Parenting Tips

• Establishing a bedtime routine
• Bedtime is part of every day and should have a routine just like meal times.
• If your child has not been in a bedtime routine you need to introduce the idea to her/him.  Here’s how to do it:
  • Tell your child at tea time that they will be going to bed at 7.30pm and show them on the clock what that time will look like.
  • Encourage them to decide at tea time what they would like to do between then and bedtime.
  • At 6.45pm you need to tell your child that it is time to start getting ready for bed and talk to her/him about what needs to be done before she/he is ready to get into bed. Such as bath time, toilet, brush teeth.
  • When all of this is done remind her/him again that she/he has to be in bed by 7.30pm.
  • Then you can introduce a bedtime story – so allow your child to pick a short book and tell her/him that you will read it to her/him just before s/he goes to sleep. It is good to have her/him in bed when reading the story while you sit on the bed or on a chair beside the bed.
  • Sometimes children need time to unwind so at 7.10pm say that your child must get into bed and they can have 10 minutes in bed to do an activity on their own such as playing with Lego, a book or colouring.
  • When the 10 minutes are up telling them that you will be back to read their bedtime story after which they will have to go to sleep.
  • Tell them they must stay in the bed and definitely in the bedroom when doing their 10 minute activity.
  • At 7.20 p.m. you can then come and tuck them in and read the story. Be very clear that when you have finished one story that you have to go back to the kitchen and they must go to sleep
  • If your child follows you a few minutes later just take them by the hand and say it is bedtime in an even tempered tone and put them back into bed – no other conversation should take place and don’t allow them to have anything such as drinks or snacks (ensure if they are due a drink or snack they get it as part of preparing for bed or leave a small drink in the room, unless you are toilet training).
  • If they get up a second or third time do the same – stay calm, do not argue with them do not give in to their demands. Remember if you get mad the child has won – the parent must always be in control of their temper.
  • The first few nights will be hard but you must be patient as this is all new to your child and it will take them a little while to get use to the routine and know that you are not going to give in. You must also be consistent – if this is to work you must follow the routine exactly every night. If there is be a change in the routine such as at the weekend make sure you tell the child they will staying up later so they know that you are not forgetting that there is a routine.
  • For children over 3 years it can be good to introduce a star chart to encourage them to buy into the bedtime routine. The child can get a star for each night they go to bed without fuss and you can agree a reward at the end of the week.
  • It is important to focus on what your child is doing well in the bedtime routine and try not to use too much energy on what is going wrong. Once you stick to your plan you will be ok.
  • If your child fails at getting to sleep and causes a complete racket in the home but was very good at getting ready for bed make sure to praise them the next day for what they did well and tell them that you are sure they will do better tonight. Try and say everything in a positive way i.e.  ‘last night you didn’t manage to stay in bed when I said you must but tonight I am sure you will try harder’ instead of saying ‘last night you were very bold and if you do that again tonight I will be very cross’.

  It is important to make bedtime a pleasant time when your child gets to wind down and have a few minutes quality time with their parent. They may have some news they want to tell you and this can be a good opportunity to do this.  In the morning if your child went to sleep without causing too much hassle be sure to praise them. Remember positive attention will bring about change in other negative behaviours.

  Practise Patience. Parents want quick changes, children do not.

  How to handle bad language

  Children learn new words by listening to the language around them and then repeating it. They don’t always know what the words mean but often use them in the right place as they have learned from adults when they are used. Children do not distinguish between good words and bad words. Small children will pick up and use bad language without realising that it is offensive.  The reason is often because when they first use bad words they get a reaction of surprise and laughter from the adults that hear them. So if people think its funny well then it must be alright to use these words. However eventually the adults realise that this language is no longer acceptable and all of a sudden the child is punished for using these words. Now the child is very confused and doesn’t always understand why they are in trouble. The child may stop using the words because they have been told not too or they may continue to use them because it gets them lots of attention even though it is negative attention they don’t mind.The best way to stop small children using bad language is to ignore them when they do use it. If they are not getting any attention for the words the novelty will soon wear off. Also the adults around the child must be aware of their own language usage; if children hear words repeatedly they will use them – you cannot expect them to differentiate between good words and bad words. The rules for the child’s language must apply to the adult’s language – if you don’t want them to hear certain language then don’t say it around them.

  When children are older and come home saying Peter said a bad word you must then talk to your child about what is acceptable within your home and in the homes of others i.e. in our home we don’t use bad words because it upsets other people. Children will grow up to understand that everyone has different values and morals and just because another family may use bad language frequently doesn’t mean they are any less worthy than another family they just have different values.

  Fussy Eaters

  When Amy (4) won’t eat at meal times, you get desperately worried. Will she become ill? She won’t grow and develop if she doesn’t eat! You beg and plead with her to eat and still she refuses. Meal times are a nightmare for you as you spend all your time trying to force your child to eat while your dinner goes cold.  Amy  is in full control, getting loads of attention for a negative behaviour.  You are so anxious that she is not eating you are willing to let her eat anything she wants between meals in order for her not to be hungry. You take her to the doctor who says she is perfectly well and for you not to worry fussy eating is normal.

  You can change all this by changing your approach.  Amy does eat or else she wouldn’t grow so the problem is she won’t eat when you want her to eat at mealtimes. You must stop making mealtimes into a big deal. Prepare the meal and call the family to the table to eat. Give Amy small portions of food she likes while ensuring they are healthy foods. Then eat your own dinner. When you are finished ask Amy if she is eating her dinner if she says no then say that’s fine you mustn’t be hungry and clear away the dinner.

  It is easy to be annoyed because you have spent time cooking and money on the food and it is all wasted but it will be worth it. At least you have not had an argument and you have managed to have your meal while it was still hot. Later when Amy asks for a snack you can allow her one but only a healthy food option – no cakes or chocolate. If she doesn’t want the healthy option then you can let her know when the next meal time is. She has a choice then to eat the healthy snack or be hungry until the next meal.

  It is important to know that children have little appetites and are not always hungry when adults are. They will regulate their own eating habits given a chance. Be conscious of your own eating habits such as are you just having a coffee for breakfast but expect your child to sit down and eat a cereal. Maybe they don’t feel hungry first thing in the morning but are  hungry  later in the morning so they have to be allowed the choice to eat when they feel hungry and not always when we say its mealtime. The important rule is, however, that they can only have healthy food options. If  you allow them sweets and crisps why would they ever choose to eat a healthy food – would you?

  It is very important to stay calm and not get into an argument over the meals. If Amy starts to cry and demand ice-cream you have to say ‘Amy you can eat your dinner or choose a healthy snack but you cannot have ice-cream’. Then walk away – do not get into a discussion with her about it.  Amy then is no longer getting negative attention for her misbehaviour however you do need to ensure that you give her your full attention for at least twenty minutes every day and praise her when she is doing something well.

  Eventually Amy will eat at mealtimes because all the attention over the meal has been taken away and it no longer matters if she eats no one is paying her any attention for this behaviour.

  If your child really does not like a particular food then you need to stop offering it to them or else offer it in a different way. If they won’t eat vegetables will they eat fruit? There is no rule that says they must eat equal portions of both. Maybe you can make fruit drinks and blend in some vegetables also. If they persist in not eating that particular food then ask yourself  what nutrients they are missing and try to find an alternative food which is a good source of the same nutrients. We all have foods we don’t like and children often grow out of fussy eating habits but if you  make an argument out of it everyday then it will turn into a very negative event for everyone and the food will still remain uneaten. Most of the issue is your anxiety as a parent for your child’s health and you need to stand back and look objectively at your child and you will more than likely find they are healthy.

  Sit down in advance and think out some of the strategies you will use when these kind of situations arise.  Whether you give a child a limited choice or tell the child what the consequence of a particular action will be you are allowing the child to maintain his/her dignity.  The child can choose to be naughty or good and feel they had a part to play in the decision and, since children want to be loved, they are more likely to choose to be good.