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How To Support Grandparents' Relationship With Your Child

Everyone who is a parent can benefit from family support. Grandparents can be a wonderful source of strength and knowledge, especially to a mum or dad parenting on their own. It’s not always possible for a parent and their child to have a Grandparent in their lives for a variety of reasons, but when it is, this is a relationship to be nurtured as it can be of great influence on a child. 

  • Invite grandparents into your child’s life: They have a lot to offer, things you may not be able to imagine. Children like to know who they are and where they come from. grandparents can offer a lot of history to children and support them to understand their identity.
  • Be open: Even if you don’t have a relationship with your child’s other parent,  grandparents of your child’s other parent can still be part of your child’s life. Many grandparents seek court ordered contact now around this. Others don’t know what to do when couples separate. Explore this with them. Children have a right to contact with family unless it presents any danger to them.
  • Allow them to be grandparents, not  a co-parent: Support grandparents to be grandparents. Don’t expect them to take on too much. They have been parents in the past and now they have other challenges and avenues to explore. They can have a present role in your child’s life without boundaries into parenting being crossed.
  • Make allowances: Allow grandparents some freedom with treats, TV time, etc. This is what grandparents do!
  • Express thanks: Acknowledge what grandparents do for you and your child. Don’t take it for granted. They are not duty bound to support you to parent. Appreciate whatever they do.
  • Keep it kind: Do not talk badly about grandparents in front of children, even if you’ve had or have your own relationship difficulties. They are doing their best. Children will respect others in the way you model for them.
  • Communicate: Talk with grandparents about issues you may have with them. Agree how they can support you to manage your child’s behaviour in a that way everyone is happy, especially the child.
  • Support the relationship: Encourage a good relationship with grandparents. Support them to enjoy being with the children, maybe one at a time to build up relationships.
  • Don’t rely on them for everything: Just because you ask for support you may not get it or perhaps not in the form you had hoped. Have other support systems in place and don’t expect too much from one source.
  • Be confident in your own parenting: You can hear the words of wisdom grandparents may wish to offer you. Remember that although you are the authority on your own parenting, to thank grandparents for their thoughts, to consider their suggestions and to make your own choices as a parent.

     

    Further Support

    We provide limited direct support to both parents and children of one-parent families. This support can be requested directly by parents, for themselves or their child, and by professionals who work with one-parent families. You can find out more about this support here.

    Helpline

    Our askonefamily helpline is open 10am – 3pm, Monday – Friday. We provide detailed, confidential information on social-welfare entitlements and finances, family law, housing, education, childcare and parenting.We also offer a listening-support service for people who need help parenting alone, sharing parenting or separating.

    You can call the askonefamily helpline on 0818 662 212 or 01 662 9212, or email your query to helpline@onefamily.ie.

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How To Be An Assertive Communicator

Assertiveness is a wonderful quality to have, and as long as you know how to use it properly it can be help you be direct and clear in your communication with others, particularly your children. 

Assertiveness is an approach that helps you to be direct, honest and respectful in expressing your feelings, wants, needs and opinions.

  • You should always be respectful of others and yourself when being assertive.
  • Being assertive should not mean being aggressive.
  • Use clear and direct communication instead of unclear or indirect communication.
  • Be more confident about how you say things and how you get your message across.
  • Assertiveness will help your children learn how to be assertive and help a family to be positive and have shared values.
  • Remember you are making requests, not demands. Expect yes and no answers.
  • Be ready to negotiate and compromise with others, including children.
  • Be very specific with children in particular about what you need them to do. ‘I need you to tidy your room’ is too vague. Indicate certain areas of the room: ‘I need you to tidy your dolls today’ and explain what that should look like.
  • Learn to say no and explain why it is a ‘No.’ The ‘No’ is about you safeguarding yourself as opposed to blocking another person: ‘No, you cannot walk alone to the shops, I need you to be safe and I need to hold your hand to ensure this.’

Further Support

We provide limited direct support to both parents and children of one-parent families. This support can be requested directly by parents, for themselves or their child, and by professionals who work with one-parent families. You can find out more about this support here.

Helpline

Our askonefamily helpline is open 10am – 3pm, Monday – Friday. We provide detailed, confidential information on social-welfare entitlements and finances, family law, housing, education, childcare and parenting.

We also offer a listening-support service for people who need help parenting alone, sharing parenting or separating. You can call the askonefamily helpline on 0818 662 212 or 01 662 9212, or email your query to
helpline@onefamily.ie.