Parenting | Parenting an adult child who won’t grow up

/in /by

reading-1142801_1920What should you do if you have an adult child who thinks that they are all grown up but keeps lapsing into childish behaviours? It can be difficult to know what the issue is. If you treat them like a child does this encourage them to behave like one? Or, do they fall into the safety net of childhood because they are not ready to take the leap into full adulthood. When your child turns 18 they no longer require hands-on care. You need to empower them to grow up. Examine your behaviour. Are you enabling them to act like a child? As a parent your ultimate goal is to support your child to grow up and become a responsible adult.

Here are ’10 ways to’ support an adult child who lives with you to mature into a responsible adult:

  1. Firstly, ask yourself are you too involved in your adult child’s life. Are you still calling them in the mornings? Are you still doing all the cooking? Are you still asking them to tidy up? Are you still telling them what to do? Are you commenting on what they watch? Are you commenting on their friends or relationships? Are you commenting on what they wear? If you answered yes to most of these then I would suggest that you are too involved in your adult child’s life.
  2. If your adult child needs to continue to live with you, past the age of 18, then it is important to put some ground rules in place. To some extent you can treat your adult child like a roommate now and not like your child. Agree some principles of sharing a home – keep them simple – base them around respect and love.
  3. Paying rent is crucial, even if it is only a small amount. Agree on the use of space. Agree on the use of materials in the home, such as TV, computers and the washing machine. Agree on a roster of cooking and buying groceries.
  4. If you are parenting a younger child and have an adult child living with you it is really important to have an environment of harmony for the child. Try not to allow your relationship with your adult child impact negatively on your younger child. You are the only one who can protect their environment.
  5. Younger siblings usually hugely admire their older adult siblings. Living with them can help them develop close, long lasting and meaningful relationships. If you can have a positive relationship with your adult child your younger child will benefit too.
  6. Ask them to respect the needs of their younger siblings but do not expect your adult child to be a parent to their siblings. Of course they will look out for them and spend time with them but they will not be interested in babysitting, school pickups and homework. This is your role as a parent. Often we expect too much parenting support from our young adult children.
  7. If you feel you and your adult child are at the battle gates all the time, try to sit with them and tell them how much you love them. Talk about the fun things you did when they were little. Talk about what they are doing now and what their plans are. Talk with them about how you would like to support them in the next few years to reach their goals.
  8. Tell your adult child if you need some support from them. Talk to them like an adult, stop talking to them like a child. Think it out and communicate in a clear and direct way. No threats! You cannot discipline them.
  9. Make a date with your adult child every other week and check in with them. Do not expect that they will check in with you each day. Trust that they are doing okay. You can text them whenever you want but sending a text should not mean you have to get one back. Respect their privacy and ask them to respect yours.
  10. Be honest if it is not working and set a timeline for them to move out. Move into a new chapter of parenting. Let go. It is not about control. It is about loving and being there for each other.

This ’10 Ways to’ article is by One Family’s Director of Children & Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, as part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips. You can read the full series here.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or on 01 662 9212

Parenting | Talking to Grandparents about Childminding

/in /by

window-932760_640Many parents have relied upon grandparents’ support to raise their children, both now and in the past. Their help can relieve pressure in many cases. However, in some cases it can also increase the pressure. Parents can feel gratitude to grandparents for their time and efforts but if they cannot speak honestly with them, for fear of upsetting them and losing their valuable help, this can lead to challenging relationships between parents and grandparents. With childcare options so few, due to costs, parents need grandparents more than ever.

What can parents and grandparents do to support each other in the care of children? Here are ’10 ways to’ ensure happy, positive relationships between parents, grandparents and children:

  1. The first step in this relationship is to establish it in a business-like way. Keep it a little different to when you call to visit grandparents. Agree the days and times.
  1. Raise the issue of money. Do not assume that grandparents will care for children for free. They may not want to be paid but they may not want to be out of pocket either.
  2. Agree on what children are allowed to eat. Will you provide meals and snacks or will you give money for the cost of the food?
  3. Respect the days and times you agree upon. Do not be late. You would not be late for a minder outside of the family so show the same regard for grandparents.
  4. Grandparents have other things to do. When extra days come up look for other options. Do not expect grandparents to step in all of the time.
  5. Reward grandparents as much as you can: have them over for dinner; take them places; sit with them when you know they need company; remember birthdays and key dates; buy them a cake or flowers when they least expect it. People like to feel valued, just because they are family doesn’t mean you don’t need to thank them.
  6. Talk with grandparents about behaviour. At times grandparents can be too strict and at times too lenient. Talk with them about what you do. Help them to plan for challenging days. Sit the children down with the grandparents and talk openly about what will happen when there are behavioural challenges. Do not leave grandparents to work it out alone and then complain about how they do it. Support them.
  7. Grandparents often give sweet treats and this is fine occasionally but when they are in the role of childminder they will need to provide healthy food. Talk with them about how it will affect the children’s energy for school, for homework, for play, for sleep. Grandparents want what is best for children as much as you do. Help them put rewards in place that are simple and easy to follow. Help children to know that, on the days grandparents are in charge, they do not get the same treats as on visits with grandparents.
  8. Grandparents will need days off. Ask them to give you notice so you can find alternative childcare options. Talk about holidays in advance and work out your own leave around grandparents’ own plans.
  9. It takes a lot of people to raise a child. It is very important to make friends and to get to know other parents in order to build up a network. The only way to work and parent is to have a variety of options around childcare. There will be times it will cost more when the key people cannot help out, but this is the joy of parenting. Children will grow-up and one day childcare will no longer be an issue.

This ’10 Ways to’ article is by One Family’s Director of Children & Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, as part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips. You can read the full series here.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or on 01 662 9212

 

Happy Family Day

Press Release | Tomorrow we celebrate UN International Day of Families – as Irish Constitution condemns thousands to second rate status

/in /by

Press Release

Tomorrow we celebrate UN International Day of Families –

as Irish Constitution condemns thousands to second rate status

(Dublin, 14 May 2016) Tomorrow, Sunday 15 May, is UN International Day of Families. Thousands of families will enjoy celebrating Family Day at One Family’s free Family Day Festival in Wolfe Tone Square, Dublin 1. One Family, Ireland’s organisation for one-parent families, presents the Family Day Festival every year calling on everyone to celebrate their family and celebrate all families.

One Family CEO Karen Kiernan warns, though: “Ireland has been through enormous social change in the past few years, we are just coming up to the first anniversary of the marriage equality referendum. However, it is important to remember that our Constitution is still out of step with the reality of families in Ireland as Article 41 only recognises and supports the marital family.”

One Family has been calling for Constitutional equality for all families since its foundation as Cherish in 1972. The annual Family Day Festival is a way to reflect the reality of the diversity of families living in Ireland today. The Festival provides a free, fun day of family-friendly activities and entertainment including Ireland’s Biggest Family Tree.

Karen continues: “In Ireland now one in three children are born to parents who are not married to each other; one in three families do not conform to the traditional model of a married couple in their first marriage; and one in five children live in one-parent families. There is a wonderful opportunity for the Citizens’ Assembly to look at Article 41 in the lifetime of this government. The United Nations theme for International Day of Families 2016 is ‘families, healthy lives and sustainable futures’. Let’s make Ireland a fair place for every child to live in.”

ABOUT THE FAMILY DAY FESTIVAL

The sixth annual Family Day Festival runs from 11am-5pm in Wolfe Tone Square (beside Jervis Centre), Dublin 1 on Sunday 15 May, with a jam-packed programme of free, family-friendly fun, entertainment, games and creativity. This is an un-ticketed, free event. The Family Day Festival is presented by One Family with the support of DublinTown and Dublin City Council.

For programme and additional information visit: www.familyday.ie.

/Ends.

About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 as Cherish and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families and people sharing parenting or separating, offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those sharing parenting, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to professionals working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 66 22 12, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes Family Day and presents the Family Day Festival every May, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview

Karen Kiernan, CEO | t: 086 850 9191

Further Information and Images

Shirley Chance, Director of Communications | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 414 8511

 

Events | Family Day this Sunday | Mark your diaries!

/in /by

landscapeFamily Day 2016 takes place again this Sunday from 11am-5pm in Dublin’s Wolfe Tone Square (beside Jervis St centre).

Family Day is a day of free, fun, family friendly entertainment and activities to mark International Day of the Family. Come along and celebrate your family. We have lots happening during the day including:

 

Laugh

Family Day MC, the amazing magician Brian Daly, hosts shows throughout the day at the stage area. Professor plunger will be bringing his special show too.

We are also delighted to welcome comedian Joe Rooney to Family Day. His show will be one not to miss!

Create

Help One Family to set a record by creating the magical ‘Ireland’s Biggest Family Tree’.

Create an interactive swaying ‘Caterpillar’ with Happenings and Upon a Tree.

Make your mark on the beautiful Little Handprints Banner.

Visit the Pop-Up Print Shop and have fun with the National Print Museum.
 

Play

Visit the One Family tent for face painting, balloon modelling and more throughout the day.

Say hello to DublinTown Ambassadors, enjoy giant games and grab a balloon.

Delve into an Edwardian experience with the Dublin City Council Library Learning Bus.

Have fun with traditional street games, and even more giant-sized games in the pop-up play area.

Don’t miss Cineworld’s costumed friends. Take a selfie with them; enjoy free popcorn, and more.
 

Grown Up Stuff

One Family (onefamily.ie) — Information on supports and services for one-parent families, people sharing parenting, and separating.

TUSLA (tusla.ie/parenting-24-seven) Visit the TUSLA tent for information on Parenting24seven, an online resource on what works best for children and families and different stages of childhood and in different situations, which supports parents to improve outcomes for children.

Parentline (parentline.ie) Parentline is a free and completely confidential helpline for parents offering support, guidance and information on all aspects of being a parent.

 

Visit www.familyday.ie for all the information you need

Follow us on Facebook for up to the minute announcements! https://www.facebook.com/OneFamilyIreland/

This event is supported by Dublin City Council and DublinTown.

portrait (2)

Press Release | Family Day Festival Launches with Leafy Fun in Wolfe Tone Square

/in /by

Press Release

Pics released today by Photocall Ireland

Family Day Festival Launches with Leafy Fun in Wolfe Tone Square

Annual Festival celebrates family diversity in Ireland today

Family Day Festival | Sunday 15 May 2016 | FREE | www.familyday.ie

(Dublin, Saturday 7 May 2016) One Family – Ireland’s organisation for people parenting alone, sharing parenting and separating – celebrates the wonderful diversity of families in Ireland with its sixth annual free Family Day Festival taking place on Sunday 15 May from 11am-5pm in Wolfe Tone Square, Dublin 1. Family Day, inspired by UN International Day of the Family, celebrates all families. All family forms are equal and all families should have pride in their family. Fantastic family-friendly fun on Sunday 15 May features side-splitting comedian Joe Rooney (Father Ted, Storyland, Killinaskully), and magician Brian Daly who amazes all ages.

Other event highlights:

  • Ireland’s Biggest Family Tree | Children are invited to draw their family portrait to add to Ireland’s Biggest Family Tree. A beautiful 8 foot high model tree will be decorated in their pictures to create Ireland’s Biggest Ever Family Tree. A leaf template for drawings can be downloaded here: http://www.familyday.ie/be-part-of-irelands-biggest-family-tree/
  • Professor Plunger | Interactive street show, a non-verbal comedy clown show. The Professor is ready to show off his greatest invention; his amazing hair! An inventive and original show featuring dancing, hair, plungers and a bell-playing finale. The Professor is a charming old world rogue with a little cheeky grin and a very large head of hair.  “TALENTED AND HILARIOUS” – The Irish Times
  • Caterpillar | Presented by Happenings and Upon a Tree, the half labyrinth/half Chinese dragon Caterpillar will bend and wind its way across Wolfe Tone Square. Starting life as two parallel lines of rope, the caterpillar will emerge when many coloured cloth layers are pegged by the children along the rope to create a moving, swaying, tunnel-like effect. As the cloth tunnel extends around them, the children will be able to move up and down the Caterpillar, seen from the gap in the cloth above their heads.
  • Other highlights include the Library Learning Bus with an Edwardian experience, the beautiful Little Handprint Banner, the National Print Museum with an antique printing press for children to print their own posters, traditional street games and play, facepainters, balloon modellers, and a toddler’s play area complete with sand pits and more. Parents can relax in the new Vintage Tram Café, and also avail of the opportunity to find out about parenting services and supports from One Family and TUSLA.

Karen Kiernan, One Family CEO, comments: “This year, we are further raising awareness of family diversity with our vibrant banners along Lower Ormond Quay in Dublin to promote the importance of taking pride in one’s family and celebrating it, whatever form it may take. What’s different about Family Day is that it’s inclusive of all families. Many people acknowledge Mother’s Day and Father’s Day and of course these are important, but not all families can celebrate them, whereas Family Day is for all families to celebrate. One Family has been working for equality for all families in Ireland since 1972. We founded Family Day so that all families, whatever form they take, have a day that’s theirs to celebrate. Family Day is for all children – whether living in a one-parent family; married family; with unmarried parents; with same-sex parents; a foster family; extended family or friends; or any of the myriad family forms in society – so they can know that their family is valued and included.”

Karen further comments: “We’ve worked with diverse families for nearly 45 years and our evidence reflects what reputable research also shows: what matters for children’s outcomes is not the form their family takes, but the quality of relationships they have at home. We created Family Day a decade ago to help raise awareness of how family diversity is a positive thing for society. We still have a lot of work to do as our Constitution does not yet acknowledge this reality, and many of the families we work with are struggling more than ever. But Family Day is one day we can all get together, celebrate all family forms and simply have fun!”

One Family gratefully acknowledges the support of Dublin Town and Dublin City Council in presenting Family Day. Full event information is on www.familyday.ie.

TICKETS

This is an un-ticketed, free event.

LISTINGS

Sunday 15 May | Family Day Festival presented by One Family in celebration of family diversity | Free family-friendly fun for all ages: magic, music, games, comedy, story-telling, arts & crafts, and lots more! | Wolfe Tone Square, beside Jervis Centre, Dublin 1 | 11am-5pm | FREE | www.familyday.ie / 01 662 9212

/Ends.

About One Family

One Family was founded in 1972 as Cherish and is Ireland’s leading organisation for one-parent families and people sharing parenting or separating, offering support, information and services to all members of all one-parent families, to those sharing parenting, to those experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and to professionals working with one-parent families. Children are at the centre of One Family’s work and the organisation helps all the adults in their lives, including mums, dads, grandparents, step-parents, new partners and other siblings, offering a holistic model of specialist family support services. These services include the lo-call askonefamily national helpline on 1890 66 22 12, counselling, and provision of training courses for parents and for professionals. One Family also promotes Family Day and presents the Family Day Festival every May, an annual celebration of the diversity of families in Ireland today (www.familyday.ie). For further information, visit www.onefamily.ie.

Available for Interview

Karen Kiernan, CEO | t: 01 662 9212 or 086 850 9191

 

Further Information and Images

Shirley Chance, Director of Communications | t: 01 662 9212 or 087 414 8511

Jane Farrell, Communications & Marketing Officer | t: 01 662 9096 or 087 623 0166

Parenting | Children and Pocket Money

/in /by

moneyCommon questions and common arguments can surround the issue of pocket money. At what age should we start giving children pocket money? And how much should we give? As children get older and wiser they compare these answers with their friends. Likewise, parents will discuss these questions with other parents.

Here are ’10 tips’ regarding pocket money for children:

  1. If you have more than one child, be careful in what you agree to. You do not want to agree to more than you can afford.
  2. Decide if pocket money is something your child gets as an entitlement as they grow older or if it is something they must earn.
  3. If you decide that your child has to earn pocket money, ensure it is possible for them to have some level of success. But be careful, they cannot earn more than you can afford. Children should help with household chores, that is what family is about, so only certain agreed tasks earn pocket money.
  4. Talk in advance about what pocket money is for. Set boundaries around what it can be spent on. You cannot tell your child what to spend it on unless you have agreed this in advance. For example, if you have always bought ice-cream on Sunday now it is fair to expect them to buy their own.
  5. Encourage children to save their pocket money to buy things they really want as opposed to things they actually need. Encourage them to think wisely about how they spend their money.
  6. Pocket money can teach your child a lot about life if you choose to use it in that way. Support your child to understand the value of money. If you just keep refuelling their empty purses you may not teach them anything.
  7. It is okay to decide that you do not want to give pocket money. Perhaps you want to wait until your child is old enough to get a job, baby sit, wash cars or cut grass. A lot of children get money as gifts for birthdays and Christmas, maybe this can be used as pocket money.
  8. Children of different ages will get different amounts of money. If your child is old enough to have a part-time job, but they are not interested in getting one, maybe their pocket money needs to decrease. They need an incentive to work.
  9. How often do parents actually spend money foolishly on themselves? Not very often. If you agree to give pocket money do not begrudge them.
  10. Never take back pocket money for poor behaviour unless that was an agreed consequence. Children live by fairness. You have to agree the rules and live by them. You need to come up with a separate consequence for other behaviours. Do not barter everything on the pocket money or your child will not want it at all.

This ’10 Ways to’ article is by One Family’s Director of Children & Parenting Services, Geraldine Kelly, as part of our weekly ’10 Ways to’ series of parenting tips. You can read the full series here.

Find out more about our parenting skills programmes and parent supports. For support and information on these or any related topics, call askonefamily on lo-call 1890 66 22 12 or on 01 662 9212