All families experience problems at some time. No matter how strong a family unit is or how positive our relationships, siblings will still argue, parents may be stressed over finances, bedtime routines may be difficult to establish.  The demands of daily life can be challenging and problems can easily arise.

If a recurring problem is not addressed, over time it can become a major issue and affect the quality of life and relationships at home for every member of the family. It is essential to recognise and address problems to help prevent this happening.

Here are some tips on solving problems, together, as a family:

• Name the issue, identify the problem. Work on the easier issues first of all. Working out the smaller stuff gives you the confidence to address the bigger issues.

• Try to figure out how strongly everyone feels on the issue at hand by asking, on a scale of 1 to 10, how strongly do you feel about your point? 1 is not very strong and 10 is very strong.

• Do not attempt to start talking about a solution until you can truly re-state each person’s point to their satisfaction and understand it, and have established what, if any, common ground there is.

• Communicate about the problem with each other using the four-step method for clear and direct communication:
  
  Observations | Be factual. Don’t judge or evaluate. State the problem clearly.
  
  Feelings | Talk about what this observation makes you feel. Ask other family members what their feelings are about it.
  
  Needs | Talk about the needs that cause these feelings.
  
  Requests | Be clear, ask for – not demand – what you want. Other family members should have the option to say no and come up with alternatives.

• Come up with some solutions – ask everyone in the family for them:
  Select a solution.
  
  Act on the solution. Divide out responsibility amongst the members of the family.
  
  Appoint someone to monitor the action. For less serious issues, children can be responsible monitors too.
  
  Evaluate the whole thing, and within a reasonable time, ask if the solution is working? If not, pick another one to try. Talk about what you all learnt from the situation.
  
  Remember that is not your job as the parent to ‘fix’ life. Empower your children to make decisions and be responsible.

Further Support

We provide limited direct support to both parents and children of one-parent families. This support can be requested directly by parents, for themselves or their child, and by professionals who work with one-parent families. You can find out more about this support here.

Helpline

Our askonefamily helpline is open 10am – 3pm, Monday – Friday. We provide detailed, confidential information on social-welfare entitlements and finances, family law, housing, education, childcare and parenting.

We also offer a listening-support service for people who need help parenting alone, sharing parenting or separating. You can call the askonefamily helpline on 0818 662 212 or 01 662 9212, or email your query to 
helpline@onefamily.ie.