For many parents sharing parenting after separation, one parent is the ‘primary carer’ and the other spends their time with their child at weekends and holidays. Achieving successful shared parenting can feel daunting, but it is achievable. When it happens, it can minimise stress for parents and helps keep the focus on the child/children shared.

Achieving Successful Shared Parenting

• You will always be parents: no matter what happened in the adult relationship you will both still be the parents of your child. Allow each other to parent.
• Move on: get support to deal with what happened in the adult relationship and move on to a relationship which is focused on parenting your children.
• Communicate: it is not possible for you both to parent unless you work out how to both feel safe in communicating with each other.
• Parenting Agreement: work with professionals (such as our trained staff at One Family or other professional organisations) and get family support to develop a shared parenting agreement.
• Respect: each other as parents of your child. Talk positively about the other parent to your child.
• Support your child: listen to your child, support them to have a relationship with both parents. They have a right to safe contact with both parents.
• Talk: allow your child to talk about how they feel. What is life like for them? Just listen and acknowledge what they are saying and how they are feeling
• Involve family: with very young children it is hard to let them go on contact visits. Try to have friends and family support you both until you feel confident the parent can manage. They may just need experience.
• Conflict: do not get into arguments in front of your child. Don’t talk about maintenance or other issues at handover times. Plan a time to talk when the child is not present and the impact will not affect your parenting later that day.
• Keep your child at the centre: it’s your child’s contact not yours. Support them to have it and to own it. Seek professional support to help with your feelings and anxieties over contact.

In cases where there is addiction, domestic violence or other similar challenges, please seek professional support before engaging in contact. We offer a range of family support to help those in this situation, you can learn more here.