’s Self Esteem

LIVE Facebook Q&A on this topic with Geraldine, 26 January from 11am-12pm on One Family’s Facebook page. Join in and post your questions.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.