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10 Ways to Be Assertive

Assertiveness is a wonderful quality to have, and as long as you know how to use it properly it can be help you be direct and clear in your communication with others. In order to be successful with communication, there are several guidelines we can all follow to ensure our point is being made in an assertive way.  In this week’s edition of our ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips, we look at 10 keys to being assertive.

  1. Assertiveness is an approach that helps you to be direct, honest and respectful in expressing your feelings, wants, needs and opinions.
  2. You should always be respectful of others and yourself when being assertive.
  3. Being assertive should not mean being aggressive.
  4. Use clear and direct communication instead of unclear or indirect communication.
  5. Be more confident about how you say things and how you get your message across.
  6. Assertiveness will help your children learn how to be assertive and help a family to be positive and have shared values.
  7. Remember you are making requests not demands. Expect yes and no answers.
  8. Be ready to negotiate and compromise with others, including children.
  9. Be very specific with children in particular about what you need them to do. ‘I need you to tidy your room’ is too vague. Indicate certain areas of the room: ‘I need you to tidy your dolls today’ and explain what that should look like.
  10. Learn to say no and explain why it is a ‘No.’ The ‘No’ is about you safeguarding yourself as opposed to blocking another person: ‘No, you cannot walk alone to the shops, I need you to be safe and I need to hold your hand to ensure this.’

This week’s ’10 Ways to …’ is compiled by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly.

Coming soon: 10 Tips for Respecting Difference; 10 Tips on Preparing Your Child for Preschool; 10 Tips on Improving Your Child’s Self Esteem

For support and advice on any of these topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or emailsupport@onefamily.ie.

 

Picture credit: Pixabay

Girl in sun

10 Ways to Keep Your Children Safe in the Sun

Summer is here, and everyone loves a nice day outside in the sunshine. While summer can be full of fun, it is not without risk: the sun, the heat, bugs and pools can be dangerous to your child, so make sure you know how to look out for them while still having a good time this summer. As part of our weekly series of parenting tips, here are 10 tips for keeping your children safe in the sun.

  1. Dress children in layers of light clothes, taking off one layer at a time. Babies can overheat very quickly, so dress them in light cottons this time of year.
  2. Always apply sun cream. Cover children from head to toe before dressing them and top up throughout the day.
  3. Insect repellent can be very useful if children are in the gardens a lot.
  4. Always get children to wear sunhats.
  5. Sunglasses and shades on babies’ buggies are very important.
  6. Supervise paddling pools every minute children are around them. Never leave the water in them and let children out to play alone.
  7. Keep babies out of the direct sun at all times and keep young children indoors in the high temperatures.
  8. Encourage children to drink plenty and don’t worry so much about how much they eat, in warm weather their appetites will change.
  9. Children can be a little more challenging in warm weather. Be patient with them.
  10. When taking babies for walks in buggies, be aware of how hot they might be and be very aware of the sun shining on them. Even in the evening time the sun can still be very strong.

This week’s ’10 Ways to …’ is compiled by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly.

Coming soon: 10 Tips on Being Assertive; 10 Tips  for Respecting Difference; and 10 Tips on Preparing Your Child for Preschool

If you would like support, information or advice in relation to the topic above, contact our lo-call askonefamily helpline on 1890 66 22 12 / support@onefamily.ie.

Image Credit: Pixabay

Sad Girl

10 Ways to Support a Child who is Bullying

There are often complex reasons behind why a child is bullying. A child who is bullying usually has some unmet needs at home or at school. They may be confused about why they’re behaving the way they are.  Some children who bully may be aware of the harm their behaviour is causing but feel powerless to change it, while others may not have any awareness or consideration of how their behaviour affects others. It is nesecessary for a parent/guardian to spend time talking with the child in a calm, open and honest way to get to understand the reasons behind their bullying behaviour. They must be supported also to understand the effects of their actions and that bullying is never acceptable. As part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips, here are 10 ways to support a child who is bullying.

  1. Punishment is not the answer to dealing with a child who is bullying. They need support and encouragement to understand what is happening for them and most often they need change to start within the family and for parents to be honest about how they are parenting.
  2. Ask yourself why your child needs to be a bully. What needs are being met by bullying behaviour? How can these needs to be met in a more positive way?
  3. Is your child a bully in the home or just in school or vice versa? Why might this be the case? Children need space to have their voice heard in the home and to have choices and some level of control over what is happening for them in their family. If a child has no voice in the home, they will often need to find a space where they do. This can lead to them needing to take control in situations where they can. We all have a need for control at some level.
  4. Explore how you are parenting your child. Are they involved in decisions in the home, what is your style of parenting? How assertive are you in having your needs met?
  5. Explore what type of communication takes place in the home and what type of boundaries are set. We all have needs and it is important to explore how people look for needs to be met within your family unit.
  6. Talk with your child if you feel they are bullying. Be open to it, they are doing it for a reason and usually have some unmet needs. Explore with them what is missing for them. How are they feeling about themselves in school and in the home? Help them to understand how bullying is harmful and the effects it can have on others. Be accepting of what they say even though you may not always like it.
  7. Role model for your child. Be respectful of them. Help them have their needs met in an appropriate way. Make requests of them instead of demands.
  8. Use positive attention to support their positive behaviours. There will be many. Try not to focus solely on areas of challenging behaviour. If they have challenges, how are they being created for them?
  9. Support your child to explore how they feel and how they can express anger, resentment, jealousy and other emotions without hurting others.
  10. Get extra support for your child if necessary. Communicate with the school. Play and art therapy can really support a child to find their voice and express what is happening for them in life. Children have stresses and pressures also. Don’t presume that because they are a child, life is great.

You might also wish to read 10 Ways to Support a Child who is Being Bullied.

This week’s ’10 Ways to’ is by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly.

Coming soon: 10 Ways to Develop Coping Skills in Your Family; 10 Ways to Respect Difference; and 10 Ways to Build Assertiveness.

For support and advice on any of these topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or emailsupport@onefamily.ie.

 

Image Credit: Pixabay

Sad boy

10 Ways to Support a Child Who is Being Bullied

It is agonising for a parent or guardian to suspect or learn that their child is being bullied while at school. The priority if this happens is to understand and support your child, while taking action to stop the bullying and doing everything possible to prevent it happening again in the future. As part of our weekly series of parenting tips, here are 10 ways to support a child who is being bullied.

  1. As a parent, you need to recognise that your child is being bullied. Pay attention to changes in your child’s behaviour, personality and routine.
  2. If you are concerned that your child is being bullied, and they are old enough to understand the language, ask them straight out. Otherwise ask them in an age appropriate way.
  3. Fostering really good clear ongoing communication between parents and children is the key to knowing your child and supporting them with difficulties. If as a parent you cannot do this, try to ensure that there are other adults in your child’s life that they will talk with.
  4. Encourage children to talk about their feelings, around the bullying and the bully.
  5. It may be difficult, but ask yourself if there is any possible reason that your child may have been vulnerable to being bullied. Explore what you can do to support your child in these areas – children want to fit in and be part of the group. How can you help them with this?
  6. Children with low self esteem and a poor sense of self worth may be more vulnerable to being bullied. Parents need to support children to increase their self esteem. It is important for parents themselves to consider their own level of self esteem as this impacts on children.
  7. Reporting the issue to the school and having regular communication to monitor the situation with the school principal is crucial.
  8. Children need to find their voice in the home and to practice being assertive in order to have the confidence to do this in school and in the play ground. Role play with your child, expect and encourage them to have a voice in the home.
  9. Do not blame, judge or criticise a child for being bullied. Offer reassurance and support. Empower your child to come up with ways to deal with the bullying. Try not to take over. Empowerment will increase self esteem and help your child see that they have the power to make change happen.
  10. Help your child to have positive friendships in school; many children need their parents to help them to make their friendships blossom. Practical ways to help are to organise play dates and be friendly with other parents to help your child find where they fit.

You might also like to read 10 Ways to Support a Child Who is Being a Bully.

This week’s ’10 Ways to’ is adapted by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, from our Family Communications training programme.

Coming soon: 10 Ways to Develop Coping Skills in Your Family; 10 Ways to Support Your Child Who is Bullying; and 10 Ways to Respect Difference.

For support and advice on any of these topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or email support@onefamily.ie.

One Family offers a range of training options to help parents and guardians to build on their parenting skills which you can find out about here. These include our upcoming Summer School of Parenting Skills Workshops in July.

Image Credit: Pixabay

 

Family Communications Tightrope

10 Ways to Better Problem Solving

All families experience problems at some time. No matter how strong a family unit is or how positive our relationships, siblings will still argue, parents may be stressed over finances, bedtime routines may be difficult to establish.  The demands of daily life can be challenging and problems can easily arise. If a recurring problem is not addressed, over time it can become a major issue and affect the quality of life and relationships at home for every member of the family. It is essential to recognise and address problems to help prevent this happening. Our ’10 Ways to Better Problem Solving’ can be useful in solving challenging family problems.

  1. Name the issue, identify the problem. Work on the easier issues first of all. Working out the smaller stuff gives you the confidence to address the bigger issues.
  2. Try to figure out how strongly everyone feels on the issue at hand by asking, on a scale of 1 to 10, how strongly do you feel about your point? 1 is not very strong and 10 is very strong.
  3. Do not attempt to start talking about a solution until you can truly re-state each person’s point to their satisfaction and understand it, and have established what, if any, common ground there is.
  4. Communicate about the problem with each other using the four-step method for clear and direct communication:
    • Observations | Be factual. Don’t judge or evaluate. State the problem clearly.
    • Feelings | Talk about what this observation makes you feel. Ask other family members what their feelings are about it.
    • Needs | Talk about the needs that cause these feelings.
    • Requests | Be clear, ask for – not demand – what you want. Other family members should have the option to say no and come up with alternatives.
  5. Come up with some solutions – ask everyone in the family for them.
  6. Select a solution.
  7. Act on the solution. Divide out responsibility amongst the members of the family.
  8. Appoint someone to monitor the action. For less serious issues, children can be responsible monitors too.
  9. Evaluate the whole thing, and within a reasonable time, ask if the solution is working? If not, pick another one to try. Talk about what you all learnt from the situation.
  10. Remember that is not your job as the parent to ‘fix’ life. Empower your children to make decisions and be responsible.

Having read these tips, you may also find our 10 Ways to Run a Family Meeting helpful.

If you would like support, information or advice in relation to the topic above, contact our lo-call askonefamily helpline on 1890 66 22 12 / support@onefamily.ie. One Family offers a range of training options to help parents and guardians to build on their parenting skills which you can find out about here. These include our upcoming Summer School of Parenting Skills Workshops in July.

This week’s ’10 Ways to …’ is adapted by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, from our Family Communications training programme.

Coming soon: 10 Ways to Develop Family Rituals and 10 Ways to Develop Coping Skills in Your Family.

10 Ways to Positively Maintain Contact

For many parents sharing parenting after separation, one parent is the ‘primary carer’ and the other ‘non-resident’ or ‘contact’ parent, spends their time with their child at weekends and holidays. It can be challenging for parents in this situation, especially if trust has been broken, to put their feelings about their ex to one side. Remaining focused on the needs of your child is important. In time, a shared parenting relationship can become established where you can both share the positives of being parents.

As part of our ’10 Ways to …’ series of weekly parenting tips, here are our tips for non-resident/contact parents to positively maintain contact to help both parents to focus on keeping their child at the centre of parenting.

1. Once agreed: When you have managed to agree on contact, follow through.
2. Be on time: Timekeeping is crucial. The other parent can and will feel very disrespected if you are late and children can become very anxious and upset.
3. Turn up: This is your time with your child. It may not be exactly what you want but it’s what you have now. Turn up and be with your child. Nothing else should take its place. Rearrange other things – never your child!
4. Maintenance: Try to stick to all court orders and don’t give ammunition to the other parent. Some parents might use maintenance as a bargaining tool.
5. Plan your time: Make contact fun. It doesn’t have to cost much money. Make it child friendly and interact at a very high level with your child. You can rest later.
6. Involve your child: Plan with your child each week. Talk with them and ask them what they would like to do. Follow through.
7. Respect: Always speak well of the other parent even if you don’t feel it. They are your child’s parent and you can impact greatly on their ability to parent and in turn, your child’s well-being.
8. Be back on time: Again, respect the agreement. The resident parent can and will become very distressed even if the child is 5 minutes late.
9. Parent: When with your child be an active parent. Play with them, talk with them and have fun and laugh together.
10. Don’t quiz your child: It’s not your child’s job to keep you informed about the other parent. Talk about school, activities, their likes and dislikes. Talk with them as needed about why you can’t live with them all the time any more. They will seek explanations and want to understand their family form as they grow. No Blame! Children usually love both parents regardless of wrong doings, mind them and enjoy them. Don’t make life hard for them.

If you found this post useful, you might also like to read 10 Ways to Successful Shared Parenting. One Family offers a range of services to parents sharing parenting or parenting alone after separation. You can find out about them here. If you need support, information or advice, contact our lo-call askonefamily helpline on 1890 66 22 12 / support@onefamily.ie.

This week’s ’10 Ways to …’ is adapted by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, from our Family Communications training programme.

Coming soon: 10 Ways to Understand How Your Child May Feel and 10 Ways to Problem Solving.

One Family offers a range of training opportunities for parents and for professionals on an on-going basis. To find out more, click here or call 01 662 9212.

Toilet Training

10 Ways to Effective Toilet Training

This week’s ’10 Ways to …’ series offers tips for parents on toilet training. There’s no doubt that this is a big milestone for both parent and child and it can seem daunting. There is no exact age to begin as every child is different but when you can tell your child is ready – for example, if they are sometimes dry after naps, have some awareness of bodily functions and can communicate them, and are showing an interest or curiosity – you may find our 10 tips helpful:

  1. Are you ready?: As a parent, you must be ready too. You must be ready to acknowledge your child is ready for toilet training, that he or she is not a baby anymore. A new stage has been reached.
  2. Set the date: Once you are sure both you and your child are ready to start, then name the day and get organised.
  3. Be organised: Plan to start when you have at least 3 days at home with your child. Have the potty in place. Talk with your child about how big they are getting and how they soon won’t need nappies anymore.
  4. Involve your child: Bring your child to the shops for a toilet step and pants. Tell them again how big they are getting and how proud you are of them.
  5. Be rigid: For the first 3-5 days, the parent must take the lead. Try to stay home and every 20 minutes on the dot take your child to the toilet. Don’t ask them if they need to go to the toilet, tell them it is time to check. They may complain but play a game with them or sing songs on the toilet so they enjoy the experience.
  6. Child led: After 3-5 days of the parent taking the lead, allow the child to start taking the lead. Remind them and encourage them. Have the potty in the room near where they are playing. Keep their clothes simple to help them make it on time. You will move out to the toilet in the coming weeks.
  7. Be positive: Praise your child for the effort and the success. Do not focus on the accidents. If there are many, simply go back to taking the child every 20 minutes rigidly.
  8. Night time: Encourage your child to wear a pull up at night. But soon you may find they will wake at night and want to use the toilet. Once they object to the nappy, leave it off and encourage them to go to the toilet. Always use toilet before bedtime. Have a ‘no drinks for at least 1 hour prior to bed’ rule. Don’t allow drinks during the night either unless they are unwell.
  9. Travel Potty: Bring the potty wherever you go. On a walk, in the car, on the bus to the shops. Make it easy for your child to succeed. You won’t make it to a public toilet on time and it may not be suitable for them. Bring the potty in a bag and use it. They will gain better control as time goes on.
  10. Stop confusing your child: Don’t put nappies on them when going out. Have faith in your child’s ability to tell you they need to use the potty. You are confusing them otherwise. Are they a baby or are they all grown up? Trust them and let them be responsible.

This week’s ’10 Ways to …’ is adapted by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, from our Family Communications training programme.

Coming soon: 10 Ways to Positively Maintaining Contact, 10 Ways to Understand How Your Child May Feel and 10 Ways to Problem Solving.

One Family offers a range of training opportunities for parents and for professionals on an on-going basis. To find out more, click here or call 01 662 9212.

 

 

Family on Swing

10 Ways to Be More Socially Engaged

It’s not always easy for parents, especially those parenting alone and/or with little expendable income, to feel they can establish or maintain a level of social engagement but as parents who are socially engaged generally have higher levels of self esteem, it is crucial to maintain a high level of self esteem and feel comfortable in social situations. This enables parents to support this development in their children. Read on for some of our tips.

10 Ways to Be More Socially Engaged

  1. Visit the play park regularly and talk to other parents
  2. Make play dates with your friends and their children
  3. Make play dates with friends of your children and their parents
  4. Join a club, hobby group or walking group
  5. Join a playgroup
  6. Volunteer in your community or local school etc. (if you are interested, One Family often has volunteer roles available)
  7. Join professional groups: for example, One Family organises a monthly social group outing for lone parents and their children. Call 01 662 9212 or follow our Facebook page for details of the next outing
  8. Engage in community activities and events: free events regularly take place in most communities
  9. Spend time with family when possible
  10. Use social media, wisely, to keep connected. As well as your own social media profiles, there are many online communities established for parents, and you might also like to connect with One Family on Facebook and Twitter

Our next event is our annual Family Day Festival on Sunday 18 May in the Iveagh Gardens, off Harcourt Street, Dublin 2 from 11am to 5pm. It is free and packed full of great activities, entertainment and workshops. Everyone is welcome to attend.

This week’s ’10 Ways to …’ is adapted by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, from our Family Communications training programme.

Coming soon: 10 Ways to Positively Maintaining Contact, 10 Ways to Effective Toilet Training and 10 Ways to Understand How Your Child May Feel.

One Family offers a suite of training opportunities for parents and for professionals on an on-going basis. To find out more, click here or call 01 662 9212.

 

(Photo credit: FreeDigitalPhotos.net/photostock)

 

Nesting Dolls

10 Ways to Run A Family Meeting

When there is an issue for any family member, holding a family meeting is a good way to resolve it as a family, and regular meetings can promote harmony between all family members.

Read on for our 10 Ways to Run A Family Meeting

  1. Don’t force anyone into doing it. Try saying  ‘  I would like to give this a try – would you?’
  2. Meetings should happen regularly on a certain day and time, even if there are no specific issues.
  3. All family members need to attend, even the youngest.
  4. Set ground rules for the meetings, including how to deal with someone who does not keep their agreements.
  5. Decisions need to be made by consensus.
  6. Make some time in the meeting for each person to say how they appreciate everyone or something someone did that they liked that week.
  7. Nice snacks are important – you can rotate who chooses and prepares the treats. Children will find it fun to be given the responsibility for this task.
  8. As a parent, try not to talk too much – family meetings are about sharing power.
  9. Agree a way forward, write it down and try it.
  10. Review the plan, if it works, great! If not make a new plan.

This week’s ’10 Ways to …’ is adapted by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, from our Family Communications training programme.

Coming soon: 10 Ways to Positively Maintaining Contact, 10 Ways to Effective Toilet Training and 10 Ways to Increase Social Engagement.

One Family offers a suite of training opportunities for parents and for professionals on an on-going basis. To find out more, click here or call 01 662 9212.

 

(Photo credit: FreeDigitalPhotos.net/Teerapun)

Siblings

10 Ways to Parent Siblings

Siblings can play wonderful roles throughout each other’s lives though there can be challenges along the way. Here are some of our tips to help nurture those important relationships.

10 Ways to Parent Siblings

  1. Prepare early: talk to older children and prepare them early on about the importance and role of an older sibling as a source of guidance and care. Do be careful that you do not give an older child too much responsibility for a younger one.
  2. Let children express how they feel: if a child is experiencing negative emotions about their brother or sister, allow the child to talk about it. Often a child just needs to be listened to.
  3. Don’t play favourite: never show a special preference for one of your children.
  4. Never compare your children: they are their own individual persons, so celebrate their differences and let them know they are special for who they are.
  5. Respect personal space: make sure each child has enough time and space of their own. Children need opportunities to do their own thing, and to play with their own friends without their sibling.
  6. Positive Communication: teach your children how to positively get attention from each other rather than picking a fight.
  7. Foster co-operation rather than competition: set tasks up that require co-operation among your children, such as having them race the clock to pick up toys instead of racing each other.
  8. Develop ground rules together: have family discussions about what rules to establish and receive feedback from your children. Listening to what they need from you and each other may reduce future conflicts.
  9. Do not shout or lecture: it does not help the situation if you get frustrated too. Your children will learn and imitate the way you handle resolving problems.
  10. Hold children equally responsible: keep in mind that when rules are broken or conflicts arise, it does not matter who started it because it always takes more than one person to cause an argument or fight.

This week’s ’10 Ways to …’ is adapted by One Family’s Director of Children and Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, from our Family Communications training programme.

Coming soon: 10 Ways to Positively Maintaining Contact, 10 Ways to Effective Toilet Training and 10 Ways to Run Family Meetings.

One Family offers a suite of training opportunities for parents and for professionals on an on-going basis. To find out more, click here or call 01 662 9212.

(Photo credit: FreeDigitalPhotos.net/imagerymajestic)