Many parents have really bad days and weeks with children and at times we can question ourselves. We can wonder if we are the right person to parent this child. Would someone else do a better job? Would our child be better off with someone else?  Sometimes parents even think about putting children into care as they are feeling so much despair. Everyone has bad days with children, days when we don’t handle situations and behaviours in ways we wish we had. 

It is normal to a certain extent to feel this way. Parenting can be very overwhelming and we are often doing it with limited sleep which reduces our coping skills. Parenting is the hardest job in the world at times, and the most unrecognised and unsupported. When doing it on your own it can be even more difficult as you don’t have someone who can take over when you feel you need a break.It is when these feelings start to set in that it is really important as a parent to reflect on your own self care.

Usually when we feel this way there are many other things going on. We are stressed by relationships within our family and our ex partners or we are stressed about money or housing problems. Our heads are full of so many issues that all seem to be going wrong and falling apart. Then when the children start to act up, it is like that’s the final straw. They have needs which are not being met and they don’t know how to tell you about how they feel. All they know is how to act it out.

Tips to help:

• Monitor: Learn to recognise your levels of stress. If you can stop your stress building up to a high level to begin with, it’s easier to manage. Take time each day to reflect on how you are feeling so that you can become more familiar with your stress levels. 
• Practice gratitude: Try to identify things that went well each day, no matter how small they are. Finding things to be grateful for can really contribute to positive wellbeing. 
• Avoid despair: Try not to give all your energy and focus to what is going wrong. Explore who can help you or  what steps can you take to change or improve a situation. Remember, even the worst days end at midnight. Some days just have to be tolerated and that’s okay. It’s a bad day, not a bad life. 
• Inventory: Make a list of the issues you need to resolve. Try to be less critical of yourself. Name the things you are good at and focus on these.
• Time for you: Can children go on play dates to allow this happen for you? Visit a grandparent or friend? Or can you take some time when they’re in school or have gone to bed? It’s important to find moments for yourself, whenever you can. 
• Don’t give up: Your children need you and no one can replace you. You need to believe that you are the right person to parent your children.
• Find support: Join a parenting group to get support from other parents and learn new skills and knowledge which will help you understand your children. One Family have a range of parenting courses, both online and in-person, that can help. 
• Parent yourself: Identify your needs and wants, where there are gaps and identify ways you can address them, the same way you would for your child. You are deserving of love, care and minding too. By parenting yourself you will be able to parent your children.
• Ask for help: Remember, there are people out there who can and want to support you to parent. Ask for the support if you can. It does not make you a poor parent if you need to get support from others. Nobody can parent on their own, being brave enough to ask for help and support is what makes you a great parent as you recognise that you and your children need help.
• Seek professional support if you feel really low: Talking can usually help you understand what is going wrong and what changes you can make. Seek support from your GP if you feel you need support around mental health, addiction or abuse.

Further Support

We provide limited direct support to both parents and children of one-parent families. This support can be requested directly by parents, for themselves or their child, and by professionals who work with one-parent families. You can find out more about this support here.

Helpline

Our askonefamily helpline is open 10am – 3pm, Monday – Friday. We provide detailed, confidential information on social-welfare entitlements and finances, family law, housing, education, childcare and parenting.

We also offer a listening-support service for people who need help parenting alone, sharing parenting or separating. You can call the askonefamily helpline on 0818 662 212 or 01 662 9212, or email your query to
helpline@onefamily.ie.