Parenting | Teenagers and Summer Break

Summer can be a challenging time for one-parent families. When you have young teenagers at home and they’re off for three months, they need to be supported to be independent yet still monitored and cared for. For many parents, this has to be done while working a full-time job, providing care or other responsibilities which don’t disappear just because it is Summer.

Here are our some ways to make the three months enjoyable for you and your teen:

1. Clear communication: This freedom is the first real test of how responsible they can be. It may be absolutely necessary to leave them at home for part of the day while you get to work. Talk with them about keeping safe without causing fear. When they are at home, go over safety rules with them. Make sure they answer their phone and check in with you throughout the day if you’re not at home. Ask them to call you if they are going out or if anyone comes over. This way at least you are aware of what is happening.
2. Responsible behavior: Give your teen an opportunity (ideally before Summer break) to demonstrate responsible behaviour. Once you see them act in this way it will support you both to move forward. If they cannot be trusted alone, you will need to look at childcare options for them. They will not like having to go to a minder but if they are not capable of being home alone for a period of time you have no choice for now. Let them moan that you are being over protective and don’t trust them, that is to be expected.
3. Use the social circle: Reach out to the parents of your teen’s friends to see if there are parents who are going to be remote working/at home during the Summer and arrange teen dates if possible, alternating in each others homes if possible. Talk directly to the parents yourself about any plans.
4. Stay with relatives: If this is an option, talk with relatives and see if they can go on holidays to anyone for a few days, here and there. It is good for them to get to know cousins and other relatives a little better. It would also give them some added independence to do this without you. If you can, offer to return the favour at a time you’re available.
5. Get active: Encourage your teen to make a plan of action for the summer. What do they enjoy? Can they participate in sports, join a book club or some hobby group? Are there free events in the local area or library they might like? Three months would be great opportunity for them to really pursue an activity they enjoy when they have time to do it. It would get them up and out of the house and keep them busy and motivated.
6. Rest time: Allow your teens to rest. Try to accept that teens are different to adults. They like to sleep late in the day, watch TV, listen to music, spend all day on their phone and sit in their pyjamas until dinner time. They can’t get a job yet so they have the luxury for a very short period in their life to enjoy doing nothing. Once they maintain the boundaries and the rules of the home they are not harming anyone. Of course they should also help with household chores as usual. Allow them dictate a little what they would like to do.
7. Set boundaries: Talk with them about what is appropriate for them to do and where they can hang out. Think about allowing them to travel on the bus alone, if you have not done so yet. It is scary to allow your child such freedom but unless you give them responsibilities you cannot expect them to learn. You prepare them for life by adding responsibilities layer by layer. You also get braver each day as you see them cope and make positive choices.
8. Don’t overload: It is not a good idea at this age to give teens the responsibility of looking after younger children. Be cautious and know that teens do not always have the patience and tolerance required to manage younger children adequately. It may be a step too far to leave them home alone together. It may be better to look at other options around caring for younger children.
9. Quality time: Take time out with your teen this summer if you can. Get to know them as young people heading quickly towards adulthood. In a few years they will most likely have jobs and busier social lives, and parents will be far from important in their lives. Enjoy your last few summers with them.
10. Patience: When you feel frustration or irritation, try to think back to when you were their age. Don’t nag them and worry that their brains will freeze up over the summer with the lack of use. They won’t. If you feel yourself getting annoyed, take a moment to self-regulate by taking a couple of deep breaths (in through the nose, out through the mouth) and counting to five. If you’re regulated and calm, conversations will flow better.

    For support and information on these or any related topics, our askonefamily helpline is open 10am-3pm, Monday to Friday. You can call the helpline on 0818 662212 or email helpline@onefamily.ie